Change Your Image
beusbeus
Reviews
The Wrong Babysitter (2017)
But.... why?
Was it a parody? I feel like if I had done this kn film school? My instructors would have probably told me to figure out another path... any career but that... This isn't going on anybody's reel...
Cave (2016)
Skip this and watch "Sanctum"
It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon and after finishing work early I decided to relax and enjoy a new release on Netflix. My dog was sleeping on the balcony after his afternoon walk, my microwavable lasagna was cooling off on my coffee table and I laid down on the couch with the remote control in one hand and a glass of Pinot Noir in the other hand.
I scrolled through the movies and as an avid scuba diver and a fan of "Sanctum" I decided to give this intriguing film a chance.
After about twenty seconds into the movie I found myself stopping it, not because it looked bad (the cinematography was the only decent thing in this train wreck), but because I wanted to see if I could change the audio back to its original language instead of having to listen to the horrendous English dubbing, but Netflix wasn't offering that option (Bad Netflix, Bad!). I returned to the movie with lowered expectations that still ended up being shattered throughout the movie.
***Spoiler Alert****
After getting to meet the protagonists (a couple and their friend the third wheel) we get to observe mad skills from one of the two guys who manages to race his friend through windy mountain roads while making out with his girlfriend sitting in the passenger seat. I laughed it off as a typical film car scene where actors forget that they're supposed to look like they're driving and carried on...
The race between the couple and the third wheel riding his motorcycle looked more like a funeral motorcade than an actual race but maybe the guy driving the car was just being careful because he knew he was transporting everyone's dive equipment in his tiny car...ahem
They get to a cabin where they come up with a plan for their big adventure: Go into a cave and follow a map that looks like a coffee stain and find the/an exit with no contingency plan. They all quickly agree and we all realize that they're not the smartest bunch.
The couple then proceeds to have sex with the lights on in front of "Third wheel" who also happens to be the girl's ex-boyfriend.
They're not a wise bunch but they are strong, REALLY strong, they carry their dive gear and oxygen tanks through the forest and down the cave like they're just carrying a Camelpak on their morning stroll around the neighborhood...
There is a quick homage to another adventure gone bad named "Deliverance", there are a few moments with no payoffs followed by a few cheesy lines and they finally descend into the cave.
At some point, what we were all waiting for finally happens: The cave crumbles and blocks the only known way out of the cave, but nobody seems phased by this... but it's OK, because it's already been established that they ain't that bright.
With no way out and at least a few days without a cold shower, "Third wheel" realizes he doesn't want to be the third wheel anymore and decides to fondle his ex-girlfriend while she's asleep next to her current boyfriend: creepy factor is high there and that is probably the "Terror beyond all expectations" from the tag line of the movie.
They stick with the plan and finally get to dive and since safety has never been an issue on this trip, nobody realizes that "Boyfriend" runs out of air and is about to drown... but it's OK, he makes it to the top alive...
And then he dies after a short fight with "Third wheel" who drowns him a few feet away from his girlfriend who doesn't see anything in the crystal clear water...oh no wait, he's still breathing
The end is just weird and feels like the writers had a deadline to meet and no creative juice.
After, boyfriend gets killed in front of girlfriend (because third wheel didn't hear her running back to them in the otherwise empty silent cave), third wheel becomes creepy, then he snaps and goes insane and thinks he's talking to his dad on the phone, he dies, and girlfriend jumps in the water to commit suicide but she accidentally finds the mysterious exit and
"The end"...
At least my Pinot Noir was good *sigh*
On ne devrait pas exister (2006)
Screams and nonsense for an hour and a half
This film, selected in Cannes nonetheless (but after seeing some of this year's selection, it doesn't surprise me to see that this film made it). I was at the screening and the best part of the film was...HPG's speech before the lights went out...
It made no sense, the characters made no sense, every scene went on waaayyyyy too long and it was poorly shot. I wasn't expecting much from a porn actor tunred director but looking at him yell at people during the entire "story" didn't rock my boat.
parts of the movie might be funny as skits in a late night show but that's about it...
One of the worst films I've seen in years.
War of the Worlds (2005)
Wow...somebody got paid to write this...
I just wanted to make sure the rating of this film would get lower. the only good points are the good special effects that unfortunately get old very fast after the opening sequence...Everyone has already read about the worst ending I have ever seen in my life (my family and I thought it was a dream sequence and we thought tom cruise would wake up...but....No...it was the end...
Every single character was annoying even though I think Dakot Fanning is still awesome as the clueless annoying daughter...I wanted to see this film.. I usually enjoy Spielberg's work or at least I am mildly intrigued throughout the movie.
Blueberry (2004)
JUST GREAT
I saw the movie about 6 months ago when it came out in France and it blew my mind. At last, a European movie that doesn't look or feel like all the other movies.
First it's got one of the best cast ever put together and every single one of the actors come out looking excellent.
Boo boo boo...it's not exactly like the comic book...boo ooo ooo...people who had no idea what the movie was about were surprised and lost...well here's an idea for you: now that you've seen it and now that you've been introduced to the great Indian spiritual ways...look into them and you might actually get something out of this film.
Once in a blue moon a director will dare and try something new. Jan Kounen put his vision and experience on screen. I will agree that the visual effects sequence can run a little long but the cinemaographym the editing, the storyline and the production value of the movie is phenomenal.
Code inconnu: Récit incomplet de divers voyages (2000)
Freestyle way of filmmaking
This film is the prime example of what a pretentious filmmaker is. the long takes that want to build tension, or create an atrocious realism have gone beyond "artsy". Half of the films (or half of the takes if you will, do not push the story forward or help get to know the characters better. it it's not plot driven or character driven. The film shows us a variety of "pictures" or "scenes" of france but for some reason chooses the most boring characters you could find in france and the most boring and every situation is either dull or becomes dull even though it could have been powerful because of the pace, the performances which were mediocre and the constant self awareness that this is a film and nothings more and that images are nothing more than images which should not affect the audience. I will give it 2 stars because the cinematography was good and it reminded me why i left europe to get into filmmaking here. I hate artsy, pretentious, filmmakers.