buddybickford Reviews

Bob Ross: Happy Accidents, Betrayal & Greed (2021)

Unwatchable, too much music, too loud, ruined

[1/10 · 12 May 2022]

I really wanted to watch this, but there is background music 100% of the time, AND it is as loud if not louder as those being interviewed, so ......you can't hear them!

At one point there was about 15 seconds with no music, my wife and I sighed with relief but, then, bam, it was back with a vengeance.

So distracting, impossible to follow conversations.

The Alienist (2018–2020)

It's not bad, just a couple of things I want to mention

[5/10 · 12 December 2020]

1. Why do they pronounce the H in any word that starts with 'wh' it is very distracting and has absolutely zero to do with period authenticity. I think it was done to annoy Stewie Griffin. @ the Director if you continue this in the next season can you slip this in the dialogue "When and where was it when we were whistling whilst we were whacking whitening from what we were whirling?"

2. Mute ladies filled lips. To ensure to remind us this is a TV series and we are not back in old New York, but in front of a TV, we have a woman whos lips are so swollen from fillers that they are almost about to fall off her face. It is absolutely shocking, grotesque, deformed, monstrous, hideous, and serves only to remind us it is a show made in 2019, as only a director from our times could ever be so conditioned so desensitized that he doesn't notice. Put her in front of a director 20 years ago and they'd through the casting director out of the window. She was a wake up call transporting us from the supposed historical period, each time she showed up on screen, they may as well have had someone use a cell phone.

3. In the first series Kreisler caresses the hair of the dying serial killer who mutilates and murders young boys. (ah pow liddle child killer, the pow pudgy baybeee, no one understand you, awww) 4. Kreisler when referring to the sadistic Baby killers head dunking interrogation in the second series he says "they have hurt the poor creature' (ah poor liddle babby kiweeeeer, aaaaww you ok , pwecious?)

5. The actor who plays Kreisler after the second episode for some self sabotaging reason decided to whisper. This is such a crazy thing for any actor to do. When on stage of in front of a camera, you have two things, 1/ You, 2/ Your voice. This guy was invisible on screen, he disabled himself, this must have been to the joy of any actor he was on screen with, as absolutely every single actor stole the scene from him, why? because they spoke, we could hear them, he, in contrast was a Ghost. I hope his agent pulls him up on this, as he was great when he played Nikki Lauder, so I know he has a voice. Crazy thing to do.

Strangerland (2015)

What? is this some kind of joke?

[1/10 · 28 December 2019]

So I watched this purely because of the strap line '..as they confront the mystery of their children's fate'. But HEY WAIT, be careful, read it again, it's deceitfully, it 'cleverly' states as they 'confront' the mystery, so they, AND you will not find out what actually happens, you will just watch them 'confront' it. Yep, confront it, not find out why, but faff around wondering what happened. And why do we not not find out? because the writer did not have enough talent to think what might have happened to them. Instead the movie ends without us finding out about this 'fate'. Anyone can write a beginning and middle, it's only a story when you can write an end too. Writer must have connections to the movie industry, should be sued for false advertising.

Insecure types will love it, they don't need and end you see, 'cos they're weely weely clever and don;t need such obvuoisunesnesness.

The Story of the Jews (2013– )

There's a white elephant that was not discussed

[1/10 · 7 April 2018]

OK firstly I am not religious I could believe in Spider man as quick as any other being, anyway so maybe I understood incorrectly, but I thought this was an exercise to understand who and what Jewish people are, and what shaped them, their identities, and the consequent perception by Jews non Jews on what Jewish people are. So to do that quite correctly we turn to history. We investigate all episodes they may have affected, shaped or changed the Jewish identity and culture.

At a certain point Simon Schama says " and then there lived and died a man called Jesus of Nazareth", so I though OK now finally we will hear all about this, this should be good, but no, that was it. I thought I had sat on the remote control.

The most damaging to the Jewish faith of all the alleged messiahs that came and went, Jesus, the Jewish man who created the largest religion on the Earth, the man who split the Jewish faith, the man who's first followers were Jewish, the man who was allegedly brought to his death in the hands of the Romans but at the bequest of the Jews , got less than a bleeting moment, just 12 words. Ironically, this served perfectly to answer the question Simon Schama had been searching for, this very omission itself spoke louder than anything else on the documentary. So it's not what you include that can help analyse what you are, it's what you choose not to include that is just, if not more revealing.

What on Earth was the point of a documentary that cherry picks what it feels comfortable to discuss, and what a futile quest to try and find answers without doing so.

Imagine if psychiatrists did the same thing. ? Here's how it would go:

Patient "So I think the self harming is because of an event that happened when I was 10" Psychiatrist "Ahhh, we don't need to talk about that, do you like puppies?"

The Miniaturist (2017)

The miniaturist has nothing to do with anything! a Ye olde Troll perhaps?

[4/10 · 2 January 2018]

It is insane, the miniaturist to which the series is titled has absolutely nothing to do with anything that happens. She is completely ineffective, nothing she does has any impact to the plot or the characters. She does not advise, warn, nothing, she only serves to create and additional, cruel and completely unnecessary added stress for the household, just as they deal with real crises, she just trolls them, then gives a wimpy excuse as to why she broke their balls for nothing.

She is as useful as hindsight.

However story is fine, dramatic with good but quite obvious lines.

Also why did the former slave do nothing at all to save Johannes? Johannes saved him from slavery, then the former slave just stands there and watches him drown, jee great guy.

45 Years (2015)

Absolutely awful - for insecure types - AGAIN

[1/10 · 20 February 2016]

This had such an interesting story line that I rented it. But the story instead avoids all of the possibilities that could have made an interesting movie. They receive a letter regarding the death of his former lover 50 years earlier. Did he murder her? did he murder her and the guide? what else had he done? but............no No we don't 'go there' we instead avoid anything remotely dramatic. And watch boring events in real time. 1. Kate on piano 5 minutes 2. Kate walking in shopping arcade 5 minutes 3. Kate walking in a field 3 minutes 4.Incidental boring conversations 45 minutes 5. Kate washing face 4 minutes 6. Kate staring, just staring 3 minutes x 5 times The director must be the child of someone rich "Daddy daddy can I make a movie?" "Sure son" "Daddy daddy, make the cast of Mamma Mia sing happy birthday to me?" "Sure son"

Then towards the end, I said to my wife 'they're going to bail' and they did, the movie just ended with no anything, the movie bailed on a plot and then because there was no plot there was no end, just a nothing movie. But as usual the insecure brigade are out voting it high, trying to appear intellectually superior because they 'get it' you see, they appreciate the subtlety. They don't need drama that's too obvious, a plot? no don't be silly plots, dialogue and drama and thrills are all too obvious.

My Family and Other Animals (1987)

Ruined by two things

[2/10 · 3 May 2015]

This is ruined by two things: 1. The music. An oppressive ever present whistling, a diabolical melody is whistled at the beginning and throughout anytime there is no talking. It dictates the mood of any scene, it pervades strangles and suffocates like a weed.

2.The acting of the boy. This child cannot act, at all, it's terrible. Even when he reads his lines out he sounds like he has a learning difficulty, so he doesn't even sound like a kid reading. "Oh yayes, eat, IS myyyyyyyy, birth daaaaaaaaaaaaay, are YOU goingk to GIVE ME AYE PRESORNT, I Am wONDERING OF this NOWWOOO"

Wasted opportunity to make a film of a great book. Who the hell chose that kid and or the music! (the same person for sure (tin ear you see))

Indiscreet (1958)

An insult to romance

[1/10 · 8 October 2014]

Two materialistic shallow non entities with as much charm as calculators meet. The romance is flat depressing and full of embarrassing silences such as when Grant stares at her like a moron whilst she eats her breakfast uncomfortable in his stare, it is very similar to Pretty woman as the writer thinks money is romance.

If Bacall and Bogart are like introducing Nitro to Glycerin then these two is like introducing Liquid to Nitrogen.

Strip away their money there would be nothing left at all.

"Bar deeps Giddy Grot" that's how you say "My name's Cary Grant" in his voice.

Generation Iron (2013)

Warts and all (without the warts)

[2/10 · 26 June 2014]

Sugar coated boring tale that answers no questions that matter and answers loads of questions that don;t matter. Ludicrous opinions are not challenged by the director such as Ben Pakulski's comment (suggesting it's not about chemicals) "you couldn't do what I do" BS, a friend of mine trained for 8 years natural and had 16 inch arms, he took roids within 12 months he had 21.5 inch arms and 7% bodyfat, so yes we can ALL do it EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US, the only single question is to what level of personal safety are we willing to risk, the more you are willing to risk the bigger you will get, and what separates us from them is an unwillingness to risk our health, nothing else, the less respect you have for your own life the better bodybuilder you'll be.

Then Phil Heath comes in with another unchallenged piece of pure nonsense "we are a tiny percent of people who can build muscle and lose fat at the same time" yes that's because steroids enable the body to do that, HGH does too very effectively, tyroxin and other thyroid drugs, insulin, etc etc etc. What was that? is he in denial? self deluded? just google Kevin Levrone before and after, 90% of the whole sport is about chemicals, with 1% genetics, 1% hard work and a final 8% for diet. Which is fine, but do the documentary properly or just don't do it at all.

Skyfall (2012)

11 Fails

[2/10 · 29 September 2013]

1. The music. Adele sounds like she was at the dentist and had anesthetic injections which results in the mumbling and complete lack of diction or she had just woken up. It doesn't explain however her complete lack of vocal ability including any vocal range whatsoever. To make matters worse she even wrote the song, that sounded something like a toddler would put together. OMG I am updating this review, I have just learned that Adele got an Oscar for this AN Oscar!!!!!!!!! :-O

2. Bond doesn't actually get the hard drive back.

3. Bond gets shot at the start and falls into a deep river and is rescued by the opening Bond Graphics. What was the big hand, a mermaid? Neptune? The big hole he sank into what was that?

4. M knew she was dying, so when Silva puts his head next to hers and then puts his gun next to her head and asks her to pull the trigger and kill them both. Why doesn't she?

5. The beautiful Severine could have been saved by Bond. She is made to stand with a glass on her head and Bond is forced to try and shoot the glass as a killer points a gun at him. Instead of using his gun to kill the man with the gun, he waits until she is murdered by Silva and only then does he use his gun to do so, so why did he not do it in the first place? It involved the same risk, the same movements. By waiting he gained nothing, just her death.

6. Bonds secrets. Why are we now forced to learn all about the Private life and History of Bond? No other Bond film had to resort to this. I think it is a sign of the times, celebrity has gone so far we even (according to Bond producers) need to know more about Bonds private life. This is a huge mistake, if they pick away at the layer of mystique that makes Bond so intriguing then he will no longer be Bond.

7. Bond crying when M dies. Bond does not cry ever, and now he does.

8. Bond walks past Tanner to see M. As he walks past him Tanner is slightly in the way and Bond has to twist his torso to get past. Directing mistake, Bond does not twist past people, they get out of the way, completely out of the way. Scene should have been retaken.

9. No gadgets. That's it no gadgets.

10. The Aston Martin. Gorgeous car but it's a museum piece now, they may as well use Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, use the McLaren MP4-12C Spider it's English and it's a Supercar, what is there to think about?

11. Is Bond Gay? When asked by Silva if he'd be interested in a first time poke at some cup cake sex, he says 'who says it's the first time'.

Please let me write the next Bond, I'll do it for free. It will be set in Dubai involve a Helicopter chase through the centre gap of the Atlantis hotel. A fist fight on the monorail with the back drop of the city. A speed boat chase through the abandoned islands of 'The World'. Tons of gadgets, a bad guy who has a bodyguard who has a selection of bionics, such as a laser eye and super crush grip hands. Plus of course the McLaren MP4-12C Spider. I'd also introduce a recurring fun character (like Sheriff JW Pepper.)I am not swayed by any nonsense arguments that the audiences are too sophisticated for the classic style Bond. The new one is super lame and is very human, who needs a human Bond?

Shame (2011)

For insecure types who need to sound intellectual

[1/10 · 9 February 2013]

Yes only insecure types who needing to affirm their personality will like this, as they believe by endorsing this they elevate themselves into the league of self proclaimed Illuminati. A league that has more members everyday, society is so full of insecurity that this is the result, so many people too afraid to judge through lack of self confidence, that they succumb to their doubting thoughts.

This movie is diabolical, and no it has not found an unusual level of interest that only few can appreciate, it is simply poor vacant ugly and sad.

Go on stand up, say you hate it, be strong, forget about the negative 'tweets' (or whatever medium it is you use to belong) you'll get from your peers, just refuse even when your subconsciousness says "go on vote 10 out of 10, Doogle and Cedric will think you're so 'in' and that girl with the green hair who makes puppets from used polystyrene coffee cups will think you are so amazing".

BE STRONG, please we don't have much time left, we're almost outnumbered.

The Divide (2011)

80s Video Slasher sex trash flick

[1/10 · 31 August 2012]

Instead of dealing with the post apocalyptic events, and why it happened. We get stuck in a cellar with a bunch of idiotic vulgar morons, one as ugly and dumb as the next. For some reason their captivity sends them spiraling into violence and sex identical to early 80s video sex/slasher movies. We get no explanation of what went on or why, and no understanding of why they all so quickly went crazy.

To make matters even worse the musical score is that tried and talentless two key piano playing that has plagued adverts and movies for the last 6 years, two keys are played continually then you move up a note to the next two keys for a while then back down again and so on.

Absolute trash, the movie industry is really all about who you know, otherwise this turd of a turd could never have been released on such a scale.

The Big Picture (2010)

Is a Rolex with no strap still a Great watch?

[5/10 · 10 February 2012]

I ask this because if a film has no end is it still a good film?. I found it a complete and utter bail out, and will not agree with any excuses such as 'it didn't need an end' or 'we all understood what happens next'. This was all the more frustrating as the movie was really good, when it ended I thought I had sat on the remote control, but it ended I was astonished and felt cheated.

Another thing that is absurd, is why did he take the dead mans identity? it was so obvious that it would lead to the issues he faced, anyone could have foreseen that, and for a Lawyer (or a chimpanzee) not to have had this foresight was simply inconceivable.

Anyway apart from these huge issues it was entertaining for 2 thirds of the movie namely the beginning and the middle the last 3rd the ending just didn't exist.

Still worth watching though.

Beautiful Lies (2010)

Superb really refreshing

[10/10 · 10 February 2012]

Not very often a film deserves 10 out of 10. The story is based on a misunderstanding that escalates out of control. Very clever movie absolutely fantastic script direction and acting, a total joy to watch.

At the start a love letter is read out that is incredible and really is truly romantic.

But guys be prepared to feel inadequate when it comes to your romantic side, my wife on hearing the love letter went completely wobbly (so did I but don't tell anyone), but don't worry I think I stunned her later with my own.

'Roses are red violets are blue I love a girl and choogey choogey koo'

Make sure you watch this movie you will love it.

Le Quattro Volte (2010)

Don't be bullied it's rubbish, really

[19 October 2011]

Yes insecure types will say this is wonderful, purely as they are constructing an online identity that is supposed to suggest they are intellectual, and if you don't agree then it's just because 'you don't get it'.

Anyway nothing happens, at least nothing of any interest at all. A cloud is seen drifting across the abandoned landscape (twice), this seems to be what the self proclaimed Illuminati find fascinating as it shows nature and Mans connection to it. Anyway in this day and age of celebrities that have no talent we now have a film with no content, and I don't mean dialogue I am quite aware that a film needn't have dialogue to be interesting but this has nothing. Instead of watching this just meditate instead.

It is however, really funny as it is so bad, the sad part is that it isn't supposed to be funny.

How to Eat Fried Worms (2006)

Disturbing movie! Do not let your kids watch this trash

[1/10 · 25 October 2010]

So I put this on for my three year old Daughter, instead of watching a nice kids film we watch a film where the kid is bullied throughout the film, he is actually made to eat worms. We are supposed to believe that in some way the bully learns his lesson as he loses his friends, but the fact is that that is simply not enough, as the abuse suffered by the boy is never even nearly revenged, it's basically child abuse by children, very humiliating for the boy, traumatic, depressing, and misses the point completely, this is a 'Pro Bully' film. The writer and / or Director must like bullies and what they do. A disgraceful film, I actually feel guilty for having let my child watch this, but I never imagined someone would be so dumb to make a film that enjoys torturing a good kid. He gets called 'Worm Boy' at least one hundred times throughout the movie, the Director directs him to laugh a lot, as if this can somehow convince the audience that he's really not bothered about the abuse.

Disgraceful story, disgraceful film, I know who I'd like to make eat worms. Now I need to go and punch myself in the face as my Daughter looks quite upset.

Eight Below (2006)

An absolutely wonderful Movie

[10/10 · 19 June 2010]

I put this movie on for my Daughter whilst I got on with some emails, I didn't even get through the first email before I closed my laptop. From the off this movie is quality, great story wonderful performances all around including the dogs.

The direction is spot on quality that let's the story unravel on you at a wonderful pace. The musical direction is complimentary it doesn't attempt to dictate the mood.

The photography is stunning, the shots running with the dogs are simply thrilling.

You couldn't beat Disney for Family movies when I was a kid in the seventies, here in the next millennium they still rein supreme, with films like this they'll never loose number one spot.

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (2008)

voice over man "The embarrassment will kill you....again and again"

[1/10 · 6 May 2010]

This film is diabolically bad, there is not one remark or scene of any Wit whatsoever. Peggs character goes through the movie trying to defeat the 'Gliteratti' magazine publishers contrived lifestyles by embarrassing himself over and over, somehow this is supposed to be considered as an irony an thus is supposed to elevate him to a superior level of intellect. In fact he is so obnoxious he in fact does not achieve this and the very people who the audience are supposed to find fake and shallow are in fact easily much nicer people than he is.

But finally I have looked at the reviews, and anyone who gave this trash poor reviews got hardly any votes but, reviewers who found this unbearable tale 'fantastic' got many positive feedbacks, all of these people are insecure, and they are making a nonsense of the voting. I actually watched this because IMDb users collectively gave it good reviews, next time I will consider their insecurities and realize they always vote positively as they are voting to some self imposed construction of their own online identity and not the movie. Go ahead give me no votes I don't care it, this film is an embarrassing bore if you like it that speaks volumes.

Simon Pegg so you were quite happy to make English people look like slimy idiotic crass vulgar moronic losers who stand up at lawn parties and Shout EN-GER-LAAAAND EN-GER-LAAAND. They say everyones got a price, what ever you made from that movie you should be ordered by the Queen to give it to charity.

Kojak: Dead on His Feet (1974) Season 1, Episode 18

Harry Guardino displays some of the finest acting ever on film

[10/10 · 27 December 2009]

This episode is an absolute cracker, I wont go into a plot summary, but Detective Ben Furore (Harry Guardino) is out for revenge for the death of his partner. This episode epitomizes the quality of the Kojak series, it is gritty and supported by a very strong storyline, it has the fast paced script that makes Kojak in a class all of its own, plus those great New York accents.

One of the main items I'd like to express is just how absolutely fantastic Harry Guardino's performance is, his final speech at the end of the episode is so intense emotional and passionate that you well up with emotion yourself, simply top drawer acting, one day I'm gonna build a games room and have loads of photos of my favorite stars on the walls, Tele Savalas (who I met when I was 11)will be up there and so will Harry Guardino.

Tip, watch this episode without interruptions, it builds in intensity to a wonderful crescendo, so your buddy butting in and saying "I wonder why Kojak went bald" will ruin it.

Secret Beyond the Door... (1947)

A movie to be endured not enjoyed

[1/10 · 11 December 2009]

Seeking adventure from her dull but comfortable life Celia Lampshire played by Joan Benett makes a trip to Mexico, it is there she meets chillingly cold dumb dull boring completely charmless arrogant obnoxious and unpleasant Mark Lamphere played by Michael Redgrave.

For some reason these two hit it off, the chemistry between them is amazing but in the negative, if Lauren Bacall and Bogart were like introducing Nitro to Glycerin, then these two are like introducing Liquid to Nitrogen.

The musical direction is on a complete physco trip, in one scene Marks Sister is talking calmly and smiling to Celia next to her dressing table but the music is almost exploding (and awful).

The story is completely uninspired and simply too obvious to be entertaining it plods along wasting your time, but you will not care what happens either to him or her, or indeed why he is the self obsessed plonker that he is.

I Am Legend (2007)

Even IMAX can't squeeze adrenaline from this

[1/10 · 13 November 2009]

By choosing IMAX I assume the idea was to help stimulate a 'scared' response from the viewers, I understand this suggestion, and I would wager that part of the production team came up with this suggestion AFTER they saw the script, as the technology needed to make this film scary 'Throw the audience of a ledge a vision' hasn't been perfected yet.

I can't understand why a film inspired so obviously by 28 days later never learned anything from its idol. For example the very reason why 28 days later was terrifying was because the ghouls were human, not almost human, not CGI, but human. It is the very idea that Humans could be responsible, just by a change in nature to become the raging monsters that terrified us so much in 28 days later. Therefore why did the director choose to distance us from such a possibility and 'possibility' is the key to this type of terror, the likelihood of it happening for real is what makes this genre scary when done correctly. Instead he chose the worst CGI I have ever seen (they even CGI a Lion (Badly) why don't we have real lions? or trees for that matter?), each ghoul had the same features, why? they all looked like London cycle couriers, they just lacked the laptop saddlebag with the strap that femininely goes across the chest! and more importantly they DID NOT LOOK REAL, this is an absolutely important point THEY DID NOT LOOK REAL. The lack of 'real' makes things unreal which again relaxes the audience as they know it's not REEEEAAAALLLLL.

The Director also owes Will Smith, he delivered his lines with 100% commitment, the script was so poor, weak and lame that it drew attention to the mechanics of the film and its film making, as one became aware of this serious weakness, nevertheless Will Smith persevered, and even cried in one scene so top marks. I also cried, but only because I remembered that the Director and script writer of this rubbish would be a lot richer than me.

According to Jim (2001–2009)

Successful only because we're so many with TVs

[2/10 · 15 October 2009]

You need to watch this show once to have seen them all, the formula is exactly the same in each episode. Jim does something his way he means well but he upsets his wife, at the end she finds out that what he did was really for her, she caresses his cheek and gives a gummy smile while he looks on bashfully. In fact the story lines are so lame and formulaic that I'll take a stab at one now.

Episode 'Valentines Pay'

Jims wife notices that all of Jims weekly pay has disappeared, he then explains to her he lost it at the casino. She screams and leaves the house lamenting how awful he is. Then on Valentines day he turns up in a limo with tickets to a Ball (hence explaining the missing wages). She realizes 'Her' mistake and the usual 'Oh Jim, you're so lovely'. ..The end

Another very obvious item is the fact that Jims character is based on Homer Simpson who as a cartoon character can get away with being belligerent and ignorant, when this is attempted with Human beings it does not work and Jim just comes over as an arrogant self centered jerk.

IMO the only reason that this is successful is simply because we're so many now in terms of Human beings with TVs, these days you could make a show about a man who insulates walls and you'd get an audience.

'Two and a half men' on the other hand is fantastic and hilarious.

The Day the Fish Came Out (1967)

Embarrassing

[1/10 · 25 September 2009]

Here we are again, I just took a look at some reviews, each person who gave this rubbish very high scores got positive feedbacks, one guy actually gave ten out of ten and got 30 out of 34 positive comments on his review, another guy gave this what it deserves 2 stars he got 4 votes out of 30.

Sorry to use air quotes but whenever supposedly 'cult' or 'alternative' films are being reviewed, it seems people are continually too scared to vote naturally according to their actual judgment, but concede to some self imposed dread that they will be judged negatively by the self proclaimed illuminati.

This film is diabolical, it's completely amateur, and NO being amateur does not add a unique charm, and the amateurishness was not intentional by the director and should not be interpreted in any other way than amateurish. The script is diabolical, again the script is not 'so bad it's good' it's just bad, a bad script is bad, the plot is poor not 'so poor it's wonderful' it's just poor.

The script is so bad in fact that different characters use the same terminologies and phrasing as each other, showing that the script writer when writing the script, did not have the intelligence to realize that as people have different personalities to one another, and that this difference is evident in each persons different phrasing and therefore this needs to be considered when writing for each character, but all characters have adopted the same character as the script writer as he did not write for each individual.

I wanted to see this movie just to see some beautiful Greek Islands in the sixties, instead even this was ruined as the director dressed the male cast up in screaming sixties gay attire, they looked absurd in belly tops and netted vests standing around in a small Greek fishing port, at least he didn't have them do the conga, but why were they dressed like that? I had the feeling that this was done for the personal benefit of someone maybe the producer or director as it had nothing to do with the film, really sad and gross.

But really my problem is with the voting, if people all voted this way then theoretically 'The day the Fish came out' could actually win IMDb award as the best film ever made award, I wish I could swear on this site, because I find this type of reviewing really really plucking draining as It makes a nonsense of the whole idea.

Pretty Woman (1990)

No one hates this film more than me

[1/10 · 3 September 2009]

I have just given a 10 for Thieves Highway, I mention this for two reasons one to prove I'm not a git who only gives bad reviews but 2 because the theme of the film has the same thread namely the falling in love with a woman of the night.

We all know pretty Woman is a chick flick but you can't avoid them all, they'll eventually get you. Pretty Woman for me does two things, two terrible horrible ghastly things, firstly it portrays prostitution as a career more akin to that of a dancer, you know with absolutely great friends, leg warmers lots of giggling, borrowing each others make up. You see in the reality of Pretty Woman the prostitute and this is a street walker Prostitute we're talking about here, has a great life, she's healthy happy with only the occasional whimper to explain her predicament. My feeling is this 'happy Hooker' type protagonist is a lot more palatable than an even nearly realistic character, which for me begs the question if you make a movie about a type of person but are too chicken scared to adorn that player with the characteristics familiar to that role then why do it? If I make a film about a chef but don't want him to cook or talk about food or wear a white hat then why make a film about a chef in the first place? By bailing out and turning the hooker into a respectable dancer type the story misses the point completely and consequently never indulges in any of the moral or social questions that it could have, what a cop out, really really lame.

Secondly, 'Pretty Woman' insults romance itself, Edward Lewis played by Richard Gere has no clue how to seduce or romance this 'lady' that is without his plastic friend, yep don't leave home without it, especially if you are a moron in a suit who has no imagination. 8 out of 10 of his romantic moments involve splashing cash in one way or another, even when he first meets her it's the Lotus Esprit turbo that does all the work, necklaces here diamonds there limos over there, money money money, where's the charm? where's the charisma, don't mention that attempt at the piano please.

Girls who like this film will also be girls who like shopping more than most. Guys who like this film will not even have realized that old Eddy has less charm than a calculator, as they probably don't either so it wont have registered. More importantly anyone who likes this film will hate 'Thieves Highway' a wonderful story of which part is based on the same subject.

I'll finish on a song:

Pretty woman hangin round the street Pretty woman, the kind I like to treat Pretty woman, I don't believe you You're not the truth No one could spend as much as you Mercy

Pretty woman, wont you pardon me Pretty woman, I couldn't help but see Pretty woman, and you look lovely as can be do you lack imagination just like me

Pretty woman, shop a while Pretty woman, talk a while Pretty woman, sell your smile to me Pretty woman, yeah, yeah, yeah Pretty woman, look my way Pretty woman, say you'll stay with me..and I'll pay you..I'll treat you right

Thieves' Highway (1949)

Made in 1949 and breaks taboos still uncomfortable in 2009

[10/10 · 3 September 2009]

That's right! how many movies main character falls in love with a hooker these days, and please don't mention 'Pretty Woman'.

This film is sensational, each and every performance is on the dime every time. Lee J Cobb is superb as the slimy Market Boss. Richard Conte is great, Stars of this period seem to have a little more to tell you, maybe they have had a few more knocks than many stars of today a little more life experience, whatever it is it helps tremendously when delivering tough performances, it's the same for many of these old schoolers, Paul Muni, John Garfield for example, and I will mention Valentina Cortese who plays Rica she has the same quality and remains beautiful so I'm not saying they have to look like Jack Palance to have a story book face, it's something that shines through regardless of appearance.

Jack Oakie who plays Slob was a very endearing character in this movie and due to the Films serious vibe his likable demeanor was very welcome, he's like the old friend you never knew.

The Love Story is very sincere, and very simple, and dare I say it very touching. Jeeze I'm almost gummy smiling, I must be eating too much estrogen, now where did I put my wine and chocolates?