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Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)
Turned it off after less than ten minutes.
Ten (TEN!) animated company logos before the movie even starts. At least five of them I thought were the actual movie because I'd never heard of those companies.
Really? This movie was made in 2018 and they're still using shaky-cam? And it's really bad here. Five minutes into it I started feeling queasy. I lasted until the first explosions which looked like bad Photoshop superimpositions. I turned it off immediately after that.
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)
Body count = high!
Seeing this series' movies close together has been an enjoyable trip. This one was my favorite by far. The most colorful of the series, almost garish. Heavy use of orange and blue.
I have to say the knife fight was one of my favorite action sequences of all time. However, there is one long fight scene featuring flickering green LED lights that I could not watch past the first few seconds. It gave me a headache and I felt like I was going to have a seizure even though I'm not prone to them.
This was the first movie in a long time I recall that had an actual opening credit sequence (that wasn't just text while the first scenes of the movie played out).
Looking forward to the next (and I expect final) chapter.
Home (2009)
Deceptive description, beautifully shot.
The "4" rating is solely for the stunning cinematography (meaning, the points added). The points taken off are for the deceptive nature of its presentation on the disc.
Sure, I'm all for saving the planet and absolutely support the need to handle global climate change. But this "message" movie is not the way to present it. Combining beautiful footage of spectacular, mundane, and even unpleasant scenes with a wave of statistics in the narration makes for a disjointed experience at best.
If it had been presented as what it was (or even described as such on the cover) I would not have had as much of a problem with it.
My recommendation: turn the sound off and put on some relaxing music for the first 90 minutes or so. All the info is presented as text in the last several minutes anyway, so save that for another time.
A Galaxy Far, Far Away (2001)
"What a piece of junk!"
I have never seen a more poorly done "documentary".
Bad lighting, bad audio, bad editing, bad music, and ultimately pointless. There was nothing enlightening or amusing about even the parts that made fun of the fans. Low point, a guy in a Superman costume going on about his drug-ridden alcoholic father which has nothing to relate to the rest of the tape. Most comical moment - the credits sequence showing the silent video of celebrities accosted at a golf tournament. Silent because the director forgot to turn on the microphone. Or maybe because they were just saying "Get out of my face!"
The narrator is apparently trying to do a documentary in the style of Werner Herzog, and fails miserably. Shot (badly) on a camcorder. Features very little of what makes the biggest Star Wars fans so fanatic about it. Lots of overkill and hamfisted editing, like comparing the crowd of people attempting to buy Star Wars toys to people reaching for food in a poor country. Not just once, but about six times. Yeah, we get the message. There is one adequately shot interview (with Roger Corman -- he probably set it up himself.)
If you want a more interesting take on a similar theme, try Star Wait, which just covers the people in line for Episode II, but is much more entertaining (and well-done!). Good grief, this is one of the worst things I've ever seen.
I Am Number Four (2011)
Don't bother. It's a TV pilot.
Don't bother. It's a TV pilot. 25-year-olds playing high school kids. It has no ending. Numbers 1 through 3 are dead. Number 6 saves the day. They still have to try to find Numbers 7 through 9 at the end. I'm sure they will be very diverse when the series is picked up. Sam will turn out to be Number 5. The dog lives, of course. The captain of the football team is a jerk, with lackeys, who picks on the "nerdy" guy who's not really that nerdy at all.
Some good makeup and CGI effects. Lots of shaky-cam. The bad guys are unstoppable, but only until the script requires that they be stopped. I have no idea what the hell that alien planet story was all about.
Tonari no Totoro (1988)
A delightful romp where nothing much happens. That is not a bad thing,
This is probably the simplest story I have ever seen in a movie, told in a way to be quite delightful. Lots of times where the silence or lack of music or dialogue lets the visuals speak for themselves. I usually prefer the soundtrack in the original language, but these voice actors were just perfect for the parts. The girls' boundless energy was infectious.
This is not just a movie for young kids, although they will probably find it quite enjoyable. Adults can appreciate the youthful exuberance exhibited by the girls. There were lots of little touches that made it seem "real". I especially like the way they showed the odd way the boy was propelling the bicycle because he couldn't reach the pedals from the seat.
Earth's Final Hours (2011)
Never mind the plot and acting...
Never mind the plot and acting... I don't even have to talk about them.
This is seriously the most nausea-inducing movie I've ever seen, and it's all due to the shaky-cam. I actually had to look away during several of the scenes and those include the set-bound "office" shots. And don't even try to follow any of the flight or flight scenes.
The other irritating thing is the score. You know how for the main menu on a DVD the music plays on a loop? Well, get used to it. This soundtrack consists literally of one blaring chord, which just gets louder as things get more "dangerous".
The main character was not too bad as an actor, and Bruce Davison did what he could. The girlfriend was one of the worst I'd ever seen, smiling through every single line, as much as Denise Richards in Starship Troopers. Can you believe two people in this film were in the X-Men movies?
Around the World in Eighty Days (1956)
Watchable once
I stuck it out but was reminded that the previous time I saw it I had decided that I did not ever need to see it again. But this time it was in HD! Random comments: This was obviously made for the Cinerama (Todd-AO) screen, with the many travelogue scenes that are pretty but now read like a demonstration reel for a new (1950s) projection feature at Disney World. Many "look out the window, stock shot" sequences. OK, so they weren't stock shots but it sure felt like it.
IMDb says that at the time, Cantinflas was the highest-paid movie star in world. Apparently popular everywhere but the U.S. I did not find him particularly engaging or appealing.
There is nary a bit of humor or tension in the whole film. Each crisis is instantly solved by either money or a simple "Land Ho!". In fact, some sequences drag on way too long, specifically the ones in Spain. (Maybe for the Cantinflas audience?) There is a bullfighting sequence that goes on for nearly 15 minutes where absolutely nothing is at stake and the movie stops completely dead.
It was startling to go from the cinematic location shots to the obvious backlot first unit stuff. For such an "epic", it felt quite claustrophobic.
I liked and recognized many of the cameos. Apparently this was the film that started that trend.
The music was lush and wonderful, and the end title sequence was quite engaging (a Saul Bass production). This version had the Edward R. Murrow intro which I had not seen before, and the Intermission, Entracte, and Exit Music, all of which I quite like in an epic film event.
I kept mentally comparing this to some of the other big event films around the time, especially It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and The Great Race, both of which I enjoyed much more.
One thing that made me laugh is that one Indian fell off his horse three times. It may have been three angles of the same shot.
I did find it interesting that Fogg used a telescope much like the antique one I found I have. Now I wonder just how old it is?
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
Truly the worst movie ever
Remember those old 60's sitcoms with the scary rubber bats on wires? The special effects in this one are worse. Even though they are CGI (circa 1993), the superimposed birds look more like paper cutouts than anything else.
The main gal actually pulls off her role with some charm. The guy, not so much.
This movie is so cheep (sorry) that they didn't even bother to pay for using stock footage. Look for the "Getty Images" watermark on the racing footage during the newscast. And I don't believe the director ever learned the word "Cut!". This one far outshines what I had previously considered to be the best worst movie(s) I'd ever seen.
Chronicle (2012)
Ripoff of Akira, yet no props to Jedi or Spider-Man?
I did enjoy the movie, and am impressed with what special effects they can come up with on a "low" budget nowadays.
Some quibbles:
Anyone who has seen Akira knows that this is more than an homage, it is a ripoff.
Why have a lead character that looks exactly like Leonardo DeCaprio?
"High schoolers" that look as old as college grads. The extras at the welcome party looked like the right age.
How can they gain these powers and not at least make a joke about being a Jedi?
Good guy pushes the rules. They didn't see Spider-Man either? They could have mentioned the part about great power and responsibility.
Why make it a found-footage film? To create it, sources had to be pulled not only from the lead's cam, but a hastily inserted and extraneous female video vlogger, and news and security footage. It should have just been presented as a straightforward documentary.
Still, an OK way to pass 90 minutes. Not a buy, though.
Footloose (2011)
I was really prepared to dislike this movie.
I was really prepared to dislike this movie. After all, the original Footloose was an iconic movie and soundtrack of the eighties, and it certainly had a big influence on me. So it surprised me when I got to liking this one more and more as it played.
Oh, there were things that rankled me a bit, but not enough to destroy my enjoyment of the flick. Why have the lead guy sport a Johnny Depp 80's haircut? Not to mention he and Ariel looked somewhat older than "17". And he was supposed to be this fantastic, expressive dancer but I didn't see a lot to impress me. Kevin Bacon had the swagger necessary to sell what he was doing. This guy was just cocky.
I was put off by the conversion to so much country-style music, and the addition of rap-type tunes. Granted, they wanted to appeal to a larger audience but it just made for a haphazard soundtrack.
It was puzzling in that it was definitely a remake, with much of the exact same dialogue and some shot-for-shot and line-for-line reproductions, and even readings, of the original, so why do it? I'm a bit amazed that they even got an "ethnic" lookalike for Rusty, the Sarah Jessica Parker character. Dennis Quaid pouts through the entire film, except for one moment where he does flash his trademark grin.
Some of the things I liked: The uncle character was the total opposite of the original, which was a nice surprise in that he actually supported Ren instead of opposing him like most of the other adults. I initially didn't like the guy who played Willard but by the end I thought he was the best character in the whole movie.
So, why did I like it so much? I don't know, but I did!
Green Lantern: First Flight (2009)
What? No Gnort?
I haven't read the GL comics for several years, mostly since they switched Hal Jordan for the new guy(s). However, most of the characters are familiar in this movie and I don't feel I missed a thing (except a giant boxing glove!) It was nice to see GL up on the "big" screen for a change -- this could certainly be done live-action nowadays. However, it seems like a pilot for a TV series (like Clone Wars was).
I thought I saw a few references to old sci-fi icons in this one -- Cooch looked like that cucumber alien from It Conquered the World, and I think the spaceship the GLs ferried Hal Jordan to Oa the first time resembled the Phantom Cruiser from Space Ghost.
I would have liked to see more of the actual weakness of the green ring to yellow, perhaps having it fizzle out somehow when it contacted that color. However, it seemed to have no weakness at all, even to the point of being able to damage the Yellow Lantern (albeit cleverly). Even if it was explained it was only affecting the black parts, it would have made sense.
Knowing (2009)
Like A.I., falls apart in the final act
I will give credit for decent direction, photography, and an interesting premise. However, the premise is somewhat moot in that most of the events happen with the time capsule buried, with only 3 remaining (and resting on the chance that a drunk guy would leave a Scotch ring right where it counts.) The kid was vapid, almost as expressive as the kid in Superman Returns. And I had a hard time understanding what either of them said half the time.
I started to see the religious overtones when Nick Cage was proposing his idea to the other guy, and the other guy says "You need to ignore all this and start thinking like a scientist." and Cage agrees! Hello? A scientist would be intrigued by the possibility that something was there and pursue it intensely.
If there was any other movie besides A.I.:Artificial Intelligence that falls apart in the last act, this one is it. The "angelians" even looked similar. It was subtle, but you could even see ephemeral wings when they moved around.
What was the point of Caleb writing a new set of numbers (and his dad taking it away before he was finished, like the girl's teacher did)? To set it up perhaps for a sequel? Oh yeah, there's always a way...
Herbie Rides Again (1974)
Little charm
The looong opening sequence of buildings being demolished, followed by a looong sequence of a corporate meeting, should have clued me in that this entry would have little charm that was in the original. (Phantom Menace, anyone? Trade disputes are always so exciting.) I hadn't seen it since it first came out, and only recalled a few things from it. Whereas The Love Bug kicks things into gear from the get-go, this thing drags on interminably. Herbie shows little personality in this one, and is merely a vehicle for bad process-shot special effects. (Most of the ones in the original were done practically, i.e. live.)
The original characters Jim and Tennessee are disposed of with throw-away lines. I find it hard to believe that Jim would "go off to Europe to race foreign cars" (and leave Herbie?) when it was practically the entire premise of The Love Bug that Herbie was just as good, and better, than any of them.
It may be "good for kids" but a good movie can get adults to enjoy it just as much.
Legend (1985)
This, from the director of Alien and Blade Runner?
In a word, awful. This, from the director of Alien and Blade Runner? Boring, interminable, and giving no sense of what the rules are in this magical universe. I think I only saw it on first release so I don't quite know what changes were made, but I believe this one was longer.
Odd character casting with Tom Cruise as Jack, who spends 90% of the movie in a hunkered-down position (I suppose to put him on a better level with the little people he was working with). Not so bad per se, but he's wearing cutoff oilskins and what amounts to a Speedo. The movie has its serious theme, then suddenly cuts to Rita Repulsa's minions from Mighty Morphing Power Rangers.
On the plus side, it has simply the best Devil figure in any movie yet. And David Bennent, who played Gump (the elf who lives in the Forrest) was mesmerizing. Considering his age, it was fascinating to see what he could convey with a simple look. (Especially compared to Tom Cruise's blandness). I would have liked to heard his original voice, though.
Interesting also that you had a woman playing a male character (Blix, the Herve Villachaise-looking goblin) and a man playing a female (Robert Picardo, aka Star Trek Voyager's Doctor, as the swamp witch).
The Illusionist (2006)
A movie about magic should be believable
Why is it that two movies about Victorian-era magicians pulling a fast one came out at the same time? I saw The Prestige several months ago yet I think I will still have a hard time separating them.
This one was more about fantasy than magic. Granted, you aren't supposed to be able to figure out how tricks are done, but when most everything shown is obviously accomplished through CGI it takes away from the verisimilitude. It bugs me when a major factor in the movie (the locket) is an impossibility. There is no way it could be twisted and adjusted and the picture inside could remain intact. It's not magic, it's "movie magic". Don't get me started on the "holograms"...
Not a bad movie, but in one about magic you'd better provide a strong suspension of disbelief or everything about it suffers.
28 Weeks Later (2007)
Soon to come - "28 Months Later"???
I thought this might be a decent horror movie, even though the first 10 minutes had the most egregious use of shaky-cam ever. So much so that it gave me a headache.
I've read some of the other negative reviews and they have picked out most of the giant plot holes and idiocies in this movie. This one just piled them on until I was literally angry by the end.
A couple little things I'll add. I find it highly doubtful that the Chief Medical Officer for the containment of the worst danger to humanity ever would be a 28-year-old woman. Not that she was female, but at that age would barely have been out of medical school. You don't put a noob in charge of the most important medical investigation in the history of humanity. I believe she was so cast so that her superior officer could question her judgment and easily ignore her advice. Obviously a super-heroine as well, since they only had 4 minutes to run what seemed like several blocks to the park and she did it after being shot in the leg! And with all the opportunities to explain why the kid was so valuable to evacuate, no one ever once shouted "He's IMMUNE!", which should be the main concern of every living being on the planet, even suspicious helicopter pilots.
Not just a bad movie, but actively bad. Throwing the camera into a crowd of people and having them bump it around is not cinematography. I will say that some of the scenes were lit interestingly, though. That is, when the lights were on. Geez, they never heard of batteries, or flashlights?
No Country for Old Men (2007)
No movie for me to see again
I rated this one 4/10 only due to the ending. For most of the movie, I was absorbed and curious as to where it was going, and what some of the characters were going to amount to.
In the final scene, I found myself drifting off during Tommy Lee Jones' monologue about his dreams. There is nothing more boring than to hear another person talk about a dream they had. Then, cut to black. I can't remember the last time a movie really ticked me off -- maybe Matrix 3.
Some of the characters were downright cartoony. I don't mean the ones like the desk clerk or that cashier -- they were real in their sort of way. The mother was something straight out of The Golden Girls and her act took me right out of the movie.
I like movies where sometimes things are ambiguous, and might require a second viewing to catch what you missed the first time. But since this one has no point, I see no point in ever seeing it again.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
Great, for what it's worth!
I got about exactly what I expected from this flick. Not too much on plot, some good driving scenes and a pounding soundtrack.
One thing that really took me out of the moment was Lucas Black portraying a "17-year-old". He's what -- 26?? Now, having seen him in other things I think he's a fine actor, but even he can't pull that off, what with a full beard (not even clean-shaven!) and chest hair that sticks out of his t-shirt.
This movie requires an extraordinary amount of "suspension of disbelief", but get past that and you will find an excellent popcorn movie.