Zachman3001 Reviews

Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

Are you kidding?

[2/10 · 25 October 2008]

When I rented Shoot 'Em Up, I was just expecting an action movie. Nothing more. But when I saw how the first guy was killed, I KNEW this movie was completely stupid. A carrot?! I knew this movie would have ridiculous parts in it but are you kidding me?!!! So stupid.

So to the "plot" of this movie. A man known as Smith sees some men with guns chasing a pregnant woman. He follows, delivers the baby, and decides to protect it. Then the shooting begins. Sounded okay at first...

I guess that my main problem with this movie is that it was COMPLETELY hypocritical. It ended up having a "theme" (if thats what you want to call it) which was that we need gun control and people shouldn't be allowed to own guns. In a movie all about killing people, that was the theme. Again, are you kidding me? Now to Smith. The wah-hah boo-hoo bad ass. Honestly, this guy has a problem with people cutting others off and not using a traffic signal(so much so that he ends up ramming the guy's car and forcing him to run into a parked car) but he doesn't even think twice about stealing someone else's car. WTF?! And he whines and cries about the second amendment because something bad happened to his family. Well bud, just think if you would've taken advantage of that right and had a gun on you, then you could've stopped it from happening.

Overall, this movie was absolute trash. I wouldn't have minded it too much if they kept their political whining out of it and got rid of Smith's "Carrot Powers"(honestly, there's way too over-the-top, then there's this).

The Dark Knight (2008)

One of the greatest performances I have ever seen

[9/10 · 30 July 2008]

Let me start by saying that I always like the first movie of a superhero series best. I love the telling of how the character becomes who he/she is and watching the character go through training to get to the point they need to be. So the second, third, and sometimes fourth movies are at an unfair advantage when being rated by me. So when I went to see The Dark Knight I tried very hard to remember that fact and keep an open mind about the film.

Now, that being said I absolutely enjoyed this movie! Almost every aspect of it was entertaining while not being too dumbed down. The action was a better than Batman Begins because this time you could actually see what was happening. The problem with the cape being in the way of all the action was solved, and allowed for the audience to feel every punch, kick, and grapple. I was permitted to fear for the main character unlike in Batman Begins.

The plot of the movie was gripping. I did not believe that the riot and madness at the climax of Batman Begins could be duplicated, but it was and may have actually been surpassed. The way that people were 'forced' into their actions was ingenious. It actually made one think, unlike most crap that is thrown from the undergarments of Hollywood.

While the action and plot were both well done, there is one variable of this movie that set it aside from any other superhero movie. The final performance of Heath Ledger. I must admit that when I first saw that Ledger had been cast as the Joker, I was extremely skeptical. This just did not seem to be a role that he could pull off, but he did. And not only did Ledger pull it off, he mastered the Joker. He took the Joker to a whole new level of crazy, insane, and funny(in a way). His performance actually made me believe that the Joker was nuts. From large moments in the movie to little quips and "magic tricks", every time the Joker filled the screen this movie was more than enjoyable.

Now comes the hard part. The part that I always wish was not present in a movie but somehow always sneaks in, which is why I could not give this movie a ten. This is the part where I must share my complaints about a movie, no matter how glorious and masterful it may be. Luckily, my complaints about this movie are not large, and may even be seen as picky.

To start, Gotham was not the same Gotham in Batman Begins. It is as if it was picked up, shaken about, and set down, in a new location. I was wondering throughout the movie if we would see the train that had such a prominent role in the first movie. Yes, I know *part* of it was destroyed, but that does not mean it would not be repaired. Even if it was not repaired there is no possible way all of the track would be entirely removed.

There is a motorcycle stunt in the middle of the movie which is absolutely ridiculous. If you have seen the movie you know what I am talking about. If you have not seen the movie then once you watch it you will understand. I know that theoretically it is possible but if you cannot perform the stunt without CGI, and poor CGI at that, do not put it in the film. Especially when the stunt was so unnecessary!

Finally, I must admit that I did not like the performance of Maggie Gyllenhaal. She did not remind me in any way of Rachel in Batman Begins. Therefore, I ended up seeing her as a different character altogether. In addition, and I know that this will upset some people, she did not look very attractive. So when there were certain people drooling over her it was completely unbelievable and made me want to laugh more than anything.

Overall, however, this is a great movie and I would suggest to anyone that if you can see this movie, do it. If you like a movie with good action, a twisted, sinister villain, and a plot with depth, you will most certainly enjoy this tale.

Final Fantasy XII (2006 Video Game)

And we're walking!

[4/10 · 26 June 2008]

You may be wondering what my summary is referring to, and I'll get to that shortly. I want to start out by saying that there were so many things that began so very promising in this game. The beginning scenes were amazing, I loved them! The people looked extremely realistic and the battles they were having kept me glued to the screen. I thought to myself, 'Wow, I can't wait to get started!' The beginning of the game places you right in the middle of the fighting during the 'prologue' of the story line. It's a nice way to get the player used to the new battle system and all the features that come with Final Fantasy XII, while keeping you in the middle of the action.

Once you are finished with the prologue, you control the character Vaan. Vaan is an orphan due to the war and is a small time thief. As usual with a Final Fantasy you must run around and do little, trivial tasks to get used to the game, no problem there. After the simple, beginning tasks Vaan is assigned is where my issues with the game began.

First of all, the Gambit battle system. Is it a good idea? I believe so. But it made the battles so boring! If you set your gambits correctly you don't even have to do anything! I could honestly walk up to a foe, set my controller down, walk out of the room, make a sandwich, eat the sandwich, and finally return to find that my party had successfully defeated my enemies. The only time you actually had to watch your party and tell them what to do was when you were fighting something big, such as a boss or during a hunt. I have even heard of people suggesting that you leave your gambits on and go do something else for a few hours and come back to find your characters had leveled up. I don't know how well this works as I want to actually PLAY the game.

Secondly, this is where I address my summary, probably my biggest issue with this game is that you walk and walk and walk! Finally you get to a boss or a town you are supposed to, but unfortunately it has been so long since the last time you saw a video or even heard from the characters that you most likely forgot what is going on. I did! I was always either asking a friend who had played the game what I was doing or looking online for a tip. It was so frustrating!

Third, the characters in this game were just...there. At one point Balthier asks Vaan why he is with the group and going on these dangerous missions, and Vaan doesn't even answer. Then the girl Penelo is just along for the ride because the party finds her at one point and she suddenly decides to travel with you. Why? Who knows? There is NO character development at all. It's just, go here and do this, go there and do that. *Yawn*

My fourth complaint about Final Fantasy XII is the voice acting. What is up with everyone having an accent and being hard to understand? I don't know if anyone else had any sort of problem with this but no matter how loud I turned my TV up, I could not seem to understand the characters completely.

The fifth large problem with this game(yes I know there is a lot!) is the overall plot itself. Has no one else gotten tired of a 'Big Bad Empire is trying to take over the World'? If you have ever played the beginning Final Fantasy games many of those had that same plot. At first I was not against this as I believed that this classic plot could be told better and have a greater overall effect, but it didn't.

Lastly, my sixth and final complaint includes the bosses of this game. I must say that they are much harder than any other bosses of any other Final Fantasy I have ever played. I have always believed that Final Fantasy bosses needed to be tougher, but this?! Some of the bosses you really did not have a chance against, at all. It was literally walk in, attack once or twice, and die. Wow, fun... Even my roommate who flew through the game could not help me from time to time.

Now that I have my complaints listed, I feel that the good points of this game should also be recognized. The license board was a new and inventive way of learning how to use equipment, which I rather enjoyed. While having to buy and learn magick, in no particular order mind you, kind of took away from it, the overall system is good. The omission of random encounters really does help out, especially when your party is low on life and magick. The best part of the game has to be the hunts. This is a great option for a change of pace from "And we're walking!" to hunting a beast. While they are not always easy to find, it was always more fun to go on a hunt than progress the lack of storyline.

Overall, this game was a large disappointment for me. I feel that the makers of this game were lazy with the lack of in game movies and left the game with too little dialogue. If you are a big Final Fantasy fan, or you just love strategy games, Final Fantasy XII will not be the worst choice for you, but do not expect to be blown away.

And we're walking...

Shadow of the Colossus (2005 Video Game)

Fantastic scenery, a vast world, but a few problems

[7/10 · 26 June 2008]

When I first saw Shadow of the Collosus, my brother had borrowed it from a friend. My brother was battling one of the Collosi and I could not find it in me to tear my eyes away from the screen. It was absolutely HUGE! Inevetibly, my brother bought the game but I was left out as I did not own a PS2 at the time. I have, however, finally been able to play this truly unique game.

When I began play, I immediately noticed one thing. No loading screens as you roam throughout the expanse of this huge world! I had NEVER seen this before. Even the Final Fantasy games, which I consider to be some of the best games ever made, have dozens upon dozens of loading screens, and the area they cover is minuscule in comparison! Next, I noticed how every single part of this game looked like a painting in the making. There was even a time when I HAD to stop while entering a canyon with stormy clouds above. It was simply beautiful.

Also, most of the colossi in this game are simply amazing. My first thought was, "How in the world am I going to be able to beat that!? It's huge!" Finally, my complaints, which are few compared to many other games. (1) Some of this game is fairly choppy. Just watch your character as he runs. It is most likely a side effect of having no loading screens but it still bothered me. (2) Once you are able to get on a Colossi, it is you vs. your grip, rather than the Colossi itself. You would think that they would make a grab at you or something! (3) The camera in this game could drive you absolutely mad! I know that if you hold the right stick in the same position the camera will remain fixed, but try doing that while also holding on to the triangle button, it's nearly impossible! When all is said and done, though, this is definitely a fun game and worth playing through twice, if not several more times afterward. I would not be opposed to a second game as well, especially if the three flaws I stated are fixed.

Cloverfield (2008)

Puts you in the driver's seat

[8/10 · 21 January 2008]

When I first went to see Cloverfield I was skeptical about the movie. A monster attacks Manhattan and tears off the Statue of Liberty's head, seemed like a normal monster movie plot. When I went to see it, however, I was thoroughly impressed. The movie is shot as from a hand-held camera, yet another part of the movie I was originally skeptical about, which ends up working out brilliantly. Usually when you see a bunch of people running through streets you still know what is going on, but with this style of filming you are actually in the street. You can't tell what is going on any more than the characters in the film.

The acting I thought was great. It seemed as if the actors were really into their roles. When Manhattan was first attacked, everyone's reaction was perfect. The fear that you could see in people's faces was very realistic.

The ending I did not like at first. It seemed that it just cut off and that was it. After I thought about it though, the ending worked out really well. It fit perfectly with the style this movie was trying to achieve.

The only complaints that I have about this movie are that some of it was predictable, like in the subway tunnels, and that sometimes they would leave the camera tilted one way, even if someone was still holding it. I felt that when they did this, people were focused more on trying to figure out what they were seeing rather than what was going on in the movie.

Overall, this movie was really good and very entertaining. I would suggest to anyone that you see this movie in theater as that just adds to the fear that the characters go through.

Dragon Wars: D-War (2007)

Terrible

[1/10 · 20 January 2008]

I'm a big dragon fan and when I saw the previews for this movie I was a little excited to see it. Wow, was I disappointed. For starters, there was no character development to speak of. The characters were just introduced, badly, and boom, we have a problem. Somehow the main character, Ethan, knew that he needed to meet this certain Sarah. No explanation of how he knows he needs to meet her, he just does. The old man in the movie, who apparently is a shape-shifter, and can fly, and can use magic, and is hundreds of years old, seems as though he could have handled everything by himself. So why search out all these other people? And Sarah, wow. I have bad dreams, so something bad is going to happen. That's it. That's her. Now run. Thank you, your scenes are over.

The bad dragon somehow amasses an army from no where in particular. Even though they are ancient creatures they have rockets on their backs and blow up anything in their path. And I mean anything. Cars that are on streets that aren't in the way, buildings that happen to look like they need some reconstruction, just whatever. And then there's some guy with a sword that can disappear....awesome. He can also make fire shoot out from the ground by swinging his arm, and it looks exactly like someone put pyrotechnics in just the right spot for him, it was ridiculous.

So this leads us to the end of the movie. Sarah and Ethan get caught by some flying creature, and when they wake up they're at a huge castle. Uh, okay, list that under one of the most random things I have EVER seen. Ethan is tied up on a pole, the bad guys didn't see a reason to kill him I guess, and Sarah is tied up on a sacrificial table. It all looks so bad for our "heroes" but then Ethan yells, "No!" and some stupid amulet he's had for half his life becomes shiny and kills everyone except him, Sarah, and the "badass" with the disappearing sword. Well well, why the hell didn't he just yell "No!" in the very beginning? Then he's about to get killed by disappearing sword guy but Mr. Badass deems it necessary to hit the amulet that just killed EVERYONE instead of somewhere else and *poof* he dies too. Who saw that coming? Finally you see the good dragon, and there's a lame fight and, well, I'm sure you can guess what happens. Overall, just a terrible movie with bad writing, acting, script, and everything in between. Save yourself the pain and rent something else, anything else.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)

Wow.....

[2/10 · 14 January 2008]

This movie was in a word, horrible. The acting was terrible all around, but especially Matthew Lillard. I do not think I have ever seen an actor stick out so badly in a movie. What were they thinking when they cast him? He's not even good in his comedy movies. Jason Statham acted as he does in almost every movie, scowl and talk in a rugged voice, so I was not too disappointed with him.

I love fantasy movies and I must say that this is one of the worst I've ever seen. Usually fantasy movies at least have good action scenes, which is all I expected from this one with Statham, but the fighting was pretty bad. A lot of the times you would see Statham jump and start to swing his sword then all of a sudden he'd be fighting with a different creature. No continuity at all.

Overall this movie is worthless. The only reason that it has a two instead of a one is because there were a few scenes that were okay to watch, such as the battle in the forest. Other than that though, this movie is terrible.

Flightplan (2005)

Not bad

[6/10 · 29 December 2006]

When I saw this movie a wasn't expecting much, seeing as you can't really do too much with the plot. There are only so many things you can do or places you can go on an airplane. But I was surprised at how confused I got as to whether or not the girl was real. At first I believed entirely that the girl was real, but as the movie went on it seemed more and more likely that Kyle Pratt(Foster) was really out of her mind. I found myself constantly switching sides as to whether or not Pratt had actually lost her mind.

That being said, it seemed as if some parts of this movie were put in simply because they needed to fill up time. I can't remember how many times I had to endure Pratt yelling at every crew member that she "has to see the captain". After about the third time of saying it you would think that someone would look at her and tell her that the man has to fly the plane. It felt like the director was just trying to get Sean Bean his face time after a while.

The ending of this movie was kind of weak. It was extremely predictable as to what was going to happen. Once you found out who the antagonist was it was pretty pointless to sit through the rest of the movie. *Spoiler* Not to mention the fact that since everyone believed Pratt as being a high jacker she wasn't even questioned at the end. The FBI simply believed her story all of a sudden and didn't even bother to look any further into the matter.

Overall this movie is entertaining. As I stated before you can only do so much with a lost child on an airplane but this thriller was taken to more of a psychological level with Pratt, for a while. You may question what you think is going on for a while but then it is quite easy to figure out exactly what is going to happen.

Lady in the Water (2006)

Absolute Crap

[1/10 · 28 December 2006]

I have never given a movie a one out of ten, until I saw this movie. I didn't really have any good expectations of this movie but when I saw it I was dumbfounded. This movie had its trailer played constantly and it made it look like a thriller, which I knew not to expect a thriller after the same thing happened with The Village (also crap), but it turned out to be some kind of modern day fairy tale story, and failed miserably.

The people in this movie made no sense at all. The Narf, or whatever she was, was injured badly and all that happened was about twelve adults stood and stared at her trying to figure out what to do. CALL 911! Some guy slightly suggests to get her to a hospital but everyone looks at him like he's stupid and they completely ignore his advice. And some kid can read a prophecy from cereal boxes, give me a break.

The one thing that really made this movie bad for me is that it put me to sleep. I have never, ever gone to sleep in the middle of a movie. Nope, not even Alexandar could do the trick. So I would like to congratulate Shyamalan on doing what was previously thought impossible.