X80s Reviews

Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

Cult movie - period

[6/10 · 25 January 2006]

I've rented that movie back in the 80s, surely being animated by the hype around TROMA and the title which striked me as utter hilarious (I'm still imaging Adolf on a surfboard whenever I think of the title...).

Maybe it's my own weirdness which allows me to find that flick entertaining, at least to a certain extent. Okay, the acting is lousy, the score is causing massive diarrhea, the amount of senseless sex and violence is poor for this movie and a company which had definitely set some new standards within this genre (the reason why I had given only 6/10)...but it's the plot which is making up for some of the aforementioned lacks.

Come on..."Surf Nazis"? I won't deny that even the one or another surfer doesn't only hang on to the waves but also to right-extremist positions; but if you're taking a movie coming from TROMA serious, you've already lost. It's not even meant as a parody on Neofaschism. It's just 80 minutes of - absolutely enjoyable - trash. No more and no less, the only real disappointment is the musical score which is just abysmally bad.

If the title disturbs you, change it to "Surf Rednecks Must Die", "Surf Chevy-drivers Must Die", "Surf Icecream-lickers Must Die"...it's up to your imagination. Otherwise, grab whatever you need to get in the right mood for entertainment of the special no-think kind.

Car-Napping - Bestellt, geklaut, geliefert (1980)

Clever plot, but missing on action

[6/10 · 24 January 2006]

Since this seems to be the first comment for "Carnapping", I have allowed to mark it with a "spoiler" warning despite of the age of the movie.

The first and most remarkable content of this movie is the motorcade of classic vehicles. Apart from the CW311, a prototyped based on a Mercedes chassis which evolved to the Isdera Imperator, there are also the "Polaroid"-Porsche Turbo Targa 911 by bb, a Monteverdi...a feast for the eyes of every auto enthusiast.

The story itself is said to be based on a true story: after the designer of a vehicle (the CW 311) was being defrauded by the client for which he had built this car, he seeks revenge in becoming a car thief himself. (The original story is a bit different and is taking the actual events in advance, but at least the name of the defrauder is the same...) From this moment on, the revenge becomes not only satisfaction, but also a game, culminating in the GTA of 60 (!) Porsche from a Parisian dealer.

Unfortunately, neither of the ingredients of this movie are enough to carry it over the whole distance, it's a bit lengthy. Nonetheless, it's fun to watch (and to compare with "Gone in 60 Seconds"...).

Legends of the Fall (1994)

Unbelievably soapy and soppy

[1/10 · 24 January 2006]

I was forced to watch this movie - that's all I can say to excuse myself. During that strip, I wished myself far away, even into a hospital with both broken legs and arms which should tell enough about the tortures I had to stand in front of the screen. Even gnawing off some limbs to escape seemed to me the perfect and logic measure at this time...

What hits the roof...that this flick was actually rewarded with Oscar awards. Either the jury was bribed, threatened, tortured or in Novosibirsk during the award procedure.

Seriously: there are way better ways of spending your free time, even if this includes watching a drama about life in times of war starring Pauly Shore, Michael Dudikoff and Paris Hilton as the lead cast. At least that movie should provide more watchable moments.

Scratch: The New Sound of Terror (2004 TV Movie)

Neither fish nor flesh, but not too bad

[6/10 · 7 October 2004]

After the success of it's predecessor, "Ratten - sie werden dich kriegen!", it was almost obvious that a sequel has to follow. And the "success formula" was only altered slightly - the same actors (which are also acting the same), the same opponents (this time being genome manipulated to add more thrill), the same game with ancient fears. An unwillingly humorous twist is the location, which is supposed to be a small town somewhere near Frankfurt/Main but resembles more of a haunted village somewhere in Transsilvania with all the works (dark/grey scenery, fog, full moon, thunderstorm).

But although story and actors (with exception of the rats) are offering just the standards of a TV production, "Ratten 2" could have been much worser. At least, this movie will give you slight chills and nice entertainment - as long as there is no "real" horror movie running on another channel.

(6/10)

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Anyone for Rice?

[4/10 · 19 March 2003]

Ridiculous.

That was the first thought which came to my mind after a few minutes. Wanna-be racers pumping up their cars with the engine equivalent to Viagra, NOS, and pounds of plastic which are supposed to improve aerodynamics and downforce but...yeah, there are many ways to show "size". Ever wondered why a BMW or Porsche are powerful and won't burn out after 10 seconds? Surely not because they have a NOS installed.

Story was thin as supposed, but gave me some good laughs especially in those moments when the movie tried to be serious. Most ridiculous car of the movie: the VW Jetta...it's fun to squeeze out the last horsepower out of a four-banger, oh well.

4 fried pistons for the action.

Depeche Mode: Devotional (1993 Video)

Divided

[28 January 2003]

First: I'm a great fan of DM.

And I think that "Songs Of Faith And Devotion" is a truly great recording although the critics (and fans, too) were rather divided in their opinions.

Same goes for me with "Devotional". On the one hand, Anton Corbijn did an overwhelming job with the stage exteriors and the filming, on the other hand it's pretty scary to see a Dave Gahan on the brink of emaciation, almost fighting himself through the concert. Focusing on the SOFAD album left many "oldschool" fans behind with mixed emotions - okay, you really can't expect that DM is always digging up "Just Can't Get Enough" after more than one decade in which they had evolved like no other band (you would still wonder how many people are requesting especially this song though), but...hmm, let's say that some songs of faith and devotion didn't worked really in front of a huge live crowd. Or better said, a few more songs from their huge backcatalogue wouldn't have had hurted.

Okay, all of the above mentioned things are a matter called "the freedom of the artists" - if you count everything together, you will have a great time with "Devotional", reliving the good old times before "Exciter" (sorry...but this is definetly their worst output ever IMHO).

Rammstein: Live in Berlin (1999 Video)

Riding the wave of success...

[25 January 2003]

...or flogging an (almost) dead horse?

Controversial Industrial band Rammstein proved with this video that a lot of effects can make up for lacks in songwriting - while "Herzeleid", their first album, was like a blow of fresh kerosene to the German Independent scene, "Sehnsucht" only copied the formula of harsh guitars and electronic rhythms close to Dancefloor, trying to add one up by even more drastic lyrics.

Nonetheless, Rammstein became a kind of cult on both sides of the ocean, due to the lyrics (because they were understood...or not, depending on the location), due to their image of the strict and strong German which brought them sometimes dangerously close to the right-wing scene (which they aren't), due to the media hysteria around them.

Lots of pyrotechnics and the exalted show of frontman Till Lindemann do actually guarantee a lot of entertainment, and if you are new to the phenomenon Rammstein, you will be fascinated. If you strip the concert down to the pure performance, you'll notice soon that the songs doesn't differ much from the studio recordings, and the overkill on effects is also killing any spontaneous creativity since everything must be timed on the spot (or it's Grilled German tonight).

Well, I do have enjoyed all three albums ("Mutter" was released in 2001) of Rammstein though there is a notable decline in quality and creativity from the first to the last, but a good concert is a bit more than torching down the stage (for me).

6/10

The Wraith (1986)

Another miss from the 80's

[11 January 2003]

Yes, this is another flick trying to attract those who like a) action, b) a slight dose of horror and c) cars.

Unfortunately, The Wraith is missing on all three items, but I have to admit that the cars were not too bad and the music score was pretty okay - back in the 80's this was some kind of cult movie, but the fascination has worn off over the years in comparison to movies like Mad Max or Christine.

If you have the slightest inkling about the punk scene and a random understanding of cars, this alone is a major downer in addition to a story which is schematic, full of plot holes and obvious errors like the shadows of cams visible in almost every scene with cars. For examples, if you knew the true story about the Dodge which was originally designed to be an outlook on a future fuel-economy car...and spikey hairdos and torn clothes does not necessary make a punk.

Despite of all the negatives, this flick can be somehow entertaining on a weird level...but only if you haven't seen it in the last 10 years and almost forgot everything about the story.

3,5/10

Black Moon Rising (1986)

Aged, but not to it's favour

[11 January 2003]

Saw "Black Moon" (German title) recently on TV and remembered the days when Synthpop was the hype and a lot of action movies featured one or more futuristic car. For the sake of the 80's (my favourite decade...) and the fact that there was nothing else worth changing the channel, I had forced myself to watch this flick all the way long although I knew that I wasn't too impressed even back in 1986: story's too thin, the roles too schematic (can it be a recommendation if Bubba Smith has the most remarkable roleplaying?), and even the car (which was originally dubbed as "Concorde" AFAIK) is somehow looking ridiculous, yesterday as well as today. With exception of the car jumping from tower to tower, this film offers really nothing for the fan of action and horsepowers.

Oh...before I forget it, there is a certain scene which is unwillingly funny: when Tommy Lee Jones is riding the car, it seems that he's not particulary enjoying it - in fact, he's looking like he's suffering from a severe case of lumbago while being squashed inside this can of a car.

2/10 (for the sake of the 80's)

Alarm für Cobra 11 - Die Autobahnpolizei (1996– )

Driven to death

[23 November 2002]

When "Cobra 11" came up on the TV screen, you already knew that you could expect some great action as well as plot holes wider than the Autobahn near Frankfurt.

Truly great stunts Hollywood would be proud of, sometimes very interesting ideas and funny plots, but in the end, each episode of the series follows the exactly same scheme: evil appears, first (mass) crash, our heroes appear on the scene, evil strikes again, heroes follow evil, grande finale (more crashs). By limiting the scene entirely on the streets and actors who are only the figures behind the wheels of the real stars, the stories are also limited quite narrow on repeating the same plots again and again. Nonetheless, "Cobra 11" is still very successful in Germany - probably the Germans are not tired of seeing the daily craziness on the streets in the real life.

BTW: if you are fond of in the meanwhile pretty rare cars of the 70s and 80s, it's strongly advised NOT to watch "Cobra 11" - your heart might break when you see cars like the Alfa Romeo GTV 6, Audi Coupè, even a Triumph Spitfire Mk I shredded in spectacular crashs.