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TheNiggardlyTimes
Reviews
The Tutor (2023)
Noah Schnapp ruined this
This could have been a decent movie but the effete Noah Schnapp ruined this movie, pulling it down into a pit of no talent waste. The film's execution, art direction, writing etc are all at worst serviceable and at times not too bad but the inclusion of a supposed actor like schnapp derailed the movie. He just isn't good enough to carry his own with this cast. As a result every scene he is in feels like it's missing a really important piece of the puzzle and the movie winds up trash. The producers should have taken the time to find a genuine talent and not an influencer-grade talking head to showcase. Skip this.
Harlan Coben's Shelter (2023)
Tovah Feldshue ruined this
Tovah Feldshue was once a somewhat talented actress but now she is just a genocide enthusiast hag. Shelter falters significantly, largely due to Tovah Feldshue's campy overacting, a glaring misstep that mars the entire viewing experience. Feldshue's theatrical performance not only feels out of sync with the tone of the show but becomes a distracting impediment to genuine engagement with the storyline. The exaggerated delivery undermines the series' attempts at authenticity, leaving the audience more focused on the over-the-top acting than the narrative itself. This casting choice hampers the potential for emotional depth and connection with the characters, ultimately steering "Shelter" away from its intended impact. The result is a disappointing series that fails to deliver on its storytelling promises, overshadowed by the drawbacks of Feldshue's performance.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
IDF in space
This show blends some interesting aspects of modern life and warfare into a pseudo-sci-fi franchise. Great acting but it rings too true to contemporary events and as a result starts to feel like propaganda. Propaganda being put out at a time when need nothing remotely like that. This is not all that bad. It's way better than most of the stuff being put out into the world. A lot of explaining instead of showing and doing but some great effects also. Lots and lots of explaining and you feel like you need a masters degree in snyderology to understand what is going on. Seems like a thinly veiled comment on current events.
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
This is why the world hates Hollywood
Preposterous, repulsive, mindless Ameritrash. You lot just don't get it, do you? Sewage like this is the main reason we hate you so much - your sickening, blinkered love affair with yourselves and your stubborn refusal to credit any other nation with any good points at all. Spielberg even had to drop in a disparaging comment about Field Marshal Montgomery, who is still a national hero in England. I'm thankful none of the money I spent on this filth (a pound in a charity shop) will find its way into American pockets. Incidentally, I can't agree with those criticising the portrayal of the Germans. Whether or not individuals were keen to be in occupied countries is irrelevant - they all bore some responsibility for laying waste a whole continent and the murder or enslavement of its population. I've felt for years that the whole of Germany should have been handed over to the Russians in 1945 - they'd have handed out adequate punishment.
Three Christs (2017)
Eighty eight reasons to not watch this
I've got eighty eight reasons for you to not watch this garbage and all them are Julianna Margulies. This woman can't act her way out of wet paper bag with help from the audience. It's almost as if she's trying to bully the watchers into believing her completely inadequate performance is an amazing feat. Julianna MarguLIES is not a talented actress. It's too bad because this film could have been ok had it not been for her participation. But because she is in it, it is an unbearable endless grating on one's nerves. Why can't Hollywood find more talented actresses? Who sound like women and not livestock?
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2020)
Skip this trash
One of the worst written movies ever produced and considering what kind of garbage Hollywood has made over the last 88 years that is really saying something. That the script got nominated for any kind of award let alone an Oscar? The "academy" is beyond a joke at this point. Was not one funny moment in this disgrace of a travesty of a film. Only good if you need to sleep and being bored by this film will help. The only good thing that can be said about this drainage is that it's short, clocking in at just over 90 minutes. Can you imagine if this disgrace went on for one hundred and nine minutes? Viewers would be ready to self harm. Skip this trash.
Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact (2023)
Was this supposed to be funny?
Schindler's List is a funnier movie and it's not a comedy. Seriously I can't imagine less funny individual to be headlining an actual comedy movie. I had to make an emergency contact after trying to watch this garbage, I had to change the channel. This trash is representative of how low Hollywood has sunk, trying to bully audiences into thinking pure drainage is funny when it is not. Amy Rachel Schumer is simply not funny. Not funny. Fat, but not funny. Boring but not funny. I wish I hadn't wasted time out of my life watching this total trash. Watching TikTok is way more fun and entertaining and has way more talent.
Heart of Stone (2023)
Gadot away
"Heart of Stone" starring Gal Gadot falls flat on multiple fronts. The film's plot is a convoluted mess, attempting to blend espionage with a forced romantic subplot, leaving viewers bewildered rather than engaged. Gadot's performance, stale and unimpressive, cannot salvage the lackluster script and underdeveloped characters. The action sequences lack the intensity expected from a spy thriller, and the overall execution feels uninspired. The attempt at creating a strong, empowered female lead comes across as contrived, missing the mark set by successful predecessors. "Heart of Stone" ultimately disappoints, offering little more than a showcase of missed opportunities and a reminder that an untalented cast can't rescue a poorly crafted film. Gal should move to Israel and be a ballaboosta at a brothel.
Emancipation (2022)
Nonsense
Emancipation is a film that sadly falls short of its potential. Despite the complete lake of talent of its lead actor, Will Smith, the film's execution leaves much to be desired. The plot, which follows a runaway slave during the Civil War, had the potential to be a compelling and thought-provoking historical drama. Or a hysterical comedy.
However, the film's portrayal of this significant period in American history feels superficial and fails to do justice to the gravity of the subject matter. Will Smith's performance, while usually ok, seems terrible, with moments that come across as forced or exaggerated. Will Smith monkeyed up another almost good movie.
American Crime Story (2016)
OJ season is simply superb TV
The OJ season is a riveting masterpiece that brilliantly encapsulates the infamous O. J. Simpson trial. This series, with its exceptional storytelling and stellar performances, is nothing short of perfection.
John Travolta's portrayal of Robert Shapiro is a revelation, capturing the attorney's charisma and cunning with uncanny precision. Sarah Paulson's portrayal of Marcia Clark is equally impressive, bringing depth and humanity to a character who was often misunderstood during the real-life trial.
The show's meticulous attention to detail, from the period-accurate costumes to the courtroom reenactments, immerses viewers in the tumultuous atmosphere of the '90s. The script is both intelligent and thought-provoking, shedding light on the racial and social tensions of the era.
"The People v. O. J. Simpson" not only serves as a gripping legal drama but also as a powerful commentary on the complexities of race, fame, and justice in America. It's a must-watch for anyone who appreciates top-tier television. And it was great how they showed Darden monkeying it up all the time just like real life.
Barcelona (1994)
Another Witt Stihlmann disgrace
This nonsense left me utterly disappointed. This film attempts to explore the complexities of American expatriates in Spain, but it falls flat on multiple fronts.
First and foremost, the pacing is excruciatingly slow. The film meanders through mundane conversations and lacks any real sense of direction, making it difficult to stay engaged. Furthermore, the characters are unlikable and unrelatable. Their shallow, self-absorbed personalities failed to elicit any sympathy or interest from me.
The film's attempts at humor are feeble at best, relying on tired clichés and stereotypes about Americans abroad. The supposed wit of the dialogue is forced and uninspired, making the film feel like a missed opportunity for genuine humor and insightful social commentary.
Additionally, the plot feels disjointed, and the conflicts are resolved in an unsatisfying and contrived manner. It left me questioning the purpose of the entire narrative.
This film is a tedious and unimpressive disaster that struggles to connect with its audience. Its lackluster characters, sluggish pace, and weak attempts at humor make it a forgettable and regrettable cinematic experience.
You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (2023)
Nepo nonsense
What more can one say? This is a disgraceful embarrassment of a travesty of a movie. Predictable story line and somewhat boring. This really is the bottom of the skids of the end of the line. I've never been so physically disgusted by a film in my entire life.
This film, if one decides to be charitable in calling this steaming pile of rubbish a film, bores the watcher in between enraging the viewer with the true worst of middle school behavior and not much in the way of redemption. If one had to prove creativity or thought had occurred in the creation of this joke, it would be very tough. Almost as tough as watching this disaster.
Love & Friendship (2016)
Austen is spinning in her grave
Oh, dear heavens, where does one even begin to express the sheer dismay and revulsion that "Love & Friendship" has instilled in my refined sensibilities? It is a cinematic affront of the most egregious kind, a travesty that assaults the very essence of genteel society and tasteful entertainment.
This wretched film dares to parade itself as a period piece, a representation of the finer moments of our illustrious history. Yet, what unfolds before one's eyes is a pitiful mockery, a series of caricatures that masquerade as characters, parading around in a manner most unbecoming of their supposed station. The manners, the grace, the subtleties that defined our class are trampled upon with reckless abandon, replaced by a parade of buffoonery and vulgarity.
The so-called humor is nothing short of an assault on one's sensibilities. It is a cacophony of crassness and impropriety, a spectacle that revels in the degradation of wit and sophistication. The subtlety of Austen's prose, which ought to be revered and upheld, is butchered and torn asunder, replaced by an onslaught of clumsy dialogue and vulgar jests that are fit for the lowest of society's strata.
And what of the characters? Oh, the horror! Lady Susan Vernon, a supposed heroine, is nothing more than a shameless hussy, a manipulative schemer who shatters the ideals of womanhood and decorum that our society has long held dear. To witness her antics, her flirtations, her audacious pursuit of men of all ages is an affront to the very ideals that should be cherished and upheld.
The visual presentation is equally reprehensible. The costumes, instead of being an homage to the elegance of the era, are a garish display of excess and poor taste. The sets are a mishmash of anachronistic elements, jarring the viewer out of any semblance of immersion and thrusting them into a world of aesthetic chaos.
The true tragedy lies in the fact that this abomination is supposedly adapted from the work of the revered Jane Austen. To see her wit and insight twisted and distorted into this ghastly spectacle is a disgrace that should leave any true admirer of her work in a state of perpetual mourning. I imagine this would have Austen spinning in her grave from Queen Elizabeth II to Princess Margaret in under a month.
This film is an affront to the values and standards that have long defined our society, a crude and tasteless mockery of an era that deserved far better representation. To subject oneself to this abomination is to surrender one's sensibilities and dignity to the ravages of impropriety and inelegance.
Harry & Meghan (2022)
A Niggardly Look at the Royals
There is nothing new here, nothing at all. Therefore it can be fairly said that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have been a bit stingy with the audience. We're only left with what Meghan Markle and Harry (or "H", if you please) choose the share. And it goes from oversharing nothing to not sharing the somethings. So they have been a bit cheap, tight, stingy with information that doesn't suit them. If you are expecting revelations here keep looking. It seems as though Harry's mental issues have taken over and Meghan Markle is along for the ride playing to it. I believe Mrs. Markle would have been happy being a royal wife. She has the look, the slick polished, sacharine appearance, she can relate to "everyday people". Many on here are quick to attack Meghan Markle but it seems clear the crazy springs from "H" like a wellspring. So sad for the Royals.