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Reviews
Mysterious Skin (2004)
Nothing entertains quite like human brutality.
If only I could rate this film in the negative numbers... I HATED this movie. Because I'm a woman? Because I'm a parent? Because I'm squeamish when faced with a representation of the vilest aspects of our society? Probably all of the above. Violence and sexual abuse -- against women, children, OR men -- is reprehensible. Making a voyeuristic film about it is even worse. I wish I had turned it off at the beginning. I think it was the only film I've ever seen (other than Friday the 13th when I was a kid) that made me cover my eyes. Now, because of my inability to just say NO, I have horrible images seared into my memory. The parents who allowed their children to be a part of this film disgust me.
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead (2003)
An unusual combination of offensive and boring.
Revenge for the rape of a brother is a twist, but not a very interesting one (especially given the psychological claptrap used as a motive). There is little suspense (unless impatience counts), dull characters (the dead guy being the possible exception), and an ending that most definitely wasn't worth the wait.
The casting wasn't obviously poor, although the 20-some year age difference between Clive Owen and Charlotte Rampling -- albeit a beautiful woman -- was difficult to fathom. Could it be the writer felt that only an older woman would be so desperate as to fall in love with a ruthless gangster? Jonathan Rhys-Meyers was believable as a fun-loving drug dealer, and Malcolm McDowell in the role of the Bad Guy was hardly a stretch. Even so, we are presented with yet another film that could have been happily left unmade, with the money being better spent on the study of the formation of pocket lint.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
My New Worst Movie Ever
It's sad that so many people suffer from the profound need to publicly embarrass themselves and film it for posterity. It is comforting, however, to know that we Americans don't have a corner on the crass market.
This film is so far on the creative fringe it's more like creative lint. Here we have an inane movie about Jesus (with a hip thrift store makeover) lamely attempting to hunt down the light-insensitive vampires who are feeding on the lesbians of Ottawa. The script is poorly written, amateurishly acted, and features a couple of the most ill-conceived musical numbers ever produced. And let's not forget a soundtrack that's probably quite popular in the elevators of Hell.
I suspect everyone involved in the production of this gem was stoned. Remember folks, even spoofs and satire require talent.
Ed and His Dead Mother (1993)
Awful
A fun premise with a poor script and unfortunate casting. Sam Jenkins as Storm (dumb name for a dull as drizzle character) and, most especially, Miriam
Margoyles as Mother, who, while not untalented, was so ridiculous in this part it was actually painful to watch. Even the fine skills of Steve Buscemi, Ned Beatty, and John Glover couldn't save this film. Not so much a dark comedy as a misguided attempt to lampoon unscrupulous salesmen and mamma's boys, it was rightfully sent directly to video, but would have been best never having been made at all.