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Reviews
King Kong (2005)
Utterly ridiculous
Most of the times I disagree with film critics it usually stems from no more than that particular movie not being my own personal taste.
King Kong is different. Never before have I seen a movie that is so over the top and utterly ridiculous that has praised heaped upon as if its one of the greatest pictures of our time. What you have here is Peter Jackson trying to turn what was a monster movie into a bona fide epic. He fails miserably. Countless critics described Kong and Ann's relationship as "tender" and "heartfelt". If any other director had put a giant gorilla holding a woman spinning around on ice set to romantic music on film he would have been laughed out of the theatre. Nobody wanted to criticize the Lord of the Rings Golden Boy. This movie was complete crap. How many times can there be slow-motion longing gazes between Ann and Kong before we want to throw up? The answer is two. Unfortunately, there seem to be about four or five such scenes in this movie.
Never have I been so baffled by the critical response to a movie. This is one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen and not a worthy way to spend anyone's three hours. Sure, it had some killer action sequences. But so did Independence Day, and you didn't have to sit through pretentiously arty and self-indulgent nonsense to get them. Skip this one.
Full House (1987)
The guiltiest pleasure of them all
The reason for Full House's enduring popularity is a hard one to pin down. While I am certainly guilty of watching it with regularity, I can't even explain exactly why. If one looks at the show objectively, there's little to get excited about. I've always thought it'd be funny to see how an episode would play in a crowded movie theatre and no laugh track with the audience swallowing the painfully unfunny "jokes" like lead bullets. There's maybe one genuine laugh per episode, the rest of the time you wouldn't even know something was supposed to be funny if it weren't for the laugh track. Ah well, for whatever reason, this one inevitably draws everyone in, so more power to it. Long live Full House.
Baby Geniuses (1999)
Awful on every level imaginable
I'm a sucker for "so bad it's good movies", so while browsing through the Bottom 100 list, I checked out this movie's page. I remember seeing ads for this on TV when I was a little kid and thinking how stupid it looked. Reading the comments posted had me laughing, and I decided I had to check this one out.
This movie is horrendous on every level. The acting is absolutely atrocious. Christopher Lloyd gives the closest thing to a decent performance, but other than that, awful. Kathleen Turner, Kim Cattrel, Peter MicNicol, all terrible. The special effects are also a joke. The lip movements of the babies rarely match up with the words being spoken. And what was up with Sly's laugh? It sounded nothing like his speaking voice.
Ah, what else. Ah yes, the plot. A plot doesn't even really exist in this movie until it's near the end. The film begins(after a painful-to-watch press conference given by Turner's character) with an expose on the secret underground baby lab. The stuff that goes on down here is ridiculous. You've got babies playing full blown symphonies on synthesizer pianos and building replicas of the pyramids of Giza out of Legos. Hardcore. Perhaps most ridiculous is how they spend so much effort locking the baby Sly in his little house, only to make it incredibly easy for him to touch the electronic lock panel on his door.
More unbelievable than anything in the entire movie is the montage set to soft music at the end of the film. What the? What is the audience supposed to be doing, tearing up?
This film is an absolute disgrace. Awful acting, awful special effects, awful plot inconsitiencies.
Awful Movie.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Boring
This movie is a great cure for insomnia. Instead of you going to see it, I'll summarize it for you.
Frodo and Gandalf get ring. They want to destroy ring. So they set off for a big mountain where they can destroy the ring. About 30 minutes in, some monsters attack them. They fight them and then continue on. Soon some more monsters attack them, they fight them and move on. Then they go in a cave where a big monster attacks them. They run from it. After that there is a council and some more people join their party. Then they continue on and some more monsters attack them. They fight them, then get on a boat. This one guy starts drowning but Frodo saves him and they hug and the movie's over.
I just saved 3 hours of your life that you would have wasted.
Leprechaun (1992)
Absolute Horror Classic
I try not to rate movies at IMDb based on entertainment value but on how good of a film they are, and Leprechaun is an absolutely horrendous film. Dismal supporting cast, not even remotely scary, claustrophobic setting(though some would argue that's not a bad thing).
In Lerechaun's case however I have to make an exception. This is one of the most entertaining movies you will ever watch. In this first installment of the series most of it is unintentional but you'll laugh regardless. There are so many classic moments in this film you can't count. Particularly when the Leprechaun first gets on the roller skates and can't skate worth a dime and crashes, but then gets up and skates off as if he has been skating for twenty years. Or when he rolls a pick-up truck using a go-cart and pitchfork, the hilarity never stops.
10 of 10 A+
The Princess Diaries (2001)
The Movie is so-so, but Hathaway is gorgeous.
I was somewhat dragged to this movie, though I did want to see Hathaway, since she looked beautiful in the previews. I can now say after I have seen this movie that Anne Hathaway is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. If you are male, go see this if only to see her.
The movie is so-so, but that's not what I went to see it for.
The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)
Funnier as you get older!
This movie is only funny if you get the inside jokes. When I first saw this movie, I didnt get like any of the jokes. Like when Carol says "Doug, do you have protection?" and he says "Oh yes maam, assorted colors and textures" I never realized before that he meant condoms. Being 14, I have noticed that if your a teenager, this movie gets funnier and funnier the older you get.
I have so many lines from it stuck in my head that won't go away!