Change Your Image
originaladster
Reviews
Stranded (2001)
I've had better sh*ts than this.
Sweet merciful Christ...I have actually excreted more worthy things into the toilet than this film.
The only possible reason this has 5.2 out of 10 is simply because of Gallo's bug-eyed presence and all things said and done...he's not bad...at playing Vincent Gallo.
I don't know the ins and outs of this film's production (got it for 24p from Somerfield...oh yeah..) but the script was the most hilarious thing ever put into action. With sparky dialogue like "I'm a geologist. That's how I know to keep my feet on the ground" I really don't know how this missed that Best Original Screenplay gong at the Academy.
Also, the subtle methods of weaving in plot details by comatose voice-over was genius. I'm now spending my time debating just what level of heroin consumption could possibly imbue the actors with their clear passion and unstoppable zeal for the project. That newsreader in the intro? If he's not dead in a gutter by now he's immune to narcotics. I literally wondered whether he was gonna keel over or vomit or something whilst spouting "What's it like...*sigh* I mean *deep breath* you're flying around Mars....*vomits* (off screen)" Please please save yourself, even die-hard Gallo-ers, don't watch this offence to cinema. Light your eyes on fire and see how many times you can blink before losing consciousness. It would be more fun. Seriously.
Dog Soldiers (2002)
British version of Aliens, best lads film in years
This has to be one of the most purely fun, quotable British films, nay, action movies, I've seen in a long time. Yes sometimes the "serious" sections of the script are a little lacklustre, but the cheesy one liners, pitch black comedy and pure British humour more than make up for it(Darren Morfitt (Spoon) is actually from my town....He's a 'Pooly through and through!)
Darren Morfitt (Spoon) in my and all my friends opinions completely stole the show and had the best line of all, but I won't reveal it as my friends did to me, I'll just let you enjoy it when it comes around :) That isn't to say the other actors don't give superb performances, Kevin McKidd was probably the most "human" character (no pun intended), with Liam Cunningham's Special Forces operative absolutely seething with evil, why he isn't up there with Alan Rickman as a great Brit Bad guy is beyond me... Also special mention should go to Sean Pertwee's cockernee Sgt. who (in my opinion) is always good even if the film is the most dire piece of offal (Anyone but me actually see "Talos the Mummy"?)
For the relatively tiny budget of the movie (3.5 million) the cast and crew have accomplished sooo much. The werewolves look fantastic and, despite what some reviews say, we don't see too much of them, fleeting silhouettes etc are all we see for the most part which really adds to the tension and as the film progresses the werewolves come more and more into view as you would expect.
One thing this film does accomplish though is that we actually WANT the main characters to win and kick the sh*t out of those hairy b*stards. Which Spoon does very well towards the end of the film...good ol' local boy :D we're very proud of him here in Hartlepool, brings a tear to the eye :').
So, go and see it, with mates, drag the girlfriend if she's into this sort of thing, it's got machine guns, shotguns, explosions, intestines, nine foot tall werewolves, more intestines and some of the blackest humour since Peter Jackson last touched the genre. Big, hairy fun, should make a great beer film when it comes out on DVD.