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The Pope's Exorcist (2023)
Entertaining movie until it becomes immoral. (Not what you think.)
SPOILER Russel Crowe is fun, and the movie moves along quite nicely. There's a mystery that must be solved, too. Wonderful special effects, and a game cast round out what should have been a fun, occasionally scary (whatever that means) movie. Unfortunately...
In two different scenes, Father Exorcist discovers "truths" about the past of the Catholic Church, regarding their most infamous, uh, transgressions; The Spanish Inquisition and the more recent, decades-long sexual abuse scandal. And what is the film's conclusion, you ask? That the Devil did it all. Not humans. The Devil. This film literally vomited all over everyone who ever suffered at the hands of the Catholic Church.
Good going.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Beyond Atlantis (2022)
Best Episode in Quite a While
Honestly, I haven't laughed this hard at an episode of MST3K in quite a while. I loved the table-turning stunt and, if they're this funny, hope that they'll do it more often. The setup for the switcheroo is quite clever, and I don't want to ruin it here, but it certainly breathed some fresh air into the formula. I hope to see more episodes set on the Simulator of Love. The movie they show is pure hokum. I love the older films, they had such an earnest tone to them. I think a lot of newer films try to be so bad that they're good, but only wind up being bad. There's such an innocence to the crassness of Beyond Atlantis that it makes it ripe for riffing, and the cast and writers do a great job, hitting the target virtually every time!
Pahanhautoja (2022)
Emminantly Okay
If this was in English, the rating would be half of what it was. It's just okay. It's there, it moves, and then, it's over. You can read deeper meaning into it if you want, people have told me things about my scripts that I'm pretty certain weren't there, either. Nicely made and acted, but eventually, it's a big so what?.
Elvis from Outer Space (2020)
Just Awful
An absolute piece of garbage film was bought and reshaped with new footage. Mostly endless scenes of Barry Ratcliffe mugging for the camera. You can't make silk from a sow's ear. I've seen both versions, and that's over three hours of my life that I'll never get back. Please, please, please don't listen to the other glowing reviews, they're all written by people involved in the production. There's a reason this skipped the theaters, and it's not because of the pandemic. This turkey's been sitting on the shelf for a decade.
Dune: Part One (2021)
The Biggest Letdown of the Year. I Wish I was Kidding.
This started off with such great promise. Amazing imagery over Hans Zimmer reworking Pink Floyd's "Eclipse." Sadly, that was the first trailer. The second trailer wasn't very good, and it all went downhill from there. BTW, the title on screen... and literally nowhere else... is "Dune: Part 1." Now, I kind of guessed that it was going to be spread out over several films, given the original hardcover book weighed about 50 lbs, but this is blatant false advertising. The more proper term is "Bait and switch," and HBO/Warner should be a)ashamed of themselves and b)sued. Worse, I realized immediately that there wouldn't be any finale, satisfying or otherwise, just a place where the movie drifts into the credits...
Probably in a Lord of the Rings-style line up, walking toward Mordor or destiny, or whatever. And yup, that's exactly what happens.
As for the movie itself... Forget the massive plot holes and absolute lack of logic, it's visually unappealing. At least in IMAX. Rather than have whole sequences shot in that format, it literally bounces back and forth between 1:33 and 1:65, from shot to shot, throughout the entire movie! And, aside from the bravo performance of the sandworms, there is absolutely nothing that breaks new ground. Heck, I'd dare say it takes a few things back a few steps.
On to the score: Hans Zimmer.... Well, he had to poop out a bad score eventually and boy, this is it. Want to hear a great score? Listen to just about anything else he's done, especially the new Bond soundtrack, No Time to Die. The problem here seems to be that he's dipped into the atonal well just one time too many. But hey, at least you know when an important image comes up... The sudden atonal punch to the ear will wake you up, each and every time.
I think it was round about the 9th or 10th flash forward/vision thing that I suddenly realized that I didn't care one bit about anyone or anything in this movie. It's a damn shame, too, because that first trailer really had me thinking that someone finally got it right.
They didn't.
Saturday Night Live: Kim Kardashian West/Halsey (2021)
Abysmal
Outside of Weekend Update, I think I laughed twice. The Terry the Film Critic bit in the middle of the news segment was hilarious. The rest of the show was absolute crap. It's hard to believe that the same group of folks made the previous week's show.
Zola (2020)
Notification Sounds, the Movie!
Yep. That's what I want to hear when I go to the theater... And endless parade of notification sounds. Nothing better. Seriously, where can I get the soundtrack to this? Just the notification sounds. I want to listen to them, over and over. Oh, yeah, and there's also this story, I think, about a very smart young woman getting sucked in, in about five seconds, by an incredibly stupid woman, and all the garbage people they meet along the way. But, hey, there's plenty of notification sounds to keep the story going. I walked out, halfway through. Nothing to see here but pretentious garbage.
Bo Gia (2021)
You know it's a comedy, because everyone is shouting.
And overacting. And trying their best to be silly. But mostly, just shouting. It's exhausting. Characters are all one-dimensional, the "plot" is almost completely missing, the camera work and edits are jarring, women are slapped with zero repercussions, children are thrown to the ground with zero repercussions, and everyone shouts. Or emotes loudly. But mostly shouts.
Have I mentioned the shouting...?
Saturday Night Live: Anya Taylor-Joy/Lil Nas X (2021)
Another great episode!
Two great episodes in a row? A guy could get spoiled. It seemed like every sketch landed, and I'm a sucker for the joke swap. This one was particularly savage. Usually, it's lopsided and Colin holds back. He let go, this time, for one joke. I thought Michael was going to have an aneurysm telling it, he was laughing so hard. Kudos to Anya Taylor-Joy, and that Brawr sketch. Outstanding!
Boogie (2021)
Dreadful and dull = Dreadfully dull
The camera crew knew what they were doing. It's well-shot, I'll give it that much. The writing it bad, the direction is bad. I'm assuming Eddie Huang either has money, or knows people with money, because that's the only way slop like this gets financed. The lead is sullen, almost everyone is unappealing, and there's zero tension. Even the clichéd final game lacks any sort of suspense. It's clear that the only reason this got a theatrical release is the pandemic has made theaters desperate for product and better films still want to make some money, so they're waiting. This is filler. Wait for it to show on some streaming service, then skip it.
He Dood It Again (1943)
Weird, if you think about it.
We're supposed to root for Super Mouse (or Mighty Mouse, if you prefer) and the mice in general, but...
SM has smashed a HUGE hole in the wall of an independently-owned grocery store, even before the short starts. Also, the mice have infested an independently-owned diner that's barely hanging on. They use the owner's utilities, eat his food, and smash up the place, too. These are heroes? This is what they taught back in "the good old days?" If this were the modern era, there would be cell phone video of the "heroes" on social media, a million views, and someone's livelihood destroyed.
Well, anyway, it moves at a good place. It's just weird, though, if you think about it.
Saturday Night Live: Regé-Jean Page/Bad Bunny (2021)
Where did this come from?
After several episodes of rapidly declining quality, they whip this out and... it's actually good! And I don't mean, just for this season, but overall. Where did this come from? Bravo! Now, do it again.
Saturday Night Live: Dan Levy/Phoebe Bridgers (2021)
Just not very good.
A solid cold opening, a blink and you'll miss it cameo from Eugene Levy, parts of the Universal Tram ride, and Weekend Update (especially with the YouTubers) are all the laughs you'll get out of this otherwise dreary and lifeless episode. I can understand if you've done eight weeks in a row, that it might be hard to come up with fresh material, but they had three or four weeks off, leading to this. Just bad.
Action U.S.A. (1989)
I thought I would enjoy this. I was wrong.
Seeing as it had a 6.1 rating, I figured it might be enjoyable. I love exploitation movies of the 70s and 80s, as well. But you can pretty well bet that these 10/10 reviews talking about "quotable dialogue" and great stunts were all written by friends of the above-the-line cast and crew. (i.e. The director, producers, etc.) There isn't a stunt in here that hasn't been done better in a dozen other movies. The plot is sloppy as all get out, the acting subpar, and the direction... Well, pretty much nonexistent. I'm sure this review will get down-voted, too. Don't fall for it. If you remove all the bogus 8,9,10 votes, you wind up with a far more realistic, but still high IMO, 4.9.
The Green Hornet Strikes Again! (1940)
It's a bit of a tough slog...
SPOILER I've been on a serial-watching kick for a while, and maybe that's part of the problem. The Republic serials are generally top-notch. This one is less so. Better than half of the "cliffhangers" are resolved by the Green Hornet not escaping at the last second, but rather getting caught up in the collapse, crash, or explosion but somehow being okay. This, despite the other person almost always being killed. It's just lazy. Also, the dynamic between GH and Kato is really odd, Kato gets to dress him and drive him, but never really participates beyond "wait here," presumably to rescue his dumb backside after those forementioned collapses, crashes, or explosions. And why, oh why, would you make Keye Luke do that "Oriental" accent thing? Ugh. Barely involving, and I loved the first one, despite its faults.
Saturday Night Live: Dave Chappelle/Foo Fighters (2020)
What was Dave on?
That opening monologue/stand-up had to be just about the most unfocused meandering I've ever seen from someone of his caliber. Also, virtually every sketch fell flat, even the usually reliable Kate McKinnon's Rudy G WU appearance went nowhere. There were moments, but I swear Chappelle was lethargic at best. Zero energy. A huge disappointment.
Sucker Punch (2011)
Cut Scene, the Movie
It should have been called "Cut Scene, the Movie." Vapid and empty, I'll bet it looked great in 3-D: Dreadful, dreadful, and dreadful. A decent cast and better-than-average video game-style graphics wasted.
Saturday Night Live: Saturday Night Live at Home: Tom Hanks/Chris Martin (2020)
An Outstanding Effort That Hopefully Won't Stand the Test of Time
The highlight for me, as always, was Weekend Update. Nice to see Che throw in a request for joke swap, hands-down, the most consistently funny bit they do. Everyone gives it their best, considering the severe limitations, and it mostly pays off, under the circumstances. I don't know if people watching this, years from now, will understand. Hopefully, this whole pandemic thing will be a faint memory, and they won't understand why this is why it is. And I'm okay with that. For now, thank you to the cast and crew of SNL. I enjoyed this, very much!
Hi-Yo Silver (1940)
Nifty edit of a classic serial that could have used some more action
It was kind of Republic to add a wraparound narrator to the story. Cutting down from nearly four and a half hours to just over one could have left it a mess to try to follow. However, it's odd that they only made this an hour long. They could have just as easily put in another 30 or forty minutes. It could have used some more action, something that the studio is famous for. Fun, nonetheless.
Attack of the Super Monsters (1982)
So astonishingly bad that it's actually kind of awesome!
Merging cheap rubber-suit monsters (They talk!) with low-budget, limited animation is a recipe for disaster. And just like the plot of the Producers, somehow it turns into a hilariously entertaining bit of fluff. It's literally four episodes of a terrible TV series strung together and in the end, there is no finality to any of it. But what more do you want from a talking rubber suited monster vs. anime movie? Shakespeare? You might want to imbibe while you watch it. Invite friends over and riff on it yourself. It's kind of awesome!
Daikyojû Gappa (1967)
Good for kids who find the older Godzilla movies a little to complex to follow.
This one is pretty straight-forward. Set-up, monster, monster smash, repeat. The Japanese actors in blackface are pretty cringe-worthy, too, but the film was made in less-enlightened times. Fun, for what it is: Good for kids who find the older Godzilla movies a little to complex to follow.
Bloodshot (2020)
Emminently average
Ludicrous plot, but not badly done. Its biggest crime is that it's too straight-forward. There are literally no twists in the film, the story is just laid out in front of you. It's the sort of thing that you watch when you're bored, but don't want your brain taxed.
The Assistant (2019)
Once scene of moral ambiguity does not a compelling story make
Watch as she makes coffee. Watch as she makes copies. Watch as she sweeps crumbs. Watch as she empties a wastebasket. Watch as she changes travel plans for someone else. Watch as she almost scrambles when the usual driver can't pick her boss up. Watch as she makes more copies. Watch as she heats a TV dinner... every second that it's in the microwave... I wish I was kidding. I've worked on over 60 films and spent a lot of time working in production offices. This has to the absolute dullest film on the subject I've ever seen. The lead appears to have some talent, but she's allowed exactly one note (Okay, maybe one and a half). Watch as she plays that extra half of a note, on an impromptu visit to HR. Watch as she smokes a cigarette after.
Just don't expect anything to happen. Also, seriously, don't watch this.
Fantasy Island (2020)
Not a bad idea, just one too many plot twists.
It's not a bad idea to embrace the dark side of the series, but it takes more than a strong concept to make a good movie. There are moments when the movie clicks, especially as it gets near the finale, but the ultimate reveal makes too much of what went before just... well, it made it silly, even by the standards set in this movie's world.
Creature Features: Flash Gordon Conquers The Universe (2017)
Probably the closest to our childhood that we'll get
Great to see John Stanley hosting the show. Love his keep it simple attitude. Mr. Wilkins has left us, sadly, so this is probably the closest we'll get to the original, short of reruns that will never happen. Cool guest, terrible but fun movie, and a host from our childhood. Good times!