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paul_stanley
Reviews
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
2 1/2 hours in, and still waiting for it to start...
The trailer looked like a lot of fun. Metacritic score was 85%. IMDB score was 8.7. It had to be great, right?
Wrong! As others have commented, there is absolutely no plot. It looks like Tarantino, Brad and Leo had a lot of fun filming lots of random scenes, and an editor spent a quick afternoon splicing them all together. "Oh, I know... let's put Leo in the Great Escape!". "Let's put Leo in a tedious western and show 30 mins of the making of it!". Sounds, great eh?
Tedious. Tedious. Tedious. I was tempted to get up and leave many times, but was hopeful that the movie would eventually get into gear and show some semblance of plot. Nope... not until the last 15 mins does anything happen. And I hated that scene too.
I heard that Tarantino said this is his penultimate movie. If your final one is anything like this, then please don't bother making it, Quentin....
Bob Saget: That Ain't Right (2007)
Possibly the least entertaining hour ever
I was debating whether or not to click the 'contains spoiler' checkbox, but then it occurred to me that it is simply impossible to spoil something that has no redeeming qualities. I'm no prude, and I love stand up, but this was just a total mess. It reminded me of the foul-mouthed bum who hangs out by my local supermarket... no theme, no jokes, no comic timing.. just an unrelenting stream of gibberish interspersed with vulgarity for attempted shock value.
Watching this I was wondering if he's actually spent time to write any material or whether he just walked on stage and spat out whatever nonsense came into his head. I think the latter. This has nothing to do with comedy whatsoever. If you want to see funny, watch one of the roasts that Comedy Central played the same day... equally vulgar but actually containing jokes. You know the kind: "Bob Saget was so remarkably unfunny that his mother in the audience asked for a refund".
Tropic Thunder (2008)
I just don't understand the reviews.
I've tried to watch this film twice. Months ago I rented it, and my wife and I gave up 30 mins in, realizing we hadn't even sniggered once at the film (tho we did at the fake trailers that precede the film). Seeing that the film is on some 'best of 2008' lists, I gave it another shot. Still no cigar! I could find nothing to laugh at in this film. I'm not offended by the race and handicap portrayals that offend others, but I simply did not find it remotely amusing. Nothing. Not once did I laugh.
I love comedy of all sorts (tho perhaps have a bias to Brit comedies), and simply cannot understand what people are finding funny in this. I suspect many of the movie reviewers appreciate it more because they're 'in the business'... I find Office Space funny for that same reason. But for everyone else, what are you laughing at here? This is no classic comedy. It's far beyond a lot of other dismal comedies that hit the market (eg those appalling 'spoof' movies), but there's not much going for it. All of the characters were one-joke ponies. The visual humour was stretched. Much of it was simply pointless.
Maybe I'm getting old...
10,000 BC (2008)
Ten Thousand Steaming Heaps of Bull Cr@p
Abysmal. Why-o-why I rented this, I have no idea. I'd read the reviews (which said it stank), and I'd read user comments (which said it stank), so why did I foolishly cough up 5 bucks to prove to myself it stank? I'm a total fool.
It's miserable on so many levels. I was at least expecting a CGI bonanza, but there wasn't much there (lots of mammoths, a saber toothed cat (for 2 mins) and an emu/raptor thing (for 1 min)). Pathetically weak story, dismal acting, poorly directed action sequences, ... I really cannot think of a single saving grace. Oh yeah - the blue eyes chick looked good (and had a ready supply of make up 12000 years ago).
What happened to this guy? Independence day was great fun. The icey movie was entertaining, but not great. Now this....
I found myself checking the DVD display to find out how much more I had to suffer. Even the narrator sounded bored....
Avoid, avoid, avoid.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Faultless! A work of genius
Let me prefix this short review by saying that, I'm no fan of musicals so was somewhat apprehensive about this movie. I am, however, a long time big fan of Burton's work.
True to form, Burton's latest looks absolutely stunning. Every single camera angle is imaginative in a way that most directors could only dream of accomplishing. The desaturation of the color frames the mood perfectly, and of course there is Burton's usual contrast with this macabre scene to the brightly lit dreamworld of the pie lady.
The performances are outstanding. Depp and Bonham-Carter are perfectly cast (I wonder if Burton knows there are other actors out there!), and pull off their roles superbly. All support cast are tremendous too, although I must say I'm getting a little bored with Spall's performances - very much a one trick pony.
I'll be first in line when this comes out on DVD. In fact, I may just buy an HD/BluRay player to see this at its best.
(One issue: the picture at my local cinema had a very strange shake throughout, most noticeable when there was a bright area contrasting with the dark around it. Very strange - anyone else see this?)
The Corporation (2003)
Unbalanced and Unedited
While tending to agree with many of the sentiments expressed in this film, I found myself longing to hear voices from the 'other side'. I think without exception, all interviews were conducted with left-leaning anti-corporation advocates. Where were the interviews with the CEOs and business analysts who can present the other side of the picture. No argument is ever as cut and dried as this documentary would have you know.
Given that only one side was presented, you would have expected this film to be short and snappy. Far from it! It weights in at an almost Lord-of-the-Rings length of 2 1/2 hours. The editing throughout is generally very poor, but it was clear that the production company did not enforce limits on the length of this film. All points made are labored and repeated unnecessarily, to the point where you'll be looking for the 'FF' button to get to the next argument against corporations.
With better editing and more voices from big-business presenting the benefits of corporations, it could have been a 'must-see' documentary. I'll look forward to Corporation II though....
Annapolis (2006)
Pointless.
What I fail to understand is why this film was made. Surely it was apparent from reading the screenplay that this was unbelievable clichéd, and couldn't make its mind up whether to be an naval academy film or a boxing flick.
Filled to the brim with every cliché known to Hollywood, it seemed the film has no idea where it was going. It would have been hugely improved by concentrating less on boxing - it seemed to imply that to become a navy officer, all one has to to is be good at boxing. By that token, it surely wont be long before we see Mike Tyson as admiral of the fleet. And I don't mean to be sexist, but is there a single female boxing trainer in the world? I seriously doubt it. But it didn't stop these talented producers from making the boxing trainer a hot babe (who incidentally has no love life and hangs around in bars).
Lame, lame, lame.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Best of the six (and best of the Sith)
It really couldn't have been much better. The childishness, and jar-jar annoyances of episode I are gone. The wooden acting and occasionally poor animation from ep II are absent. Lucas has obviously listened to his detractors here, and pulled out all the stops.
What we had here was a tremendous storyline (which we all pretty much knew anyway, right?), vastly improved acting, especially from the Canadian dude, and spectacular imagery, effects and fight scenes. I really have to think hard to think of any criticisms.... I only have one...
**** spoiler alert ****
The pace of Anakin's switch at the critical moment was way too sudden. Lucas is doing well, building up to it, does great with the 'what have I done' comment after Mace takes a dive, but then, way too quickly, with no provocation from Sidious, throws in the towel, and says 'screw it, I can't arse about with this any longer, let's make Ani dark'. He goes from 'what have I done?' (indicating regret, and an affinity with the good side) to 'I'll kill whoever you want me too, master' in literally 10 seconds. Made no sense to me.
**** alert over ****
That aside, as I said at the start, it really couldn't have been much better! I haven't enjoyed a movie this much for ages.
Volcano (1997)
Pathetic!
You know the kind of film where it derives its entertainment value from being picked apart for lack of realism, cheesy effects and awful dialog? Well this is the best of its genre! My family and I spent a wonderful 90 minutes disparaging its every move. Unbelievable from start to finish, with really no positive aspects.
Lost in Translation (2003)
Somebody nudge me, I've dozed off...
With all the hype and Oscar nominations, I was expecting something special from this film. Yes, it's different from usual Hollywood fodder, but different doesn't necessarily mean worthwhile or even remotely good.
It's a terribly boring film. In waiting for something, anything, to actually happen, I thought I'd at least enjoy some comedic moments from Bill or be charmed by Scarlett, but neither happens. Bill looks as thoroughly bored as the audience, and only Scarlett's dashing smile differentiates her from the background.
Self-indulgent tedium. In a city as happening as Tokyo, it makes no sense for the characters to be bored to tears. I really hope that this film fails to garner any Oscars - to do so would only encourage Ms Coppola to give us more of this. I'll tread more carefully with her next offering.....
Agent Cody Banks (2003)
Great family movie
Went to see this on a rainy evening on vacation with my 7 & 9 year olds. They loved it, and my wife and I enjoyed the experience too. We all liked it much more than the Spy Kid movies - if you liked them, you'll love this.
Muntz is an excellent lead - charming and likeable, and the other cast members are well cast. Interesting story, good dialog, pretty decent special effects, great pace and length - what more could one ask for?
The Master of Disguise (2002)
Terrible. Absolutely terrible.
I don't think I'm capable of expressing just how truly awful this film was. It's a total mystery to me as to how it was ever made.
The storyline was inane, ludicrous and just plain weak. After the first 20 minutes or so, I thought that the 'set up' was talking way too long, but then nothing followed it! I like Dana Carvey, and would have liked to have liked this film, but it wasn't possible - it had no redeeming qualities whatsoever (with the possible exception of Jennifer Esposito).
I'm trying to recall one moment when I laughed and am singularly failing. I generally like silly humour, but there was nothing here that was remotely risable.
The impressions were good (particularly the Al Pacino), but some were pointless. What the heck was that turtle thing all about? How did the writers and producers ever contemplate for one moment that there was going to be nothing amusing about a man in a turtle suit.
Really, really terrible. Maybe Dana can't carry a film on this own - perhaps teaming up with Adam Sandler (executive producer on this travesty) for a future venture may be the best he can hope for.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
Pretentious nonsense
Having seen reviews, I didn't expect too fully understand this film. What I was not prepared for was that the film was not intended to be understood. It's a frustrating, irritating experience - and ultimately not worth the 21/2 hours. At the end of it, all I could feel was anger.
I heard people in my local video store debating the meaning and the storyline. Frankly, I don't give a damn. I don't believe that the film has any meaning or coherence, and am not prepared to waste my time trying to artificially look for something in this film: I'm convinced there is absolutely nothing there.
Don't waste your time watching it, and for heaven's sake DO NOT bother debating the meaning - there's not one.
I can't beleve the number of 10/10 votes this movie's received. As they say, "there's one born every minute!". If you voted 10 for this, can you really say you either enjoyed it, were stimulated by it or found it a wonderful cinematic experience? I don't think so. Nice art and camera work does not a film make.
Avoid, avoid, avoid. This is the last Lynch film, I'll ever see.