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Reviews
Santa with Muscles (1996)
Quite Possibly Hulk Hogan's Finest Acting Role to Date!
Words have not been created to describe the horror which just transpired on my television. My VCR almost didn't want to play the movie; that should have given me a hint of what was to come. The movie starts out with Hulk's charactor in a workout with his servants attempting to beat him up. This was the ONLY beliveable part of the movie! Hulk is a rich snob who couldn't care less about real people's problems, only how well his products were selling (his name/face is on everything from cereal to ladies undergarments, I would imagine).
During a 'rousing' game of paintball, a cop attempts to pull the Hulkster over, but he won't surrender. Instead, they go for a chase through the town where he grew up. He bails out of the hummer and runs into the local mall. He puts on a santa suit and ends up falling down the garbage shoot, hits his head on something hard, and he has temporary amnesia. The lead elve at the mall, who is debt for something (we never are really told why), finds the man with the largest pythons in pro-sports and convinces him he is santa.
After a few kids sit on the American hero's lap, he notices that 2 nogoodniks are stealing money from the orphange fund, so he gets up and kicks the tar out of them. He then is drawn to the orphange mysteriously to help them out. It seems a bad guy (named frost... I mean c'mon...geez) has bought out most of the area and now the orphange is next...
Summerizing the next few hours really doesn't do anyone any good. Seeing the movie is the only way to really understand it. The only thing I can say is that watching this movie should be mandatory for all those wishing to gain citizenship to the US. If you enjoy bad/horribe/deplorable movies that should be on MST3K, this is your goldmine. I recommend Mr. Nanny, Battlefield Earth, and Class of Nukem High (which, coincidentaly, I saw in the same night).
Collision Course (1989)
Like a cop buddy movie, but good...
I saw this movie recently. 2 hours later, my head still hurt from laughing. The plot was soo awful, the jokes were soo bad, but what I didn't count on were:
1. the 2 scenes before and after the movie that had Pat and Jay posing (that caused more than enough laughter)
2. The kick through the windshield that decapitated the evil-doer.
This movie is about 20 times better than the Rush Hour series, and my copy even came with a disclamer saying if you didn't like the movie, send certificate to HBO. While I considered it, the date you had to send it in was January 1991 (which also caused wackiness to ensue).