lexical-62253 Reviews

Skinamarink (2022)

Needlessly long remake of a better made short

[6/10 · 14 January 2023]

Kyle Edward Ball choosing to make a full length feature of his stellar short film Heck makes some sense, but the length makes zero sense. People that know who K. E. B. Is know that he creates video of user submitted nightmares and he's great at it, it's a rabbit hole every horror fan should go down. The visuals of Skinamarink are an improvement of Heck, the atmosphere is an improvement but it seems like he sacrifices viewer experience to stick to his vision. I respect that, but a feature film in theaters has to make the viewer a priority, it's not rock n roll and rebellious to make us sit through extended scenes if nothing, we are paying for this, it sn't his free youtube channel. I hope he learns this because Skinamarink is still good enough for me to watch his next movie.

Lesson Plan (2022)

Dumpster fire of cringe cliches

[2/10 · 26 November 2022]

I didn't have the highest hopes for Lesson Plan, but I though "how bad can it be?" It turns out, really bad. Lesson Plan is a cookie cutter movie revolving around fight scenes, alot of fight scenes... a ridiculous amount of fight scenes. Examples of reasons for prolonged fights against multiple bad guys at once include drug bust, defending female in an underground parking garage, defending females in a bar... and the list goes on and on and on. He can't sleep with his co-worker because he has a flashback of his dead wife, loses her but gets her back of course. The chemistry teacher walking around in a white coat with a tray full of test tubes makes it very obvious he is making the drugs, and the principal is obviously the leader based on the first interaction they have. It seems like this movie was lazily made by inserting names and cliches into a script that made no attempt to create twists or suspense. One word that sums up this movie is "Cliche", and if streaming didn't exist this would be a straight to DVD movie with a 3.99 price tag.

Smile (V) (2022)

Smile, For Casual Horror Fans Only (and dates)

[6/10 · 16 November 2022]

I'm a huge fan of original horror with unique storylines and this was rumored to check all the boxes, so I was excited to see Smile. What I saw was a movie that is tailor made for casual horror fans, or people that don't usually watch horror movies. This isnt a horrible movie, and considering the modest budget it's actually exceptional for what it accomplished, but it wasn't unique or scary. One thing that I didn't understand about Smile was its score, there were no shocking moments because the score gave them away, eliminating suspense and leaning on jumpscares. The story itself was bland and predictable, using the same horror template found in 98 percent of movies you will watch on Shudder and Screambox. The story is extremely straightforward with no twists and turns and when you wait for the shocking twist it never arrives, it is solved after an hour then just keeps on going. The ending sets up an obvious sequel, but I can't figure out where they can go with this story besides backwards with a prequel since they milk every drop out of the very basic plot. I feel that if there is something to add to the story, they should have added it into the last unsuspenseful 55 minutes. With all of that being said, Smile has a Jumpscare in it that was genuinely scary and unsettling, something rare considering how common jumpscares have become. The entity itself at the end is very well done, truly one of the best evil characters of all time. The entity is genuinely scary, creepy and exudes cold evil and the voice will change your facial expression. I didn't hate Smile and maybe I went in with unreasonable expectations, it definitely didnt leave me in awe or impressed. What it did do was offer something new on a budget and it still stands out among new horror movies. I will watch the next chapter of Smile because for all of its flaws it managed to at least plant the seeds of what could be a scary and creepy prequel. At the end of the day though, this is a cookie cutter date movie, not too gory and not too complicated, Smile set out to please the masses which they seem to have done. Those of us looking for the next great horror story will have to wait though, because this isn't it.

Torn Hearts (2022)

Uncomfortable For All The Wrong Reasons

[3/10 · 10 November 2022]

My main question going into Torn Hearts was "Do you have to be a country music fan to enjoy it?" I didn't enjoy it, so I guess I'll never know. This movie managed to make every character unlikable, while also evoking no other feelings besides cringe and boredom. Aspiring country duo Leigh and Jordan are playing a gig at a bar but not just any gig, uncharasmatic generic bandana wearing country star is in the audience and is looking for an opening act for his upcoming tour, so equally uncharasmatic manage/boyfriend of Jordan tells them it's important and Leigh better not ruin it! Leigh hates what's his name manager and isn't shy about it, she also doesn't play a country music singer, since the song is the only thing country music about her. The next day they decide to randomly show up unannounced at reclusive legendary singer Harper Dutch's house with a pie to hopefully secure a duet... with someone who doesnt perform anymore or even leave her house since her sister killed herself. The logic is baffling at best, considering the circumstances. Once there, Harper Dutch (played by Katey Sagal using a forced awful twangy accent) who is clearly insane, starts psychologically and physically torturing them. Instead of leaving like any minimally rational person would, they play her increasingly unbelievable games (which included fist fighting each other) as she strings them along with hopes of a duet. With very little effort, Harper turns them on each other, kills the boyfriend and her mental breakdown and apparent suicidal intentions come out. These unremarkable in every way singers just remind her too much of the sister she killed and the heartless fame seeking Jordan turns on her friend. There is nothing believable about this film, there is nothing country about any of the characters and every cliche in the book is trudged out before an ending that makes you wonder why you kept watching after the first 10 minutes. This movie is bad, in alot of ways. From the boring cliche dialogue to the overacting by every member of the cast not even mentioning the very VERY obvious Dutch sisters being fictional versions of The Judds, except sisters instead of mother/daughter, making the worst thing about this movie the coincidental suicide aspect.

Barbarian (2022)

Equal Parts Scary And Creepy

[7/10 · 10 November 2022]

This movie gets it. Watching Barbarian was surprisingly fun, I always love movies that keeps me guessing and makes me guess wrong. I thought I had it figured out about 4 times and was wrong each time, the story is so well written and the editing is exceptional. I don't know what it is about Justin Long that makes him so perfect for the role he plays but he gives his best performance since Tusk. Georgia Campbell flat out shows off her acting chops and Richard Brake combined sick, creepy and insane flawlessly. Barbarian is one of the rare movies that goes on longer than seems necessary, not because it could but because it should by justifying its eventual ending with an exclamation point.

Bitch Ass (2022)

Ambition Can Only Go So Far

[2/10 · 10 November 2022]

I went into this movie with an open mind to a lower budget movie with a unique story and an intriguing new lead killer entering into the horror slasher genre, and went out of it confused how it dropped the ball. I wasn't expecting powerful acting or writing, but I also wasn't expecting seemingly rushed performances and cliche after cliche that fell flat and felt like it was written by people with nothing in common with the characters. The best actor was surprisingly A-F-R-O, who looked like a veteran amongst rookies, and has a bright future as an actor, while the rest of the ensemble seemed inexperienced and out of place. The gang initiation premise seemed forced and out of place as there are plenty of ways to place 4 friends in the house. Bitch Ass himself had promise, but the voice, the mask and outfit were all a miss as he wasn't scary or creepy, just awkward and nerdy. The games weren't compelling or exciting, and I didn't need the edge of my seat at any point. I was also confused by the flashback scenes as there was nothing but costume changes involved with them, nothing was added to them to create a mood or feelings. This movie is right on the border of being really bad and cult classic bad.

Terrifier 2 (2022)

A fun horror movie with plenty to Improve

[6/10 · 10 November 2022]

A bloody mess and a decent story, if you like slasher horrors, this is up your alley. The writing needs work, and alot of it. The adult authority figures are irrational and overreact while the kids don't bat an eye, it's awkward and unrealistic. Secondary character dialogue is also awkward and didnt seem to get much attention past the first draft. Art is heartless and insidious, showing more personality this time around, becoming a horror icon in the process as the silliest killer who clearly enjoys what he does. The gory effects are great, and hopefully with the success of Terrifier 2 the third will bring a bigger budget for higher quality actors and writers. This movie is a fun watch, flaws aside, and I am excited for Terrifier 3.