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drjimmy11
Reviews
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
very very average
There is just not much of interest happening here. Yet another in a series of recent movies that goes over the 2 hour mark for no appreciable reason- the business of the plot could have been taken care of in 40 minutes. The rest is filled in with observing beetles and a flogging scene which doesn't serve much purpose except maybe they felt the movie was running low on homoeroticism (besides repeated use of the word "seaman" of course)
Don't be fooled- this is absolutely nothing like "Gladiator." They both contain combat and R. Crowe- that's about it. The script is episodic, lazily put together- maybe this worked as a book but little effort has been made to structure this into something the audience can care about.
Kind of typical of adaptations of novels- they jump through so many hoops, like changing the villains from American in the book to French for the benefit of the historically uninformed in the audience (that'll teach 'em to help us achieve independance and give us the Statue of Liberty!)- but at the end of the day they would've been better off writing a story from scratch that works on the big screen. "Gladiator" is a great original screenplay, this is a half-hearted, half-assed adaptation that goes way too many directions at once and never builds any tension whatsoever.
I was fidgeting in my seat throughout. I kept hoping it would break into unintentional comedy but that never quite happens either- it just sort of meanders along, there's a big battle, and it ends.
Chasing Amy (1997)
if you think this is a better movie than "Clerks"...
I really think you should just stop watching movies altogether. Seriously.
"Clerks" was hilarious, orginal, brilliant, truly the best "independant" film I've seen and one of the best movies period.
So what the hell happened? Did Smith suffer a brain injury? What a waste of talent ever since he "blew his load" on 'Clerks."
The smarmy, self-indulgent just plain unfunny stuff in this movie seems like someone making a crude parody of the Smith who made "Clerks." from the absolutely horriblely unfunny gay black character on in, it plays like a three's company episode, and not even a good one. All the humanity and honesty of "clerks" seems to have gone totally out the window in favor of self-refernces, unfunny jokes, and a just plain weak and borderline nonsensical plot. Why did they fall in love- there's no good reason why the characters like each other so much, and no reason for us to care about them or like them either.
Some people seem to have trouble with the difference: "Clerks" used crude comic devices, like sex with a dead guy, but it was a GREAT story. You can make a real, human story as either a "serious" drama or a crude comedy, as long as the characters have humanity and the writer does the work to tell a real story that is relatable to people outside of himself and his immediate circle of friends.
"Chasing Amy" is not only unfunny, it rings totally false: there's just nothing there.
8 Mile (2002)
this is what you get...
when you hire the guy who wrote "Mod Squad!!" Everybody's talking about the director, guess what- no director can make a good movie out of a bad script like this! As a man who appreciates the value of words, you'd think Eminem would realize this.
SOFT SOFT SOFT! This is basically a PG movie with the word "f**k" a lot... Sort of like an urban "Wayne's World" or a rap "Karate Kid" this is anything but gritty and realistic. Basically a comedy, although at times unintentional. I don't think I've ever seen a movie with so many unresolved plot threads- what happened to his mom? his sister? his girlfriend? etc etc etc
Elvis' movies may have been bad, but at least he sang, which is what people wanted. Eminem doesn't even rap until WAY WAY too late in the film. This is the exact opposite of his music- bland, innoffensive despite the swearing, and at times blatantly PC (heroic Em stands up for a gay guy and a woman? COME ON!!!)
Maybe just a documentary of one of his tours would've been better. The real Eminem onstage is way more interesting than this bland attempt at image-polishing or whatever the hell they were trying to do...
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Just like Trainspotting...
except not funny or interesting.
Actually it is a little bit funny, because it is so ridiculously overdone and uses so many camera tricks. Kind of like a glorified student film.
Donnie Brasco (1997)
I know Ray Liotta, i've seen Ray Liotta...
and Johnny Depp you're no Ray Liotta. From the first moment he appears on screen his character is just plain boring. He never gives us any clue why we should be interested in him, he looks like a dork and has no charisma at all- miles away from what Liotta did in "Goodfellas."
Of course the script isn't doing him any favors. Why is this guy a cop? He seems to enjoy being a mobster a lot more. All the cops in the movie are stupid, out of touch losers and the mobsters are cool- just like in most mob movies- except most are told from the mob POV, not the FBI's. Normally it's a guilty pleasure to root for the bad guys and we can all identify to some extent with the desire to live outside the law and lets face it- mobsters are cool.
This movie could've shown the other side, that hey, these are bad people who deserve to be put away, and the cops who risk their lives to do it are heroic. But who knows why Depp's character is going after them? They could've at least given him a stock "mobsters killed his dad" motivation or something!
And then there's his wife- Ann Heche- she married an FBI agent not expecting he might be away from home or work odd hours? By the time he finally punches her in the face near the end you almost feel she deserves it.
All in all, this is a confused mess of a movie and just plain boring. There is a lot of Pacino mumbling incomprehensively interspersed with some standard gory violence.
The movie never really resolves itself at all. There is $300,000 in stolen money in his house- so where did it go? Who knows? He could've given it to pacino so he could buy his boat and disspear but for some reason he just forgets and lets mumbly Al get killed instead (we assume)And apparently his wife loves him again at the end, since she wanted a divorce and then he punched her, everything seems to be fine b/c he got a plaque from the FBI?
Oh yeah and the soundtrack is horrid. There was other music besides tacky disco in the late 70s! Another thing Goodfellas did right that this movie did wrong.
Miami Rhapsody (1995)
Annie Hall Part Two??
This is a decent movie but WOW is it derivative, SJ Parker is playing basically a female Alvie Singer from Annie Hall, especially the monologue at the end is almost a word for word reworking of the one at the end of "Annie," substituting "Miami" for "needing the eggs."
This character is also a bit similar to Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City, this may be how she got that job...
Grand Canyon (1991)
what were you thinking, Steve
Usually Steve Martin is the one person who doesnt play up to the "LA is terrible/phony" cliches. So why is he playing the stereotypical "evil movie producer who loves violence" in this incredibly cliched, pompous movie? The people who make these "the media causes violence" statements in movies are are not just wrong and stupid, they are betraying their fellow artists by encouraging censorship- as if the MPAA doesn't have enough power to destroy movies.
By the way this is a very bad movie. Very very bad. Somewhat unintentionally funny though. Reminds me of a Christoper Guest 'Spinal Tap" type parody but it's supposed to be serious. Or a first year film school project maybe.