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faulknerlaird
Reviews
The Batman (2022)
Absurd for nobody
Seriously, this Batman even looked more weaker, then Kick-Ass.
Only propaganda, too much violence and no any sign about Batman evil's style, I mean, it isnt Riddler at all. Call him a "Trevor" and nobody will recognize him as Riddler.
Batman is a second plan figure, the heroine is only a Selina Kyle
So I dont know why its called "Batman", its a "Catwoman - 2"
SpongeBob SquarePants (1999)
Hillenburg's Delirium
One word is degradation. Starting back in 1999, SpongeBob was a fresh and original series about the inhabitants of the ocean depths. The typical SpongeBob stereotype was close, perhaps, to everyone, right there and his stupid friend Patrick, for some reason a jock - Sandy the squirrel, the greedy Mr. Krabs, the eternal loser Plankton, etc. The plot of the episodes was also quite typical and was able to entertain. And ... what has all this become? It's already 100,500 season, and the characters have completely degenerated into caricatures of themselves. If earlier, although Mr. Krabs was stingy, now he is literally ready for anything for the sake of money and there is nothing else in him. Remember his love for Mrs. Puff in one of the episodes? Nothing. Only money, money, money, money, money. Plankton CONSTANTLY loses and is humiliated. Aren't you tired of looking at another mediocre attempt by Plankton to steal the formula? Oh, this content has been waiting for you for as long as the show lasts. And it got sick of it. Nothing new like Pokémon. Apparently, the creators of the show are simply unable to come up with something else.
Patrick became even dumber, and together with the completely dull SpongeBob, they resemble the heroes of the movie "Dumb and Dumber", except that the rating of the cartoon is 0+, therefore, you cannot show abominations and shine with toilet humor, there is simply no humor. In general, the cartoon seems to be made by people on antidepressants, or maniacs. Everything is crumpled, everything is nervous, too emotional, fast, maximally stupid and boring, vulgar and disgusting. If earlier the series had a feeling of incompleteness, now they seem to be chopped off in the middle. Squidward ... Oh, Squidward, perhaps in all this booth of idiocy is the only adequate character, you empathize with him, his persecution by the two clowns Sponge and Star who have completely lost touch with reality is cruel and stupid. For some reason, the series promotes how cool it is to be crazy and create game, getting everyone out, but being normal is bad. Separately, it is worth noting the images of the abomination. Remember Ren and Stimpy? So, all this demonstration of mucus, swollen veins, pus, snot and other things, for some reason migrated to SpongeBob. From this, the rating of the show should be higher, but the series is absolutely meaningless and stupid so that someone over 18 can watch it without feeling ashamed.
To summarize, the series needs to be closed. He has degenerated. The characters have become flat and annoying. The plots are simply absent, there is no more logic in the actions, because the two main characters are mentally ill. Events often contradict themselves, for example, Squidward goes to spend the night at Sponge's for the second or more circle and says that this is the first time, although it has already happened many times. Apparently, the creators did not come up with anything better than self-copying and simply rewriting the events of the old series over and over again, counting on those who watch the series for the first time. Stupidity is off the charts. The abomination is off scale, trash work and unwillingness to work are visible. There is no soul that was in the very beginning. It's time to close SpongeBob.
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2018)
Beavis and Butthead like it
Well... Original series is a legend. Rocky and Bullwinkle and friends was a kid show maded with love, good humor, even it learn kid something. Also a adults can watch it and have some fun.
But THIS...
The cheapiest graphics...
Ugly.
Grotesque.
Yes, we living in 21 century, where handmaded cartoons are too hard to made, too expensive and wanted by nobody.
But this "Legends of Awsomness" level is a shame.
True shame.
Just look on Rocky!
WHAT IS THIS?!
Why his head are square?
Whats wrong with him?
Who made it?
Someone was watching that before sell to people?
But the most worst thing is a characters.
It isnt Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Its a SpongeBob and Patrick, its Ren and Stimpy.
They are stupid, they are do some idiotic things like a silly clowns, its just a pure disrespect to fans, pure disrespect to original.
Stop it.
Seriously.
Two cretins isnt a heroes whose adventures I want to watch!
Can you make another characters?
I guess that dealers, who want to get money by easy way - exploiting the good and old things, should learn how to respect people, fans, original series and shows.
Or they should lose their right to make any shows and go, clean the streets.
Shame.
The Suicide Squad (2021)
Even worse than it was
The deception starts right from the trailer and the title of the movie. "Someone will die" - the teaser hinted, maybe even everything. But... About everything in order.
Let's start from the beginning. Introduction to the characters, introduction, history, no, forget it. Already in 2 minutes, the assembled party of those whom you do not know and have never heard of, except, perhaps, about Harley and Boomerang, is sent on a mission, the purpose of which is also unknown.
There, almost everyone is quickly and cheerfully killed under a whole ocean of ketchup and dismemberment, and we are switched to the heroes of the film.
Then the introduction, where in 3 minutes we are also shown the daughter...
a minute!
But after all, in the original film there was not a Bloodshot, but a Deadshot!
Screenwriter, fans, didn't you notice the difference?
This is to the question of the elaboration of the Marvel world.
By the way, which everyone puts as an example.
In general, daughter, nothing new, but the dialogues are so weak and bad, so illogical and so incoherent that it seems that Mr. Tiny from the Simpsons worked on their creation.
So, here they are, the heroes of the Galaxy and the saviors of our sinful philistine souls:
1. Bloodshot. Copy-paste of Deadshot, Elba-copy-paste of Smith, just aged. A weapons expert.
2. John Cena. I do not know what his character's name was, they called him by name a little, I don't remember anymore, too... expert... on... weapons...
do you feel the effort?
Originality?
A variety of types and their abilities?
No?
And this is not there.
3. Their supervisor. Sina's copy paste, just not so pumped up.
4. The girl-summoner of rats.
5. A downtrodden mother's son, so pathetic that he can shoot confetti and see only his mother everywhere.
This character is so worthless that it's even disgusting.
6. The shark.
7. Harley Quinn (occasionally). Apparently, they took to exploit this image again, because, without it, the film would not have received more than 3.0, it is so weak and bad.
One of the creators also worked on "Guardians of the Galaxy" and his genius of creativity was so lacking here to create something new that he simply replaced Groot with a Shark, and the Rocket with a Weasel, which died first.
The moment with the mistake was not bad, however, despite all the "adulthood", which is limited here to vulgar gestures and liters of strawberry juice with slices in the screens, the film reeks of Disney, as well as from Disney itself.
Suddenly, Harley is dressed up as a princess and she sleeps with a "dictator prince", who is then killed for "habits", although it was never said that she decided to quit with psychos.
Apart from the words and throwing guts, there is nothing mature in the film.
There is no disclosure of serious topics, there are no mature ideas, for example, that it is society that gives birth to maniacs, who are then imprisoned, forcibly treated, or killed, no, there is only shock content and... nothing more.
While the red paint is gushing, there is chatter, the essence of which is: the disclosure of the confettishness of a pathetic mother's son and the past of a rat-loving girl.
The scenes with her father smelled so absurd from the excessive detail and maximum opacity of the events that it was even funny, it turned out so ridiculous.
In the first bar, they meet the main villain, who looks just stupid with all these spark plugs stuck on his head, then they take him prisoner, and they themselves escape, deftly dealing with a soldier with stormtrooper syndrome.
While Harley single-handedly destroyed the entire army of the country, which then shot crookedly, apparently because of the squint, according to which soldiers were recruited in this country for service, then forgot to shoot at all, then ran away, we see how useless all the others are against her background.
In general, the film came out worse than even the first part, which was almost the same, only with a lot of charismatic actors, scenes and, in principle, typically Disney content.
Here we have the same thing, only of the memorable actors and images, only Harley remains, who is essentially a minor character here, and that's all.
Some of them reek of "Guardians of the Galaxy", but they are all unknown who, that's the reason for the failure of the picture.
The plot is weak, the dialogues are poor, if you remove the gallons of blood, then this is a typical Disney, even with a prince and a princess.
The characters do not shine with variety, what is happening is boring, and the action scenes are simply absurd.
The film absolutely does not deserve a rating of 7.0 or higher, it is 5.0.
The feeling is that everything was shot by Asaylum.
What is his secret of success?
In the audience.
People began to grow up later, childhood stretches to about 30 years, when there is no taste, no requirements for logic, coherence and better content, when they can no longer be deceived by a stupid huge Shark and disgusting graphics in which juicy cruelty occurs.
I hope that this is the last attempt to make money on this topic and people will do at least something new, and will not continue to reshoot what has already been filmed.
Rating: 1/10.
The film is not worth the money.
It is better to go to the "Magic of Moonlight" again.
Cruella (2021)
Too overrated crappy fairy tale for alternative kids
God, this is one of the most overrated projects of our time.
The girl Cruella in the 60s-70s behaves openly defiantly and brazenly, moreover, she is not sent to a special school for problem children.
Her only friend is politically correct.
Then her mother is killed by dogs, purely by accident, attention, KICKING a woman off a cliff.
If anything, the dogs do not push, attacking, but on the contrary, pull to the ground to either bite the victim's throat, or fix the aggressor below in a subordinate position.
Was there really not a single dog handler on the set?
Graphics.
Constant, everywhere and everywhere, as if modern actors can only shoot close-ups, and everything else is enough to make plasticine in the editor.
It looks absolutely unconvincing and all this falseness destroys the entire illusion of the reality of the picture, which is necessary in order to watch it.
What, the actors are paid so little that they can't even jump with a parachute from a height of 5 meters for the finale?
You really try, you don't unload the cars, you can break a nail once. You won't die.
Although, when 20-25-year-old young people are played by people who are under 40 - this is, of course, a grand idea.
But we will also return to that ridiculous parachute with you.
In general, from the very beginning, we are taught that Cruella is a GENIUS.
But this is not shown anywhere and she does not try at all, does not work and does not study design.
Just accept that she is the best from birth, knows everything in a word-a GENIUS.
After the death of her mother, Cruella meets the most cleanly and luxuriously dressed vagabond children in the world, for some reason decides that she will be accused of murdering her mother - a 10-year-old child, whom no one has even seen at the crime scene, although the whole city has gathered there and decides that she urgently needs to hide... by repainting...
Oh, if all the bandits in the world used hair dye, the magic of which would hide them from the police...
And, attention, together with these ragamuffins, alone, these children live in an abandoned house, not found by anyone and fishing for theft, as much as 10 years!
I was reminded of "Oliver Twist", but the author of the book is just nervously smoking away from such plot twists of "Cruella".
Yes, after 10 years, these 10-12-year-old children are sharply under 40, I have never met the worst selection of actors in my life.
And they're cool.
They're like Ocean's friends.
Cruella also has expensive fabrics for her models, there is all the equipment for sewing, however, they could not save money for her birthday cake, and their abandoned apartment looks more elite than many homes of the middle class.
Then, not much, not less, Cruella alone invents the punk style, and you will immediately find out who will be the main villain in this piece of Disney.
It's amazing that time has stepped forward a lot, and the technique from the 60s, when Clark Kent took off his glasses and no one recognized him, also works at Cruella!
Masterfully putting on a wig, Cruella is suddenly not recognized by anyone from her entourage, moreover, her friends are not recognized, who are looked at point-blank during their acts of vandalism and hooliganism, and when they bring her parcels to the office of the villain.
By the way, there is no police in the world of "Cruella", no one was looking for these three stooges, despite the damage they caused to the city and one of the most influential women in the fashion world.
They can steal cars and ram parked cars, but there are no police. Just accept it.
The nonsense about the true Cruella is unconvincing, when she changes back the color of her hair, no one has prevented her from being herself before.
Her rescue from the fire by dogs, by the way, one of which has a pirate blindfold for some reason, looks very ridiculous and stupid.
Otherwise, everything is predictable, boring, and, like an extravaganza of complete scenario nonsense, a sudden rescue in the style of James Bond by parachute.
There will be sequels and this is obvious.
But don't believe the ratings, "Cruella" doesn't deserve a rating higher than 5.0
It's strange that Disney didn't make a princess out of it.
I will never expect anything good from the company of Mickey Mouse again.
iCarly (2021)
All for money
I will immediately start with the fact that it is very sad that Janet McCurdy refused to shoot, without Sam the series lost a part of itself, weakened, became drained of blood, but Janet was filmed to support her family, after the death of her mother, her career lost meaning for her, moreover, she had a lot of problems, coupled with regret for the roles played. I would like to sincerely wish the actress happiness and success in life outside of acting career.
So, the new series.
On the positive side: the creators of the series are the same Dan Schneider and the team of actors themselves iCarly: Miranda Cosgrove was the initiator of the continuation, Nathan Kress, who does not know, is already working in this direction, he shot new series for Nickelodeon, such as "Game Shackers", "Henry Danger" and others.
The scenery of the original was also almost authentically recreated, they did not rewrite the characters and did not take another actress for the role of Sam.
The series has classic moments of iCarly, humor and even invited some performers of minor roles, such as the director of their school, Nora the kidnapper, Neville and Freddie's mother.
The series treated the original with respect and a special thank you to him for this.
However, there are more disadvantages.
Two new actresses, unnecessary topics related to women, bringing them a dead weight of their culture and dominating the series.
Their characters constantly humiliate either Carly, Freddie, or Spencer, only respecting each other.
The characters ' past.
Freddie was married twice and divorced both times, he adopted a daughter, and not his own, who, for some reason, does not live with her own mother.
This is very strange.
But he doesn't look like a father, Freddie is still a child himself.
Spencer's incomprehensible wealth.
Nowhere is it explained how it appeared and this is done so that the characters do not work, because their father used to support them, however, Carly is already about 30, Spencer is 40 and this will no longer work.
But it could be explained somehow, for example, by winning the lottery.
Show.
You won't believe it, but there is NO ICARLY in ICARLY.
For all the series, they showed only how Carly filmed the endings 2 times
Now it's being filmed somewhere by her and somehow, but they don't show it to us.
Growing up.
Miranda Cosgrove said that the show will be more mature.
However, only two episodes touched on serious topics: one about financial pyramids, and the second about how a misogynist woman earned money from women by illegally obtaining and selling their data to advertisers.
What a lot of money!
The heroes CONSTANTLY talk only about money, how to earn it quickly and easily.
This is all that interests them and everything that is important to them.
Forget about something touching.
Here it is, a restart, sudden and stunning in its suddenness, but is it necessary for at least someone?
The new generation will not watch the original - they will not like it, and fans will be disappointed with the poor selection of new actors, and the loss of the soul of the series. And the time is no longer the same, the requirements for the series are different.
In general, my rating is 1/10.
Sam & Cat (2013)
Total boringness
Eeeeeeeeeeh...
"Sam & Cat"...
Even a opening theme fall you into a gray and boring mood, I swear, when you listen that song, all you want to do - is a make a cute big and warm sweater for your grandchilds.
Even if you 14 years old.
You know "Power Rangers" theme?
Its rock!
Its energizing you to a real action!
You remember "Victorious" or "iCarly" theme?
Its a cool songs.
But total boringness meet you in "Sam & Cat" since you just start watching it.
But hey, maybe its not so bad afterall?
They have a robot cafe!
Meh....
And a boy, who selling some crazy things!
Meh...
And a french fighter men, who a best friend of this boy. He isnt smart at all, but kinda nice (super creeeeepyyyy)
And they working like a babysitters!
Doh...
You know, thats the problem of series.
There no any bright characters anymore, and all what happened is maked for a kids around 5 years old: so immature and so naive it is.
In they own series, was another characters, strong and charismatic.
Carly compensate Sam boldness, Tory and Jade was a soft and harsh sides of maturness around Cat.
Now they all was ripped off, but on their places we can see weak characters.
Even a logo screen with a photos looks so safe and so childish, like: "Hey, kids, dont worry, this girls isnt bad and mean in real life, they are friends in real with a Sam and Cat! Look, how sweet they hugging on this photos".
I dont know, who can like it, older, then 5.
One of the weakiest series on modern Nickelodeon channel.
Worst Best Friends (2002)
Not bad
Dasting like a Cartman, I really dont know why the hell protagonist still have a friendship with him. Ok. I dont know why they all still be together.
Australian series have some kind of magic.
I like them.
Not bad for a teen TV, but if you looking for something like a great level, I guess you should start watching movies.