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Reviews
Boa vs. Python (2004)
Next, please.
So in this film there is a really rich guy who imports a giant python so he and his rich friends can hunt it. Well, that snake gets out and decides to hide in the miles of water pipes outside of Philadelphia. The CIA finds out that this snake is on the loose and rather than just hunting it down and killing it, they decide to team up a snake specialist with a woman who tracks dolphins using these sensors and cameras. Well, they attach these sensors to, what else, ANOTHER giant snake. This one is a boa. Let me save you the suspense. The Boa lays eggs from immaculate conception and the python "pleasures" a girl in a jeep in an abandoned field. There is a sponge bath scene, many ethnicities, underwater breathing, a flamethrower, and of course, a rave. While I was highly anticipating this film, I must say that it is one of those B films that you should simply pass by at the video store. Pretty bad. I would instead recommend another helping of "Frankenfish."
Frankenfish (2004)
A True Cinematic Gem
FRANKENFISH is one of those lovely B-films you always walk by at your local video store and laugh as you point out the cover to your friends. This film is so funny I can't even begin to explain it. From the ridiculous and unexplained plot, to the over-the-top, undefined characters, this film is a riot. You know you have a great film when there are giant, mutant fish beasts, naked people, house boat tailer parks, turtle soup, biologists, lesbians, Chinese Mofia, bloody gore, propeller boats, shotguns, and lines like, "I'm gonna git you, you dumb motherf*cker!" At a breezy 80 minutes in length, this film will have you crying for the must anticipated sequel. If you love B-Films that are truly ridiculous than this is the film for you.
Deep Shock (2003)
Deep Shock? Deep Sh*t.
So let me just say that I rented this movie because of the huge alien-dinosaur-like beast on the cover of the DVD. So I first start to watch this film and you can't help but make fun of the horrible acting, the abysmal filming, and the oh so magnificent script. Well, the first time you see the creature (30 minutes into the film, in case you feel like just FWD-ing through the amazing introduction of plot)you can't help but say, "Hmm... that looks a lot more like Puff the Magic Dragon than an awesome prehistoric alien beastie." But then again, it's not like you have high expectations of a film like this. ANyway, there is some horrible acting by the main female lead. You may have seen her in such Cinemax classics as "Bad Red" and "Just Girl from Australia....or England.....or, wait, what accent are you using today?" ANyway, The plot is really bad because it never really goes anywhere, but tries to create these amazing layers of depth for the characters. My favorite parts of the movie are when the screen flashes the new scene locations so as to eliminate the costly transition scenes required of higher quality films. Overall, if you see this movie sitting on the shelf and have a whopping 93 minutes to kill, It's worth the view, but only if you have a handful of friends with which to mock this great film. Other films I recommend include the fabulous TIMELINE with Paul Walker, and THE CORE. These special movies will touch your heart.
I'm out.