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Celluloid_Vince
Reviews
Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Ocean's Flotsam!
I will make a confession here to my fellow posters: I have not seen this film. Another confession: Unless I can watch it for free(relatively speaking), I don't even intend on renting it. A last confession: I take back what I said about even considering watching it for free (relatively speaking). I do not intend on wasting my time (which IS money) on this piece of garbage.
I also want to apologize for the statement I am about to make. I TOLD YOU SO (even though I didn't).
What were you expecting from a SEQUEL to a REMAKE? And Hollywood wonders why it can't keep audiences anymore! How desperate can you get? How pathetic that Hollywood can't come up with a script that's original anymore? I saw a statement from a fellow poster saying to the effect that O-12 didn't have the same {fill in the blanks} as the "original". The simple fact is that the "original" was not the ORIGINAL. For that, you have watch the Rat Pack version and have real fun with a movie.
From what I can gather from the "plot" (for lack of a better description, and garbage always pops up in my head), the gang is anxious to reclaim the money to give back to Benedict. Why be anxious and why panic? Okay, pardon me, but didn't they rub Benedict's nose in the proverbial merde in O-11 redux? If I stole $160 million from a guy and humiliated him in the process, I would have asked said victim that if he can't stop a bunch of misfits from robbing a well guarded casino, he might have a tough time convincing the Nevada Gaming Commission to renew his gaming license.
I would also make it plain to the rest of the conspirators that in the interests of self-preservation, somebody who is prone to gabbing will be dealt with severely, to the tune of a horrible death and natural forfeiture of their share in the loot. I would have a few candidates in mind: The bickering brothers would be first on my hit list, followed by Matt Damon (just because I don't like Matt Damon), followed by Julia Roberts (what woman can keep quiet for ANY reason, let alone for stolen loot?, PLUS see reason for Matt Damon), followed by the Asian acrobat (sorry, no offense, but if I can't understand what you're saying, how I can trust you?), followed by the script writer for this debacle (he/she gets the most horrible fate, no residuals! Wait, that may not actually turn out to be punishment after all).
Death Game (1977)
Not even worth a rental!
How bad is this Turkey? Let me count the ways! First off, I'd like to agree with another poster that there isn't much to spoil! Second, Sondra Locke must have forgotten to destroy at least one copy of this film because I think Clint Eastwood finally realized he'd been taken for a ride by this no talent loser.
I had to apologize to a friend of mine for wasting their time showing it. This is a waste of celluloid.
Seymour Cassell, if you're reading this, find the rest of the copies and destroy it! I have to disagree with only the last part of what another poster said that this teaches you to lock the doors, don't answer the phone and don't answer the door if 2 beautiful blonde girls show up. Don't rent a movie with Sondra Locke! Colleen Camp made up for her sin, Seymour Cassell has rebounded. This woman (Locke) can't act. Neither can I but I don't call myself an actor.
West Side Story (1961)
Gangs?
First the good: Music was good (probably one of the very few Broadway musicals outside of Rogers and Hammerstein work that I wouldn't mind owning the soundtrack to), characters of Bernardo and Anita were terrific (Rita Moreno still has killer looking legs, and I wouldn't mind her licking my wounds after a "rumble"). Cinematography was fantastic (makes me want to go back there for an Egg Cream).
Now for the not necessarily bad but somewhat inconceivable: The "Romeo and Juliet in Hell's Kitchen" angle just doesn't work for me here. In real life, Tony would be dead meat, Maria would be pregnant with Chino's kid, and the whole bunch would be fighting in Queens, because I don't see any of them having the means to afford a broom-closet in Manhattan, lest they mugged a rent-controlled apartment occupant for the space.
The only way I see these two gangs ever existing in real life New York is maybe if they were in Greenwich Village! I don't know of any "gang" that went around snapping their fingers, dancing ballet, and occasionally singing (maybe we should compel MS-13 to do that!). The only dance numbers that any real gang members would perform would be on your face.
The Bad News Bears (1976)
Is Coach Turner Sgt Saunders in Civilian Life?
I recently saw this on one of the HBO channels. I wanted to get one last shot at seeing an "original" before my memory is ruined by another Hollywood "General public is too young and/or stupid to remember" remake starring Billy Bob Thorton.
No remake can touch this. Vic Morrow isn't far from the role that made him famous. I almost expected him to say "Joey, take the point!"
Anyway, it would be interesting to find out what happened with the "kids" from the original cast. They could have done with this remake what they did with the Cape Fear remake; use some in the original cast in a different role for the remake.
The reason there is animosity between the teams, though, is a story all too familiar to us in the present day. A class-action lawsuit that put a feather in the councilman's (read: lawyer) hat with no regard or thought to the realities of the consequences, and who has to bear the brunt (the kids). And soon as the reality hits that a bunch of misfits thrown together actually play like a bunch of misfits thrown together, the instigator of the scheme wants to disband the team.
The Out of Towners (1970)
How NOT to act in New York (or any other city)
No offense to Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn, but this movie should not have been remade. It's not fair to Martin-Hawn that Lemmon-Dennis hit their version out of the park. Any remake would suffer.
Jack Lemmon as George Kellerman is a lesson to us on how not to act in any place out of your natural environment.
He is fantastic with his taking down names, numbers, badges, offices, titles, and whatever else he can remember (expecting a cabdriver to mail you change?). And in typical New York fashion, everybody reacts with a "Yeah? So what?" attitude.
Rule #1 when you're an out-of-towner visiting a "big" city: Don't draw any more attention to yourself than you already have. This goes double if you're not in your own country.
You just want to go up to him and say "forget a life in this city, you can't even handle a night in this city!" Rule #2 is more basic than Rule #1 (this goes even for when you're at home). Just behave yourself.
Ocean's Eleven (1960)
Cool vs uncool.
Cool was The Rat Pack and the era this movie was made, when both men and women dressed up to do the town.
Uncool is Julia Roberts.
Cool is Las Vegas during it's heyday in the original.
Uncool is what this city is turning into (kid friendly).
Cool is George Clooney's aunt Rosemary. Uncool is her nephew, George Clooney.
Cool would have been to leave this movie alone.
Uncool was the above warning not heeded.
Cool is not making a sequel to the original. Uncool, again, is not heeding the above warning, by making a sequel of a remake.
Cool was Hollywood during this same era. Uncool is Hollywood now, not even bothering to make anything original.
Cool was the studio system, flawed but still successful. Uncool is the so-called Independent film groups who realize they still need to make movies with the same money the studios needed.
Cool were actors who realized their success was in acting.
Uncool are actors who do not realize opening their mouths about anything other than acting and trying to sound intellectual are only displaying their vapid lack of intellect.
Cool will forever be the Rat Pack. Uncool will always be today's pretty boy actors.
Mummy's Dummies (1948)
Shemp's "reward"
Be very very very careful what you wish!! The ending to this makes it one of my favorite Shemp 2-reelers. When it's made clear what's attached to the "hand in marriage" for the "lucky man", Moe and Larry are more than willing to let Shemp bask in the "glory".
Check out the make-up job on actress Dee Green. I'm sure she was a lovely actress in her day, but you wouldn't know that by her character contributions to the stooges shorts. She was always portrayed as an ugly hag who always had a thing for Shemp, to his horror.
IMDb comes up with blanks on her biography, but I think read that she had some silent screen experience.
Cape Fear (1962)
Bone Chilling!
I've seen and heard countless times that the remake has the better version, but the groundwork for the violence was already laid down long ago.
The original was in an age of censorship. Don't get me wrong. DeNiro & Scorcese get my accolades for GoodFellas, Casino, and a host of others, but they lose out to Mitchum on this one, hands down. NO competition.
Consider, it's 1962 and Mitchum blurts out to Peck the daughter is looking every bit as "juicy" as the wife!
Mitchum plays cat and mouse with Peck all through the movie. You're that close to screaming at Peck to get a backbone! I disagree with another comment that in the early 60's, the law was not "fine-tuned" enough to deal with a Cady. If you know how to proscecute properly, you could slow him down considerably.
After watching this movie and noticing Peck's forays into Liberal politics (Bork), I nod in understanding how Bowden (Peck) looks so inept in handling Cady (Mitchum). This is even more true of Nolte.
Mitchum plays not only a monster with delightful ease, he gives us an early picture of a very effective terrorist mindset. And that, more than anything, should give you the creeps!
Mister Roberts (1955)
Let's make some scotch!
Fonda and Powell dabbling in chemistry by creating a crude fake scotch to help Lemmon stands out as one of my favorite scenes!
All for the attention of a nurse he managed to sweet-talk into visiting the ship for a drink of the real stuff which Fonda took earlier to bribe the port director to arrange the infamous liberty stop.
The nurse leaves him with the ultimate insult a woman could ever give a love-struck sailor by calling him ..."harmless"..Ouch!!!
That 'cutting' remark would come in handy for her later film role: Mrs Voorhies in "Friday the 13th"!!