thethinman777 Reviews

Indie Game: The Movie (2012)

My review is pointless, just watch it already.

[9/10 · 27 June 2012]

There aren't that many documentaries about video games so to say that this is easily the best of the bunch might not mean much to many (that's a lot of M's right there), but it is. It's also one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. If the film-makers idea was to first give you a really great view of how some of these indie developers do their stuff and why, then have you on the edge of your seat as release day looms and problems arrive, then finish by leaving you a little bit misty and in a really good mood? If that was their idea then it worked for me.

It's every bit as brilliant as the games that are featured. I think people owe it to themselves to watch this.

Prometheus (I) (2012)

A mess and a half.

[3/10 · 7 June 2012]

Let's forget for a moment that this film came with all the baggage of being an Alien prequel of sorts, along with the knowledge that it isn't really one either but a standalone attempt at something original. Forget for just a moment that this was directed by Ridley Scott. After watching Prometheus I had no choice but to forget these things because I had to judge it for what it was it really was; a remake of Mission To Mars.......and that film sucked. I was gob-smacked when I realised, halfway through this mess, that its strongest influence was that torturous celluloid skid-mark. It even has a horribly misjudged score.

The positives: The visuals are, for the most part, great. Good job by anyone in that department. Ummm......err.....nope, that's it.

The negatives: It's not entertaining, a major crime for a film to commit. The script is absolutely awful and can be held responsible for nearly all of this films shortcomings. Decent pacing almost entirely absent, inept, cliché-ridden (and awesomely stupid) dialogue that makes you cringe......it's just bad. Editing is all over the place, which is either a reflection of the script or just bad editing, I may never know for sure. Want to care about characters? Tough luck. Empathy has to be earned. The really good films do this in a variety of ways but this isn't one of those films. Like to be frustrated? Good, you're in for a treat (the editing will be your best friend). Anger may well follow so take some precautions. Big ideas? Oh please, it's just the same old, tired questions that have been around for ever: Why are we here? Where do we come from? Who made us? Is there a God? Blah, blah, blah. I find it more interesting that we don't know the answers to those questions anyway but Prometheus asks them......and then forgets that it did and vanishes up it's crack into the void (where it finds kinship with The Fountain and they live happily ever after). After watching Reason and her close friend Logic being raped for two hours the ending broke my heart and all I could see was Tim Robbins floating in space with a frozen head.

I love Alien 3. The majority doesn't but, with the longer cut available, I think that David Fincher crafted a unique, memorable and stylish space-horror out of a complete mess and horrible working conditions. That takes considerable talent. Ridley Scott and company had time, space, freedom and access to all the latest toys.....and we get this.

It's a crime. Someone needs to go to jail (at the very least for those horribly misleading trailers).

Wait a minute! It's me isn't it *facepalm*. I'm just unable to appreciate what I saw.....too stupid I guess. I mean, it's not like the trailers were desperate or anything so it's my fault for having any kind of expectation at all. Boy, do I feel stupid. I must not have an open mind, that's it. My mistake.

Alien 3 (1992)

Massively underrated. Silly, silly people.

[9/10 · 5 June 2012]

Make no mistake; Alien 3 has flaws, all of which are right up on the screen for you to see and hear. Noted for having a script which was being written alongside principle photography - it shows: Dialogue swings from great to terrible in a heartbeat, identikit prisoners suddenly start to develop a glimmer of character.....then vanish without a trace. Vincent Ward's original idea sounded brilliant but gutless suits saw fit to butcher it and force out a rushed lovechild of the first two films (one alien/bigger group of humans). The best example of the problematic script comes when Dillon asks Ripley how she got impregnated by the alien and she replies with; "I don't know, in hypersleep I guess." For a franchise that had already built an established mythology that simply wasn't good enough. I saw it when I was fifteen (just managed to pass for eighteen) and even then I could tell it had problems.......but I absolutely loved it.

All these negative reviews are understandable but have any of you seen the restored version? Probably not. If you still haven't seen this film then ONLY watch that version as the original cut has the biggest plot hole of all time. I feel that with this newer version Alien 3 can be enjoyed for what it is: Dark, viciously nihilistic, visually stunning, atmospheric and a great standalone sci-fi film. No, it doesn't sit very well with Alien and Aliens, and Fincher was obviously up against it the whole time, but a poor film? No. Too much hard work and style is present and correct for that to be true. You people do disappoint me so.

Love Actually (2003)

If you haven't seen this film yet, don't. I've watched it for you.

[4 October 2011]

This is the worst film I've ever seen. No, actually that isn't fair. I've seen Troll 2 and The Room but they are so bad that they don't really count as films. This monster has a budget, and movie stars, and music and other things to distract you from looking it right in the eyes and seeing the horror. I'm partly to blame; I paid to see this at the cinema all those years ago. It shot itself in the head in the first minute or so with an ill-advised voice-over, then flat-lined a few minutes later with a scene in a church that, for the life of me, I cannot delete from my memory, in spite of all the damage it may be doing to my subconscious. I spent the rest of that viewing looking around at other people, wondering why they were laughing, wondering if I was dreaming. Some weren't laughing, a few walked out, which gave me some hope in humanity. I didn't leave, I stuck it out and took it like a man. Mistake. You want to see scars? Look at my face when someone asks me what I think about this film.

If you haven't seen this film yet or you have and you're going to watch it again, do it if you must. If you do though, don't be distracted. Listen carefully and look, look the monster right in the eyes and see it: The horror.

3000 Miles (2007)

I have to do a summary? That's lame.

[7/10 · 4 October 2011]

Okay, this is my first review on IMDb. Never really had the need to before.......until I read Vincent Vega's review. Now, I've watched three other Gumball films and they were crap. The biggest problem being that the Gumball is usually populated by the kind of oxygen thieves that you would delight in executing a proper chin-hammer on, just for being alive. Watching people like that killed the other films stone dead. This one has the late Ryan Dunn, Bam, Tony.....and a few others. Most of the other racers don't get a look in. This is a good thing. What was that about the editing Vince? It's fantastic. Split screen is used to great effect with the excellent music holding it together. There's another thing; the soundtrack by Roxbury is, in my opinion of course, one of the best I've ever heard: Funky, atmospheric and perfectly tuned to the on-screen action. Whatever it is you're smoking Mr Vega.....I never want any. Ever.

It isn't perfect entertainment: The last part of the race in America is all a bit too over-familiar and one or two of the featured cast are......quite annoying at times. It's good fun though.......probably because The Cuban Brothers aren't in it. If you haven't seen it yet then it's time you did but if you think that the music is bad and the editing is bad then I'll send you some money so you can go buy yourself a new pair of eyes....and ears.