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Reviews
El conde (2023)
Absolutely Sublime!!
South America. Chile. A historic drama, centered around the Dark Count Dracula, in the late stage of his life, a Nun, a Lover and a withering wife, an accountant, and five children fighting over his amassed scraps and fortune through 250 years of highbrow political indigenous reign,
At times, it is a black comedy. At times, a satirical, historic snapshot. Often, it's a slow burner, but all the while absolutely uncompromising. It's beautiful, unnerving, and ecstatic, exotic, free-spirited, and sublime, just sublime. Poetic, witty, and a wild reinvention of the genre.
It's Frances Ha meets Park-Chan Wooks' Thirst and the result is an invigorating, reinvention of the Vampire genre A story of love and betrayal, a classic clash on faith and poison. Good versus evil.
Gore is 9/10
Movie is 9.5/10.
The Visit (2015)
Abhorrently better than I expected it to be
The Visit is a well paced, and engaging suspense movie, that knows exactly what it is, and more importantly doesn't outstay its welcome. The actors are topnotch, especially the kids both shine in their roles. Beautifully realised visually. Directing is on point. It toys with the found footage genre in an interesting way.
I wish it had more of payoff though, it definitely couldve used a bit more screen time towards the big finale. I was entertained throughout though, and instantly came here to praise it a bit, seeing that it's rating is undeservingly low. Oh, and there's a twist leading into the final act (obviously), and it works. Definitely recommend.
Gore is a 5/10
Movie is a 7/10.
You People (2023)
Great Satire And You Should Watch It
Don't believe the bad reviews, this is a wonderful film.
I'm not American so am definitely an outsider looking in, but as far as poignant, and sharp satire on US political as well as cultural climate post 2020, it's bloody great.
The performances are stellar, the script is brilliant. It's a G O O D film and an excellent satire.
Movie is 7.5/10
Satire is 10/10
Comedy gold (not perfect, but what is).
(This is filler, obviously, IMDB wants me to say more, but I honestly don't think I need to. You can tell a lot of talented people poured some truth and grit and talent into this, and it shows.
Anyway, congrats to everyone who helped make this, I have to say I was on the fence and sat on it for quite some time, but at the 1 hour mark I just raised my hands. Amin!)
Cheers, from DENMARK.
Bird Box: Barcelona (2023)
An Unexpected Turn for the Better
If you'd told me I'd be singing praises of a Bird Box film after the first one, I'd have been skeptical. But "Bird Box: Barcelona" has turned the tables, offering a sequel that vastly outshines its predecessor.
What I appreciate most about this movie is its ingenuity. It's not just about surviving unseen horrors anymore. Instead, it has a smart plot with some neat twists that keep things interesting and grounded - a welcome change from the first film.
The film's setting in Barcelona gives it a unique character. It's not just a backdrop; it brings a different kind of feel to the film. Also, the cinematography lends itself to a more scenic look this time around.
The Spanish cast is simply fantastic, and most bring an authenticity to their performances that truly draws you in. The characters aren't just one-dimensional; they have depth and are well-rounded, which adds a new layer of to the story and tension to throughout. The deaths are also gritty as ever, and cranked up to eleven compared to the original.
What shocked me most was that, by the end, I found myself hoping for another sequel. Given my feelings after the first film, this was something I never thought I'd say.
So here's my advice: if you were as let down by the original Bird Box as I was, don't dismiss "Bird Box: Barcelona" just yet.
Go see it! Definitely recommended ✨✨👌🏻
Gore is 5/10
Movie is 7/10.
The Last of Us (2023)
Forced theatricals, lackluster fan-service
Here's the thing, I L O V E the game, had high hopes for this. Starts out great, but takes a serious nosedive quick---
- so, cinematography and editing are lackluster, nothing really stands out
- dialogue is repetitive, forced, wayy too much exposition
- set design looks and feel gimmicky, fake
- action feels weirdly constrained, like it's dead on determined to hit the same beats as the source material without building to it, or letting it be its own thing
- sorta rushed, yet drags on. Overall weirdly paced
- video-game logic throughout (trust me)
Bruce Straley was the heart of The Last of Us. Since Neil Druckmann forced him out of Naughty Dog, then claimed his Clout and tried to work his magic without Straley's wisdom and realness, Neil have only affirmed since what a lackluster writer he really is.
Oh. And in case I wasn't clear; I dont care too much about this show. It's fan-service, forced theatricals with weird casting and corny directing throughout.
In short; TLOU TV adaptation is like a high-stake episode from season 7 of the Walking Dead with a bit more cash to spare on props, and VFX.
Neil Druckmann you done it again you! Congrats on an absolute b a n g e r.
6/10.
Barbarian (2022)
Insists on being more than what it is
First halve of this film plays like a Norman Bates-esque suspense, centered around two people who are seemingly double-booked in the same house through an online rental-service, and are forced to spend the night together.
Then, around the 45 minute mark, movie shifts and become something else entirely, introducing new characters, and themes, and the seriousness is replaced with a satirical tone, or rather straight up goofball.
It's really odd. Because of this, it succeeds not as a horror, and not quite as a satire. It's not scary, truth. Absolutely nothing new to be had here. I heard great things about it, and so I watched it with anticipation, but ultimately just a huge, cliched, and scrambled mess of a movie.
Gore is 5/10
Movie is 5.5/10.
Athena (2022)
One Shot, No Heroes, And Ultimately Zero Humanity.
ATHENA portrays a group of angry men as they wage war on themselves and their suburb, uncontrollably and unhinged. It is a portrayal of hateful and untethered confrontation throughout, and it never lets out. All must conform in violence, or in a literal blaze, The young men depicted here are lost, in the deepest sense of the word, faith deprived, and fatherless, they're senselessly cruel, and ultimately doomed in their infantile need to burn all that is good.
All of this happens in real-time, so everything is happening N O W. The movie thinks itself clever in this regard, but ultimately it's just a cheap cop-out, relieving it of the need to tell an actual story. It's not satire, it's not social commentary. Nothing came before, and nothing comes after. N O W, is when these men act like entitled children, engulfed in senseless rage, and with zero regard to the families, women, and children around them, their neighbors and communities, who have their homes destroyed and lives uprooted because of this.
It doesn't matter, and ultimately, in spite of all its hidden cuts and sublte camera tricks, everything feels unearned. So much style, yet so little substance on display here.
So yeah, overall a pretty depressing movie. ATHENA is a B L E A K outlook on humanity. There are no heroes, no-one to root for. Ultimately, there are just enough brain cells shared between the protagonists, that they manage to not keel over, albeit they do know how to light a molotov, and then that might be the only shared skill they possess. Also, they shout alot. And moan.
This is a bleak look at a hopeless state, in a lost state within a country, devoid of hope, communion, and sense of belonging, and a youth that's lost because of it. What a travesty, and what a pointless film ultimately because of it.
Overall: 3.5/10.
Koko-di koko-da (2019)
An Acquired Taste
At its core Koko-Di Koko-Da (2019) is a story of a man and his wife, lost in maze-like wilderness in and around the dense forests of Sweden, whilst being terrorized by a small band of eccentric characters. It's also a surreal, low budget horror film about grief and unrelenting sadness.
The directing is insisting and noteworthy, and the performances are all great. Dismissing it merely as artsy, would just undermine its intention. Koko-Di Koko-Da definitely has a purpose, and an clear vision. But it is unconventional.
Gore is on a scale 2/10
Movie is 6.5/10
I'm glad I watched it.
The House That Jack Built (2018)
For Cinephiles and Perverts
I consider myself a fan of Lars Von Trier, although watching his films usually require a great bit of self-persuasion, where I'm cautiously setting myself up to the task. Because, I know what I'm getting into. And it's usually a daunting feat. Lars Von Trier's films are tough and gritty, and hard to swallow.
Staying in this analogy, The House That Jack Built (2018) perhaps is his Jawbreaker. It's vile, and introspective, and without mercy. But it's an experience. It's also pure kino! Cinema at it's absolute finest.
Gore is 10/10
Movie is 9.5/10.
The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
Found myself rooting for the bad guys
Here's a family of four out on a trip together. There's a nihilist teenager, a sober, older brother, a stoic father, and a redhead mother.
Unfortunately for our heroes, they get themselves stuck in quite the pickle whilst visiting an oddly quiet trailer park, as nightly stalkers begin to prey on them with deadly intent.
Trust me when I say, you've seen it all before.
Gore is 2/10
Movie is 4/10.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Subpar CGI Gore-Fest
Undeserving of it's legacy, I'm unsure if this movie deserves to be labeled "cringe", "fresco", or simply an "abomination".
I suppose if Texas Chainsaw (2022) deserves one accolade, it's that it manages to be all three things at once.
Gore 2/10.
Jigeum uri hakgyoneun (2022)
Keeps getting better, and better
"Zombies are done, there's nothing left to explore. I'm gonna watch this, only for the gore and make-up effects. ... I guess I'm interested in how they portray the zombies, also, I need to kill a few hours.."
That was me going into this show. What I got was a riveting experience. One that pulled my in by the neck, and never let up. This series is a master class in suspense and character. It's peak zombie.
Honestly, it's so good. Thanks to everyone who made this!
The Descent (2005)
One of the best horror films ever made
The Descent is as effective today as it was fifteen years ago. The claustrophobic tale of a band of girls gone cave-diving is a master class in suspense and nail-biting horror.
What a priceless, timeless gem.
Dark (2017)
Mind-bending in every way possible
Came here to say I've watched this show four times back-to-back, and if you haven't yet experienced it, I envy you.
Dark (2017) is a family drama with a twist. A mystery with a massive ensemble, and a nail biting, convoluted plot spanning three wonderful seasons.
If Twin Peaks, 12 Monkeys and The Leftovers had a love child this would be it. Turn off your phones. Forget about the dub, and turn on subtitles. You're in for a phenomenal TV-experience.
Dark Is so damn good, it's unreal.
The Rental (2020)
The Airbnb from Hell
The Rental is so familiar in every trope it throws at you, that you feel like you've seen it before. That's okay I guess, if you just need something to fall asleep to.
It's well-crafted though, and the performances are great overall. Unfortunately the movie lacks an ending, nothing is resolved. It just sort of ends. Really, what it needed was a third act. It doesn't have one.
Could've been worse I guess. But generic in the purest form. Not a horror, not really a mystery. Gore is 1/10
Overall: 3.5/10 Not abysmal.
A Classic Horror Story (2021)
Classic, but not Generic
"A Classic Horror Story" is an Italian effort by a band of talented people, who obviously know their craft and genre. If you know good horror, you know what to expect.
Story follows a group of strangers, who meet up to hitch a ride in an RV Camper, through Italian countryside. Obviously, things don't go quite as smooth as everyone had hoped... It's a wrong-turn trope, but with a couple of twists to keep it fresh!
All the actors are believable, with great performances overall, especially big kudos to the leading role, Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz. Cinematography is beautiful at times, and on point. The score is phenomenal, and the editing is flawless.
I'm glad I gave it a shot. It's a nice production, with a few surprises to keep you hooked. Gore is on a 4/10 scale, but definitely working as intended!
7.5 Highly recommended.
The Last of Us (2013)
THANK YOU BRUCE!
I finished this game 5 times, and I've bought it twice. It's so good.
In a different timeline Bruce Straley was never sidetracked and kept working at Naughty Dog. Unfortunately, where we're at, Neil Druckmann ruined the series for what it was, and I can say this with confidence, because he did it with Uncharted as well.
I miss the old Naughty Dog. Godspeed Bruce, and thank you for The Last of Us.
Us (2019)
It's OK
This movie thinks it is the bomb. It thinks it's outright clever. It thinks itself a heart wrenching satire, or social commentary, disguised as a modern horror film.
Only problem is that it's really none of those things. Because it fails to know what it is, and because it tries to be too many things, Us! Ends up short of being a movie about anything. And it excels in no department, really.
To give you the gist; Us! Is a little bit of Funny Games, a spoonful of The Devil's Backbone, a pinch of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and a more than generous amount of social commentary.
I don't know what else to say.
Meh.
Jeen-yuhs: A Kanye Trilogy (2022)
Phenomenal
Kanye West is an enigma. Whether you're a fan of his music or not, "Jeen-Yuhs" is bound to resonate with almost everyone.
It's about a man who's so adept at his craft, and ahead of his game, that the world has a hard time catching up to his sheer determination to succeed and his ability to rewrite the rules of the rap-game in early 2000's New York.
It reads like a heroes journey, but it feels grounded and thoughtful, familiar yet absurd. The genius of this man, and his struggles to succeed is just so well told.
Also, this is one spectacularly edited documentary, with some top-notch direction. I love this series.
W lesie dzis nie zasnie nikt (2020)
A true homage and well worth your time!
"Nobody sleeps in the woods tonight" plays like a textbook horror/slasher, but being conscious of every trope it follows, it somehow manages to become much more than generic. It's a festive, well made, and joyous homage to 70's non-apologetic movie making.
Script is witty, self-indulgent and thought provoking. Cinematography is on point. The characters feel grounded, the suspense is real, and the gore and body horror is top-notch.
Movie feels as if "Slither" and "The Cabin in the woods" made an abhorrent love child, with the guise of "Halloween", and a pinch of "Chainsaw Massacre".
Gore 9/10
Don't go into this expecting a revelation or a new wave of horror, it's not necessarily a prodigy in the genre. But what it is, is unusually well-made homage that manages to stand on its own.
Why this movie is rated so low is beyond me.
Overall 8.5/10 Huge Recommendation.
El hoyo (2019)
Cinematic Gem And A Stellar Movie
What a rare, spectacular treat this was. Cinema at its finest. Watch it for the magic realism, and it's thoughtful portrayal of humanity.
Also, the editing, performances, and script are damn well Oscar-worthy.
Thanks to everyone who made this, honestly.
Black Summer (2019)
Complete nosedive
I don't think I've ever watched a show with such incoherence in both tone and story. The first couple of episodes are a bit sluggish, but feel fresh none the less.
After episode 6 it's like you're watching a completely different show. The action ramps up, and so all the carefully crafted suspense goes out the window.
During the season finale, the show transitions again. It's weird, honestly.
Just skip it.