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Fifty Shades of Black (2016)
0/10
0/10. This is not a movie I refuse to give it that respect as it is undeserving of it. It is meant to be a comedy and it would've succeeded at that if the point of comedy was to make you cringe and cry and s word your pants. None of the jokes land and they all depend on the concept of saying something loud means its funny. The entire movie has no plot and there is no character development and nothing goes anywhere. All of the scenes could have been rearranged in any order and it wouldn't have made any difference. I feel like the entire budget went into CGI nutsacks because there are way too many of them. This is by far the worst piece of media I have every consumed (besides 3 Idiotas). This movie has completely blown my expectations for any movie way out of proportion I genuinely wanted to kill myself and I started crying at several points in the movie I'm so glad its over please help me I am in a state of emotional turmoil.
Rajesh does not recommend.
0/10
-Rajesh P.
3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)
I HATE THIS MOVIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This movie has no entertainment value, not even to make fun of because it sucks so much in every aspect. The movie starts out strong by introducing us to a very stereotypical racist Asian grandpa, who is Asian for no reason other than he has to know ninja stuff, and is even more confusing because neither his kids nor his grandkids are at all Asian like him. Also Hulk Hogan is in this movie for no reason.
This movie was genuine pain to sit through all the actors are terrible and there is a really s wordy love story that shouldn't exist in the first place. The climax of the movie lasts for like 3/4th's of its runtime and consists entirely of terrible fight choreography. The entire cast is super racist stereotypes like a guy with a Jamaican hat who fakes a thick accent terribly. Also the kids for some reason yell AYAH every time they throw a punch or kick which got annoying really fast and by the end of the movie I was genuinely mad. There is only one good scene in which one of the kids yells into a pipe and the bad guy who is standing at the other end flies backwards because of the wind and lands on an exposed metal pole which gets shoved up his a word violently.
There is no plot at all stuff just happens for no reason and makes no sense like when the bad guys drop their machine guns so they can fight an unarmed Hulk Hogan and 3 five year olds with swords which they have for some reason. Also there is one scene where the bad woman starts a 4 minute timer on a bomb but it doesn't go off for well over 17 minutes.
This movie really sucks and was actual work to sit through. Seriously f word this movie I hate this movie so much. On the bright side it's not the worst movie with a title starting with a 3. I am only giving this movie a 2 because it wasn't outwardly sexist or racist. After watching Pink, Airplane Mode, and 3 Idiotas, I have lost the ability to give movies lower than a 2.
2/10
-Rajesh P.
Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001)
Solid cricket movie
Another solid cricket movie, with great action, plotlines, and some good songs (more on this later). Somehow this movie is 4 times the runtime of Airplane Mode but only feels half as long and infinitely more entertaining. I also liked how much of the movie was dedicated to the actual cricket games which was very fun to watch.
The first two songs are very very spectacular masterstrokes (especially the rain one) but once Rancho's girlfriend starts singing I instantly wanted to kill myself because her voice is so annoying and her character sucks so much d word but not actually because she is so ugly and annoying. The entire movie she is a massive b word and is super insecure and selfish and petty and annoying and I hate her. I wish she got spontaneously hit by a cement truck and dies like in M. S. Dhoni: The Untold Story so I can p word on her grave. Basically she acts like any character out of 3 Idiotas. Also Anish sucks so much a word at cricket and got out on the first ball like a useless dip s word and did nothing else for the entire movie.
Overall, this movie was very action packed, and had a lot of heart and emotional value. I would definitely watch again and would HIGHLY recommend.
8/10
-Rajesh P.
Airplane Mode (2019)
1.5 hours of my life I will never get back
There is so much s word I want to say about this movie but for the sake of preserving you (the reader)'s will to live, I will spare several details.
This entire movie felt like a vine fever dream and I had a headache for the entirety of the run time. I just felt like I was watching a Logan Paul vlog featuring all of his equally annoying and talentless friends. The result is basically a mentally draining feature length vine that tries to violate every YouTube guideline with excessive gore, violence, nudity, and offensive humor in every scene.
The visual effects are (for lack of a better word) dog s word and the humor (which is basically the entire script) is limited to poop farting yelling throwing up sex more poop and farting and yelling and falling and sex and farting and poop. Just because you yell something doesn't make it funny or a joke. The entire cast is either racial or sexual stereotypes (the Arab guy is a terrorist, haha, the Mexican guy is illegal, haha, and the gay characters are overly sexualized. The rest of the humor consists of really insensitive and distasteful humor such as Logan's Mexican friend taking a selfie with 2 dead bodies, and then saying the line "taking selfies with dead bodies is lit" which is really confusing how this was left in the final cut of the film given the controversy that preceded its release. There is also an entire sub plot about Logan Paul's superpower of being able to hear gay people's thoughts. ("Logan: I hear gay people.")
This movie is only an hour and 20 minutes but it felt like 4+ hours of genuine pain. The only good part is when Lele Pons falls down (haha) and misses the plane entirely, and as a result is absent for most of the movie which was really awesome. If 3 Idiotas is still the worst piece of media to ever be played on a screen, this movie is hot on its heels.
DO NOT watch this feature length vine. Go outside and touch grass. Get a girlfriend. Watch 83. Do literally anything else with your life (besides watch 3 Idiotas they are equally a waste of time). Rajesh does not at all recommend.
1/10
-Rajesh P.
Shershaah (2021)
Mid but valid not dog s word but also not the s word
To start with the positives, the soundtrack and the second half of the movie were both very good. The set pieces were very cool as well. However the movie is way too long. I had to defecate twice in the midst of the film and consequently could've missed several important scenes. Also the love story feels very underdeveloped and corny and I didn't care about it at all. Also as
a kid Vikram is super ugly but adult Vikram is pretty hot (no homosexual) but this made it pretty confusing to tell it was him. (I. D. K. If this is a spoiler) The original songs were very mid, but perhaps my expectations have been inflated since my viewings of the legendary 2021's 83 as well as the iconic 3 Idiots, both known for their groundbreaking musical numbers. In conclusion, this movie is mid. It is better than the steaming pile of horse s word that is 3 Idiotas, so it is a valid alternative. Thus, Rajesh somewhat recommends. It is not a waste of time to watch, but Rajesh will not be granting it a second viewing. I would much rather spend my 3 hours experiencing 83 for a seventh time.
5/10
-Rajesh P.
Pink (2016)
incredibly dog s word
I will start by saying that there is no plotline so there is no way for me to spoil any events of this movie. The entire movie is random sequences and subplots that are in no way related to each other or have any bearing on the rest of the movie. The entire cast acts very stereotypically gay which makes the movie very hard to take seriously. Apart from that there are several very disturbing scenes in which a child is depicted playing with used sex toys, distributing gay pornography at his elementary school, watching gay pornography with his parents and his cousin, and then having sex with his cousin all of which are very unnecessary to the plot and hard to watch. There is also a very weird subplot about one of the child's gay uncles being very creepy and borderline molesting him which also goes nowhere. Nothing in this story goes anywhere or has any cohesive effect on any of the characters. Also the cuts make no sense for example the main character goes from being alive and well to dead in a hospital and then back to being alive at a party within like 20 seconds with no explanation or context. Basically the entire movie is like this which makes it impossible to follow anything. The only good parts were the scenes where green screen windows were left unedited in the final cut of the film which was really funny. I am only giving this movie a 1 because I gave 3 Idiotas a 0 and nothing is worse than 3 Idiotas but this movie is a close second. I can see why it is banned in Mexico. This was 1 and a half hours of my life I will never get back. Unfortunately, Rajesh does not recommend.
1/10
-Rajesh P.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017)
dog s word
Probably one of the worst movies I have ever watched in my life. Asian Rodrick sucks (not because he's Asian he just sucks in general). At least it wasn't as bad as 3 Idiotas. Although that doesn't say very much. Unfortunately, Rajesh does NOT recommend.
2/10
-Rajesh P.
3 Idiots (2009)
Very very good ...
This movie is a masterstroke that rivals 2021's 83, but falls just short. Even so, it is a very humorous and heartwarming tale that features an ALL STAR ensemble cast, incredible musical numbers/dance choreography, and elite level script writing. Definitely watch this over its cheap Spanish counterpart/ripoff "3 Idiotas", possibly the worst movie ever to be conceived by man. Would highly recommend. Aal izz well !!!!!!
9/10
-Rajesh P.
3 idiotas (2017)
Dog S Word
This movie is the most dog s wordest movie I've ever watched by far. The fact that this movie does not at all live up to the standard nor reputation achieved by the original 3 Idiots that it intends to replicate is painfully apparent throughout its entire shortened run time of one hour and forty-five minutes. However, this ends up being one of the few positive features of this film, as I was not forced to endure more of its signature lifeless characters, pointless plot, and borderline racist undertones. This film is devoid of many if not all of the significant scenes and character motivations of the original for the sake of dry and ineffective humor.
To go into specifics:
The scene in the original 3 Idiots in which Joy takes his own life in fear of failing to graduate is absent. In 3 Idiots, this scene indicates an extreme shift in tone which is the first clear representation to the viewer of the mental toll that the university extracts from the students. With this scene missing, the movie now feels void of stakes and it becomes harder to care about the main characters.
Another major change is the removal of "Raju"'s father from the movie in favor of a random cousin who is repeatedly misgendered for a cheap attempt at humor that neither lands nor contributes anything to the story. This is significant because in 3 Idiots, Rancho saving Raju's sick father is the catalyst for their friendship. In 3 Idiotas, the entire scene is very abrupt (his cousin starts choking out of nowhere) and has no emotional weight.
A final change is that Raju's equivalent character makes no attempt on his own life after being rusticated from the University. Instead, he is hit by a car by coincidence, which has no meaning and simply diverts the plot by chance rather than providing the opportunity for character growth realistically. Furthermore, he is incredibly rude in the interview which in this version, convinces the company to hire him. In return, he does not care about getting the job and acts indifferent.
In general, most of the characters are changed from dynamic, and well thought out to shallow, static, lazy humor machines. This is very apparent with
Isidoro, who is reduced from a complex character with realistic motivations to an empty shell of a person who does a project on erectile dysfunction and whose entire personality is farting for comic relief (Haha.)
In Conclusion:
3 Idiots takes the time to develop each of the main cast so the viewer feels a personal connection to them and cares what becomes of them by the end. 3 Idiotas, on the other hand, lazily introduces each at the same time in favor of a shorter run time and a few cheap jokes. By the end of the movie, I found myself not caring at all about what happened to any of the characters, and also very distracted by the borderline racist fabricated Indian dances and costumes.
TLDR: If I could give this movie a 0 I would, but sadly I can't, so 1/10 will suffice.
83 (2021)
My Favorite Movie of All Time
No questions asked, this is the best piece of media I have ever had the privilege of consuming. If is without a doubt a flawless cinematic masterpiece whose stunning visuals and storytelling are highlighted by an unbeatable soundtrack and cast. An instant classic which I have watched several times already. Would highly recommend. Taste success once, tongue wants more !!!!!!
10/10
-Rajesh P.