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zurg_ling90
Reviews
Norsemen (2016)
Bad
The characters are all incredibly unlikeable, and way too many overly long scenes will be dedicated to a single unfunny joke,
Battle Planet (2008)
Good but it leaves a black void of depression in the end
I thought the movie was neat. I don't want to talk about it all day, but it looked and sounded great seeing as how most low-budget Sci-Fi B movies usually get really cheesy. The dialog and plot and characters are also good, my favorite character being a short guy who shouts "DON'T LOOK IN MY CARGO HOLD!" and then immediately follows it up with "There's nothing in there!" It was fun to watch, but aside from some light comedy and interesting drama, in the end everything just falls flat. And dead. Flat and dead. Because quite literally by the end of the movie, pretty much every character has died, including both protagonists and the short guy that I liked, and the movie has nothing to show for it. There's no happy ending for anyone, no satisfying conclusion. Everybody's dead, especially the likable characters, and they don't really make any big developments before their deaths, especially the talking suit, which is also a character. It's like when you play a video game that's very plot-oriented, it's based around the idea that your character survives from the beginning to the end. If you die, the game STOPS and you get a game over and have to restart because you have to continue the plot because your character isn't supposed to die yet. This movie is like that. The characters are going along in a plot, and then they die and get a game over. Then the credits roll. Seriously. It feels like they died too early in the plot, and have to restart because the plot requires them to be alive. But instead of hitting that "Load Save" button to continue the adventure from the point where the characters were last alive, the movie just gives up the whole thing and roles the credits. My point is it's depressing. It really really is. The main characters kiss at the end. Gross. Not just because it's man-on-humanoid kissing, but the "hot alien chick" of this particular movie has green, scaley skin and a really funky, inhuman face. There are just two intelligent species in the movie, humans and some fish people, and all the fish people look funny. I so wasn't expecting them to kiss at the end. Or maybe I didn't want to believe that they would. "The Suit" sounds like a name for a horror movie and "Battle Planet" is a complete misrepresentation of the movie. The art on IMDb might suggest lots of epic action, but the planet is hardly embattled. There's action, but it's on a small scale. Like, the main characters encounter some badguys but nobody is at war, especially on the planet which is assumed to be inhabited by no intelligent life according to the movie. Try and see it if you see it on Sci-Fi, but don't go way out of your freaking way because, though it's a good movie, the ending, and their careless killing off of characters, is freaking lame.
Waynehead (1996)
Been a while, but from what I remember, wasn't terribly entertaining.
I like Damon Wayans, and I haven't seen this cartoon in a decade, but from what I can remember, it wasn't the most interesting show. If I watched it, it was because it was a cartoon, and I'd watch just about any cartoon simply because it was colorful and made noises. Every episode would be generally the same thing: Poor, imaginative small boy and friends would learn life lessons through trial and error, and at the end of every episode, a valuable lesson would be learned or something. If you didn't see it back in the 90s, there's certainly no need to go out of your way to try and see it now. I can still remember the opening theme song like I heard it yesterday.
Korgoth of Barbaria (2006)
A flawless recreation of Conan the Barbarian as a cartoon parody.
This show was incredible. My dad gave me all of his The Savage Sword of Conan comics a few years ago that he bought in the 80s, and I was absolutely addicted to them. He gave me at least fifty. I've read them over and over, they're so amazing. The Savage Sword of Conan is the only comic series I've ever read that didn't suck, but rather, kicked ass. The manly Conan isn't a colorful, tight-wearing weirdo. He's just a big, strong guy that never dies and does huge numbers of heroic actions. Korgoth of Barbaria is the exact representation of Conan the Barbarian in cartoon form, as a parody of sorts. The main character, Korgoth, is exactly like Conan the Barbarian. He was tricked into going on a pointless mission he had no interest in by some lowlife, and for no reason, he's accompanied by many of the lowlife's henchmen for the sole purpose of having them die a lot by doing things Korgoth says not to do. Partly through his adventure, he meets a beautiful woman who's tied up by a man-eating tree monster as bait, even though it's a weird place to have a woman as bait for humans, since it's out in the middle of a swamp. The woman flirts with Korgoth, and Korgoth shows no interest, but a few seconds later they're having hot, rough sex behind a bush while the generic henchmen listen enviously. The lowlife sent Korgoth to a wizard's castle far away in some mountains. Korgoth wants to get in, steal what he's after for the lowlife and then get out without having to fight the wizard. When the wizard sees him, Korgoth first tries to make his escape, but when forced to fight the wizard, Korgoth easily defeats him in as manly a way as possible.
It's the best cartoon ever, which I mainly say because I'm such a huge fan of Conan the Barbarian. This is a perfect representation of him, with a comical twist, but Korgoth still stays true to the Conan character in how he'd fight and react to situations.