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kevin_a_hall@btinternet.com
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Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
It's time... for Star Wars... to end!
Okay, we've had the Star Wars joke. It wasn't funny. Now when can we expect to see the real The Last Jedi film? I'm talking about the film these so-called critics saw: the one they lauded as "Incredible" and "Amazing", misleading so many fans down to their local multiplexes to grab themselves a seat!
As it stands, and assuming this is it, I have to say that this is the worst of ALL the Star Wars films, jointly in story, story cohesion, pacing, scripting and execution. It was just plain terrible. I also feel TLJ was a slap in the face to anyone who genuinely appreciates and loves the Star Wars franchise; an unnecessarily harsh battering of nails in the coffin of the Star Wars universe.
When Mr Lucas handed over the keys to his kingdom no one could have foreseen or imagined the abysmal treatment his beloved characters would receive at the hands of its new owners.. Luke's handling, for example, one of the most disappointing I have ever seen in a film, was as mind numbing (heart breaking) and underwhelming an experience as one could imagine, invoking the intuitive, off the cuff comment, "Well, that was a wasted opportunity," as soon as the credits rolled.
Finally, let me just say that I would gladly pay again the cost of my admission to effectively erase the memory I now have of this awful film.
Suffice to say this will be my final Star Wars film. I'm done.
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
Boldly Going... Nowhere!
The Star Trek universe, resplendent in Gene Roddenberry's vision of a future wherein mankind has finally "got its act together," while its social and economic problems are generally a thing of the past. Not in JJ Abrams' universe however, in which a corrupt Starfleet Admiral and a freshly revived genetically engineered 'John Harrison', an alias for a more familiar Star Trek adversary, take it upon themselves to create havoc with savage acts of treason and terrorism respectively.
With seeming discount made to Roddenberry's unique take of Star Trek, evolving around the prevalent Hollywood ethos of filling seats at the local multiplex, Abrams' crafts, what I would term, a popcorn movie with plot-holes aplenty. With its target audience seated in place however, doubtlessly willing to overlook the obvious whilst simultaneously blinded by the startling visuals and 'tacked-on' 3-D (the film wasn't originally shot in 3-D, instead the process being added in post-production) this 'casual' viewer can safely check their brain at the door and, in all likelihood, enjoy...
In this befuddled story, with its foot stuck firmly in Trek's The Wrath of Khan (1982), Into Darkness hauls its audience onto a seeming roller-coaster ride, dragging the viewer from one outrageous action set-piece to another, while its central characters are barely given a chance to 'grow' into their respective roles.
In a likely nod to Trek VI – The Undiscovered Country, Sulu is afforded a brief turn in the captain's chair (a role which at least offered the actor some nifty poker-faced dialogue), whilst Chekov is contrastingly tucked away within the pipework-strewn bowels of the Enterprise' engine room. Scotty, meanwhile, refusing to sign for a delivery of conspicuously 'shielded' torpedoes, resigns himself into the background with his unusual but interesting little alien friend. This is clearly Kirk's film however, while his relationship with Spock (and by extension Spock's relationship with Uhura) being about the only things explored here. Worst of all however is Karl Urban's Doctor 'Bones' McCoy, who is virtually confined to pitching nostalgic-tinged quips: "My God man, I'm a doctor not a nuclear torpedo technician," a character so painfully underused here – particularly given the actor's obvious talent in this role.
Evolving around two villains, each of whom possessing completely different agendas, 'John Harrison' (Benedict Cumberbatch) and a warmongering Starfleet Admiral (Peter Weller), the latter of whom taking command of a freshly constructed battleship class vessel named USS VENGEANCE. Despite a promising start however, having chased Harrison to his conspicuous Klingon hideout, Kirk is somehow 'manipulated' into seeking the terrorist's help; an inconceivable decision given the character's explosive introduction - which also ignores the obvious danger he poses. And let's not forget the supposed personal anguish felt by Kirk, of which Harrison had been its mastermind. Oh well, things disintegrate further when its finally realised just how incredibly stupid Kirk has been, trusting a known terrorist whilst the viewer, during the film's final reel, is woefully pulled along during their frantic re-attempts at his capture.
With an ending pulled directly out of The Wrath of Khan, albeit with Kirk and Spock on opposite sides of the radiation screen doors, I was beginning feel as though I had been robbed of my admission: the contrived nature of this protracted scene, deriving itself virtually word-for-word from its thirty-year-old original, played out while the audience undoubtedly watched in astonished déjà vu. I use the term 'contrived' given that, not unlike the life-restoring 'Genesis Planet' seen in Trek's The Search for Spock (1984), the answer to Kirk's mortal dilemma was really only a hypo-spray away...
As a Trek fan, I was bitterly disappointed here: the filmmakers might well have just re-shot Nicholas Meyer's film entirely. Sincerely what an utterly shameful and wasted opportunity all this hokum was.
When I emerged from the cinema, I was somewhat stunned; processing what I had just witnessed on-screen. And after having slept on it, I was finally able to articulate the next day. What I had seen wasn't so much Star Trek – a series I so dearly love and consider myself a lifelong fan of – but some cheap (albeit very expensive, costing well over £120 Million) and certainly pale imitation of a film series that deserved far better scripting and storyline than this. These wonderful characters – legendary even – each of whom a household name, whilst some having inspired many a fan to seek similar professions in the real world, reduced here to mere caricatures' of their namesakes.
Over-shadowed by the film's ample and certainly showy special effects, these characters seemed stunted and confined instead of simply being allowed to develop properly.
Such a shame. 3 out of 10
The Curious Female (1969)
Watching Feature Films in the Future, is a Dangerous Affair!
The Curious Female evolves around a futuristic (Year 2157) cultist society of moviegoers, whom gather secretly to watch old, prohibited works; as it happens, generally anything from the old world is forbidden by 'Master Computer' and therefore enforced by the laws of the time. This gathering of toga-wearing movie enthusiasts, entwined in emphatic orgiastic embrace, soon settle to watch their latest slice of Hollywood, acquired by Liana (Bunny Allister), their female host, accompanied by her male companion, Jorel (David Westberg).
Their evening's viewing, introduced as "The Three Virgins" is described as a moralistic view of the old world An era perceived to cling to the ideals and principles of marriage Which essentially transports us back (relatively speaking) to a "Hi-Tech" dating agency, set in modern day Los Angeles, which utilises the same actors/actresses again to great effect!
While much of the Curious Female is seen through the sometimes raunchy, soft-core lens of "The Three Virgins", the film is nonetheless punctuated with a periodic return (Between reel changes) to the future, while our cultists ask questions, like that of children about the world they have seen on film. "What is a Virgin"? one woman asks, while another questions "Marriage" in the same manner. These discussions induce shock and provide insight for the viewer, as the moral and ethical state of this very restrictive, Romanesque futuristic society unravels itself in brief, narrative exchanges...
Although very cheaply made and extremely dated in tone, this 1969 effort from Paul Rapp (The Wild Angels (1966), The Trip (1967), Boxcar Bertha (1972)) is extremely well executed and does occasionally contain elements of sheer brilliance, though perhaps a second viewing may be the only way of revealing these narrative subtleties! Made at a time when computers were perhaps just beginning to eek into the mainstream fabric of industrialised civilization, there is a prevailing sense of hysteria being depicted here, perhaps suggesting that we might one day rely on computers a bit too much Emphasised in no small part by the futuristic 'all-seeing' prohibitive eye of Master Computer (an early Big Brother metaphor?) and the dating machine, seen here to over-load when prompted for some data!
In relation to the futuristic segments of this film, one might argue that constantly eroding boundaries of previously unacceptable sexual relationships, marriage and other formerly illicit practices within our own society might one day lead to such a future, though this is indeed a stretch of the imagination; within this context however, the restrained mastery of the Curious Female, whether intentional or otherwise, does occasionally shine
Despite being an admittedly average film, The Curious Female brims positively with 60's psychedelic euphoria and is, by all accounts, incredibly hard to find here in the UK! It's obscure, one-time video release, compliments of Iver Film Services (circa 1981) being it's only lease of life here.
Currently unavailable on DVD anywhere, this forgotten gem surely deserves a reissue Particularly when other, less deserving (and often atrocious sub-standard VHS print quality) movie product is routinely unleashed into a saturated and often ambiguously represented video market!
On a closing note, let me just say that the soundtrack however is brilliant, oozing with 'original' Austin Powers confidence Personally, I'd grab it immediately, if it were readily available! ( Personal Rating 6 / 10 )
Reeker (2005)
Semi-Decent Horror - With a Twist!
The first five minutes of Reeker should contain enough gross-out gory moments to satisfy most horror fans, before introducing us to it's five twenty something protagonists (At this point, animal lovers should beware of the barking "split dog", like that of "Return of the Living Dead"), travelling with annoyingly pretentious attitude toward some desert gig.
Like many horror films, Reeker places it's characters within predictably creepy surroundings. The aptly named "Halfway House", a remote Motel / Gas station subsequently becomes the setting for this film.
The fact that no one's there, telephones don't work and dead, blood-stained deer materialise randomly on the booking office floor doesn't deter these hormonal lugs from copulating in the vacant hotel rooms! Ghostly voices are occasionally heard and strange etchings on the walls, provide possible clues for the more discerning among us...
There are some hilarious (if somewhat gross) moments to be found here, most notably when one of their group examines a noisy dumpster, discovering a relatively happy "Half a Trucker" come bounding out like a Jack-In-The-Box, before shuffling out of view, quite merrily cackling away to himself...
Michael Ironside (The film's main star) makes a welcome, if somewhat belated appearance, drawing up in his camper van, sporting his iconic menacing grin! (By this time, the Red Herrings are all over the place, giving the film a befuddled "Where's it going" feel).
The main atmosphere comes from the foreboding and fleeting presence of the 'Reeker' himself; a breezy, elemental cloaked being, with an array of terrifying power tools (Eat your heart out, Cameron Mitchell!!!). This Gonzo wears a gas mask to conceal it's identity, though there's definitely something else about this character, that's for sure...
Once the buzzing (of power tools) starts, our band of luckless suburbanites start losing limbs faster than the 'Monty Python Black Knight', as they desperately try to keep themselves alive - And out of Reeker's way! To the seasoned horror aficionado, the final reel may seem disappointing, though this viewer was fairly satisfied with what was on offer here. Plenty of scares, coupled with ample gore will undoubtedly provide many with a fairly decent enough 90 minutes of claustrophobic terror that could have been far worse! (Personal Rating 6 / 10)
Annihilator (1986)
Great TV Movie, with so much lost potential...
I first saw this TV movie on late-night British TV in the late eighties and was thrilled with it's simple, yet effective sci-fi edge; obviously, the film was made for a prospective television series that never happened - Which is a shame as the end result was far better than many of the series' that were approved and syndicated at the time.
Synopsis: Mark Lyndsay Chapman plays Richard Armour, a likable reporter whose life changes after his girlfriend, Angela (Catherine Mary Stewart) returns from a holiday in Hawaii with a female friend (Lisa Blount). Their return sees them change into emotionless cyborgs (like that of Terminator, complete with robotic red eyes under their lifelike human skin masks! In fact, so close is the analogy to "Terminator", that the "Annihilator" also stars Earl Boen (whom played Dr Silberman in both movies!) in a supporting role as fellow reporter, Sid!)).
These cyborgs (or Dynamitards as they are later revealed to be known as) exhibit calculated and unsympathetic views of animals, at one point referring to a dog as being 'One of these lesser animals', before disposing of the poor canine in a dumpster! Angela's lack of 'humanity', soon gives Richard just cause to think that something is up and is easily convinced that a dirty weekend away to a remote log cabin would be the ideal solution to rekindle and reconnect! It is here that Angela reveals her deadly intentions and Richard gets more than he bargained for as he barely escapes with his life and is forced to go on the run...
Richard soon discovers that the Hawaii passenger manifest is something of a Dynamitard 'hit list' and tries to find other passengers in hope of finding answers - And possibly the whereabouts of the real Angela - Before running into more deadly Dynamitards! The film is punctuated with Bowie's "Ashes to Ashes" soundtrack, using this now classic song to great effect as our hero staggers around, disillusioned and helpless; armed with a pump action shotgun, an English accent and some attitude, Richard's quest for the truth is soon accompanied by female friend and convert, Layla (Susan Blakely) as she convinces him to seek additional help and advice from Professor Alan Jeffries (Geoffrey Lewis), with disastrous consequences of betrayal...
Truly could have been a great TV series ( Personal Rating 8 / 10 )