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DarkBlueChris555
Number of accounts deleted by IMDb Admin - 2
Chris-555- - 5th March 2000 - 14th October 2004
Chris_555 - 14th October 2004 - 15th October 2006
DarkBlueChris555 - 15th October 2006 - Present
Place of Birth - Dundee, Scotland
Currently been waiting over 2 years for fat Hollywood producer Don Murphy to sue me as he promised through his band of lawyers for my slating of any movie he's attached to. I'm waiting Don....
Reviews
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Ignore The Hysterically Positive Critic Reviews
Normally it's the other way round and you tell people to ignore all the negative reviews a movie garners. In this case though, the critics would appear to have watched a completely different movie from what I've just suffered through.
What's positive about Leave The World Behind? Well the acting is good, especially Julia Roberts and Ethan Hawke. Some nice set pieces too.
What's negative about Leave The World Behind? Pretty much everything else. How a movie about an apocalyptic event can be this boring almost defys logic. While I wasn't expecting to see The Day After Tomorrow style oblivion, I still expected way more than what we actually get.
If your idea of a good movie is a bunch of people droning on for what feels like an absolute age, then you'll probably get a lot out of this. But I fear many people may zone out before the halfway mark. I certainly did.
Dead Island 2 (2023)
2023's Most Pleasant Surprise
Video games that are stuck in development hell for years usually end one of two ways - we either never actually see the game ever be released, or it's finally released to a cacophony of poor reviews. Thankfully, Dead Island 2 has managed to avoid these pitfalls. A mere 9 years after being announced, it's finally arrived. And it's an absolute blast.
Austrian developers Deep Silver have a mixed bag when it comes to the quality of their titles. They have given us excellent games like the Metro and Saints Row series, however they've also given us the appalling shambles that is Ride To Hell - Retribution. And, of course, there is their most controversial series - Dead Island.
The original Dead Island is perhaps best known for its genius marketing campaign, and although the game just wasn't able to live up to the hype, it was nevertheless a fun, gore filled, zombie slaying romp. A follow up, Dead Island Riptide, arrived a couple of years later, although it was hard to differentiate between the two games, such was their similarities.
And now, finally, Dead Island 2 has arrived. Developed by Deep Silver's own team at Dambuster Studios (the first two titles were developed by Techland), Dead Island 2 encompasses everything that was good about the first two games, and makes it all a whole lot better. Switching the action from Banoi to Los Angeles, Dead Island 2 allows you to plough through various areas of the city of angels, committing your own brand of zombie butchering mayhem. Dead Island 2 is beautiful to look at, taking in the scenery of areas like Bel Air & Beverly Hills as you stain the streets red with zombie claret. Just like in the previous games, you can choose from an array of characters, then get down to the serious business of crafting a wide array of melee weapons and firearms to take down the undead horde. A wide array of different zombie types keeps things interesting as you utilise different ways to take them down, whether it be an electrocuted sword, acid soaked crowbar, or a rifle that fires incendiary rounds. There's also tons of environmental hazards you can utilise to turn the tide in your favour, whilst the choice to either play alone or online with other players remains a choice, just as it was in the previous games. Finally, a mixture of main missions, side missions, and the newly introduced lost & found quests (where you track down either missing people or missing weapons), keeps you busy while you maurade around the ten different areas of LA.
Without going into too much detail and running the risk of spoilers, I'll finish with this - Dead Island 2 will likely be 2023's most pleasant surprise. A game we feared may never arrive has arrived. And it's a ton of fun, a gorgeous looking game packed with things to do. If you liked the first two Dead Island games then you'll love this. Mindless, zombie slaughtering mayhem has never been so enjoyable. Bravo Deep Silver & Dambuster Studios - bravo!
9/10.
28 Days Haunted (2022)
Netflix should've hired the Ghost Adventures team
28 Days Haunted is a good idea very poorly executed. Three teams of (allegedly) paranormal investigators spending 28 days in haunted locations to try and uncover any spooky going's on and potentially solve old cases. What we actually get though, is laughably bad acting and absolutely nothing paranormal.
The worst group is the one investigating in North Carolina, Brandy & Jerome. Both are unintentionally hilarious, as Brandy gives a hokey, over the top performance whilst Jerome hangs around in the background with a constipated look on his face. They are so unconvincing as paranormal investigators that Netflix might as well have just said at the start that they are two actors who were cheap to hire.
The team in Colorado are barely any better, and just like Brandy and Jerome deliver big on comedy value, but little on any genuine paranormal activity.
The team in Connecticut are the best of the bunch. They at least do feel like genuine paranormal investigators, and one of them even tries to debunk some of the apparent activity instead of acting hysterical like the others.
Overall this is a major misfire from Netflix. A good idea on paper, but executed so poorly that it ends up being a comedy rather than anything paranormal. Just watch an episode of Ghost Adventures instead, as far more happens in an episode of that than it does in 6 episodes of this nonsense.
The Simpsons: The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed (2010)
Worst Guest Voiceover Ever
In fact, it's so bad I just had to comment on it. This episode is hardly a classic but it's decent enough fun, as always due to Homer's antics. However, Sacha Baren Cohen's guest voiceover as an Israeli tour guide is painfully unfunny. Despite his character talking at a hundred miles an hour, not one even remotely humorous line is uttered, just a stupid accent talking boring unfunny nonsense. Probably the worst guest voiceover to date.
Exists (2014)
Bigfoot Just About Redeems This One
Exists is a found footage horror featuring Bigfoot as the antagonist. When a group of formulaic 20-somethings hit something on the road with their car on their way to an isolated cabin, they assume it must've been a deer. Only it wasn't a deer at all.
What follows is a by the numbers man versus beast tale, as the group are increasingly terrorised by a pissed off Bigfoot who has clearly taken offence to his territory being invaded.
Seeing as it's directed by Eduardo "Blair Witch Project" Sanchez, Exists should be better than it actually is. The characters are all one dimensional and wholly unlikeable, the acting is wooden at best, and the script is so painfully bad at times it'll make you laugh out loud. Midway through the movie, one of the group has an epiphany and announces "we shouldn't have come here". That's the standard we're talking about here.
What saves Exists is Bigfoot himself. He looks impressive, his shouts and wails that echo throughout the woods are chilling, and the entire film is elevated to a much higher standard whenever he is on screen. Sanchez also gets in a few good jump scares, and there's a nice twist at the end that explains just why the Bigfoot is so enraged with the group.
Ultimately, Exists is worth watching to see a genuinely well crafted Bigfoot in action. It's just a shame you have to tolerate all its low points at the same time.
Finding Randy (2020)
Decent Found Footage Mystery
I say mystery because it's not a horror movie like 99.9% of found footage movies usually are. Instead what we have is something a bit more original, and for the most part it works well.
A group of adult friends who have known each other since high school head out to the local woods to retrieve a time capsule box they buried years earlier. While split up looking for the capsule one of the friends disappears, leaving the group to try and solve the mystery of where their friend went, and determine if he disappeared on purpose or whether something more sinister is at foot.
Playing out as a mystery is a refreshing change to the genre, as the group of friends decipher clues and dig into their pasts while all along their missing friends mobile phone and social media continue to update as if he is alive and well. Is it all a practical joke? Or is someone toying with them?
Finding Randy is another micro budget found footage movie on the face of it, but it's one that I recommend mainly because the small cast throw everything into it, and the story has enough to intrigue until the end. Amazon Prime has so many found footage movies it's hard to spot the good ones amongst all the crap. This is one of the good ones however, and is definitely worth a watch if you like the genre and fancy something just a wee bit different. Recommend.
The Evil Down the Street (2019)
Complete & Utter Borefest
There are a slew of horror movies about haunted or possessed houses, in which some random family move in who are oblivious to their new abodes murky past. And here's another one.
Now these movies can be good if they go down the OTT road and abandon the supposed true story and instead deliver some scary entertainment. If they decide against doing that, then you end up with The Evil Down The Street, a film so boring that it could easily marketed as a cure for insomnia. Absolutely nothing happens. Family move into new home, mum starts acting a bit bizarre, occasionally talks in a demonic voice, priest pops round and completes the worlds fastest exorcism, and we're done.
Production wise it's ok, but the acting is absolutely atrocious and the sound awful. Even that you could forgive if it had a few decent scares. But it doesn't. Not one. And this is meant to be a horror movie.
My advice would be to ignore the absolute avalanche of reviews on here and avoid this like the plague. There are so many more low budget horrors out there more worthy of your time.
She Walks the Woods (2019)
Indie Found Footage Gets It Right
20 years on from The Blair Witch Project, it's still influencing enough filmmakers to keep the found footage genre alive on its own. And while there are a considerable amount of duds out there, there's also enough gems to convince us it's worth sticking with this much maligned sub-genre of horror.
And She Walks The Woods certainly falls into the gem category. The set up is simple - as four people head out into the remote wilderness to film their latest edition of the web series Ultimate Survival, only to come across something horrific that hunts them the minute they arrive at their remote, off the grid cabin. And after obliviously thinking it may be a mountain lion, the four soon realise that it's something far worse.
Found Footage is always at its best when it keeps things straight forward, which is why She Walks The Woods works so well. No unnecessary jump scares, no red herrings, just a gradual build up of dread that beholds the small cast of characters until they eventually fall victim to the thing that walks the woods. The tension keeps ratcheting up as every POV shot through the cameras threatens to reveal whatever it is that's stalking them.
She Walks The Woods feels like a love letter to the aforementioned Blair Witch Project, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a great effort from everyone involved and hopefully there will be more to come from them. Fans of the FF genre will really appreciate She Walks The Woods for its slow burn atmosphere and genuine creep factor, and whilst it may not convert anyone who isn't already a fan of these films, those of us who do like them we are well catered for. Highly recommended.
The Haunting of Sharon Tate (2019)
Not As Bad As Some On Here Claim
Perhaps a lot of the negative reviews this movie has stems from the fact people don't like its narrative rather than the movie itself. We all know about Charles Manson and his "family", and that Sharon Tate was their most high profile victim. What The Haunting of Sharon Tate does is adds in a sort of premonition backstory in order to view what happened that infamous night in August 1969 in a different light. And the fact Sharon talks about how she "views the world in rose tinted glasses" at the very start of the movie leads us eventually to an intriguing final act.
Overall the positives just about outweigh the negatives. Hilary Duff gives a strong performance as the vision plagued, heavily pregnant Tate, and the supporting cast do a decent enough job around her. The movie does a pretty good job of building tension when it needs to, and there's enough blood on show here to keep the gore hounds happy. Good use of sound and music too.
On the negative side, some of the dialogue is occasionally wooden at best and cringeworthy at worst. A dog appears with the sole reason of bumping it off (when are horror films finally going to rid themselves of this most awful of cliches?), and the Manson family members are played up as pantomime villains when they finally arrive on screen.
It's almost too easy to leave hysterically negative reviews on IMDb. While The Haunting of Sharon Tate is hardly a classic, it's nonetheless a decent low budget horror that tells the story of an infamous crime carried out on the orders of an infamous criminal. Watch it and judge for yourself folks.
6/10
There Are Monsters (2013)
Brilliant Story & A LOT Of Shakey Cam
There Are Monsters is basically found footage meets Invasion Of The Body Snatchers - and that's no bad thing.
Four friends are filming a documentary about school children (or something like that) when during their filming they begin to notice odd, subtle behaviours in people. The subtle gradually becomes more in your face and outlandish as it becomes apparent that these people aren't actually people at all - they used to be - but now they have been taken over by forces unknown. The four friends eventually become convinced something is very wrong; and as society crumbles around them they end up fighting for their very survival.
There Are Monsters is an above average found footage horror. The acting, plot and pacing of the film are all very good. And the spin on the well worn found footage path that people are gradually being taken over by something unknown brings a freshness to this often stale sub genre.
The one flaw that's apparent throughout is the overuse of shakey cam. At times it's really difficult to actually know what's going on due to the camera flying all over the place, and there are one or two blackout scenes too when you can't see anything. I know this adds to the realism, but at times the shakey cam is so rough it's difficult to watch.
In the main though this is a very good example of how to produce a good found footage film, and with so many bad examples out there, this is a definite diamond in the rough.
In a Stranger's House (2018)
Painfully Bad
If it's true that all you need to make a half decent found footage movie is a good camera phone and the right setting, then In a Strangers Home proves that actually you can't.
Everything here has been done a million times before. Man rocks up to a home to do some house sitting, alone except for the owners pets. One or two unexplainable things happen. There's some sort of finale. The end.
Even with a runtime of only 70 minutes it's too long because nothing happens bar one or two non-scary moments. And although your average found footage horror hardly requires you to engage your brain, this one insults the audiences intelligence on a whole new level (you can't pretend all the doors in a house have locked themselves when not only do the doors not actually have any locks on them, but the main character is clearly not turning the door handles)
What story there is makes no sense and there's no explanation to it at all. The found footage genre is a saturated market as it is - it certainly doesn't need dud's like this adding to the pile. And whilst I acknowledge it's one of these micro-budget movies, I've seen a few of them and they're all better than this one. Avoid.