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Reviews
Criminal Minds: To Hell... (2009)
Where Have I Seen This Before?
So, let me get this straight: The villain is a paralyzed psychopathic sadist named Mason who feeds people to his pigs? Throughout the episode I expected Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore to jump out from behind a tree. Nevertheless, I appreciated this episode. Some people will doubtless complain that it jumped around too much -- first from the streets of Detroit to the Canadian border, then into the Canadian backwoods, then back to Detroit -- but I am consistently impressed with the show's adherence to reality (that is, it comes close to trying, something that "CSI" gave up on eight seasons ago), and a real investigation can take profilers all over the country. Despite the obvious riffs along the theme of "Hannibal," there were enough unique elements in the episode to keep me interested, and the twist at the end promises another season. I can't wait to see what happens!
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
Well worth the matinée price.
Director Jerry Bruckheimer really outdid himself in this third installment of the trilogy. The story is complex but entertaining, the visual effects are state-of-the-art, and the acting is...good. There's a bit of a sense that the actors are trying to get through with this and not pouring themselves into it heart and soul. The fight sequences also aren't quite as elaborate (except for one near the end, the context of which is very complicated) as in the first two movies, but you'll still be riveted to your seat. It's a little hard to keep up with some things, but overall I think you'll be very satisfied.
Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow is a little different in this movie. He's a touch more serious, and not as given to making playful eunuch jokes. I'm not sure I miss this, but the middle-schoolers probably will. Keira Knightley's character Elizabeth is more battle-hardened, but still carries some emotional baggage about having sacrificed Jack to the Kraken. It's something like Domino meets Pride & Prejudice. Orlando Bloom's Bill Turner actually plays second fiddle to Jack and Barbosa (I guess that makes him third fiddle), and speaking of Barbosa, Geoffrey Rush is possibly the most genuine actor on the set.
I was struck by just how unique this trilogy really is. The dialog, the action sequences, the plot twists, the cinematography, the character development...it all adds up to a set of films unlike any other. I would say that it's worth the matinée price at any theater, but some people might not be willing to go to the later, more expensive showings. But I would.
Oh yeah, and watch for Keith Richards.
Stranded (2001)
A Rictus of Embarrassment
I originally rented this movie as something to watch while my mom and sister watched "Must Love Dogs" in the other room. Within ten minutes I found myself preferring the chick flick. The opening scene of the movie was all I needed to realize I had just wasted five and a half bucks. The film begins with a newscast in which a reporter sets the scene for the rest of the film. A good idea, right? Except that the reporter delivers in a deadpan. He says, "This is a historic moment" in a voice you'd probably expect to hear in a lecture on earwax. The rest of the movie follows this pattern to the point where I wanted to throttle the lead actress while screaming, "Have you even READ the script?" In short, I've seen beer commercials with better acting, better writing, better special effects, and better story lines.