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Ryan_Malkavian
Reviews
The Amityville Curse (2023)
Yeah, it's definitely cursed..
And by cursed I mean that the only horrors were sound/editing because it's in English yet it was some of the worst lip syncing I have ever seen because the dialogue is basically 2 seconds too song or 2 seconds too late and did not match at all when they were speaking.
SFX? Cursed. It's nothing but a blur tool from a cheap mobile app that edits images, paired with some color inversions throughout the whole entire movie.
Acting? Cursed.
Sound effects? Cursed. When you first hear the voice/voices of the entity speaking you are most likely going to literally laugh out loud.
Unique? Cursed. There is not ONE thing unique or original about this. Absolutely zero. It's like they researched and made a list of every single cliche horrors can fall victim to, and then categorically implemented them in the move.
Also anything 'Amityville' is tired, boring, 100% predictable. The Amityville plot and all things related should lave been paid to rest YEARS ago. It's done. It's over. There is nothing left. It's all been done before. Let it go people! Horror has been destroyed by the entire industry. Let horror rest in its box 6 feet below. Let us mourn the loss!
American Guinea Pig: The Song of Solomon (2017)
Not Today Satan
I made it 50 minutes and turned it of. Everything ab out this was so, so bad. They would have done much better if they had just taken the easy path and tried to make this a comedy. I think the person who played Mary was the best actor, and she was not that great. Everything about this was equally awful. The items the priests were wearing as well as their cleric jewelry and other items they adorned or used look like halloween costumes. I guess they weren't the worst costumes I'd seen, but, still awful. And the scenes that required anyone to speak anything other than English.. again, awful. It looked like they probably did their best to nail those lines during filming, but sound was quite obviously dubbed for the non-English lines, and you could tell by the way it sounded that it was dubbed and voiced over.
This is probably a 1 or 1.5 but honestly out of the kindness of my heart I gave it 2 stars for the simple fact that at least there was consistency! Consistently awful.
Site 13 (2023)
I would not suggest this one
I have no understanding AT ALL of how this movie is currently rated at 5.2/10 -- as awesome as it would be to have a well to drink from that would never go dry and only only has 7/10+ movies to offer, we all know that is just unrealistic. Those movies are kind of rare. So I would assume most movie fans are like me and have learned to just find the best movies we are able to find that are 4.5-5.0-ish or higher. Pretty low expectations I would say. So how this is rated at 5.2 is absolutely just beyond my understanding. I only even rated this a 3 out of the kindness of my heart because for me it was really more like a 2.5, so I just rounded it up, but honestly a 3 is way more than this deserves.
Despite my first impressions looking at the title name, synopsis, and photos was that I was already pretty sure this was not going to be a good movie, despite having a 5.2 rating at the time I watched it.
The synopsis I read before watching sounded interesting and within the realm of the kind of movies I tend to enjoy, but the movie itself feels like there is no direction and no main plot at all. The movie has nothing at all to offer to justify it even being created.
Lots of people hate, or are just over the whole found footage thing, but I still love them but the camera work is just absolutely horrendous. I would even see this is probably some of the worst camera work I have ever seen. And what makes it even worse is knowing that this camera work was actually 100% intentional because it is quite clear that the violent trembling and lightspeed turning in the cameras direction is simply an attempt to fill in the complete absence of any type of effects and the absence of the entire movie having very little, if any at all, scenes that are meaningful in anyway, let alone meaningful to the plot.