warisill Reviews

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Jessica Biehl in a wet t-shirt

[5/10 · 12 November 2005]

That seems to be the ostensible purpose of this film, and there's nothing wrong with that. She wears a tight shirt. She wears low rise jeans. Jessica runs. She bounces. She gets wet.

She runs some more. She bounces some more. And a handful of people get chopped up with a chainsaw. What more do you want? That seems to be the ostensible purpose of this film, and there's nothing wrong with that. She wears a tight shirt. She wears low rise jeans. Jessica runs. She bounces. She gets wet.

She runs some more. She bounces some more. And a handful of people get chopped up with a chainsaw. What more do you want?

Black Orpheus (1959)

I hated it

[5/10 · 18 July 2005]

It isn't awful, but it isn't a classic and it isn't even good. It's the type of movie that multi-culturalists applaud even though they can't recall any of the plot details or any of the songs.

It's gaudy and boring. I got about twenty or thirty minutes into it before I realized I was kidding myself. Too many people bouncing around and the main love interest in the film seems to be motivated south of the waist instead of anywhere north.

The "myth" is retold too clumsily to be taken seriously. This is really just a movie about people trying to get laid. There's nothing wrong with that, but don't try to push it off as symbolic or whatever.

Black Orpheus is too bouncy to be as dark as it wants to be. I gave up on it. I've always hated movies where everyone is so happy for no apparent reason. Sue me.

The Fearless Freaks (2005)

A bit slow, but fans of the band will love it

[8/10 · 20 April 2005]

As a film, Fearless Freaks is too long. Fans of the band probably won't care, though, as they seem willing to venture however far off the beaten path Wayne and the boys want to go. I wouldn't recommend it to the casual viewer, as it contains way too many scenes of the band's personal lives to be interesting to the general public.

I enjoyed it a lot, because it gives lots of insider info on a band that I've loved for over fifteen years. The most interesting part, and the one that most people will cite as the film's centerpiece, concerns Steven Drozd's frank discussion about his heroin addiction. The scene is as chilling as anything you've ever seen, watching Steven cook up a rig full of smack has to be the wildest thing I've seen in a film in years.

There isn't enough concert footage here, but two recent (excellent) shows are featured, Coachella 2004 and the Stubb's show in Austin, TX. I would have enjoyed more scenes of that classic show in Austin TX, mainly because I was there, in the front, and it was the most fun I've ever had at a concert in my life. Their Coachella set (I was there, too) was way too short, mostly consisting of Wayne trying to surf the crowd in a huge bubble (which was totally cool). I think they played four songs before they were rushed off so the Cure could take forever to come on. blah.

The thing I enjoyed most about this film was the insight it gives on what it's like to be a "rock star". Wayne and his wife don't live in a mansion, and their lives seem wonderfully normal. This was refreshing, and it certainly beats the hell out of watching Metallica argue for two hours.

The Flaming Lips have arguably one of the finest albums ever made, The Soft Bulletin (if you can find the vinyl version, get it no matter how much you got to spend). While I don't think this film will open them up to a wider audience, fans of the band won't be disappointed.

The Decalogue (1989–1990)

Made for TV, it's a masterpiece in any forum.

[10/10 · 17 January 2005]

It's worth noting that about the same time this was airing on censored, Communist Poland TV, America was airing the "Heart to Heart reunion" and "V". Obviously, the Ten Commandments themes that it reportedly addressed in order are not actually in order, some of the shorts address two and even three commandments. No worries, though.

This collection is a masterpiece. It's a major accomplishment with every film short being watchable, and some being unquestionable masterpieces. Kieszlowski is a master of presenting both sides of the argument; the pregnant, cheating wife and the cuckolded husband's doctor; the peeping Tom and the lonely woman; the atheist father and the religious sister.

The final film centers on two brothers who inherit the stamp collection of their recently deceased father. They come to find that the collection is priceless and they scheme to sell it, mistrusting their father's former colleagues and ultimately one another. But despite their eventual downfall, the brothers find something of value from their folly. It's wonderfully affirming without being sentimental. That sentence probably describes most of these shorts.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

It blows

[1/10 · 22 May 2003]

Terrible from start to finish, reminded me of watching someone else play video games. I think the worst thing it does is give Morpheus too many lines. His speeches are really, really dumb. Unfortunately, many people are raving about this movie, which means that America is either too dumb, or too brainwashed to care.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

A serious SUCKFEST

[1/10 · 13 July 2002]

George Lucas needs to have the Star Wars franchise taken away from him. This movie blows. The only cool character is Jango Fett. Everyone else looks bored, stupid, or worse. Hayden's perfermance will certainly win every year's worst award, and even Natalie Portman drops a notch in this overblown, terrible movie.

Why are you doing this to Star Wars George? People who defend the movie are pathetically pointing out that "Star Wars was never that good" or some such bull. The fact is, the original was cool, campy, fun. It wasn't laugh out loud stupid. This one is.

Magnolia (1999)

A wimpy, meandering, pretentious mess

[1/10 · 22 June 2002]

I don't know why this film ticks me off so much. Maybe I'm just angst driven and I need a hug, or a puppy or something, but it really does; it ticks me off.

The film promises a hell of a lot more than it delivers. It thinks it's a profound commentary on parent-children relationships, but ends up being an awkward, pc, at times unintentionally funny, bore.

Lowlites include the opening montage (which totally confuses the viewer), the pants wetting tension, the coke head/cop unconsummated love affair (how can you not consummate an affair with a cokehead?), the tender gay drinker, and of course the (damn) frogs.

If you want to see a film that really says something about parents and children and the space between, then go rent Hud (Paul Newman). It's a heck of a lot better, and shorter, than this mess.

warisangry