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Reviews
Elsbeth (2024)
Columbo? Uh...no...
Not sure why this is so highly rated. I wanted to like it. I like Elsbeth. But the exact same thing every week, after week... I'm just bored to tears. I know how the killer is going to get caught in the first 15 minutes. The sub plot? No substance at all. Booooring. Same disagreeing police captain every week with a grudge. Nothing. No substance. No real mystery. No real sleuthing. No
Booooooring.
Sorry. I gave it 6 episodes. By the 6th, snoozefest.
Elsbeth is great for an episode or a movie. But over and over and over...?
Nah. Much better things to watch. Reruns of Columbo would be better. Or Mannix. Or Ironside. Or Barnaby. Or Kojak. ...Perry Mason!
Dogman (2023)
Perfect.
The best of stories always contain love, tragedy, laughter and tears. Throw in suspense, mystery and a sprinkle of violence and it rises to the top.
Dogman is one of the best films I have ever seen. Caleb Landry Jones has given his best performance. Considering his prior commanding repertoire of roles, that is quite a feat. Luc Besson has written and directed a masterpiece. "This is the work of an artist." exclaimed a detective.
With a perfect mix of the unbelievable and suspension of disbelief, Besson has created a story of a handicapped, dog-loving female impersonator with murder, criminal genius, pain, love, revenge, comedy and romance. And jones gives a perfect performance.
A truly original and unforgettable story,
Perfect.
Heart of Stone (2023)
Fill-in-the-blank action plot.
Fill-in-the-blank action plot. Guns, emotionless bad guys, explosions, car chases, skyscrapers, helicopters, double-crossing double agents, high-tech gadgetry, sand and snow, falling and flying, CIA, MI6, world-ending super-computer viruses and bombs, cabals, casinos, criminals and the one super-spy rogue agent.
Add stars. Stirred not shaken. Always have a boss that keeps telling you to not do what you just have to do. The tech guy that can pull a rabbit out of a micro-chip and secretly helps you to do the thing you aren't supposed to do. Give Tom Cruise some breasts.
There is absolutely nothing new here. Boring.
The Blackening (2022)
Just. Not. Funny.
There was absolutely nothing funny about this movie. I can't think of any better word than just 'dumb'. It is literally about nothing but race. The villian(s) are all about race. The plot is about nothing but race. The stereotypes, so-called humor, and every reference used is about race.
And I am no fool. I get that it is supposed to be satirical. But the bottom line is, it just failed in every aspect.
My personal measurements for any movie are simple. A really, really good movie should invoke all the emotions. It should make you laugh. It should invoke a sense of suspense, of fear, sadness, happiness, mystery. A sense of fulfillment. Comedies should not rely on race or stereotypes to find humor. Maybe a bit. But this movie was so far over the top, it just. Wasn't. Funny. At all. It was just racist.
Racism is the belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another. And while this movie doesn't particularly distinguish one as superior or inferior, it just uses it as the entire premise.
All this movie made me do was make me question why I even watched it. Moreover, it made me question why anyone wrote, acted in or produced it.
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
Just simply too unrealistic
Sure. A lot of action. But it really was quite...dumb. Sooooo much close range shooting and every one misses except the "good guys"? C'mon. The acting was fair. Just the same John Wick as in every other John Wick movie. At this point, the movie has an 8.2 rating. I don't see it. This is Marvel superhero stuff. Hit by cars, shot, falling out of buildings and still...walking. Sorry, but a lot of action is great. But a lot of unrealistic, unbelievable action is for fantasies. It is as if all they wanted to do was pack in a bunch of Kill Bill killing times ten and call it an action movie. Long on blood, short on, well, everything else.
Fall (2022)
Fell flat...
There was nothing thrilling about this movie. Even facing death, Generation Z-ers will still be hashtagging on their phones and rebelling against their parents. Selfie stuck.
Poor acting. Mind-numbingly stupid plot and dialog. Cannot imagine the people that gave this high reviews. Well, yes I can. This is a Lifetime Network drama. And nothing realistic or feasible.
The only positive thing about this movie was that I was bored enough to google how high vultures can fly. Did you know that some vultures can fly as high as 37,000 feet? And as far as 200 miles? Other than that, I got nothing from this.
Paper Girls (2022)
Paper thin ...
How in the world is this getting good reviews? I gave it a chance. And another. And another. I even watched the whole season. The writing is atrocious. Nothing is believable. Soooo many times the characters do really stupid stuff that makes no sense. Like that horror movie where the victim drops a weapon cuz the bad guy is already dead. But everyone knows he isn't. If it weren't just plain stupid, it would be predictable. This is certainly no Stranger Things as suggested. And I am sure your 11-yr-old daughter will love it. Everyone else? Not so much.
American Horror Stories: Aura (2022)
Who is writing these reviews?
Have you ever even watched television before? How can anyone even watch this stuff? Like a fool, I still watched the one after this...and it takes talent to get worse than this one or the first. Bad. Just bad.
American Horror Stories: Drive (2022)
WTF?
Seriously. Who wrote this crap? It's one thing to have bad actors. Bit to throw in a pointless, predictable lame plot with atrocious bad script. What a waste of time.
Firestarter (2022)
I wanted to like this...
...I mean, Who wouldn't? I have this habit of reading King novels, and then watching the movie. Yes, of course, I am always disappointed. You simply never hear of a movie being better than the book. So there is always a little bit of a let down.
This was not a let down. This was a flopped over in the road and run over. Twice. Seriously, from the very beginning, it was just creepily bad. Bad music, bad dialog, pretty poor acting, and seriously pathetic adaptation.
It makes me want to give up ever watching a Stephen King adaptation.
Ambulance (2022)
Just downright pathetic.
Seriously. I can't find anything good about this. Well, Jake gets a star. Lame. Terrible script. Unbelievable story. Why didn't I read the reviews first? 2:16 of wasted life.
The Oval (2019)
uh..
The only question worth asking other than "Why is this still on the air?" is..."Why in god's name was it ever even made?" I feel sorry for the careers destroyed by this.
Cry Macho (2021)
Disappointing
I get it. The book was written in 1975, almost fifty years ago. But I get soooo tired of the country and people of Mexico portrayed so poorly. Everyone in Mexico is poor. Everyone in Mexico is uneducated, a "bad hombre" or is just soooo excited to be Americanized. Mexico is a beautiful country with an amazingly rich culture, history and people.
No I am not giving it a '4' just because of that. The uni-dimensional characters had simply bad dialogue. And the story? I knew the ending before the first 20 minutes of the film were up. Zero originality.
Clint Eastwood riding a bronco. At 91? Ridiculous. He looks like he'd break a leg going up and down stairs. Just wrong for the part in his own movie. I am sure he could find a boy in a city of 9 million (that has outlawed cockfighting for a decade). Nearly every Mexican character in the story is just bad. Bad Momma. Bad cops. Bad child beaters. And in rides the hero, an old washed-up cowboy.
Bottom line? Predictable, mediocre at best. Pathetic portrayal of Mexico and it's Mexicans.
You'd be better of buying a ticket to Mexico City and see what you are missing. A lot.
La Brea (2021)
Jules Verne is turning over in his grave.
Anyone who "enjoyed" this has some seriously low expectations. Calling it "cliche' is an insult to cliches.
Some of the reviews say, "Give it a chance", or, "I'll wait and see."
I couldn't bear the entire episode. No offense, but even if we were to consider it a comedy, it failed.
The only thing realistic and believable was the LA traffic jam. And even that required 'suspension of disbelief' as there is no way anyone could have maneuvered out of that.
A washed up guy being the only one that can 'fix' things? Really? Thats a novel idea. And
I never could figure out how, in a densley populated area with millions one person can find their loved one...in just a few moments.
Sorry, but it doesn't deserve a 2nd chance from me. I just don't have that much time to waste.
Stinkhole, not sinkhole.
The Ice Road (2021)
I feel your pain...
I would give it a one, but I like Liam. So he gets a star. But I would really like to ask him, Why? Why did you do it? Extremely bad script with a non-sensical plot. Seriously...it is so bad, I think someone did it on purpose. "Let's make a really bad movie with a big action star and see what happens!"
To those who watched this, I feel your pain.
Resident Alien (2021)
Very few comedies captivate me...
I mean, really. Most comedies are typical, unoriginal. I am hard to please. But I am glad I gave this a chance! And now I am hooked, Great story-line and acting and keeps me interested. While "an alien trapped on earth" isn't exactly 'new', the plot thickens... My Favorite Martian meets the 21st Century...with witty and delightful humor.
School's Out Forever (2021)
Quite surprised!
That seems to be an ongoing theme here: "surprised". And rightly so! IMDB calls this a "comedy, horror, drama". I am not sure I agree with 'horror' or comedy. The beginning was lighthearted with some comedic moments. It wasn't really "horror" in the traditional sense, but was a bit horrific at times. Thriller?
The acting was surprisingly good. All the characters were believable. And at no time did I ever want to turn away. I laughed. Got choked up. Got angry. Any movie that can bring all these is a winner.
Cosmos (2019)
Boring as all get out
Some commenters said that it started slow. Well, it was slow all the way through. In the start, they tried to develop characters. It failed. Then they tried to create a plot, which also failed. Whoever can rate this above a three, really wasn't paying attention. Just bad al around. I regret I won't get this time back. I could have had more excitement folding laundry.
A Rainy Day in New York (2019)
The trailer was better than the movie...
I really wanted to enjoy this. I did. And Chalamet, too. He was great in Call Me By My Name. But his acting in this was incredibly flat. Jude Law, Elie Fanning...everyone, but him felt real. Chalamet's character, acting were just simply...boring...as if he were just reading lines for an audition, and failed.
The story felt contrived. A humorless and predictable big fat zero.
The ending was just stupid.
Trick (2019)
Holy crap this was bad!
I was forced to watch it. In it's entirety, much to my protestations. The worst possible scripting, acting and story. Absolutely nothing made sense. A stupid killer with even dumber victims standing around to get killed. Seriously...please...do NOT waste your time. Anyone giving this more than one star is totally clueless or just having a good joke on you.
Unplanned (2019)
P.R.O.P.O.G.A.N.D.A
Nothing more than propoganda from people who can't think for themselves and don't want you to either.
To suggest that "abortion" is bad for everyone is ludicrous.
Trust me...this movie was PLANNED.
Mandy (2018)
Awards! for worst...movie...ever
I heard a lot of hype about how this was Nicholas Cage's "role of a lifetime". I don't think he was EVER a great actor. Just so-so. So that in itself wasn't saying much.
But I had high hopes.
The first 20 minutes I kept waiting for the movie to start.
After an hour I was still waiting to see some acting. Or a plot. Or palatable script.
Then I was just waiting for it to end. I am still banging my head on the wall wondering why I wasted two hours of my life.
Poor effects. Ridiculous, disjointed plot scenes pasted on top unbelievable characters with bad acting. Blood. Chainsaws. Penis. Anime.
What a fitting end to Cage's career, not to mention the other actors, the writer, producer, director.
Whoever gave this movie high ratings was high. Or paid.
There is NOTHING redeeming about this movie except that it will win awards for the worst...something.
Hereditary (2018)
Toni Collette made the film
The film itself was decent. Not a great horror flick by any means. Collette's acting far surpassed the quality of the writing or the story. Alex Wolff, um, was just plain bad. First of all he was WAY too old to cast for this part. All he did was stare emotionless into the camera and the his entire character lacked any depth whatsoever. Hearing the word "Mommie" was just...not believable from a 20-yr old playing a 16 yr old.
A few too many loose ends, weak plot points and just not enough chills to make this a great horror. It wasn't even suspenseful. Dragged a bit.
It gets 7 stars because of Toni Collette and I didn't feel like I totally wasted my time. A decent lazy-night B-movie
Mother! (2017)
Are you effing kidding me?
I regret ever even saying, the words, "Let's watch Mother!"
I could probably give you a spoiler, but you wouldn't understand it, and it can't spoil this movie any more than it already is.
Vomit in a bucket, drop acid, drink it, and you will have a better evening. I feel so sorry for the careers of these actors.
"Forgive them Father, they know not what they have done".
Midnight, Texas (2017)
y a w n
Not quite so awful as to deserve a "1". It gets a sympathy "2". Its just plain boring with no substantive plot, mediocre acting, and pretty horrible dialog. Its as if the writer(s) got together and said, "Hey, lets put a whole bunch of monsters in a town. Now what shall we have them do?" If I were the writer of True Blood, I certainly wouldn't be taking credit for this.