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Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)
It was OK
This is the first Marvel movie in a long time that didn't make me want to fast-forward to the end. It runs on fan service, cameos and everything that came before. I liked it well enough, but I got the feeling throughout that Disney is throwing a bunch of stuff we've really wanted at us in a sloppy, disorganized way, in the hopes that we will forget about all the flops and start coming to their movies again. It's almost like someone told Ryan Reynolds to make something we'll like because the money is drying up and they need a hit. This movie isn't going to fix anything like a lot of people thought it would. Not as good as 1, but better than 2. I'll probably watch it again.
House of the Dragon (2022)
I'm never getting out of Harrenhal
This show started off OK but it's become a complete bore. Nothing is happening and nothing the characters do makes sense. Daemon has spent most of his time hallucinating at Harrenhal this season, and with him being the only interesting character on the show, there's not much reason to watch. Even the dragons don't make up for the boredom.
Rhaenyra and Allicent have been too sanitized. Rhaenyra going to see Allicent in Kings Landing never should have happened. Rhaenyra made out with her female servant in episode 2.6 and there was NO build-up to it. It was only done to fill a quota.
The same can be said about most of the casting and some of their off-screen antics are not doing anything to foster interest. The writing is an ambien substitute, none of the women ever do anything bad and the most interesting guy is laying around some rotting castle on a vision quest.
Waiting to get out of Harrenhal isn't worth it any more. If they wanted me to keep watching, they shouldn't have bored me so much.
Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022)
I just wanted the marshmallow
This movie has everything a Hallmark fan could want-- three of their most popular leading men, a cute kid, comedy, a great story, and Christmas. Yes, it's a Three Men and a Baby pastiche, but a lot of these made for TV Christmas movies are, and it doesn't diminish my enjoyment. This is one of their better films and it would have been perfect without the story about the mother. There were a dozen other ways the writers could have placed that baby with these men, and they didn't have to go the abandonment route. When you throw a serious plot point like that into a movie like this, it's like eating a jar of marshmallow creme and having someone come along and throw a chicken leg into it. Or those "very special" sitcom episodes they used to lob at us during sweeps. So, in conclusion: Marshmallow creme or chicken tendies-- pick one and stick with it.
Never Been Chris'd (2023)
Never been Chris'd, and never will
This one fell flat with me. I never wanted to be around any of my high school classmates in the first place, and here we have a Christmas movie about a class reunion. So, lacking a story I want to see, I stuck with it for Tyler Hines, who tends to get better quality scripts. This has worked out for me in the past, but not in this case. It's just kind of pathetic watching two professional women chase after some high school loser like this. It's always the same with these types. Chris was popular and good looking in the past, but now he's just an average guy-- and he never left high school (he's a teacher). I think that if the women had to overcome a dislike for him, or if Chris had been forced to win the women over in some way before they decided to "get Chris'd," it would have been a lot better. As it is, it's just people who are still in high school, and that's not Christmas.
Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (2024)
Disappointing
I think that this movie has all the right people and pushes all the right buttons, but I don't have the same nostalgia for it that other people do and I couldn't finish it. Axel's daughter is just plain unwatchable and it's not super clear why. Yeah, she got tired of Axel teaching her to get out of handcuffs but beyond that there's nothing and she is overly hostile. I don't care about her and it's not clear why anyone else does. But the main problem here-- and with Eddie Murphy movies in general these days, is that they won't let Eddie Murphy BE Eddie Murphy. They could get the window washer to phone in these roles and it wouldn't change a thing. He is funnier than this and everybody is so afraid of being offensive that everything he does now is bland milquetoast. People will probably like it, but he's capable of so much better.
A Biltmore Christmas (2023)
"We leave real life for the reality TV shows."
Bethany Joy Lenz is a scriptwriter who travels back in time while at the Biltmore Estate. She meets a star of the film, Kristoffer Polaha, and together they make sure the movie is made as it was meant to be.
I am stunned at how good this was. It's not their usual paint by numbers story and it's charming, funny, and romantic. This is exactly the kind of movie Kristoffer Polaha should be doing because he is so good at being charming on screen, and Bethany was perfect for him.
Now this is spoilery, but he does come into our time at the end to be with her. I wanted to mention that because so many of these time travel and otherworld TV movies like this make the love interest someone who never existed, or the protagonist meets a lookalike when the love interest is gone. I hate the ones that leave me asking if the main character was crazy all along. I am so glad that didn't happen here.
I also want to mention Jonathan Frakes as the caretaker of Biltmore and AK Benninghofen, the plucky friend. I love the way Frakes almost could have known what the hourglass did and could have orchestrated it all. He was great giving the exposition-anyone remember Beyond Belief? Benninghofen is a breath of fresh air in a sea of Christmas movies where other actors are phoning it in. I would love to see her in more movies-maybe with Frakes in a sequel with a new couple to help.
The rest has been covered in other reviews, but there was one standout line at the beginning of the movie that stuck with me. When Bethany Joy Lenz is explaining a downer ending for the movie remake, the studio owner tells her:
"We leave real life for the reality TV shows."
It's funny that their writers can put lines like this in a script but still turn out hot garbage like Haul Out the Holly 2. Someone needs to put that line on a Christmas card and staple it to their laptops-possibly on the Hallmark executives' desks as well. This movie is one I will watch every year. 10 stars well deserved.
Good Omens (2019)
Enjoyable with issues I couldn't overlook
This is mostly for the second season. The first season was brilliant, the second not so much. I lowered my expectations knowing that there was not much that they would be able to glean from Terry Pratchett for a second outing, so I wasn't disappointed in that respect, and it's mostly enjoyable. Even with the Pratchett flavor watered down, it has many moments of great interactions
It does however have some issues. I started getting lost in episode 4 with all the jumping around. Either it's badly edited, or it needed to be re-written into something more cohesive; I'm not sure which. I think if the jumbled scenes were rearranged it might help.
I don't like how the Gabriel/Beelzebub romance was kind of dumped into the last episode. Even if they showed him wearing a wedding ring it would have been better. His amnesia and general helplessness would have been much more compelling knowing that someone who loved him was waiting for him.
His brief flashes of memory did nothing to humanize him and neither did the infodump in episode 6. As it was, I didn't care much about what happened to him because he was just a MacGuffin.
Nina and Maggie could have been better integrated into the story and given more to do. I liked them and could get behind their romance, but it was clear they were just there to tick off boxes. Just about any hijinks could have been swapped out with their plot and you'd never notice.
The romance between Aziraphale and Crowley also felt shoved in at the last minute, and frankly, it wasn't needed. There are two other romances this season and it's just piling on. If they were going to do it, it should have been the focus of another season. I feel like it was done as fanservice by immature writers who have no concept of fellowship or camaraderie. Nobody can have a friend any more.
Maybe season 3 will be better, but I won't be watching it, mostly because of the je ne se Pratchett being gone, but because the overall writing quality is mostly gone as well. Five stars because it was genuinely enjoyable despite the issues.
A Winning Team (2023)
Trend of extreme characters continues
I had to turn this off halfway through. Hallmark's extreme characters are really starting to grate my nerves and I don't know why this keeps happening. When Nadia Hatta is suspended from a professional soccer team, she goes home and bumps into Kristopher Polaha. He sprains his ankle and she steps in to help him coach his girls soccer team. Hilarity and romance should ensue, but mostly I just got irritated at the premise of everyone bashing a professional athlete who cared about winning and a coach who didn't. I mean if Nadia doesn't win, she doesn't get paid and the girls seemed to want to win, but Kristopher didn't care about this at all. He seemed to just want to have them walk on blocks and not try to win at all even though the girls wanted it. Frankly, I understood her yelling at him and I wished some psycho parent would have joined in. I also wouldn't have minded if someone took him to a salon-I don't think that was Polaha's hair and it was distracting. Hallmark, I'm begging you-stop doing this to Polaha and don't ever write a script about girls being told winning isn't important again, because it IS.
Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story (2023)
Disposable
This isn't the best work of the Bridgerton series and I hope it's not an omen for season 3. It's got all the costumes and some familiar faces, but it's left sorely lacking in some other areas.
They leaned too heavily into George's illness too soon and I completely lost any suspension of disbelief. The characters themselves said "servants talk," and that level of shenanigans going on for that long would have been noticed and talked about all over the place.
The entire 4th episode was basically a clip show made from the previous 3 episodes. If I wanted to watch the first 3 episodes again, I'd do it. Watching all that again from George's point of view was just agonizing, when a scene or two of the medical "treatments" would have done the job much better.
Lady Danbury has the most interesting story of all the side characters and they've relegated her to a sub-plot when she really should have gotten her own season. I would watch several seasons of her navigating London society by herself, but OH NO. Her plot in the present kind of turned into a nothingburger at the end and I don't even know why they bothered with it.
Minor gripes: I wanted Charlotte to wear her own German wedding dress, and I think she did, but I'm not sure. They made a point out of putting in the relationship between the two butlers/whoever, but they never said what happened to one of them-if they did I missed it. There was a tiny tiff about how dark Charlotte's skin should be painted for a portrait, but when we saw it later it looked the same color to me even though Princess Augusta told them to lighten it. I have no idea why Violet Bridgerton was in this at all. Charlotte wasn't stupid, but she couldn't figure out that many of her children hadn't gotten married because she hadn't arranged it. I could hear George screaming all the way from America, but no servants ever talked about it... ad nauseum.
There's more, but this was disposable overall and I won't be watching it again. I hope Colin and Penelope get a better season.
Falling for Christmas (2022)
I liked it!
This movie imprinted on me against my will. I like the Christmas movie genre but I was expecting this to be awful because Lindsay Lohan was in it. The plot is ridiculous but I feel like the production is a bit above the typical Hallmark fare for this time of year. Lindsay Lohan made me laugh and kept me entertained-- it kind of felt like some of the more slapstick moments from Mean Girls at times. I felt like the set-up in the beginning took too long and there were too many breaks to check in with the boyfriend lost in the woods. I didn't care about the boyfriend and maybe one check in would have been enough. The only other gripe I have would be the sleigh kind of magically appearing at the end. I feel like these stories should either be "realistic" or "mystical." Other than that this one was a keeper for me and I wouldn't mind more from this cast and these writers.
The Most Colorful Time of the Year (2022)
Pushy leads are becoming a trend in these holiday films
This is the second Hallmark Christmas movie I've seen this year with a totally unrealistic premise and a pushy character making me uncomfortable watching. Haul Out the Holly was the first. While that one managed some comedic moments this one is just plain bad. Michelle the optometrist runs around her daughter's school like the Christmas Eye Fairy passing out reading glasses and diagnosing people with color blindness whether they want it or not. Ryan is a colorblind Scrooge who won't let the kids decorate his classroom. Michelle decides to fix Ryan and will not take no for an answer. Not only does Michelle push these glasses on him, she also pushes Christmas decorations in his classroom, and we all know you can't do that. Plus the characters are almost manic with all the "I love science! Trust the science!" stuff to the point that it's just unnatural. It's also ironic considering they didn't even depict the colorblindness accurately. I don't know why Hallmark is making movies like this, but these overly pushy characters with their singular obsessions are not enhancing the season. I kind of rate these based on whether I'll watch them again, and this one is a definite no. Do yourself a favor and change the channel when this one is on. I wish I had.
Haul Out the Holly (2022)
Entertaining but they didn't know when to stop with some things
This was a cute Hallmark holiday movie that once again got too carried away with a running gag or theme. Lacey Chabert returns to a home in an HOA, and her parents immediately leave her behind for the dual purpose of getting her acclimated to living in the house alone so they can give it to her, and to fix her up with Wes Brown. They don't tell her any of this, so when Wes comes around and starts handing her multiple tickets for violations of these dumb HOA Christmas decoration rules, it gets obnoxious in combination with the over the top behavior of the neighbors. They keep coercing her into doing stuff she doesn't want to do and she never says no and shuts the front door. There was a lot of funny stuff that could have been a lot funnier if they could have stopped pounding this HOA thing in with a jackhammer. As it was, I never bought into the Lacey/Wes romance or her actually staying in the neighborhood at the end. I would have gratefully accepted the house from my parents but I would have immediately sold it, and I wouldn't have given Wes my forwarding address.
We Wish You a Married Christmas (2022)
Awful
Kristoffer Polaha is in a Hallmark Christmas movie but once a year, and I am sad to report that this is the biggest dud he's ever been in. Usually his on-screen charm is enough to win me over in anything he does, but even he can't save Christmas from this depressing subject matter. I don't want to see people's marital issues for two hours during the holiday season and all the petty bickering and whining that goes with it. Plus the people around them who don't know them are giving them "sage" advice while they're having all these awkward interactions. And not to put too fine a point on it, but whoever is doing the makeup for Marisol Nichols needs to stop using plasticized paint on her eyebrows because it's distracting. Give Polaha better scripts.
Christmas in Tune (2021)
Needs a better script
Reba & Schneider are great and the movie was visually appealing, but I was bored out of my mind. John James on his third marriage would have been far more interesting, and frankly, I could use more John James in my life. This is one you run in the background and pay attention when they're singing and that's about it. I wish whoever is responsible for making these would pony up for decent scripts.