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hamletshade
Reviews
Turning Red (2022)
Worst Pixar Movie Ever Made!
Honestly one of the worst Pixar movies I have ever seen. In fact, it's one of the worst movies I've seen in general. First off, the main protagonist is just plain annoying and obnoxious. All of her friends are equally annoying as well. The designs of the characters in this movie are also super off-putting. Especially that of Meilin. Seriously, what is up with those big ass teeth? And finally, I found problems with the voice over. When people speak it just seems unnatural, like the voices aren't matching up with movement of the lips to whoever is speaking. This is especially prevalent with Meilin. It's so weird watching her talk. The plot is just bad, and illogical at times. The movie is filled with so many cringe-worthy moments. I mean, why is this 13 year old girl twerking?
I could go on and on about how terrible this movie is, but I'll cut it short with this:
Pixar what the hell are you doing?!
Fantastic Four (2005)
Why All The Hate?
The way certain people hate this movie with a passion is beyond puzzling. I mean, I can understand an average moviegoer looking at this film and going "meh" or simply not caring much for it, but there's absolutely nothing so atrociously bad in it as to warrant such hate.
I remember seeing this movie as a kid and enjoying it quite a lot. Rewatching it years later as an adult I can confidently say it holds up pretty well for what it is.
The rise of the superhero genre in recent years has really put a huge expectation on these type of movies.
Now it's easy to look at this film through the lens of 2022 with the plethora of complex, interconnected superheroes movies we now have at our disposal, and deconstruct everything about it. However I'm not going to do that because it seems rather unfair. For what it is, this movie is pretty enjoyable, and arguably the best Fantastic Four movie we have to date. Some people just need to chill.
A Christmas Story (1983)
What did I just watch?
This is what all the hype is about?
An hour and a half of annoying, screaming children and dopey "comedy".
Yeah...I didn't even so much as crack a smile during this film.
This has got to be one of the worst overrated movies out there. Simply terrible. My guess is, the only reason it's regarded so highly is due to some misplaced feelings of nostalgia. Nostalgia just for nostalgia's sake.
Santa Inc. (2021)
Jingle Trash
Jingle Trash, Jingle Trash,
Trash all the way!
Oh, What Dread it is to watch this dumpster fire burn, Hey!
Jingle Trash, Jingle Trash,
Trash the Trash, Hooray!
Oh, What Dread it is to watch this dumpster fire burn, Hey!
Now My mind is gone,
What am I to do?
Stay away from this Trash tonight or else you'll be like me too!
Ohh, Jingle Trash, Jingle Trash,
Trash all the way!
Oh, What Misery it is to endure this wretched thing, Hey!
Jingle Trash, Jingle Trash,
Trash the Trash, Hooray!
Please don't watch this dumpster fire or else you'll become insane, Hey!
Dýrið (2021)
Tedious, Dull and Boring.
This movie was beyond stupid. Complete borefest. It literally could have been summed up within 10 minutes. Instead, it's stretched out over 1:40 hrs!
Half an hour into this I realized it was going to be one of those artsy movies that have lots of pretty cinematography but not much substance. However, I never imagined it would be as dull and tedious as it turned out to be!
"Oh but it's a slow burn movie" people like to say. The problem is, there's no climax to the narrative and it never reaches any satisfying conclusion. Pretentious hogwash is what it is.
All the pseudo-intellectuals who claim this movie is some kind of masterpiece would have you believe there's some really clever allegory being made. To those people I say you need a reality check because unfortunately the ending of this movie is a lot more cut-and-dried than you'd think.
To sum everything up, it's basically a long walk for a short glass of water. Totally not worth your time or money.