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Reviews
Killerdeului suda (2001)
Absolutely hilarious film about hitmen
This is an extremely funny movie that parodies some of the ubiquitous filmmaking cliches in asian action movies. /very minor spoilers below/
Hilarious jabs are dealt to:
* Hitmen turning sentimental when ordered to murder a girl they fall in love with ("She was pregnant!")
* Overzealous moviecops ("Know why I want him killed so much? I just don't like him.")
* Use of advanced weaponry and technology ("You're not James Bond so what's all these gadgets for?")
* Convoluted complex plans ("I can't kill him with lung cancer!")
* Strict professionalism and secrecy of assassins ("We're not people who kill for someone, and we've never done it.")
* Sudden cheesy exclamations of love ("As they embraced my lesson on true love, they couldn't say anything, and our living room was a melting pot of emotions.")
* Conflicts between brothers
* Cool camera angles
* Standard gentleman rivalvry between cop and robber ("I know you won't shoot me unless you're hired to.")
All in all, an excellent film for those who enjoy the genre. Highly recommended. Especially notice the scene where they can't help but laughing themselves when supposed to be crying, it's a killer (no pun intended).
Peace
25th Hour (2002)
Sad but good
This is a well-acted, moving, engrossing, although depressing film.
That's not why I'm writing this comment though. I'm writing it because I am deeply surprised that the pretty straight-forward plot could be misunderstood by so many of the previous commenters, all of whom seem to have disliked the movie as well. For example, one commenter is derisive of the plot since he believes the arrest, interrogation and prisongoing occur on the same day. Ever heard of flashbacks? Several others don't seem to realize that the final scene is a nothing but a dream.
(One criticism that IS legitimate is the fact that in many movies, including this one, small time street dealers are portrayed to have kilos of coke and millions of dollars. Obviously moviemakers have little understanding of the hierarchy of drug selling. To make millions you don't sell 5$ rocks on the corner, you sell to the guy who sells to the guy who sells to the guy on the street. Anyways, a minor fault but an irritating one.)
All in all, a great film.
Peace
Blast from the Past (1999)
Quite funny film
OK, I admit it, for some strange reason I love all of Brendan Fraser's movies.
This one is no exception. The casting is great (except for Alicia Silverstone, who makes faces like she's just been to the bathroom and thrown up, which isn't entirely impossible, and she lacks any kind of chemistry and she is whiny and has a grating voice and should shut the f**k up and just accept she is a fat has-been).
The film has a nice retro feel to it, OK, the premise demands suspension of disbelief but I tend to be more forgiving of comedies than other movies.
Nothing mind blowing, but I dig it and I dig George of the Jungle and I dig the Mummy, take it for what it is or don't see these movies. Perfect for a Sunday afternoon when you got nothing to do.
Peace
Gangs of New York (2002)
I am discombobulated
This is a morally bankrupt, confused, fragmented, overly long, logically ridiculous mess of a bad movie. Please explain the greatness of this film, omitting the opinion that it looks good.
*Spoilers*
I have read comments here claiming this movie is realistic. Really though. Street fighting women donning steel claws a lá the worst Mad Max inspired Hong Kong action movies. Phony accents. Over-played opera style bad guys. Beautiful 19th century hookers. Comic book sets. Does anyone here believe this is an accurate description of 19th century street life, gang violence and grittiness? It's so stylized it's ridiculous. I really can't understand the criticisms against the violence depicted, since Bugs Bunny seems more realistic and violent to me.
I have read comments here praising moral standpoints of this movie. What??? First off, how the f**k could anyone sympathize with the main character? Sure, his father is killed in a street fight, but his father is a murderous gang leader, presumably no more or less evil than over the top Bill Mr Butcher Dude. But Vallon prays to God and is called Priest, so it's OK for him to murder. Obviously, at this time the *Irish* gangs were good and wholesome, but the English, Polish, Italian gangs were evil and mindless... Yeah sure I really can buy the notion that the Irish gangs were benign, non-racist and egalitarian. They even had a token black, in a role that is *extremely* believable. The notion that in any gang warfare there is a good side and a bad side should appeal to all you half-wits out there.
And the poor mob are good guys too. OK, in a climactic scene they loot, murder, lynch blacks, steal, burn, destroy utilities and try to make the North lose the Civil War, but they really are morally upright. You feel *genuinely* sorry for the mob when the army puts the riot down. Obviously, the mob has a right to cause mayhem and destruction and massacre unhindered. After all, they were being drafted in part to fight against slavery. Why should they do that? They were *clearly* right to murder and steal instead.
So where does this movie stand? Some of the time it seems to side with the rioters plundering wealthy and killing blacks. As a pathetic attempt to deflect criticisms outlined above, it tries to portray the Irish gangs as the non-racist side. This ploy is so obvious and laughable that anyone being fooled by it should buy a brain. Irish police are known to loooove blacks since time immemorial.
A disgusting mercenary killer is shown as a great candidate for high-level law enforcement duties. This guy loots the dead Priest's pockets for blood money, and is still considered a hero by young Mr Pretty Boy Very Believable Tough Guy Street Fighter Caprio. When I elect a Sheriff I really want a 44 time killer as my appointee. Just as long as he's *Irish* I know he's good and kind anyways. As long as you murder non-Irish you are benevolent.
Pretty Boy hates Butcher Dude, and Butcher Dude hates Pretty Boy. Yet none of them puts out a contract on the other. Indeed, PB saves BD's life, and BD spares PB's life. BD only mutilates PB's face, and since this movie is so realistic his face is completely healed and reconstructed one scene later. Then, they "Challenge According to the Ancient Rules of Battle". I always do that too. I usually dress up in really ridiculous costumes and dance violent ballet in the streets with my Mad Max weaponry. That's really how it was done in days of old you know.
To sum up: Irish gangs are good, socially conscious, and non-racist, all other gangs are bad. Irish love blacks, but won't fight against slavery. Everyone wears ludicrous costumes like in Clockwork Orange. The person to sympathize with is the Pretty Boy, then you can't go wrong. Don't sweat the logic, just sit three hours through this bulls**t operatic mess and claim you've seen something significant.
And when does the horn-helmeted blond braided-hair fat broad jump in singing and swinging a battle-axe? In my imaginary cut the movie ends by Helga jumping in and dancing a little Irish jig, wielding a razor sharp neon-pink dildo she plunges in Pretty Boy's stomach, after which she delivers a stunning aria. I promise you, this scene would not have made the movie worse. Nuff said.
Peace
The 51st State (2001)
Awful awful awful awful awful awful
This is probably the most idiotic film I have ever seen. EVER. And I promise you, I have seen some stupid films in my time. If you can believe anyone would pay 20 million dollars just for the formula of a drug noone has even tried, I truly envy your lack of grasp on reality. And there is more...
***Spoilers ahead***
A drug FIFTYONE times more hallucinogenic than acid, caused by the power of suggestion... Oh yeah, this is the incredibly lame premise of the movie. The drug in question in the film, POS-51, is a placebo, it has no real effect, yet people imagine the drug to work cause the massively overrated actor Samuel L. Jackson tells them to. You think you wouldn't notice if you took something 51 times stronger than coke and E and LSD combined? A couple of hundred of clubbers pop the drug, and miraculously are convinced by the magic power of suggestion.
Truly, if you have an IQ higher than that of a houseplant, AVOID THIS MOVIE, I promise you will be disappointed.
I can't believe this film got relatively good ratings here. It makes me depressed that anyone could accept the concept of this movie. I think I have to drink some imaginary beers now, 51 times more intoxicating than vodka.
Peace
To End All Wars (2001)
Low budget Christian POW film
OK, if that one-line summary didn't discourage you, I have a few comments in part caused by the totally uncritical reviews I have seen posted here. First off, this film is obviously low budget, with scenes of the actual war restricted to black and white still photos, and the actual film only involving like three people plus extras. Secondly, the moral of the film, which repeatedly is shoved down the viewers throat, is nauseatingly clichefied Christian ethics, turn the other cheek style, with the not very original core content of "Hatred consumes you", "Forgiveness is divine", "Love your enemy", etc you get my drift. The bad guy in the film is the prisoner that dreams of escape and freedom, albeit with an unrealistic plan. The good guy is the prisoner which motivates the POWs to work even harder for the Japanese, finishing the railroad ahead of schedule. This moral is highly dubious. Moreover, the complex psychological and moral issues explored in "The bridge on the river Kwai", such as the Stockholm Syndrome of growing to be loyal to your captors, and how hard a POW should work to aid the enemy, are blatantly absent. Instead, this film recommends that you love your tormentors and work as hard as you can for the Emperor. If you are a Christian Disney loving person, why not see this movie. If you would consider revenge if someone tortured and killed all your family, in other words if you are a human being, this movie has you cast as the villain, so avoid.
Signs (2002)
Idiotic story line acceptable only to 5-year-olds or morons
Despite being well-made and occasionally effective, this movie is just too retarded to accept. The story line is riddled with OBVIOUS flaws and inconsistencies.
***Minor spoilers ahead***
How about the idea that aliens with technology advanced enough for space travel, and strong enough too jump to the top of a barn roof in one leap, can't open a thin wooden door?
Aliens start an all out war with absolutely NO weapons?
Or the fact that aliens travel, without any protection (not even umbrellas), to a planet consisting of 2/3 immediately deadly poison? Dewy morning crops? Air humidity? Rain?
Aliens can navigate across vast galaxies, yet need to carve crude crop circles in order to find their way on our small planet?
***End of spoilers***
If you can watch a movie that totally ignores the eventual intelligence of the viewer, and indeed repeatedly insults it, then maybe this movie is for you. Otherwise, AVOID...