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Reviews
The Game (1984)
The Cold (1984)
(the Game) Contains a bit of skin, no gore. Nine fortune seekers stumble into an impoverished version of "House on Haunted Hill" when three rich eccentrics offer them a million dollars if they can face their fears without leaving the island. The catch is that the island maybe haunted... and booby trapped. - - - Despite the nonexistent budget, there's actually some regional charm in this one. As soon as I saw the out of nowhere nipple slip during the opening dance sequence, I knew I'd end up enjoying this one. The movie starts off with a lot of momentum and adds in some fairly well executed fright scenes; however, the plot degenerates into the same series of uninspiring stereotypes and looses a lot of its gusto about 45 minutes in. Even the "Tales From the Crypt" ending wasn't enough to fully bring me back into the movie. Bill Rebane's not exactly a great director, but "the Cold" has enough moments to make it one of his best movies.
* * out of 4
Biohazard: The Alien Force (1994)
Biohazard: the Alien Force (1995)
Contains a little blood, no boobs n' fluff. An evil corporation (there's no other kind) attempts to capture one of their experiments, which is running around a big city killing men and raping women. Of course, a thoroughly uninteresting hero steps up to put a stop to the violent creature. - - - This is completely DTV material. Latshaw strikes again with this forgettable creature feature that fills the bare minimum requirements of action and stupid nonsense, but is a bit too light on the sleaze to be worth the time. There are some decent moments throughout, but no sign of tension or a well thought out plot. About the only thing that stands out is the fantastic looking creature suit. Compare that with the suit used in Ray's "Biohazard" and you can see where the minuscule funds went... it sure wasn't the actors.
*1/2 out of 4
Jack-O (1995)
Jack-O-Lantern (1995)
Contains nudity (Linnea Quigley, yum), next to no blood, gratuitous John Carradine. A family curse that has been handed down through the generations targets the youngest of the bloodline when a demon is awoken by a group of delinquents. - - - Talk about cockeyed, this movie switches tones like it's bipolar. What starts out as a low budget, family friendly horror picture suddenly is spiced up with a hard bodied Linnea Quigley and numerous other dubious themes. I'm not really sure who the target audience was for this one, but what passes for entertainment comes from some terrible acting, terrible writing, and an especially cheesy pumpkin monster. There was ample territory to succeed as either a gory slasher or a horror themed kid-vid; however, there the mixture here doesn't work. There's some nice work behind the scenes including Latshaw's direction (it looks some what professional)and some solid effects, but that just makes it even more grating when you realize it all went into a movie that wasn't worth it.
*1/2 out of 4
The Curse of the Screaming Dead (1982)
Curse of the Screaming Dead (1982)
(Curse of the Cannibal Confederates) Contains no ski, some gore. A group of friends go on a road trip that ends with them disturbing some confederate soldier spirits, who decide to attack them and feed on their flesh. - - - This was the first time I'd seen a zombie movie that was actually dull. There's plenty of screen time for the gut munchers, but, despite a decent idea, the movie is sabotaged by the director and actors. There's no talent in this one and it even wears thin once you start heckling it. I don't think I've ever seen a movie so devoid of content as this one. Not entertaining and thoroughly avoidable.
0 out of 4
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
Contains lots of skin, racks n' racks of gore. A group of missing filmmakers' footage is discovered in the depths of a violent jungle and, once it's viewed, reveals more about them than any of their colleagues would wish to know... including their fate. - - - This isn't so much a movie as it's an ordeal. There's nothing enjoyable about this movie and, at times, it flies right off the edge of moral repugnance. The catalog of atrocities in this movie and the cold way they're portrayed is more disturbing than any other before of since. the movie is well made; good direction, writing, photography, and exceptional acting. The atmosphere is gritty and imbues "Cannibal Holocaust" with a few moments of genuine terror. Where this movie slips up is that it never invests any emotion in the story. Even if it's supposed to be a documentary, the events should be arresting, which is not the case here. Ultimately, there isn't any reason to continue watching because there isn't a protagonist or a place for sympathy. Technically, this may be the best movie I've ever seen, but I confess that it's hard to care about anything that actually happens in the movie.
* *1/2 out of 4
Schiave bianche - Violenza in Amazzonia (1985)
Amazonia: the Catherine Miles Story (1985)
Contains nudity, some blood, and a reckless disregard for virginity. A supple young lady spends time with her parents by taking a tour down a South American river; however, a deadly tribe of natives attack and leave her stranded in the jungle. She is then taken in and forced to bear their brutish form of society. - - - As far as cannibal movies go, this one is very polite, unassuming of its expectations, and toned down to the bare minimum of violence. All that being said, these are the problems with this movie because it doesn't concoct a dynamic story to meld around their handful of standout moments (which aren't all that great to begin with). The characters are developed though, even the natives end up looking more dignified than anybody else, and there are some nice twists in the story to make it interesting. It's certainly a mixed bag, but I think I can live without the non-exploitation cannibal flicks.
*1/2 out of 4
Honey Britches (1971)
Demented Death Farm Massacre (1985)
Contains no skin, a lil' gore. This review pertains to the Fred Olen Ray version released by Troma. A band of robbers try to make their getaway in the backwoods only to come upon a hillbilly couple that inspires them to commit heinous acts and experience a hick style revenge. - - - Apparently, Fred cut in some new scenes to Donn Davison's less than stellar "Honey Britches" and what we get from that is a tepid waste of 80+ minutes. What could've been a decent reclusive slasher is turned into a bottom barrel drama that is half hearted on its sleaze and descends into awful fits of comedy. Truly terrible in almost every respect, the slivers of smut and a nice pitch fork to the neck are the only things that keep this one from getting a bomb. I may respect Fred Olen Ray and all, but when he comes up with turd sandwiches like these... I'm not so sure.
1/2 out of 4
Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989)
Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989)
No nudity, no gore, gratuitous Luigi Cozzi. Sinbad goes on a quest to foil the evil Jaffar's sinister plans. Along the way he encounters a number of obstacles including bog monsters, death traps, and more rubber monsters. - - - This is another diabolical creation from Luigi Cozzi and Lou Ferrigno, who both birthed a couple of cheesy Hercules adaptations in the 80s. This one pretty much follows suit with their previous work by including tons of horrible looking special effects, bad acting, and Ferrigno acting through his biceps. This one is particularly disjointed, which may have to do with a troubled production history, and suffers from not having the bright pretty colors that at least made "Hercules" fun to look at it. I can't recommend this, but if you like your fantasy all wholesome and enjoy a terrible movie every once in a while, it can be a laugh riot.
*1/2 out of 4
L'isola degli uomini pesce (1979)
Screamers (1979)
No skin, a bit of red stuff. (Review based on VHS version)Some hapless bystanders get embroiled in a mad scientist/nutter's quest to harvest treasure at the bottom of the ocean, which involves using some homicidal sea monsters. Of course, things go awry. - - - Sergio Martino has a solid reputation for making some damn fine thrillers like "All the Colors of Dark" and "Blade of the Ripper," but that reputation hasn't followed him through other sub-genres. A solid opening scene (rumored to have been shot after the movie was finished) is probably the best thing going for this quasi-adventure/horror hybrid that lays on the dull exposition and parades its rubber monsters around in embarrassing pride. There are some inklings of the various talent that has accumulated; Barbara Bach looks especially good and Martino throws out some stylish moments, but that's not even close to saving this bore. Skip it.
* out of 4
The Tomb (1986)
The Tomb (1986)
No gore, no nudity (If I recall). A smart ass archaeologist faces off against a supernatural spirit in a fight for something or other. All the while, we get to drool over Sybil Danning and grimace at John Carradine. The spirit also seeks revenge for its disturbed tomb. - - - I usually had a soft spot in my bowels for Fred Olen Ray's early movies because they have gusto and that can do attitude in them, even when they don't succeed; however, "the Tomb" is simply missing this energy. Everything is filmed competently, but it doesn't have that kinetic something propelling the movie from scene to scene. Still, the decent acting, cheesy effects, and meatier story serve to keep interest through the underwhelming finale. Could've been better, but not a complete waste of time (okay, maybe it is).
*1/2 out of 4
Scalps (1983)
Scalps (1983)
Contains a bit of skin, a lil' gore. A group of spunky college kids go out into the middle of the desert to do research (or somethin')and end up stomping into some forbidden ground that a Native American spirit calls home. Much killing and long scenes of looking scared ensue. - - - Fred Olen Ray's attempt at a slasher is essentially a reworking of "Death Curse of Tartu" and has a trouble history in its releases over the years. There are some wacky scenes that make up for the various dreary moments, especially the crazy lion man, some goofy gore, and the most slipshod superimposing I've witnessed in all my years. There are also a couple of amusing death scenes, but the mood is increasingly soured throughout- especially once the rape scene shows up. There's little value in terms of entertainment(unless you like it bad), but Retromedia's disk comes with a commentary that can clue you into the disheartening story behind the movie. Review is based on Ray's director's cut.
*1/2 out of 4
Midnight (1982)
Midnight (1982)
Contains a smattering of blood. A young girl on the run from her pervert father meets up with two traveling losers. They make the mistake of trying to shoplift and end up stumbling into a cult of freaks that captures and kills girls. - - - John Russo must've had a lucky fluke when he contributed to "Night of the Living Dead" because he has since proved that he's not exactly a movie genius. Still, he crafted a film that, while not enjoyable, is certainly an amusing expose of bad taste. There are a ton of taboo subjects floating around and almost achieves a "Texas Chain Saw Massacre" quality with grainy footage, off performances, and extreme low budget. Of course, none of this saves the movie from being muddled and featuring a plot that is too fractured for its own good. It has some value for cult fans, but anyone with a taste for the highbrow or tactful should just stay away.
* * out of 4
The Alien Dead (1980)
Alien Dead (1980)
Not much blood or boobs. The Florida swamps are becoming infested by zombies that have, apparently, come from some sort of extraterrestrial shenanigans. It's up to the locals to stop or at least escape the terror. - - - Pretty much a reworking of "Attack of the Giant Leeches" that doesn't quite get over the hump from backyard production to amateur film. Fred Olen Ray, always liked him, tries hard and delivers some amusing scenes (the opening conversation is very Ed Wood-ian)and manages to keep the action going for the short running time. Still, the movie is too full of boring exposition and the action gets repetitive very quickly. There's entertainment to be had, I suppose, but it has the most value as a curious piece of Fred Olen Ray history. Not recommended.
* out of 4
Ultimo mondo cannibale (1977)
Last Cannibal World (1977)
(Jungle Holocaust) Contains ample nudity, loads of real/fake gore. A near disaster plane crash lands a group of decent people in a jungle inhabited by a cannibal tribe. Soon, one of them is captured and must fight to escape and survive the treacherous wilderness. - - - The first half hour of this movie is possibly the most well paced, creepy first act of any movie I've ever seen. Everything is portioned out right and features just enough horror to tantalize your interest. Sadly, once the movie moves into "Mondo Cane" style rituals and live animal killings, the movie draws to a dead halt and is difficult to slog through. Real animal killing has never bothered me too much, but the gratuitous flapping genitalia was a little hard to watch after a while. The movie picks up nicely for the last third and is suitably tense until the final frames- which isn't exactly the definition of a happy ending. there's a lot to like here, as with most of Deodato's movies, but he also includes some repugnant elements that end up distracting the movie to an unnecessary degree. A good movie, but not for weak stomaches or people who are just getting into the cannibal genre.
* *1/2 out of 4
La casa sperduta nel parco (1980)
The House at the Edge of the Park (1980)
Contains nudity, a bit o' blood. After two psychopaths insinuate themselves into a private shindig, the rich, party goers find themselves at their mercy. The situation becomes even more devastating once a friend comes by to visit. - - - This movie is a great example of an ending that completely trumps the events that have occurred before it. Deodato does a great job of slowly escalating the terror and depravity of the story until it climaxes with the "money shot" ending. Up until the final revelation, this movie is easily superior to contemporaries like "Last House on the Left" or "Hitch-hike." All the technical skill and ambiance is all for not though because the ending throws off all the logic of what has come before it. This movie is disappointing; however, it does display Ruggero's keen eye and features solid performances from everyone involved. Still, recommended for forgiving fans only.
* * out of 4
Wild Beasts - Belve feroci (1984)
Wild Beasts (1984)
Contains a little blood, one angry polar bear. The animals at a zoo start going crazy and it soon leads to all out mayhem once rats, cats, bears, and other beasts start attacking people all over the city. - - - Actually, this isn't a bad time at all! While there are some hurdles to get over with the dub job, this is a good example of to the point Italian horror. All of the characters are thrust into the plot immediately and have to do all of their explanation on the run, there's always a threat in every second of "Wild Beasts." The plot is conventional, but the sheer variety and number of animal attacks, running, screaming, and violence barely leaves any time for boring stuff like talking... or characterization. Not only is the movie enjoyable, but the cause of all the brouhaha is knee slapping hilarious. This isn't high art, but we can't expect every filmmaker to be Joe D'Amato can we?
* * 1/2 out of 4
Le notti del terrore (1981)
Burial Ground: Night of Terror (1980)
Contains nudity, some gore, gratuitous incest. An archaeologist discovers an Etruscan tomb that warns of the "profesy of the spider" and succeeds in unleashing a rash of undead that another group of people must ward off. - - - What a simple, stupid movie! I don't think a horror movie can be anymore distilled and streamlined than Biachi's "Night of Terror," 'cause he doesn't horse around. Despite all of the failings, it's hard to condemn this one. The pace is quick enough that there aren't any boring bits, ample sleaze is tossed on to keep people interested, and there are one or two scenes of unadulterated madness that are allowed to seep into the production. While the movie isn't good in any shape or form, the spurts of genius make this one entertaining enough to be worth the time- if only just.
* * out of 4
Added entertainment comes from watching Bianchi try to mimic Lucio Fucli in a number of scenes, not to mention the startling revelation at the end (not...).
Nudo e selvaggio (1985)
Massacre at Dinosaur Valley (1985)
Contains nudity, some blood, and a psycho army veteran. A plane crashes in the jungle and the survivors must survive cannibals, slave traders, the wild life, and explosive bouts of manliness. - - - This certainly isn't your typical cannibal movie; instead, this leans much closer to an adventure movie that just happens to feature cannibals. Although there's nothing spectacular in terms of acting, directing, writing, or technical aspects, the action never lets up and the smut flows plentifully through the run time. There's nothing redeeming about this movie whatsoever, yet it's so shamefully fun that I don't think it matters too much. If you like fast paced action movies, this is the movie to watch. Cannibal-lite.
* * 1/2 out of 4
Mangiati vivi! (1980)
Eaten Alive! (1980)
Contains nudity/rape, blood both original and ripped off, a scene of body painting. A cult that has its HQ in the middle of a jungle infested by evil cannibals receives some unwanted visitors in the form a young woman (and company) who are looking for her lost sister. - - - Made after "Man From Deep River" and before "Cannibal Ferox," this is Lenzi's weakest cannibal movie, but it's also the least offensive. Much of the gore and animal killings were taken from other movies, but the plot that has been interjected between them is nearly jaw dropping in its ridiculousness. All the fun that comes from this one is because the movie is so concerned with being absolutely retarded that it becomes humorous. Most importantly, it keeps attention through the run time and threw in just enough sleaze to sate my thirst(without overdoing it like the genre is known). Mediocre, but I think that's being rather kind.
* * out of 4
Zombi Holocaust (1980)
Zombie Holocaust (1980)
(Dr. Butcher MD) Contains a lot of blood, some skin. A group of people investigate the source of strange cannibalistic happenings on a tropical island. It turns out that a mad doctor has reanimated the dead, which has lead to the jungle being infested with zombies and flesh hungry cannibals. - - - The implications of combining two of Italy's most reviled genres was staggering and, unsurprisingly, "Zombie Holocaust" fails to live up to the bloody wet dream that most gorehounds are going to think up. Nevertheless, there's some good stuff in this one- at least at times- including some atmosphere being built from the island location, the first appearance of the zombies, and dirty brain surgery. Sadly, the movie is also full of dead spots, unconvincing exposition, and is easily overshadowed by more graphic, stylish spaghetti horror.
*1/2 out of 4
Virus (1980)
Hell of the Living Dead (1980)
(Virus) Contains nudity, some gore 'n entrails. Hardline soldiers are dropped into an island Hell where some funny business has unleashed a plague of zombies upon the population. They do very little to help and give us a tap worthy rendition of "Singin' in the Rain." - - - A good adjective for this movie is overlong- 100+ minutes is just way to much Bruno Mattei for me to handle. There's some well done stuff here and there, but much of it has been done even better in other movies. "Virus" also makes terrible use of its Goblin score, which was fantastically implemented in movies like "Buio Omega." There's enough silliness for this one to get by for a while (especially from the bad dubbing); however, the whole thing wears out the welcome far before it mercifully ends with eyerolling, downbeat ending.
*1/2 out of 4
Rats - Notte di terrore (1984)
Rats: Night of Terror (1984)
Contains nudity, some gore. In a post-apocalyptic world, a bunch of lemmings find an abandoned set of buildings that looks like a paradise full of everything they would need to live; however, that doesn't include the hordes of angry rats that live there. - - - Wow, just... wow. There really isn't a right word to place on this movie: it has equal parts bizarre, inane, retarded, and funny that create a strange stew of complete nonsense. Nothing in this movie works in a traditional sense, but buckets of rats being poured on actors, killer rats on conveyor belts, imploding walls of rats, and painted guinea pigs make this one entertaining. That isn't to say that it's always like that though, there are way too many long scenes of people screaming, talking, or just staring in blank amazement, which brings the story to a boring standstill. There are enough cool individual scenes to recommend it, but if it weren't for the ending I wouldn't pass it.
* * out of 4
Zombi 3 (1988)
Zombi 3 (1988)
Contains some gore, no amount of nudity could save this. The death one virus is unleashed on an unsuspecting populous who must fight off the undead it creates. - - - Bruno Mattei stepped in to finish this film for an ailing Fulci and Fragasso wrote the script, that's an equation for disaster if I've ever heard one. Large amounts of gore and a flying, severed head can't cure what ails this one, but that's all that there is to recommend the movie. Zombi 3 is neither as explicit or creepy as Zombi 2, it also manages to make the constant stream of violence and overall yuckiness rather dull. There's no verve to this one and no fun to be had. Avoid.
* out of 4
Killing Birds (1988)
Zombi 5: Killing Birds (1987)
(Killing Birds) Contains a bit of flesh, some gore. A group of college kids searching for an elusive species of bird end up at an old house that is home to some rather surly spirits out for blood... it all goes back to one of the kid's past where his dad killed the rest of his family. - - - Well, it's at least better than the past two Zombi "sequels," even if it's still pretty dreary. "Killing Birds" at least starts out decent enough and builds up a little atmosphere, but loses most of the momentum thanks to some terrible script writing. The background about the Vietnam soldier is handled badly and seeks to conceal a twist that's far too easy to figure out. There are a few gore moments worthy of remembering; however, the movie as a whole is going to disappoint fans of killer birds and zombies... don't even get me started on fans of killer zombie birds.
*1/2 out of 4
After Death (Oltre la morte) (1989)
Zombi 4: After Death (1988)
(After Death) Contains loads of green and red stuff. After an island has been overrun by demon/zombies, a young girl who escaped the carnage unintentionally comes back years later to face the demonic menace. - - - Though this has been billed as a sequel to Fucli's "Zombie," Fragasso's creation has more in common with Lamberto Bava's "Demons." Even with those apt comparisons, the quality of those two doesn't swing over to this headache inducing claptrap. This is a stupid horror movie that is barely able to surpass the level of fun and expertise that "Zombi 3" had. There are some small diversions, mostly from the polished gore effects and the scenic locale, but a Fragasso movie is still a Fragasso movie. "After Death" may also be one of his worst.
* out of 4