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Reviews
The Andromeda Strain (1971)
Extreme animal cruelty lauded as a masterpiece of film.
"The Andromeda Strain" film is based on a novel that is extremely good.
As such, it might be understandable that the film received critical acclaim, especially back in the 70's when science fiction films of this type were new and exciting.
Unfortunately, this film is marred by some of the worst acts of animal cruelty ever seen in a mainstream movie.
Multiple animals used in the filming of this movie were asphyxiated (suffocated). These graphic images of suffering animals in obvious extreme distress were used in the actual final movie. Most of these animals were actually killed on screen.
Multiple rats were suffocated to death for the various "virus testing" scenes. They were not revived, their corpses were used as set pieces.
Rhesus monkeys were also suffocated until dead, then revived, then suffocated again for another shoot.
Supposedly the animal scenes were overseen by the ASPCA, which begs the question of how they were ever allowed in the first place.
A quick Google of these facts might return statements that "...the animals were never in any danger." This blatant lie is refuted not only by people who worked on the set - it is absolutely clear when watching the movie that the animals are in pain, they suffered badly, and many were obviously and clearly killed on screen.
If you want to know the story this movie depicts, then read the original novel. I cannot recommend anyone with even an ounce of empathy ever watch the film, which is one of the most distressing and disgusting examples of animal cruelty in cinema that I have ever seen.
Robert Wise should be jailed for his direction of this atrocity.
No Way Up (2024)
Predictable, but very well produced and still entertaining.
This is not the most original movie in the world.
But it is very well produced - good sets, good filming, good audio, surprisingly good vfx/cg for the most part, and even pretty decent acting - some of the actors you'll probably recognize.
The only thing letting this film down is the writing, and even that is better than anything you'll get in any Asylum production.
If you need to kill 90 mins on a film you haven't seen before, but you want that film to actually entertain you, then this is one to throw on the list.
The six hundred character requirement for leaving a review is dumb and I don't like it. But I liked the movie.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Another Snyder film more concerned with its looksthan its plot.
Zack Snyder has a great talent for spectacle, but unfortunately not a lot of talent for making a good, coherent story. He's gone full Michael Bay with this film... Everything about it is style over substance.
The nonsensical plot and setting strongly remind me of Jupiter Ascending, another visually great yet overall boring movie of the same vein. Large elements are clearly mimicking the Avatar movies, making them feel stale and recycled. And while there were promising actresses and actors cast in various roles there wasn't anywhere near enough depth or coherent story in this movie for them to do much more than recite their trite (often outright stupid) dialogue while looking dirty and sad in literally every scene.
You can by all means enjoy the great visuals in this flick... but it's not good science fiction. It's just old Hollywood trash with extra glitter.
Rub (2023)
I think you should just watch it...
I've never found it so difficult to review a movie without spoiling it.
The easy stuff - it is incredibly well written, well shot, and well produced for a film with this budget. The score was pretty much perfect, and the sound design/recording was an enviable 98% awesome, just because there were 2 or 3 very short scenes where the voice mixing/acoustics didn't seem quite right.
The 2 main characters are brilliantly and convincingly acted, most of the rest of the cast is very good too - again, with only a couple of exceptions that were still OK, but not as good as the rest.
The story.... From a few minutes in it kept me riveted, right up to the end. But there was a moment when the characters suddenly seemed to not be themselves. You'll know it when you see it, and although it is entirely deliberate I think it is this moment that will polarize your thoughts of the film.
I'm honestly still not sure if I actually liked this film... But I am sure that it was a very good film. Well written, well made, well performed, surprising, funny, dark, odd and yet relatable.
To everyone involved in "Rub" - Well done.
Hypnotic (2023)
Bland and Lazy.
This movie was awful.
The only thing it had going in it's favour was production quality.
As for the rest:
A moderately interesting plot device, poorly implemented.
Cardboard cutout, bland as hell characters that blindly accept the most outlandish things without any question.
Wooden actors that have only 1 single expression throughout the film.
All set in front of the blandest of nondescript urban sets.
Script writing of a high school level, with elements clearly stolen from other films (but done less well).
And no apparent direction.
The only positive quality to be found here is in the audio/visual production quality, which is the only professional aspect of the entire project.
If you value your time, I'd give this one a hard pass.
Dual (2022)
I've seen robots with better emotional range.
This movie deals with issues involving literal life and death, and I suspect it was meant to be a deadpan dark comedy. But the only thing it successfully manages to be is deadpan boring.
Since no one in the film shows any emotion whatsoever for the entire duration of the film, it's impossible to connect with any of the characters on any level.
If you took the written script of this film, and fed it into a voice synthesizer on your PC, it would be exactly the same as watching the film version.
And sadly the more I see of Karen Gillan, the less I think of her acting ability. She seems to have peaked in Dr Who, with her characters in every subsequent role being less interesting, less human, less relatable and above all less believable.
Still, in this case I think it's fair to say the Director is at fault since everyone in the film is a boring, empty shell and the script offers nothing to redeem the movie.
Titanic: The Final Word with James Cameron (2012)
Worth watching for the new wreck footage, but not any other reason.
I am a pretty big James Cameron fan, and I think he's a smart guy with a lot of knowledge on Titanic.
But he is not a scientist. He's not a physicist. He has no training in hydrodynamics, metallurgy or engineering. He is a film maker, and that's all.
So it was fairly galling to have to watch him throughout the entirety of this film saying "I think this", "I think that", while other actual scientists with actual training in the above fields are disagreeing with him, but he bluntly refuses to acknowledge their input.
Some of those scientists actually say in the film: "You can disagree with James, so long as you have all your evidence ready, lined up in a row and doing a chorus line." James, however, seems to require no evidence at all for any his theories, and blindly bulldozes over the actual science with his own narrative.
So if you are looking for a truly science based, forensic detailing of the Titanic sinking, this movie is not it.
What this movie DOES have though is some absolutely fantastic, modern footage of the wreck. That at least was worth seeing.
So stick to the film making James, and in future leave the science to the scientists.
Sukai kurora (2008)
Some amazing animation, but utterly vague & padded by a lot of drab.
The aerial scenes in this movie are absolutely stunning, and well worth watching. It's a shame that they only make up about 5% of 2 hour movie.
And while we're on the pros, the painted backgrounds are mostly also really good.
Unfortunately that's where the pros end. The rest of the film is paced like molasses - full of stilted conversation and extremely, unnecessarily drawn out scenes where people just stare at each other and nothing happens.
Speaking of the people, all of the main characters are poorly drawn and could easily be mistaken for Popsicle sticks.
But the biggest flaw in this film by far is the total lack of explanation about anything. Most of the characters are "kildren", kids that have apparently chosen not to grow up... there's no mention of how this works. And is it the future? The past? An alternate universe where military planes look wildly different but somehow Porsche convertibles still exist? Who are these people fighting for? Who are they fighting against? Why is everyone fighting anyway? Why is any of this happening? Why should I care? Why has that Popsicle stick been staring at me silently for the past 20 seconds?
So despite the brilliant and fantastical aerial sequences, it's mostly a bland and uninspiring 2 hour slog that is best watched in FFWD.
Cyberpunk: Edgerunners (2022)
Poorly written and poorly directed.
This isn't a total loss if you're hard up for something to watch. But unless you are a hardcore aficionado of the Cyberpunk universe, most of this is just low grade time filler.
There's absolutely no explanation given for anything to anyone about this "universe", even for me, someone who has played the game and knows a little bit about it, there's a lot that simply makes no sense.
The story writing is stilted, as is the animation. The characters can be kind of interesting, but none of them have anything resembling a clear persona, they are all written the same way - arrogant, immoral, on edge.... it gets tiring after a few episodes.
If you are a huge Cyberpunk fan, you will possibly enjoy this... if you aren't, then don't even bother. It's just low quality animation with a dull script. It is, in a word; Gonk.
Flight of the Intruder (1991)
Arguably as good as the original Top Gun.
So this movie may not have the AAA casting, editing or scripting of Top Gun. But if you love war movies about air combat, then it's a must watch.
In contrast to Top Gun, this movie focuses on air-ground combat in the Vietnam war, so you won't see any dog fights... What you will see is about twice as much amazing footage of low altitude air-ground combat against a multitude of AA, flak and SAM sites.
And despite not having an early Tom Cruise, many of the actors in this film are still extremely well known today and for the age of the film they pull off their roles pretty well.
This movie must have had a hell of a budget in it's day, and if you're after a good quality flick with a ton of jets and a bucket load of action then this is definitely something you should add to your watch list.
Prey (2022)
Finally, a 3rd Predator film that's actually worth watching!
I think most will agree that the last good Predator film was in 1990. The 2010 and 2018 movies were universally criticized as garbage for good reason... And don't even try to include any of the AVP movies which were equally trash, if not even worse.
So when I first heard about "Prey" and that it was going to be directed by Shane Black (ugh) I wrote the film off then and there as yet another to-be epic failure. But thankfully Dan Trachtenberg was eventually given this project and I am so very glad for it.
There are a few minor gripes I have with the movie (no spoilers), but I was happily able to watch the entire thing with thorough enjoyment, instead of zoning out from boredom or constantly thinking how stupid all the characters (and script) were - both frequent issues with the last 2 movies in the franchise.
It sets the pace quite slowly at first as did the original film, but then rapidly picks up speed and delivers a big, badass, bloody alien as well as a cast of main characters that I can actually root for.
On top of it actually having decent writing and acting, this installment is just beautifully filmed with multiple epic "oh hell yeah" moments that make it a memorable experience, rather than the usual instantly forgettable trash we've come to expect from Hollywood these days.
If you are a fan of the Predator, particularly the first 2 films, then I strongly recommend you check this one out. A solid 8/10 from me.
Quarantine (2008)
For the love of god Jennifer, SHUT UP!
This movie literally gave me a headache, and there's only 1 thing I remember about it.
Jennifer Carpenter screaming CONSTANTLY!
I swear about 2/3 of this movie is just her screaming.
Near the end of the movie I didn't care about the plot anymore, I just wanted her to shut the hell up for 5 minutes. By the time it actually finished, all I felt was relief that the acoustic assault on my senses was finally over.
Watching this film was like experiencing audio torture.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
So thin on plot I can't even call this a movie.
It's hard to put into words just how bad this "film" is. So I'll try to summarize it in bullet points...
- Consists entirely of recycled tropes from previous episodes in the franchise.
- Despite the above, completely fails to have continuity with previous episodes in most major regards.
- Evil "insert entity here" is evil.
- CGI quality has taken a step backwards from previous episodes.
- Poorly filmed and very, very badly edited. They didn't bother making the difficult scenes work, they just overused lazy hard cuts on all the action scenes and hoped you wouldn't notice the missing details. You will.
- Utterly bland score.
- Utterly bland script.
- Utterly bland characters.
There are only 2 reasons to watch this movie... 1, if you like badly animated CGI dinosaurs. Or 2, if you have a crush on one of the cast. That said, reason 2 seems unlikely given the level of mediocrity involved in this project.
Not even bringing back the original "Jurassic Park" cast could save this one. The question is no longer if the dinosaurs should be left to die... it's now firmly that the franchise should be left to die.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016)
Funny, Serious, Poignant.. But Never Boring.
One of the best movies I have seen. Tina Fey plays the lead role, in which she is lovable, hilarious and fallible but mostly very, very human.
The film itself is wonderfully shot & edited, beautifully scored and wholly entertaining. It has a big of almost everything - comedy, action, drama, reality, war, relationships, and more. The one thing it has nothing of is boring bits.. one of the very, very few modern films I've seen that never felt drawn out, over padded or under written.
Extremely highly recommended.
Black Site (2022)
So badly written it should be erased from history.
It initially has the look and sound of a decently made film, but the writing is so abysmally awful that by the end you'll wish you had opted for a lobotomy instead of watching it.
It has a cast of characters that are supposed to be the "elite" of CIA and Delta Force, yet they all consistently display extremely low intelligence and absurdly poor decision making. Every moment is just a badly planned and poorly executed excuse to drag out a 20 minute plot for 90 minutes. Not only are the characters idiots, they're all type cast stereotypes with utterly boring dialogue and no redeeming features. This, combined with poor scene continuity and uninspired set design, all adds up to make a film that is, at best, borderline unwatchable.
Interceptor (2022)
Good, but felt it didn't hit its potential...
Despite knowing nothing about this movie going in, and having read my last Matthew Reilly novel about a decade ago, I was only minutes into this film when I thought "This feels like a Matthew Reilly story!".
Unfortunately it never seems to hit the tension and the peaks that his novels did, and some of the reasons why are glaringly obvious.
On the plus side, Pataky and Bracey do a fantastic job of holding your attention, and in fact holding the whole film together. They are helped along by a few cameos from Hemsworth, excellent visual quality and camera work, great audio and a decent score. You'd never mistake this for an Asylum release.
But then the cons... all the secondary characters are badly written and acted, which makes the film feel underwritten and cheesy. In Reillys novels his secondary characters are much more compelling; Here they are just dumb and boring stereotypes. The "obvious traitor", the "mean lady", the "well meaning yet totally ineffectual mentor figure", etc and so on. They may has well have only bothered naming the 2 main characters, they're the only ones you'll remember.
I enjoyed the movie regardless, but at then end I couldn't help wondering why they didn't make a movie using one of Reillys better stories, and whether it was a good choice letting Reilly himself direct this one. It felt like a missed opportunity.
Credit where it's due though, Pataky and Bracey really made this work - otherwise it could have been a lot worse.
Zomblogalypse (2022)
Like watching a dull 90 minute VLOG made by people that aren't funny.
This sounded good on paper, sadly it failed to deliver so completely that I laughed harder at the reviews giving it 10/10 than I did at the movie itself.
I just didn't find any of it funny, I was bored within the first few minutes and that boredom persisted through to the end. I don't remember coming close to laughing even once, though I admit I did miss a few moments while my mind wandered elsewhere in a desperate search for something more stimulating.
The writing was terrible, the attempted jokes fell flat, and the overall look and sound of the movie was on par with an average 'Asylum' film... without the special effects budget.
The movie did one thing very well though. I really felt as though I were watching a 90 minute VLOG. A really, really boring one. I was acutely aware of the precious seconds of my life trickling away.
Shark Bait (2022)
Sharks do the world a favour by improving the human gene pool.
Story: A bunch of drunken, incredibly stupid total a-holes have a completely avoidable accident and get eaten by sharks.
All the characters are utterly unlikable and the movie is easily 30 minutes too long for its paper thin plot and dreadful writing.
If these had been real people you'd thank the sharks for doing the world a favour. Sadly they couldn't eat the film itself and save everyone that saw this some valuable time.
Panama (2022)
What was Neveldine thinking??
Mark Neveldine has written and directed a number of movies that will always be among my favorites. They were engaging, witty, well written, well filmed, etc.
While he didn't write Panama, I did at least expect to see some of that Neveldine Directed polish, but it was sorely and obviously absent... and I was left wondering why he would even bother putting his name on this lack-luster travesty.
The acting from all involved is wooden and stale. Even Gibson, who can act very well despite what we may think of him as a person, was clearly phoning this one in. The camera work was beyond shoddy - it was borderline unwatchable extreme shaky-cam on every single scene. Finally the script just clearly had nothing to offer. 30 minutes in and I was still waiting for something interesting, anything at all, to get my attention... but it just never did.
Gave it an overly generous 2 stars for the pleasing colour grading and clean sound production. Everything else about this film is trash.
Invasion (2021)
Yet another boring melodrama with barely any sci-fi elements.
I had to abandon this show during the first season for reasons which have become far too common with modern sci-fi TV shows:
Stupid, unlikable characters with the average intelligence of a used condom, and;
Boring, drawn out episodes that rarely deliver anything of any entertainment value.
This is not a sci-fi series. It's a daytime soap opera with occasional lackluster references to an alien invasion that you never actually see. The plot, if you can call it that, is never delivered.... only alluded to in vague references that come so far apart you've lost all interest in them by the time they eventually crop up.
Writers and directors need to wake up and realize that people who watch sci-fi shows want to see a sci-fi show - not a diatribe of drama about people so idiotic and unpleasant you wouldn't bother to p*ss on them if they were on fire.
Rated one star only because I wasn't allowed to rate it a zero.