Change Your Image
philipphoerning
Reviews
Warrior (2011)
Best fun and entertaing fight drama there is.
The title is a very bold statement since there are very good and outstanding other films like Rocky 1, 3 and 4(partcially), Southpaw, to think of some of the top of my head.
Its simply because i watch "Warror" over and over again since a few years. It never bores me. Its a movie that really entertains me despite knowing the plot by heart.
Joel Edgerton and Tom Hardy are really the heart of this film. Nick Nolte was nominated for an Oscar, he is good but its a very predicatble linear performance, not bad but not really something that overshadowes the performances by the lead characters.
The story is simple: two brothers seperately train for an MMA tournament where everyone can qualify, pros and amateurs alike to win a big title and big money. Both grew apart and dealt differently with their past of growing up with an alcohlic father. Both fight themselves though the tournament until both face each other in the final fight.
Storywise, its not complex Tolstoy but nonetheless its really not corny nor flat.
Just a great film to watch over and over again for the joy of entertainment.
Dracula (1931)
THE BEST Dracula movie until this day.
Im more than surprised that this masterpiece is NOT on imdb's top 250 list. This movie is still the most entertaining Dracula movie of all time.
As of 2023, this movie 92yrs old and still doesnt feel that old. The cinematography, cast and directing is beyond and above top tier quality. Bela Lugosi's performance made him a legend, and pun intended: immortal.
I highly recommend to watch this movie with the new score of Philip Glass & the Cronos Quartet which is just the cherry on top of this outstanding movie.
I have seen a lot of Dracula/Vampire films, most are bad, few are good and even fewer are memorable but no one is as timeless as Dracula '31. Yes, not even even Franicis Ford Coppulas version is close to this one.
Dr. Giggles (1992)
One movie, a series of all time best one-liners, with a huge wave of blood.
I have seen a lot of horror movies in my life; the majority is boring and bad, then some are entertaining and some are true gems. Dr. Giggles is a shining bright diamond of the genre, almost forgotten and not well known today. Its a very very bloody slasher but in the tradition of 80s horror movies its more like a comedy almost slapstick at times. The one-liners are ridiculous and pretty funny. You need to tune in the vibe of this movie and let yourself be entertained from beginning to end.
If you want to see a great horror film on Halloween and have seen all the classics and want something new, entertainment, fun and over the top: Dr. Giggles wont disappoint.
Mad Men (2007)
An aesthetic stylish borefest.
I gave this show serveral attempts throughout the years but its a horrible borefest. I dont get the appeal for this show. Don Draper is not really likeable but is the mainlead and is portrayed as the alpha male who is always in control despite all obstacles. Only later the show gives him more "depth" with his flaws and insecurities. Honestly, i dont like him from the start. I watched until season 5-6ish but it was such a borefest.
Im very happy not to like it despite the majorities overall taste.
This show is forgetable and was probably only a phenomenon of its time because the production was top notch at its time, undeniable.
The Walking Dead (2010)
Some great seasons but overall a complete waste.
Hear me out, i wasnt a big fan of season 1-2 but the first real main villian "the govenor" was just outstanding. Then TWD is slowly fading its grip but Negan gave it some new life.
The shows main problem is its success. The main actors got paid more and to finance the show which was losing its audience the producers made more episodes for those seasons to make it more profitable. The result; much ado about nothing episodes.
Also, the never ending "Hamlet-dillemma"; knowing what to do but not taking action.
The characters are so utterly dumb, and their ongoing hestitations always ALWAYS result into the same thing: making it worse. You get so annoyed its an insult by the authors to the audience. Rick Grimes is the worst of them all but other charcters are not better. Finished the show for the sake of finishing it. Will never look back again.
Near Dark (1987)
A snooze fest.
I really wanted to like this film. I was overly excited but what i saw was a pure disappionment. The lack of success was blamed on the studios promoting and pushing more "The Lost Boys" but if you know both films, this excuse is just a lame joke.
Given this is a vampire movie a lot of scenes play at night, unfortunately the camera fail on an epic scale to capture all night and dark shots. Its really ridiculous how amateurish the camera work was done. This is just the tip of the ice berg. The movie as a whole is technically very bad; scenes dont blend in together, the story and scipt is partly not well developed, music and sound miss the beat. I know its a debut movie but its more like a feature length film school project.
I love Kathryn Bigelow but her first film isnt great to say the least.
On contrary, im not a fan of Joel Schumacher but "Lost Boys" was and is a great movie and while Near Dark is being compared, Near Dark fails onnan epic scale.
In summary, Near Dark is a big snooze fest, taken all technical and story points aside.
If you missed to watch this "cult" movie, you didnt miss anything.
Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)
Angela gone hyper conservative Christian. Meh!
Im a true fan to the first Sleepaway Camp movie. The idea that Angela returns as a staff member to the camp is not inherently bad. My problem is, this Angela is a complete different one(as a character) and her motives make no sense.
In the first one, people die who bully or harras her or even get to close to her(no spoiler).
In part 2 she is at the camp to kill everyone who wants some fun in general. This is what teenagers do. She is more like a hardcore Christian who kills everyone who is not living in celibathy, absend to drugs and alcohol and is not in bed by nighttime.
The performance by the lead role is always bi-polar over the top.
The film has its moments, even funny sometimes but overall missed the mark. Only for true hardcore horror fans who havent seen it yet. There are definetly worse horror films out there,i enjoyed it a bit but wasnt captivated and wont watch it again, nor recommend.
TerrorVision (1986)
Almost forgotten 80s comedy horror classic.
If you expect a serious terrifying horror movie, this is not it.
The tone is set from the start: an over the top ride with characters whiche are cliches of their own, almost comic book like. Everything is ridiculous and everyone is purposefully over-acting and I LOVE IT.
The plot is simple: a malfunctioning tv satilite set beams and alien pet into the home of family Putterman. The parents are some freaky swingers, grandpa lives still in memories of warzones, the son has some ADHD and loves television and the daughter is some cheap Cindy Lauper valleygirl.
Only problem is, this pet is not domestic as Alf but is also very hungry.
Will family Putterman get control over the new visitor? Will they get any help? Is earth to be doomed? Is television the root of all evil?
You better find out.
For some reason this movie reminds me very much of the computer game "Maniac Mansion".
There are similarities and the key is to fully except whats going on and enjoy the ride.
Terrorvision is fun, hilarious, eye candy, cool and also somehow entertainingly creepy at times.
An amazing ending on top of it all.
Hands down, a true classic.
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet (1983)
Worth a watch.
Im fascinated with old tv shows and i never watched "Auf wiedersehen, Pet". I saw this show in a HMV shop as 2 season DVD collection. I was curious and excited to give it a try.
This show captures very much the era of its time. Its a social commentary and we see the devastating results of the Thatcher era.
The plot is simple, a motley crew of British workers go to Europe(first season Germany, Dusseldorf) to work at consteuction sites to earn money. There are no jobs for them in Britain.
Conflicts are; divorce, partners and kids they left behind, cultural differences, predjudices against Germans, Turks, Spanish and others, drinking, gambling, hookers and women in general and conflicts among each other.
The show is classified as "comedy" but there is little to none comedy. Its a drama show. I like the vibe but its definetly heavy to watch and you need breaks between episodes. I found it not necessarily "binge-material".
Its a good show to watch, very interesting but its probably for a specific audience.
X (2022)
Dont believe the hype.
Great start but gets messy after 20-30min into the movie. The motive of the killers are RIDICULOUS its like a teenager wrote the construct and character development of the script. The film starts great but even the directorial work gets worse by the minute and bad editing towards the end.
The film could be better if the director/screenwriter/producer would have put more effort into this. This is like an early and rushed script got the green light even though it wasnt production material.
Its not even a "horror" movie, more like a psycho slasher film school something with a bigger budget.
Not recommended.
The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
Give it a pass if you have read the novel.
I dont wanna be that guy but here i am: the book is so much different from the film.
Tom Ripley is the blue print of the anti hero. The idea Patricia Highsmith had with the character Ripley was to create a conflict with the reader, to sympathize with someone who kills and does cruel things for his own gain.
Ripley is scheming, dreaming, manipulating all the time and is very proactive from the start.
This movie is so far from that, even the conflicts are almost completly different or eradicated from the script. It would take me at least 80 pages to explain how different the film from the novel is.
The novel in it self is a good read but has its flaws but nevertheless keeps you captivated till the end. This movie misses a lot of ideas and even the point of the book.
Daniel der Zauberer (2004)
Easily THE best worst movie of all time.
I feel so sorry for the non-German speaking audience because you will miss out on the whole expierience.
This film is a desaster but it fails so horribly on every angle it is a masterpiece of awfulness.
This movie was the most low-budget film that somehow made it actually to the cinemas in Germany, but was cancelled by the theatres after 1-2 weeks after screening.
Title role and "actor" is Daniel Küblböck who was the third place of Germanys first "Germany's got talent" show. He was a goofy odd-ball at the time and the media made fun of his persona. He had his 15mins of fame and the director Ulli Lommel tried to capitalize on that with a weird really weird bkographical'ish take what was going on:
Daniel hated and loved by people, he polorized.
The movie itself is just absurd to the max. The acting is horrendious. But afterall its like watching a beautiful trainwreck, its unintentional art to its finest.
1/10 MUST SEE!!!
The Black Phone (2021)
Entertaining supernatural horror movie.
If love horror but lets be honest, most films of this genre is straight up trash.
The Black Phone is a really decent, good, entertaining, supernatural horror movie, in this case the "ghosts" are supportive to help escape the leading character from a psychopath who kidnaps young boys to torture and kill them.
Overall its a well crafted film, great cast, great sets and a really top-notch tempo which means the film captivates you from the start and you never get bored for a moment to distract yourself with you mobile phone. Lets be real, we all do it on a regular when watching films in 2022.
Only 7 starts because it misses the mark to be more than a good recommendation and i dont believe it will be a classic like Halloween(1978) or other timeless classics.
But nevertheless a TOTAL RECOMMENDATION. WATCH!
Goodnight Mommy (2022)
Naomi, the queen of remakes at it again.
Goodnight Mommy is a remake of the 2014 film with the same international title(org. Ich seh, ich seh).
The original is a decent film but for my taste not spectacular or even to recommend. Five stars. Its decent.
Overall its a slow pasted psycho thriller about two boys noticing that something might be wrong about their mom as returned home from a face surgery. They question wether this person is actually their mom since her face is constantly covered and notice strange behavior. But as an audience we cant compare her now behavior to a previous, so we are forced to believet the boys. The whole story is more like a theatre play with three actors on huge cold stages filled with the sense of vastness and isolation.
Know that this film is an almost 1:1 adaptation of an Austrian movie. It plays on the Autrian country side in a wealthy modern mansion. Austrian directors and authors love the built up of a sadistic plots eg Michael Hanecke and Elfide Jelinek(Nobel Prize of Literature). This is not different.
But this view and built up is vastly different from the American and other cultures.
I can imagine if you have never been exposed to this style it might be off-putting and this 2022 adaptaion for an English speaking audience will have no other option other than to flop. I mean, this film went straight to streaming services instead of going to the cinema first.
Noami Watts is doing an okay job but nothing great, the boys cast is similar but in comparison to the orignal casts acting gig they fail hard.
Why should you watch it?
If you havent seen the original, have low expectations, can endure a slow-pasted movie that could be easily put into 40mins to tell the story, its for free, hate your self, and wanna brag/annoy people at parties that you watch "European" indie movies(dont menation you actually saw the adaptation).
Why dont watch it? Everything else.
Xanadu (1980)
Amazing title song, dull snoozefest the rest of it.
I really really wanted to like this film but i simply cant for the worst kind of crime in entertainment: boredom.
I really do love the title song(but it happens only at the very end of this film).
The film has a ridiculous story, i couldnt care less about the characters, the lead male actor is just terribly bad and painful to watch. At some point on hour and more into the movie i couldnt bare this snoozefest anymore and skipped to the final song(title song). This movie is not even in the category of "so bad, its good", its in the category " so boring, avoid at all costs".
The Gray Man (2022)
200 mil.$ dont make a Bourne.
The formular was simple: make own version of THE BIGGEST franchises of all time Jason Bourne and to accomplish that, push 200 million $ into it, profit.
The movie is not inherently bad, i enjoyed Ryan Goslin and Chris Evans as the vilian pretty much but on the bottom line, this movie is mediocre at best. It lacks soul, originality and did definetly had some over-do with bad CGI effects. It seems funny that all CGI effects in 2022 from big budget netflix productions are REALLY bad. Bourne lived of the personal story, the authenticity and no freakin' CGI effects. Honestly i hope all the cast got a BIG PAYCHECK, because i cant find the value of 200 million anywhere in this.
Want a no-brainer, a forgetable action movie? This one will entertain you for a bit but not captivate you after the credits roll.
Urban Legend (1998)
20 yrs later, this film is quiet boring.
I watched that movie around the time it was releazed and i remember i liked it. As of 2022 i watched this movie again and was surprisingly disappointed: this film is boring. I dont care about any character, i found the killers motive childish and stupid and basically unrealistic after the reveal. It might be entertaining for a younger audience who hasnt seen many horror movies yet. The only good thing, it has some nice cameos of famous horror movie actors all over the place.
Brain Damage (1988)
I wanted to like this movie but i could not. Pure boring trash.
I dont undetstand the fanbase for this movie. This movie is not only pure trash, not the good trash like Troll2, but also utterly boring. Its a complete waste of life time.
American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)
Definetely a great fun 80s action movie!
Im glad that most reviews are way more positive than those ratings. Sometimes its hard to see through the fog of 80s movies: which is bad and which is actually good and worth to watch. Well, American Ninja: the confrontation definetly is worth to watch. This Cannon movie is a true gem. You cant watch this movie and be all serious about it, its after all an 80s action movie and to goes all out. You will be entertainend from the first minute to the last. Totally recommended.
Society (1989)
Even as an 80s Horror fan, this is disappionting and BORING.
Look, i LOVE 80s horror. I dont mind weird story teling lbizarre creatures.
Above all, "Society" is plain right BORING. The movie slouches to tell a story about a guy who is getting aware of the situation that his family isnt what they seem to be. Its a great premise actually and is a great coming-of-age theme overall but this movie doesnt get it. The pace of the story is so slow, you could easily cut the movie down to 30mins without missing any plot lines. The great finale is just bizarre. Not shocking, bizarre. But not bizarre in a cool way.
Since the horror community seems to like that movie and i never watched it before i was very excited to discover a new gem of movie history...
boy i was wrong.
Honestly, the movie is so bad and boring, its a criteria to judge a person if i like him/her or not. Cant trust anyone who truly likes this movie.
SAFE YOUR VALUABLE TIME. DONT WATCH IT. THERE IS NOTHING ENTERTAINING ABOUT THIS MOVIE.
Blood Diner (1987)
I love 80s Horror flicks but not this one.
I love that the starring characters are also the villans. Its different. Everything is all over the top, yes i like that. But the more this flick progresses the cheaper it becomes. It becomes so unbearable bad that i dont get the appeall for it.
In comparision: low budget, clichés all over the place yet cool and entertaining? Chopping Mall.
I mean, in comparison, this film Blood Diner probably was a no-budget film.
Its really not good. Not even so bad that its good bad.
Skip this one. Thank me later.
The New Mutants (2020)
Surprised how boring a Marvel movie could be.
I did not know anything about any reviews before i watched The New Mutants. I was quiet excited because i love Marvel and grew up with the Marvel universe in the 80s and 90s. I was very open to new things and honestly i really enjoyed the X-men franchise over the other Marvel installments like the Spider Man Movies, the comics are more darker, dangerious, less goofy and bit more mature than for instance the Tobey Mcguire-films.
Anyhow, with mentioning all that, i was very open but THIS MOVIE is just plain boring and feels like a very superficial coming-of-age Art House movie. The writing is really bad, the actors couldnt care less and above all else, the movie doesnt care.
DISAPPIONTED. NOT RECOMMENDED.
National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)
Underrated Classic
First of, this movie is not for everyone. Its infantile, over-the-top and pretty challenging. This movie crosses so many lines of todays correctness it would be cancelles before its release. Nothing is sacred here, the humor is sexist and makes fun of sexual harrasment all the time, even towards teenagers. But hey, those were the 80s: jumping right into the pool of any correctness. It works not because people werent aware of those issues, it works and worked back then BECAUSE they were aware of it. Humor has this comic relief about drama/trauma something apparently got lost. Besides touchy issues the whole movie is a wild ride of cliches and throws a middle finger towards it. Like every cliche family Griswald is the blueprint of uneducated, ignorant, uncultured Americans released onto Europeans. Trust me, every cliche about every country family Griswald is paying a visit is played out shamelessly.
You have to like this kind of humor and entertainment otherwise you are in for a bad ride.
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
In retrospect a tame and forgettable film.
To beginn with, i watched "Eyes Wide Shut" during the release year 3 times at the theater. I LOVED KUBRICK, I LOVED THIS FILM. 22 years later i cant say that anymore. Im not 19 anymore and i certainly know more about desire and relationships than i did back then.
The movie is unneccessarily slow and it builts up tetion which is kind of tame in todays point of view. Its almost very conservative. The film is neither well entertaining, evokes deeper thoughts about marriage and sex, nor is daring. The film is tame therefore forgetable and uneccessary.
Colonia Dignidad: Eine deutsche Sekte in Chile (2021)
A MUST SEE !
First of all, this documentary is very challenging: we go down waaaaaay down the rabbit hole of the dark side of humans and what they are able to do with others, what a human can endure, and going to the very extremes of physical and psychological abuse.
I believe that its great that this documentary takes its time to tell the whole story of Paul Schäfer, from the very beginning to the end in six episodes. This time is needed. Im still in shock and maybe this is probably one of the worst things is have ever seen.
The horrors are unimaginable what you are about to see and hard to grasp, understand or even comprehend.
This show needs more attention.