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wrestlingboy
Reviews
Batoru rowaiaru (2000)
NOT a social commentary
Contrary to whatever the guy with the first comment said about this being a challenging film, well, it's not. I repeat, it is not.
THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL COMMENTARY.
This is, though, the scariest, most freaky, most out-there movie you will ever find. I'm still shell shocked from watching it.
Chopping Mall (1986)
In a word - glorious
I don't know, but I really enjoyed this. "I like pepperoni." The unpredictability of the lasers....wow. Having them bounce off most of the time and then suddenly busting out the whooping stick and taking someone's head off...that was glorious. I mean, you'd think that they could have different colors or something for when the lasers change from "good for scratching itches" to "incredibly destructively lethal beams of death". Awesome premise for the movie, too, I mean, I can TOTALLY see a day in the future when all security is taken over by lethal security robots. As a matter of fact, right NOW, I think I'll go set about making that happen.
Poor Pretty Eddie (1975)
WHAT?
Call me dense, but this movie made no sense. Ok, it's twisted, I get that. BUT WHY? It's like, "Hi, I'm a stranded black singer, and I'm going on vacation. Oh my, my car has broken down. Could I please stay at your place for a while?" and she gets raped. Repeatedly. Apparently this kind of thing is commonplace in the South according to this movie, given that no one does anything about it. Shelley Winters tour-de-force, eh? WHAT? I had NO IDEA what the point of this movie was. None. At all. Did these guys just try to get as many "dominant white man raping black woman who has NO IDEA HOW TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT" scenes or something?
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
worst movie ever...seriously
SPOILER ALERT This is easily the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. And I don't throw that around easily. I've seen Grim, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Space Mutiny, Chopping Mall, the Story of Ricky...this beats them all. Easily. You see, I went into this movie expecting you know - a real movie. I was sorely disappointed.
My brain hurt after I came out of the movie, and I feel less intelligent for having watched it. Ok, sure, the story was there, but did it make ANY sense?
Spoilers ahead!
WHY was Antonio Banderas convicted of murdering his friend? WHY did he not know his wife was alive? WHY did his wife not know she was dead? Didn't he go to her funeral? WHY did Lucy Liu help him? WHY DOES NOTHING IN THE MOVIE MAKE SENSE?
I'm a big fan of Antonio Banderas, and Lucy Liu as well. Hell, I even saw Play it to the Bone because I knew they were both in it, and I really liked that despite them not doing much together. Unfortunately, for a movie that bills them together, they do even less in Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever.
Which gets me to more spoilers. WHY is it even called that when they stop fighting an hour through? AND WHY DOES THE TRAILER HAVE ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT?
Thank you.
Lik wong (1991)
No human organs are safe from the man they call Ricky
This movie is the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed. I've watched a lot of movies and I watch a lot of pro wrestling, but for sheer random violence, nothing comes close. I had read the reviews calling this the most violent martial arts movie ever made, but I was still a bit skeptical.
Don't be. This is THE MOST violent movie ever made-period.
Things seemed pretty normal for the first couple of minutes, until some fifty year old guy inexplicably flies twenty feet straight into a wall. And then Ricky, a God among men (Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Ricky knows.) trips the man responsible, causing him to fall face-first onto a bed of nails. OUCH! I rewound and rewatched that one ten-second segment again and again for at least five minutes.
Ricky cannot be stopped. Ricky is your God and mine. If you do not bow to and acknowledge the awesome power of Ricky, you will be missing vital organs.