chaosnbeer Reviews

Fortress of Amerikkka (1989)

Hillariously awful Troma trash

[28 April 2004]

If you are expecting the usual Troma humor with usual Troma bad acting and violence then this is not for you..this truely is a terrible..but yet hillarious movie to watch. This Lloyd Kaufman , Michael Herz production directed by Eric Louzil who directed Class Of Nuke Em High 2:Subhumanoid Meltdown for Troma is quite possibly the worst acted movie I have ever seen in my life...seriously porno is more top notch in acting than this but the lines and dialogue are so ridiculous and Kaufman's " evil government conglomerate elitist" rhetoric was basically the foundation for the entire movie that has no explanations for any of the actions

For some reason a government militia is killing people at random for no reason , what exactly the militia who are called the Fortress Of Amerikkka are doing is not explained , the hero of the movie is an ex con just released from prison who has beef with the sherrif who killed his brother..why the hero was in prison is never explained..but no explanations aside just prepare yerself for a funny but awful movie I give it a

7/10 on a Troma scale...other viewers beware

Savage Abduction (1973)

sex drugs and sleaze from the early 70's

[25 April 2004]

Not really so much a harrowing experience and glimpse into the dark depravity of humanity as the movie promotes itself but certainly a laughable cheapie drive in schlocker from 1972. A gang of bikers kidnapp two girls and hold them hostage in exchange for $10,000 from a sex crazed psycho who wants to kill the girls for his own private pleasures. The extremities are very limited , the worst thing the biker gang does to the girls is force them to disrobe only to their underwear and force them to smoke pot. Not really a shocking movie , and actually a pretty funny historical relic of the days of cheap drive-in fare , but worth a look at for some early sleaze

8/10

Sisters of Sin (1997 Video)

Worst ever for Troma

[23 April 2004]

This movie sucks...I love Troma...I own close to 120 Troma titles and I love em all...EXCEPT THIS ONE...THIS ONE SUCKS!..I am a huge fan of cheap pointless stupid amaturish bad movies but this one is horrible..it looks like it was made by Full Moon (a company I never liked) instead of Troma...even the bouncing boobies couldn't save this boring stupid movie

Plot involves some lesbians...if they even are that they seem to like the penis alot..and a monk..and some other stupid garbage involving demons and blood sucking and rhinestones and incredibly horrible computer generated effects...Lloyd Kaufman doesnt use computer effects in any of his movies and they all look fantastic ..these effects look like bottom barrel college student experimentations...I want to wash my eyes out..avoid Troma junkies..avoid

1/10 and only a 1 for at least the bare breast....This is the only Troma movie currently in my collection I'd demand my money back for (except maybe "Girl School Screamers")

Unspeakable (2000 Video)

Troma's darkest since Combat Shock

[23 April 2004]

Unspeakable is an unusual movie even for Troma , it is completly inept low budget amaturish poorly directed , acted , or written film-making ya know the type of stuff Troma is known for and their sick devoted following (me) loves in their movies...but most Troma movies are so shockingly violent but hillarious and cartoonish at the same time or extremely revolting and dark (Bloodsucking Freaks,Combat Shock) but they too have a sense of dark humor and stomache churning artstic vision. However Unspeakable is a movie that has the poor inept hammy style of direction like Lloyd Kaufman's films and absolutly no humor that was intentional...which makes it kinda hard to get but a fun movie to watch. This movie is very extreme lots of sick degrading filthy stuff that would send Travis Bickle on a rampage again but its all carried out so incredibly inept and amaturish its funny..when it shouldnt be..it should be revolting and disgusting (see the aftermath of the car crash in the beginging and the expression and acting on Roger Cline's face and tell me you didnt laugh)...a very good movie but it's still a little hard to tell whether it was trying to be serious or not...

9/10

Cry for Cindy (1976)

classic 70's relic

[18 April 2004]

"Cry For Cindy" is far from being a great porn movie but it is certainly worth watching. This was made in 1976 and was one of Amber Hunt's of Candystriper's fame first feature. The movie itself suffers from taking itself way to seriously which makes this a very unintentionally hillarious porno movie. The sex is frequent and even hot however it too suffers from the 70's style of ungroomed body hair , now I know pubic hair in the 70's was seen as fashionable but it looks absolutly uncleaned and disgusting on the females in this movie that it ends up not being very pleasing to the eye.

Amber Hunt is a prostitute working tricks to pay for her boyfriends medical school , she starts out timid and afraid but learns to love her work and then something tragic happens to Cindy and her friends and lovers recall her past....a very odd one and certainly not the best from the golden age but worth a look

6/10

Taboo V (1986 Video)

Final entry worth yer time

[25 March 2004]

Taboo 5 marks the close of the series in that it was the final one to be shot on film , have a storyline , and work as a real movie because after part 6 the series resorted to low budget shot on video and completly ditched storylines and ended up becoming nothing more than a freak show. However Taboo V is the worst out of the whole series because it also is lacking story and has tooo long of pauses between the sex scenes to incorporate plot it doesnt even have...making this a very tedious effort. The sex that it does have is very hot especially the ones involving Amber Lynn and the 80's soaked look of the actors and the music score is still great and never tiring...

7/10

Taboo IV: The Younger Generation (1985)

Starting to slow

[25 March 2004]

The fourth film in the series shot in 1985 switches to a different family involving a psychologist my favorite actor Jamie Gillis who specializes in incest and getting families to cope with it. Now the plot on this one begins to get fuzzy unlike the first 3 because Kirdy Stevens decided to do what all pornos did in the mid 80's and throw in nonstop sex scene after sex scene (not that this is a bad thing..it is PORNO)but it misses that element of thought provoking artistic story telling the first 3 had (like that matters anyway it's porn). The sex is bumped up quite a bit and it has some very steamy moments between the performers especially the final scene when Jamie Gillis loses temptation and has his way with his daughter Ginger Lynn...a worthy sequel but don't expect the best of the storylines

8/10

Taboo III (1984)

3rd Times A Charm

[23 March 2004]

Taboo III brings back Kay Parker as the star focusing on the character of Barbara Scott again who is still lusting for her son Paul who has moved out. She lives with her son Jimmy the infamous Jerry Buttler and his girlfriend who Barbara disaproves of. This 1984 film reeks of 80's in terms of the subplot about Jimmy's rock band trying to score a record deal , and the music has gotten way more cheesy since the first two making it all the better. The main problem with this film though is the picture is wayyy too dark suffering from a dark tint making the scenes hard to watch and it runs way to long for a porno movie 95 minutes. Still a good watch...look for Ron Jeremy as the record producer classic scene

9/10

Taboo II (1982)

Better than the first

[23 March 2004]

Way better than the first in terms of story and pure hot steamy sex. The incest theme of the first movie is expanded to an entire family. Brother with sister , daughter with father , mother with son , and any other combination of girlfriends and partners that get thrown in the mix. More comedic and cheesy than the first..like it matters this is a porno afterall..Taboo II deserves to be recognized by porn afficinados everywhere. Eric Edwards is the father , Honey Wilder is the mother , and big bad Kevin James looking really Bruce Campbellish is Junior the son who wants to get it on with his sister (name escapes me) plus we have a very skinny and buff Ron Jeremy thrown in the mix to make it all worth the while

10/10

Taboo (1980)

Deserves to be called a CLASSIC!

[23 March 2004]

Taboo is one of those rare adult movies that really is a true classic...far surpassing the porno chic trilogy and other well known classics as Debbie Does Dallas,Candy Stripers,and the Johnny Wadd films. Taboo provided it all..hot steamy sex , a beautiful and seductive leading lady Kay Parker , great dialogue , acting , and a memorable score that will leave you humming..but most of all this was one of the first adult movies to deal with the subject of incest for it's plot. Some may feel guilty getting off to a movie about incest , but it's done in such a sexy hot manner that no one can resist it..this movie stands out along with The Opening Of Misty Beethoven as a true classic in adult pictures..with emphasis on plot and acting making this a true artistic achievement.

10/10

Behind the Green Door (1972)

Historic piece of porno chic

[23 March 2004]

Behind The Green Door is an historic adult movie relic from 1972 that was among the trilogy of films that were considered "Porno Chic" the other two being Deep Throat and The Devil In Miss Jones. Behind The Green Door is the least erotic of the 3 but maybe the most important film artistic wise. Marilyn Chambers performance has no dialogue , but it was her wholesome pure girl next door good looks that made this the centerpiece..not plain jane looking like Georgina Spelvin and Linda Lovelace , and not as whorish and sleazy looking as the various other performers in the early years..Chambers represented the pretty girl who's looks werent so beautiful she was threatening or plastic. However the film itself suffers from it's heavy emphasis on artsy film making techniques ..such as the final "money shot" scenes running in multicolors and freeze frames and slow motion...kinda ruins the feel. Also the scene between Johnny Keyes and Chambers missed any penetration angles giving the scene a simulated sex feel. Plotwise Chambers is kidnapped and forced to perform sexual acts on stage in front of an audience of vouyers , the trapeze oral sex scene and the group orgy are it's standouts. View this in the mind that it's a look at the adult industry in it's classic years before it all went down the toilet because of it's low video standards

9/10

Deep Throat (1972)

The one that started it all

[10 March 2004]

The all time classic , the first hardcore porno film to play to sold out mainstream theaters and certainly a very bizzare relic from 1972. A very strange musical movie with campy dialogue , comedic acting , and very weird music including a strange version of the Coke theme in a bizzare scene. The sex is so-so not too erotic and suffers from the extreme closeup syndrome where it tries to zoom in as far as it can til it blurs out repeatally that got annoying but the film itself is a nostaligic funny and campy movie that can be viewed on it's merits as a sex comedy rather than a pornographic movie..definitly the all time cult classic

9/10

Wonderland (2003)

DVD better than the actual film

[27 February 2004]

While Wonderland is an ok account of the Wonderland murders , the film suffers from it's awkward fast paced MTV editing in the first 20 minutes and a rather unrealistic performance of Holmes by Val Kilmer...I knew Kilmer wouldn't quite capture Holmes when he said in an interview he refused to watch any of Holmes sex videos because he had no interest in them...well thats what John Holmes was..he was his sex videos..Holmes was such a mythic figure because of the lies and alternate personalities he had in real life that the only true personality he had was of a sex star...being a long time golden age adult film fan and fan of Holmes films Kilmer didn't quite capture Holmes. Holmes yes was a scumbag person , but maybe thats what makes him such an interesting character...people in the message boards and reviews can't seem to stop commenting on what a horrible person Holmes was but it didn't stop them from watching the movie..often times we are fascinated by the bad guys..notice no one comments on Eddie Nash. Holmes made some of the best golden age porn of his day (for the fans) and he was likeable on screen but a bastard in person. The film didn't portray that enough either making Holmes seem a little too sympathetic in his drugged out era. The movie is also too short , it should have started a little before his downfall and gone into John's trial. The DVD however is excellent featuring the often hard to find documentary "Wadd" that paints both the negative and postivie sides of Holmes...the typical rise and fall of a star ..only loved for his huge member...I am a fan of his work but not the man himself although his life has always and will forever fascinate me

the actual movie Wonderland could have been a little bit better but it's a good watch

7/10

Hidden Obsessions (1992)

sure its pretty but classic????

[19 February 2004]

This was actually the very first porno I ever saw borrowing from a fellow classmate when I was around 14 or 15. At the time I saw it ..it was impressive to see the infamous ice dildo and this being the first porn I had ever seen it became the most watched. Now viewing it now it's nothing but the average early 90's sex movie. I hear comments all the time that this was some sort of classic ...a classic would mean comparing it to Debbie Does Dallas or Devil In Miss Jones..this is just a sex video with high production values..I don't really get how this is a "classic" of the genre as maybe only 2 scenes are memorable..sure it looks classy and has good production values..but if you ask me thats basically a waste when you have no plot to it...i'm not going to criticize porn plot but why bother waste money just to make porn "look pretty"...Andrew Blake is a hack too

6/10

Debbie Does Dallas (1978)

One of the best

[4 February 2004]

Debbie Does Dallas is the alltime classic adult film of the golden age when porn was actually something more than tissue and lotion movies...well it still is a tissue and lotion movie but I actually enjoy watching these begining to end....because these films had something that today's adult films don't have...that is nostalgic and silliness and actual plots. People today despise porno like this because it has a plot and they just want to see the nudity , and thats a shame because the producers actually cared about the product back then. These were shot with the intention of proving that they could carry the banners as actual film makers rather than hacks who could shoot boring sex scenes for their own enjoyment rather than the audiences. Debbie Does Dallas is the top favorite because of it's over the top acting of Bambi Woods as the ditzy sweet blonde character , and the hillarious shopkeep of Mr.Greenfeld..hillarious dialogue and one of the best porno scores ever make this an all time top 10 classic..

10/10

The Anarchist Cookbook (2002)

Interesting but flawed and misleading

[22 January 2004]

I think that this is an entertaining film and all but I think it's nothing but the anarchist versions of SLC Punk and Trainspotting (however I am one of the few who didn't see similarities to Fight Club) It is an ok movie...maybe has too much annoying techno music on the soundtrack...also with goofy camera techniques and film changes but it's a low budget indie film so thats to be expected however the message of the movie is off...it doesnt spark much debate in the film on the ideas of anarchism and the only character who actually is believable is Puck because he is what most people wanting to believe in something and be a part of something...undecided and only it it for the clique. I can't really get into the deep aspects of the movie so I'm just going to say its a 7/10

From Justin to Kelly (2003)

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[19 January 2004]

HAHAHAHA...HAHAHA....HAHAHAHA..HAHAHA Is this real?? Did they really make this movie...finally a overhyped big budget Hollywood conglermate pop idol piece of crap idea completly flopped at the box office....the worst movie I have seen in awhile...when "From Reuban To Clay" hits theaters...now thats something worth watching...

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Finally

[19 January 2004]

Wow!!! After 10 years of waiting it has finally arrived and it's about damn time. While we were kids , little kids the eternal debate was whether or not Jason or Freddy would win in a fight...now some people debate the existence of God , the meaning of life , why Ron Jeremy gets laid...me and my friends would argue nonstop "Freddy or Jason" ..at the end of Jason Goes To Hell this idea seemed to become a reality something we ended up having to wait 10 years for...and man it was so worth it.

Surprisingly this is a good story...and didn't have to turn into a 90 minute Deathmatch between Jason and Freddy...and it also brought back the days of the original Freddy as a menacing evil force rather than a wisecracking nonstop joke one liner....which is rare in this movie. The dissapointing parts is the absence of Kane Hodder...now while Jason isn't really a character who requires the same actor ...it's sad that Kane Hodder has become "THEE" Jason after 4 movies and has acted like he really enjoys killing...and really believes he is Jason which shows in the movies..the new actor doesnt add or decrease anything from the peformance...but its still a shame

Now acting is never important in a horror movie...but c'mon the acting in this movie was downright horrible...theres bad performances...and there is downright speaking in monotone...but who cares we just wanted to see them die anyway so it's cool

10 years worth the wait....

9/10

Terror Firmer (1999)

Art at it's lowest most sickening and vile....classic

[16 January 2004]

Terror Firmer is the sickest , most disgusting , vile , stupid , clumsy , low brow , wretched , perverted , retarded , idiotic , humor only for the most mentally disturbed people out there...which is why it is one of my favorite films of all time. I just love the reviews that say these exact same things in a negative manner because they don't seem to get that it's exactly what Lloyd Kaufman and Troma represent and it's exactly what the true Troma fan loves instead of these tourist that quote "yeah I've seen Troma movies but this is disgusting"..please get a clue it's not for you..This is Lloyd's masterpiece going to extremes in every way. A serial killer is stalking a Troma film crew making the 4th Toxic Avenger movie (which followed after this)staging poor gore effects that are extremely funny..Will Keenan cracks me up as the Speilberg loving boom mic operator with my favorite quote "If you don't have the money...don't make the movie"..Everyone must see Terror Firmer you will either really love or really really hate it but you must see it

10/10

Killer Condom (1996)

fun for all

[16 January 2004]

Definitly one of Troma's strangest and with a message. Killer Condom is definitly not for the homophobic or conservative as it is a pro homosexual movie that deals with society's issue's with homosexuality and morality and is an attack on the gay bashing conservative religious right community. The Killer Condoms of the title was created by the government( i think i can't remember) to murder homosexuals and sexual deviants proving a roller coaster ride of cheesy low bro humor and gags. Definitly for the open minded people out there to check out

8/10

Tromeo and Juliet (1996)

Forget Blah Boreman this is the real updated version

[16 January 2004]

Troma's TROMEO AND JULIET is the best modern update of Shakespear ever to hit film. Loaded with kinky sex , dismemberments , piercings , tattoos , vomit , Lemmy from Motorhead and masturbation..all of this great but yet I was turned off a little by Lloyd's Anti-meat eating pro vegetarian message that is in it but I can't hold it againt him since he is one of my favorite all time directors ..so every fan in Tromaville....enjoy 10/10

Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986)

fun times

[16 January 2004]

If only my highschool was like this...eerily predicting a violent chaotic state of highschools in the future loaded with biker gangs and mutants. I first saw this movie on USA's "Up All Night" back in the early 90's when I was about 8 years old and it became one of my favorite late night viewings especially since I was very heavy into the Toxic Crusaders. Movies like this and the Toxic Avenger played a big part in my childhood and thanks to Lloyd Kaufman's influence I am the sick demented horror fan I am today...as if it's a bad thing. 10/10

Blood Sucking Freaks (1976)

classic trash cinema

[14 January 2004]

This movie is considered the holy grail of ultra trash schlock shock cinema and to those that are used to a tame and bubblegum brand of horror it is the most ultimate vile experience but for the dedicated B movie trash fan it's downright hillarious. The entire movie is played for laughs and is not to be taken seriously despite the depravity involved. The warning on the video label says "if you're not disgusted you should see a shrink"..Well frankly I wasn't disgusted I was too amused because even though their is some gory scenes in this one the gore is so incredibly and ridiculously fake that it cannot in anyway be disgusting..just incredibly laughable at how inept and poor it all is.Quite possibly one of the few films that is as controversial today as it was when it was released in 1976...although I have no idea why frankly much worse has been made...this film is just carrying the banner of notoriety and has basically become more hype than anything. I loved it for it's trash shock schlock film style but thought the extreme violence wasnt all that it was cracked up to be..because its so fake..and so obvious. But all together a 10

Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)

Sick movie for sick people is right..and PROUD OF IT

[3 January 2004]

The sick demented humor of Troma has reared its ugly head again to give us the 4th and best installment in the Toxic Avenger series. Some fellow reviewers who obviously don't understand horror movies and decide to critique every single movie in the genre as "sick and repulsive" are advised that the family section is on the other side of the video store and the big boys and girls are free to watch these sick movies because we love it and we don't care what the snobby critiques of family values and critical examinationators of film care.

*possible spoilers* Citizen Toxie is a Troma masterpiece next to Terror Firmer. Claiming the 2nd and 3rd films in the installment didn't exist and that this is the real sequel lets the viewer know this is going to be a ride and it is. When the Diaper Mafia holds the special school for retards hostage Toxie comes in to save the day blowing up the school and sending him into an alternate reality in Tromaville's alternate Amortville. In Tromaville the Noxious Offender Toxie's evil version of himself goes on a violent killing spree in Tromaville and builds up a crime empire.Meanwhile the mayor played by Ron Jeremy esembles the cast of heroes Dolphin Man (pretty useless since theres no ocean),Master Bator , The Vibrator , Mad Cowboy , and of course a drunken Sgt Kabukiman NYPD. In Amortville Toxie is tagged along with two of the tards from Tromaville Tito the Retarded Rebel and Sweety Honey who team up with Chester (Joe Fleishaker) who sends him back to battle with the Noxious Offender who is busy knocking up Sarah who becomes pregnant with an evil baby and a good baby who have a in the womb fetus fight. This is the best in the series by far..even better than the first in my opinion and should be loved by horror fans and Troma fans of course..the greatest

10/10

The Toxic Avenger Part II (1989)

good follow up

[3 January 2004]

With a film as awesome as "The Toxic Avenger" it was bound to be made into a sequel..but actually by accident. According to Lloyd this movie was being joked around about being made into a sequel until a investor became interested in purchasing it and hence this and part III were spawned. Ok..now this and III are pretty much hated by alot of people..including Troma fans. Even Troma itself has stated on "Citizen Toxie" the 4th film that "We're sorry about II and III heres the real sequel". Personally I think it's unfair..I really do enjoy II and even III. Also II and III are the same movie from the same script..but because when they began to edit it they discovered it ran 4 hrs long and decided to split it into 2 movies.Now while not as great as the first or even the fourth , Part II has it's moments. Now this review is based on my viewing of the Unrated Directors Cut DVD that can only be found in the Tox Box as of now due to a screw up in Troma studios where the DVD release sold individually is the R rated version although it claims to be cut. The Unrated Directors Cut is loaded with excessive gore and some extra footage that was omitted from the R rated video version. The people that probably saw the R rated version are usually the most anti part II , because i'm sure this version will change their minds for the extreme gore and violence alone. There are some things I like about this movie , and other things I despise. What I like CONTRARY TO EVERYONE! is Toxie's voice..I prefer the nerdy personality voice rather than the badly dubbed deep booming voice of the first film. His personality is alot funnier and alot more lively than he was in the first film and I thought the nerd actually suited what Toxie still was mentally rather physically making it funnier but Kaufman and everyone else disagrees. What I despise is Claire played by Phoebe Legere. They changed the name of the character Sara into Claire because she was a different actress.. Sara who was played by the gorgeous and sweet Andree Maranda was alot better..since they couldnt get Miranda they got Legere who plays it as annoying 80's trash slut. Not only is she really not as innocently portrayed as Sara, her personality made my damn teeth grind..I kept hoping Toxie would just crush her head or something..yeah and she's blind???..she sure seems to focus on a characters face ya know..but acting in a Troma movie shouldnt require that but damn..I really hated her.

*probably spoilers* Toxie is depressed since he's cleaned up crime in Tromaville despite nearly being blown to bits by Apcolypse Inc run by the evil chairman (Rick Collins) taking down his army of thugs and goons. They trick Toxie into going to Japan to find his long lost father and what insues is hillarious moments of locals being frightend by the hideously deformed creature . Toxie saves a cute Japanese girl from thugs , and she helps him find his father leading him to Big Mac Bunko a sumo wrestling thug smuggling cocaine in fish. Yeah he meets a gorey death...and what follows is sorta a pointless car chase scene that really didn't belong..and then the door opens for the remainder of the chapter in Part III. I guess you should see this movie..and all the Toxic Avenger movies..I liked it..just don't expect a huge classic like the first one..but the bad reviews this movie usually gets is undeserving.