Change Your Image
kianakaswiener
Reviews
Mamma Mia! (2008)
idfk watch animal soccer world or smth
Absolutely abhorrent. The (barebones) plot goes absolutely nowhere most of the time while everything else is going a million miles an hour, and not in a good sense, either. The protag and her subordinates look and act about as hyperactive as sugarcrazed, drugged up RATS (which is the audience that the film likely appeals to). In the end, even the plot itself amounts to all of NOTHING, as the marriage of the MC and her would-be husband that the entire film was leading up to gets utterly and completely CANNED, and the mystery father subplot ends the way it started.
The dance choreography is best described as an orgy wherein every participant is a bloated hippo, and the singing is comparable to a cacophony of badly autotuned wet farts played one after another, and both of these 'gimmicks' feel utterly forced (the usage of ABBA songs was probably for the sake of appealing to ABBA fans, and nothing else). The fact that they got a SEQUEL out of this steaming mess astounds me.
Practically the ONLY redeeming quality of this slog was that one of the dudes was played by Colin Andrew Firth, the actor and VA of Mark Darcy from the Bridget Jones's Diary Film Adaptations (and others), and another of the dudes was Pierce Brendan Brosnan, the fifth Actor and VA of James Bond from his titular series. A waste of precious talent if I've ever seen any myself.
Other than that, nothing stands out. The plot is forgettable (I mean, your guess is as good as mine as to what's going on 90% of the time), there are like 3 memorable characters, and it is utterly cringeworthy when it isn't practically a still image. Absolutely putrid from beginning to end. Never subject yourself to this filth, even ironically (and while we're on the subject of filth, I'd rather choke on my own filth than subject myself to this ballsed-up deathpit again). People of ALL ages, sexes, genders, races, countries, and whatnot, beware.
Overall, not only is this film PAINFUL to sit through, but it is also one of the most NOTHING films I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through. I'm only giving this utter dungstorm a star rating because I have to in order to post a review, it doesn't deserve that star. 'Rotten' doesn't even BEGIN to describe how bad this film is, better words would be: Insipid, repugnant, wretched, vile, among others.
WHY/10, never watch if you want to keep your will to live, your sanity, and your braincells.
Addendum: Subjecting someone to this sickening film should be classed as a method of torture more painful than uninterrupted waterboarding.
Animal Soccer World (2005)
still a better movie than mamma mia
Everything, from the plot actually leading up to something, to there being an actual hook, to the characters NOT screaming like sloppily castrated hyenas, is comparable favourably to the abhorrent 'pukebox musical' known as 'Mamma Mia'. Ambulance Duck is easily one of the best characters in fiction, and the film is a worthy follow-up to Dalmatians 3.
Sure, it might only be 30 minutes long, but would you rather a 30 minute, slightly boring yet easily followable and 'so bad it's good' movie, or a 108 minute slog of screaming banshees, a plot that amounts to nothing, confusing visuals for 80% of the movie that make following said 'plot' a PIPE DREAM, and unfitting music and revolting dance choreographies.
That's what I thought.
The Blue Shell Incident (2019)
whoaa....
Oh my wieners.... rhis film goes hards as christ mc jesusson.