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Bodies (2023)
Not a bad watch, a few holes though!
A good, slow unravelling mystery that teases you through it's story arc with a decent pace.
I felt the last episode was a bit rushed in order to tie up some loose ends and explain some things. It however doesn't fully explain itself and you will be left with some questions. These questions however won't be essential to overcome in order to enjoy this series.
To be fair this is a pretty solid watch, the characters are fairly decent. Personally, I found the whole "forbidden love" story stuff a bit too much and on the nose. There are some interesting character developments and it's interesting to watch everything tie up, cross-reference and slowly reveal.
Sets, acting, directing and editing are all good. My biggest gripe was the haircut of the future-cop.
The Killer (2023)
Not in the Hollywood wheelhouse
If you're someone who's still excited to go to the cinema to watch a Disney/Marvel film, this probably isn't for you. The Assassin Genre comes with a ton of baggage-expectation these days. I think this film is going to disappoint a few that just launch straight into it without having their expectations set accordingly.
This film is not out of the Hollywood wheelhouse, doesn't follow the same silly rules, formulas or tropes as your standard Hollywood film - and that's a good thing!
It's dark and slow in places. It doesn't have your full blown out action sequences and car chases. There is action; it's tight, suspenseful and done well. The main character even has some actual character progression. If you can appreciate that then you're in for a good time.
I found the premise of the plot a little questionable but the ball gets rolled and it keeps rolling. It's a dark yet refreshing take. We're so used to seeing Assassin films where the protagonist has crazy skills but here our anti-hero is nicely grounded.
Robyn Hood (2023)
Tax Right-off gone wrong
Ok this clearly was never meant to make it to air. The script is just awful, plain right awful. I've seen "adult videos" with better scripts, production, plot and acting than this.
Characters spew their dialogue and the script is so clipped it's like the actors just wait for the other character to finishing talking before saying their line. It's like a notch above a school play but with a worse script.
The script makes zero effort to endear any of the characters too you. The main bad guy has more endearing qualities than any of the protagonists - all of whom are just portrayed as narcissistic petty criminals! Who was this made for?!? Police/Rich people = bad (is all you need to know)!
The plot is the most terrible part of the whole lot. It all feels like the someone scribbled the whole thing down in a space of half an hour while consuming mind-altering substances. Seriously how did this make it to air let alone past pre-production vetting?!
It's utter cringe garbage to the point watching it is actually funny to laugh at (not with). I loved the bit with the computer hacker guy who had to hack into a drone for "reasons" in the most utterly absurd way possible. Who seriously goes on a night heist, all dressed in black but with their "face" all lit up in LEDs?! Oh and then, in the middle of the heist, decide it's time to test the newly hacked drone?
Was funny to watch but don't think I can take anymore due to concerns over it effecting my mental wellbeing. It will damage your IQ if you attempt to think about any parts of the plot, writing this review has caused me some damage.
Extraction 2 (2023)
Big stupid.... fun
If you started to watch Extraction 2 for the plot and character development well you switched on to the wrong movie.
Personally I felt the movie peaked a little too early and I'm sure it could have avoided nearly every cliché from the book of "Top 10 over-used Clichés" if it had wanted to. I suspect this film was born from the idea of the massive fight scenes and then someone quickly filled in the excuse, opps I mean plot, to stich them together. Some of the battles I thought went on a little too long. On a lesser film this would have killed it.
The action is pretty well grounded while simultaneously being over the top. Some of the cinematography is just draw dropping and so well done it's on a next level of immersion.
The bad guys are largely cardboard cut-outs and don't be expecting any surprise twists, the plot is paper thin and easily predictable. When part of your brain starts asking "how" type questions another part needs to remind it to be quiet. Though I felt the boy in it didn't truly get his lesson fully explained to him.
It's nice to see Hemsworth in a decent role/film after the train wreck that was Thor Crud and Blunder. Overall it's just a big dumb enjoyable action movie that doesn't try to be anything that it's not. And that's just what I wanted to watch. I hope they're able to make another one that treads the thin line of great action without dropping into a farce.
The Covenant (2023)
Solid Movie
I watched this the other night but I'd wish I'd never seen any of the trailers for it as they gave away far too much.
Overall a good watch, with tight cinematography though I personally felt the music at times stole away the gravitas of some scenes.
The action scenes were pretty good, I like my gun fights scenes to be realistic and this was pretty good though we seemed to suffer the "I got infinite ammo until the plot says so" we weren't treated to ridiculous long bursts. I realise I'm delving into a critique the vast majority won't notice and/or care about so I'll leave it at that.
If you appreciate good war stories that aren't just blasty-blasty this is worth your time and it's nice to see Guy Richtie hasn't actually lost his touch after the terrible mess Operation Fumble, I'm mean Operation Fortune was.
The Night Agent (2023)
An enjoyable first season
Well this caught me off guard, I started watching it and before I knew it I was wondering if I could cram another episode in before bed.
That's not to say it's the best thing ever, It felt like a high quality low budget production and there are some rather questionable scripting "moments". But as we've seen, you can have a truck full of money and still produce a complete stinker (looking at you Amazon & Disney).
Overall it was a decent enough watch to keep me entertained. The two main leads do a good enough job and the script thankfully plants these two with their own strengths and skills that aren't encroached upon by the other. The male lead (whose name totally escapes me - sorry!!) I thought was pretty solid and certainly helped carry it through when other parts waned. Overall the script and story were pretty decent.
It's no Jack Reacher (the series) but it's a good runner up.
Citadel (2023)
2 Episodes in and... ehhhh
I wasn't sure what to expect when I started watching this so went in with a fairly open mind. I usually find it takes me a few episodes to settle into a new series so I try to be quite forgiving.
Usually when a new series starts they make sure they have a big opener and everything is well polished. The opening scene on the train was clunky in every way and honestly felt like it was mostly shot on a green-screen sound stage.
It's not long till we get "treated" to our first epic fight scene inside the worlds largest train toilet. Sadly it's chop-edited together with characters landing hard hit's on each other to no real effect. Basically it was all style over substance and didn't feel very realistic.
The plot then immediately goes into a nose-dive before it's really taken off; as the bad guy reveals what's going on. Not sure why he's revealing it to this character or why she's any different to all the other spies in the agency but I guess the writers just wanted to get this exposition dumped to the audience so they could move forward.
It all gets a rather predictable from there and everything seems rather simplified. Lost your memories? No worries, they're all in this syringe. Super-secret briefcase that's next to impossible for the bad guys to open? No worries, if you're the goodie, just wave your wrist over it and it'll virtually spring open. There are no complex characters or motivations, within the first two episodes, there's a hint their handler did something but next to no effort is needed to work out what that was already.
So far the series seems to try too hard in too many places with too many characters and all too quickly. Hopefully it gets better but as it's now on weekly release I don't know if it'll be gripping enough to stick with it.
The Consultant (2023)
A good watch
The role is perfect for Christoph Waltz, who plays Regus Patoff and he's always an absolute joy to watch on screen. But this is one of those weird shows that's always a little off kilter. The show and Regus parody corporate life and the corruption to one's ethics/life/soul(?) that can happen when "doing it for the company."
This certainly isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea and the show does leave you with a few unsolved questions. It's certainly not a full out comedy, varying degrees of dark humour are to be found. Amazingly it didn't tow the usual Hollywood "message" and we had good, interesting characters. Sometimes it feels a little over the top in places but generally I enjoyed every episode.
Watch the first two episodes before you decide if you love/hate it. I hope we some more of Regus Patoff in the future.
Velma (2023)
The Epic fails of epic fails
It's quite incredible to see just how far Hollywood of late has fallen completely out of touch with reality. I'm not sure what this mess is meant to be. It's puerile junk. For the vast majority of those who grew up watching Scooby-Doo then this is just going to be an insulting mess. If you didn't watch Scooby-Doo when you were younger then... well why are you watching this?
Velma has joined the ranks of the worst IP Appropriation of all time and is vying for the top spot; Rings of Power, Witcher: Blood Origin, Resident Evil and Willow. It seems the Hollywood machine remains locked on a path to erase the past, rewrite the narratives and destroy original works. We can only hope this mess goes on to wake up the Hollywood machine from it's deluded fever-dream.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Top Gun = Top Fun
A great fun movie to watch, I can't help but think everyone (myself included) likes this so much simply because of the wave of dross "content" both at the cinema and streaming spaces we'd had to endure for the most part of 2022.
So yeah maybe it's getting an extra star than it truly deserves. Honestly it feels like we've had nothing but hot muddy puddle water to drink and Maverick comes along and it feels like pure mountain filtered water and ice cubes.
Anyway enough of the state of entertainment. This film is just fun to watch. The world and it's characters feel firmly planted. It's the flight sequences that really standout, going that extra mile to film these away from some greenscreen sound stage really comes across on screen. Quite the visceral experience to watch, the cinematography here certainly warrants an extra star.
Some parts of the film just seem a bit over the top and too far fetched. In most, that's the earlier part of the film with the super jet Maverick is flying.
You already know what kind of film you're going in to watch and it doesn't disappoint. You're not going to get any dramatic plot twists or character revelations, the story is your fairly typical popcorn-movie plot but it's all done and shot superbly.
The Witcher: Blood Origin (2022)
Lazy appropriation trying to ride on the coat tails of something great
Oh this could have been good. Rich lore of The Witcher, some decent actors and a reasonable production budget. How did it all go so wrong?
Well it appears when you try to bake in seven "main" characters never seen before and then try to ram them into 4 episodes you don't get much character development. There's also not much room for plot development either. As such, you're left with paper thin characters and plot so weak when you think about it, it makes zero sense. Any of the reasonings behind everything are just razor thin contrivances that happen only because the plot needs it to.
The world in which the people with pointy ears are pretending to be Elves is so badly fleshed out. It's meant to be a different world with a different race yet there's nothing distinct or unique about it. They also must have some form of radio or TV system despite living in a middle age like society as news of major events is able to spread around the "world" in mere minutes.
I really don't know where the showrunners were trying to go here and it really doesn't help that the whole thing feels like someone took a chainsaw to edit the final cut. The result is the show tries in places for some character development but these feels like skits shoehorned in just serve as filler content as their relevancy ends up being worthless.
I would have scored this higher if it hadn't been attached to The Witcher IP, there's much to draw from in that but it seems only 3 things were taken: Elves, Witchers and the Conjunction event, everything else and in between feels like it was a bullet point made up on the spot. This just reeks of lazy appropriation trying to ride on the coat tails of something great.
Reminds me of the naff content we used to get on the Sci-Fi channel, really expected better here! And if this is the direction the main Witcher series is going then you can count me out.
6 Underground (2019)
The Green Lantern Replacement
I watched this last name as I noticed it on Netflix. I love action movies and am totally fine with paper thin plots and one dimensional characters. More than happy to just switch my brain off, sit back and watch the action unfold.
But this? This was an absolute waste. I'm of the impression that if anyone with some sense could re-edit this into a coherent film. It appears to have been directed by a child with ADHD who was simultaneously being attacked by ants. The camera can't keep still or focused on anything for a few seconds. The story chops all over the place with so much frequency and unpredictability it's like having an entire movie described to you by a 7 year old who tells you the 'cool' bits then remembers about plot, another cool bit, oh some characters and if you ask, maybe some more plot. If you've never had that experience then watch this and...no actually just don't watch this full stop.
Ryan Reynolds plays Ryan Reynolds and he probably could have saved this badly stitched collection of clips had he be on screen for longer than 9 seconds and allowed to say more than 3 sentences together. Ryan Reynolds often sites Green Lantern as the worst movie he ever made, well he can definitely now start siting this diabolical mess instead. And if you want to watch the movie simply "because Ryan Reynolds" then you're better off just sitting through Green Lantern (again).
Avoid, avoid, avoid. No wonder it didn't go to cinema. Michael Bay needs to go back to directing school and should not be allowed to direct films without adult supervision again.
Ad Astra (2019)
No glue
The movie lacks anything to cement it together. There are a number of scenes in the movie that feel like have just been added to attract audiences and (try) to keep them in their seats; most notably the lunar buggy chase that the trailer was hinged on. Maybe without the action scenes this movie would have worked a lot better as with them it feels a bit schizophrenic.
There are some fantastic space shots and it feels like the movie makers wanted to do a 2001: A Space Odyssey movie as Ad Astra plods along in a very monotone way showing slightly lengthy space scenes.
However that's where it stops, I do wonder if this is a film that's fallen foul to being too heavily cut. Poignant scenes or lines are short or muttered and as a result there doesn't feel like any real energy or suspense built. Coupled by the monotone delivery and pace; by the time things start to come to a-head you don't much care.
There are some fantastic actors in this movie yet they are not properly used and not given a decent script. Shame, I wanted to like it.
Apache Warrior (2017)
Sounded like a good watch - wasn't
This sounded very interesting to watch; camera footage captured from a real mission. I don't wish to detract from what those poor pilots and crew went through - but this 'docu-movie' is purely terribly stretched out and downright manipulative viewing.
There was a reasonable story to be told and there is some decent footage yet it's chopped together. You end up watching the same footage over and over where the producers try to create drama for the sake of it. When I realised the filmmakers were doing this sort of nonsense I found myself caring less and waiting for the next reveal. Sadly this type of presentation, I felt, did a real disservice to those soldiers.
There's nothing more to really say; if you like these reality-type-documentaries where drama is constantly drummed up over everything then you might enjoy this. If you want something where the facts are properly and concisely presented; avoid.
Gemini Man (2019)
Cardboard Man
I had to force myself to continue watching after the opening scene where our "uber-leet" assassin shoots a guy through the window of a train moving at 230+km/h from some distance away. I guess they thought they'd avoid any sort of John Wick or Shooter type set up and go with the utterly implausible. Don't know why they didn't go a little extra, have him blindfolded and spin around as he pulled the trigger, could of had a couple of seconds of bullet time watching the round curve around and hit the target Wanted-style.
So I suspended my disbelief and continued to watch, Amazingly our 'hero' never picks up another sniper rifle and all but looses this ability to make impossible shots. The plot is paper thin and the characters are frankly cardboard cut-outs. For these action film-types you don't usually care yet the story tries to force you to care. All in all, it's extremely predictable.
The effects are well done but in parts it feels like a modern Steven Seagal movie, where he'd gotten too old and eaten too many pies so they had to do camera trickery and speed up film. Here there are some decent action scenes but they feel very CGI generated in places. The Young Will Smith face is 98% there, some times you see him and you can tell it's not quite right. That's not what ruins half the action scenes though, it's the CGI instead of real stunts stuff that wrecks it because some parts of it wouldn't be out of place in a Spiderman movie.
In Conclusion:
Sadly nothing special is brought to the table, the whole Young Will Smith thing does nothing and could have been achieved with a younger actor regardless of all the CGI like say... Looper. Action scenes mostly fail to bring any authenticity because of the overuse of CGI. Watch only if bored and have booze on hand.
The Mandalorian (2019)
Fresh & Gritty. Watch this. I have spoken. (But not S3!)
Well underneath is my original review. Sadly the series has lost it way. It's plain to see some Disney executive has come along and stuck their oar in and messed things up.
Season 3's writing quality just dropped off a cliff. Poor old "Mando" ends up as pretty much a side character in his own story and if you opted not to watch (the awful) Book of Bobba Fett you're going to be mightily confused given how season 2 ended.
Season 3 limps around trying to drive some "epic" plot but it just full of nonsense and filler moments that happen because it would look good on screen.
I guess that part of my brain wouldn't just shut up; why is this person doing this, what's this got to do with anything, where did that come from, why is that there, how can that do that, how come.... - pesky, annoying questions. Which is weird because there was the screen time to flesh things out but the camera was focused on random nonsense or some useless story arc that should have been dropped. In a way it felt like two or more independent writers worked on their own stories then someone shuffled it all together and gave it a light skim read and called it a finished script.
Not sure what happened to Mando after BOBF but in Season 3 he's a bit of a wet fish and I can't help but feel this season (3) should have just been spun off into some Bokatan series instead - as that's what it is at heart. You could probably just watch the last two episodes and easily fill in any of the blanks.
I think it tries too hard on an epic storyline (which is pretty basic) and fails on all the small details. That being said the last episode was a good watch, mainly because Mando was allowed to shine again.
We've seen what can happen when the Disney exec's don't stick their nose in and mess things up (Andor), sadly this needs to happen more often.
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Original Review:
Finally a Star Wars that feels like it's not just there to peddle merch to kids.
I binged through the first 3 episodes last night and have to say it's spot on. Welcome to a dark gritty Star Wars with perfect attention to detail. The blend of puppet characters and CGI is done perfectly, they nailed it. There are many things that stay true and relate to the original Star Wars so it feels very honest in many regards.
Production quality is top notch, like top notch for a movie let alone a series. Editing was good, my only minor (petty?) criticism is there were some slightly '"too-fast-too-many-cuts" during one shoot out scene. Overall it's well shot and flows smoothly.
The plot is fairly basic but when you have a main character that barely says anything then there's limited scope. You also don't see his face (and presumably never will) so it's hard to connect with the character. That being said, it all works and Pedro Pascal is able to inject sufficient humanity in when needed.
Some provided background into the Mandalorians themselves would have been good for the uninitiated but as with the whole thing; the series feeds you enough tidbits of information to keep it all flowing.
Hopefully the story doesn't cause the grittiness, rawness and in many regards savageness to degrade. If the remaining episodes can keep on as the first three then we're on to something good here. In many ways I'm surprised Disney gave this the green light but I'm so glad they did.
Now, if we could just see an episode where he shoots Jar-Jar Binks in the face...
Angel Has Fallen (2019)
Too Fast Too... FBI(?)
Ok you've seen this all before, it's basic plot, basic characters. You can guess the virtually everything that's going to happen. There's no clever plot twists, no thought provoking moments.
But that's not why you watch these types of movies. The plot is just an excuse for the Secret Service Agent Mike Banning (Gerard Butler) to shoot, stab and beat up a bunch of bad guys for the third time. It's an easy, switch your brain off movie with some decent gun battles and fight scenes.
The actors playing cops/army/bad guys do a fairly decent job, they at least appear to be trained in firearms and tactics so they appear reasonably competent/believable on screen unlike a lot of other movies. There are some occasional ropey CGI effects but decent production value, well put together.
Sit back, switch off, enjoy.
See (2019)
Ham and Cheese
Desperate for something new to watch I tried the first episode of this last night. Premise seemed interesting, a future world of blind people that have regressed to a medieval like culture. Sadly it started off weak and slipped down hill faster than the boulders the villagers release from their wall to fight off an attack.
Every character feels like a caricature, I really tried to roll with it but everything from characters to plot was so dull and cheesey while it tries to be so serious. Coupled with some hammy performances it comes together like water and oil. The only inspiring thing about this is the premise, there is nothing new here and worse there's nothing exciting.
Usually I give a series a couple of episodes before dismissing it but I barely made it through the first one and cannot stomach the thought of more. Reading the reviews here it seems like Marmite; you're either going to love it or hate it.
Sure give it a go but you'll most likely feel like you've just gotten off the dullest, slowest under-5's-only roll-coaster in the park.
Fringe (2008)
The Pattern is "Limp"
I've watched all the episodes aired so far, the idea of the show sounded like it could be fun but it's delivery is just poor. I guess I been watching it in the hope it'd get better but frankly, it just gets worse.
The plots are paper thin at best, the series continues to string you along with the ongoing investigation into "The Pattern" (a bunch of weird scientific events that happen all over the world). The lead character Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv) is horribly delivered, she must have gone to the Steven Segal school of acting because she nearly always looks annoyed or angry. Her character she spends, what feels like, most of the time moping over her boyfriend/partner. The end result is a fairly grating experience to watch.
The only two good characters are Peter and Walter Bishop (Joshua Jackson & John Noble) but they struggle to make any real presence with the awful scripts handed to them. Walter Bishop's quirky character elevates some of the pain but then his mental health issue tends to get over used in each script. (they're the only reason for the extra star in the rating) The bad guys are ridiculously one dimensional, when caught or cornered they'll purposely get themselves killed - like they're fanatics. It's more a cheap get-out-of-supply-answers mechanic used by lazy writers. They're made out to be extremely cunning, going to any selfless lengths to reach their goal. It just doesn't wash, especially given the nature of the show.
If you watch the episode "The Arrival" you'll get a good scope on just how weak and stupid the show is able to get. The rest aren't much better.
I'd be very surprised if this makes it to a second series, it sure doesn't deserve it, far better programmes have sunk for less. If you enjoy thin-stupid plots, no tangible answers, awful lead character and a lot of melodrama then you'll like this.
"Someone is experimenting and the whole world is their lab" - yes, someone is experimenting with rubbish television.
Burn Notice (2007)
Outstanding
I watched the pilot and a couple of episodes and I knew, for sure, this was something I'd really enjoy. I've now finished watching the first season.
It's gone from strength to strength, the characters are good and well delivered. They're given good scripts to work from and the result is a fun show to watch. It's not something to watch too seriously, there's a good blend of serious and fun in all the right places. Jeffrey Donovan as Michael Westen does a stand up job - it's the first time I've come across this actor and he shines well in the role. I look forward to seeing more from him.
Each episode evolves Michael helping out someone while at the same time trying to work out who and why he'd been burned (black listed as a spy). The writers have got the mix right; you're given a good plot to enjoy, Michael uses his spy knowledge and, in places, almost Macguyver like skills to reach a goal. At the end of an episode you get a satisfactory result to that plot and another answer/step towards to main series-plot. You come away from the screen happy and eagerly awaiting the next episode.
Partnered up with his buddies Fiona (Gabrielle Anwar) and Sam (Bruce Campbell) the episodes come across as fresh and enjoyable. They add spice to the show and go a long way to making it the fun ride that it is. I particularly enjoy Bruce Campbell's character, my other half is much more partial to Fiona (or Fi as she's more commonly called), more testament to good scripting and actors.
My only criticisms is that Michael seems to be too much of a saint - people offer him lots of money for the jobs he does but he barely takes a penny - when people offer him their life savings this feels justified and makes sense but there's some cases where you wonder why on earth he doesn't. And then there's the situations when someone tries to kill him he does nearly anything but shot them. Initially, from watching the pilot, I was expecting something a tiny bit darker and a little more serious but then the programme probably wouldn't have worked as well.
I hesitate to give it 10/10 but frankly, thinking about it, it's the most enjoyable show I've seen on television for a long time.
The Shepherd (2008)
The bunny was the best actor
Honestly awful film, bad editing, awful lighting, dire dialog and scrappy screenplay.
The lighting at is so bad there's moments you can't even see what's going on, I even tried to playing with the contrast and brightness so I could see something but that didn't help.
They must have found the script in a bin, the character development is just as awful and while you hardly expect much from a Jean-Claude Van Damme film this one manages to hit an all time low. You can't even laugh at the cheesy'ness.
The directing and editing are also terrible, the whole film follows an extremely tired routine and fails at every turn as it bumbles through the plot that is so weak it's just unreal.
There's not a lot else to say other than it's really bad and nothing like Jean-Claude Van Damme's earlier work which you could enjoy.
Avoid like the plaque, frankly words fail me in condemning this "film".
Domino (2005)
Gah
Awful film. I had this misfortune to watch this last night - it's one of those films where I've had to watch something else immediately after wards so I can put it to the back of my mind.
The whole jerky, jarring, zoom-in quick camera work is just plain awful. You can see why it was done; to distract you from the storyline and characters. Really it's just a simple plot told from middle to start to middle to end with a lot of extra junk thrown in to make it appear more complicated and gloss over the stupid/bizarre plot holes.
The movie is totally killed by the stupid camera work and editing which ruins what might have been an OK film. The shoot out at the end of the film is actually boring thanks again to the shoddy camera angles. I utterly failed to connect with any of the characters and found myself not caring in the slightest when some of them died.
Only reason I didn't give this a 1 was because the acting wasn't utterly cringe-some. For a movie with such established actors in to be so bad is a feat in itself.