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Willow (2022)
Of all the complaints I have about this show, and there are many... These are the biggest:
The Music and Score SUCKS
This is hands down my biggest complaint. The decisions made in many scenes are so bad it completely takes you out of the show and makes you do a double take to see what you're watching.
Willow was blessed with James Horner providing a timeless, amazing soundtrack. Doing his score justice should have been one of several central focuses of the show, but they not only fumbled any chance of that, they disgraced it by using cover bands doing slow versions of pop music.
TBH I think they do this as if they are ashamed of Horner's music - like it wasn't cool enough or something? So instead, they create possibly one of the most cringe worthy soundtracks I've heard right alongside the Netflix Witcher show, which inexplicably did the same thing. It's beyond mind numbing what these creators are doing. Music and score are 1/10.
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Willow had a strong female protagonist floating over the home plate waiting for a grand slam...
So what do they do with it? Make her an unrelatable, unbelievably bad YA ensemble cast member of a CW show that we've seen over and over in the past 20 years. Another mind numbing fail. Aside from the music, the other most baffling decision of all.
Elora Danan being the star of the show should have been a no brainer decision... Maybe some coming of age aspects, but we don't need another cynical anti-hero. Hollywood LOVES shoving that drivel down our throats. Why not make a hero in a fantasy setting who is an optimistic dreamer for once? Instead we get one character among half a dozen who have the same boring quippy influencer personality that grows tiresome in the first ten minutes. It's just so draining to watch - I mean this is Disney - why do so many of their shows struggle with the notion of making heroes? And what underappreciated IP has a character more deserving of a true hero than Willow?
Now, throw on top of that what they did to Sorsha - unbelievable! Sorsha was an epic hero in the first movie, redeeming herself by siding with good through an incredibly courageous act alongside a jesture of true love. Instead of allowing her to maintain this character's terrific quality, they decimated her with cynicism and lies... Betraying they inspiring hope of Elora's destiny by cowering away from it like a spineless beaurocrat, beyond disappointing tbh... Pathetic really.
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Ensemble Casts are played out...
Why do so many shows now insist on taking a plot's protagonists and splitting them up to by a bunch of bland forgetable characters? Had this show decided to build a small cast around Elora and Willow, it could have been incredable... Instead we get watered down 1D fascades we care little, if anything, about. Another disappointing decision made at the conceptual stage.
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Too much dialog and exposition delived while people simply stand around...
What is this? Why is it all we see so often in shows? Boring exposition with stiff delivery and static action through the entire scene is awful, and it's EVERYWHERE in this show...
The first movie may have standing around as well... But compare the two - in the movie, there is always another layer, or subtle tells in the delivery. In this show, it all just feels like they performing like they are in a booth doing voice over work for an all CGI show.
Also, none of the actors seem bad - it's just their direction is abysmal.
The tireless despiration to inject every exchange with quips is 100% played out - not sure if they are emulating Aaron Sorkin or trying to be the next Always Sunny in Philidelphia... A lot of the humor falls more than flat - it's DOA. It just isn't what Willow should be about, and it goes a long way to ruining this show. All in all, the writing is 1/10.
The framing for shots is very amateurish too, it's rarely interesting visually. Shots force the huge ensemble into 1 frame too often, and the close ups are done very poorly in dramatic moments. The lighiting on the close ups they do have is bad, and the angles are always equally boring.
While I'm criticising the overall amateurish quality of the cinematography, I'll toss in one other quick assessment to go with it - the wardrobe. All I have to say is the pair wearing all denim in the woods was ridiculous, and the brownie woman wearing a children's set of Wal-Mart pajamas complete with tail and Greatful Dead tee shirt was unbelievable... Did they accidently use a rehersal shot? Really distracting, and another 1/10.
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Willow is a show about the Nelwyn as much as it is about Elora...
There were some good moments for the Nelwyn kind of, but they mostly get swept under the rug other than Willow. I really enjoyed some of Warwick Davis' performance, but too often I think he was given too little to work with, or they did this turn him into a cynic thing like *every* other character in the show that just makes the whole thing lose it's appeal.
The failure with the Nelwyn is just as unforgivable as the crappy music and obliteration of Elora's character, and overall the decision to make this show into D minus quality YA novel adaptation.
3/10 overall score is being kind imo... The show isn't without hope though - all they need to do to start turning it around is fire the show runner, never use any of the same directors again, and completely rethink the music used throughout the show.
Bullet Train (2022)
What a fun movie
The setting was great, the camerawork and cinematography looked excellent, the casting was perfect - each actor did an incredible job playing their part.
The plot and all of the intricacies provided tons of anticipation and payoffs. Even with the long run time, it really moves along and never feels like it drags on too long. Many times I do not care for flashbacks, but I really like how they played out in this film.
I'm giving it a ten just because it was so fun, but if I were being critical it would still deserve a solid 8.5 or 9 imo. The CGI was a bit overboard in a few places, but sadly that's just how movies are made now, but dialing back the effects would not have diminished it in any way. Really enjoyable movie and I expect years down the road people will look back on this one fondly.
The Clovehitch Killer (2018)
Awful middle and ending, not very interesting from the start.
There are many kinds of mystery thriller movies. One great format creates a mystery that is mindblowing when the reveal comes. Another lets the audience in on the secret early, and manages to build tension leading to the conclusion that rewards the viewers with excellent storytelling.
The Clovehitch Killer is neither of these.
Sadly, this movie is the "POV of an annoying protagonist" type. Even considering it is his father, we suffer through a series of frustrating failures and witness repeated incompetence. Both protagonist characters are a horrible mix of spineless, stupid, illogical, and dull.
There is little tension other than hoping that the lead characters die for failing so pathetically to stop a serial killer or call the police. Any misdirections or narrative tricks capable of saving this terrible movie were either never used, or so transparent they did little to remedy the fundamental problems with the mind numbing story.
This movie's first ten or fifteen mintes weren't terrible, but nothing special either. Afterward, the movie devolves into played out tropes and plot contrivances which seem purely intended to frustrate the viewer.
A miserable, pretentious film.
Gateway (2021)
Agonizingly sibilant sound, boring in all other regards
The thing that stands out most about this film is the horrible sound quality throughout.
Most times the sound design ignores important details about what is going on during a seen, but somehow manages to focus on unimportant things and add distracting, poorly recording sound effects to draw attention to them.
In almost every scene I could point out an example, it is a persistant problem that by the end of the film goes beyond distraction and becomes extremely annoying.
One example is a scene where they are sitting next to a wooded area on a sunny day. There is no background noise, nothing to go along with what is on the screen, just silence. Could this be a thematic design choice? No not really, in the next scene near the same location during a phone call, they add sounds you might expect like birds and light wind. However, the mix is bad even on those sounds and they just seem odd.
All in all the sound imo is the worst aspect of this film, it is just always bad. In many scenes the effects they use are extremely bright and sibilant, which is always annoying when sound production teams give no attention to this all too common problem. If you use cheap, generic microphones, take time to educate yourself on production techniques you can use to alleviate that weakness.
Ok rant about horrible sound is over, how about the rest of the film? Well, visually it is ok I guess? But to be honest it just has a really boring look to it most of the time. So while I might say the cinematography is competent (especially when compared to the sound design which is abysmal and I wouldn't even say amateurish), it is in no way compelling.
If you don't like the boring look, well don't hold out hope for the story or performances. Everything about the movie's story is just boring. The presentation is done in a way that it almost feels like the filmmakers want you to be bored.
If you like boring movies, give it a try I guess. If you dislike poorly done, sibilant sounds, skip this 100%. If you can literally think of just about any other way to spend your day, do that instead. IMO watching this movie is probably about as entertaining as reading this inexplicably long review.
The Terminal List (2022)
Excellent series with a lot to like
Amazon shows have so far been, to put it nicely, extremely hit or miss. Their fantasy genre offerings have especially been terrible.
However, The Terminal List as just an incredible show start to finish. Lots of good actors who give good performances, excellent story that takes no detours, and really good cinematography.
I hope we see Amazon focus less on giving unqualified or incompetent creators huge budgets to make absolutely horrible adaptations of books like Wheel of Time, and invest more into teams who produce quality shows like this.
Clara (2018)
Beautiful movie
There's always faults in movies, and while Clara may have some others take issue with, I really enjoyed it.
The visuals, whatever their source, are fantastic, and the ending is thought provoking in a wonderful way.
I also find it very sad the Echo Helstrom died in the same year this movie was released. The only major complaint I have is the entire song, "Girl from the North Country" should have played during the credits, it was an inspired choice of music thematically.
Halo: Unbound (2022)
EDIT: Terrible, the Covenant stuff is overdone.
Amended after completing the series: It just goes from meh to worse... While there are a few individual scenes that are interesting - overall it was a terrible viewing experience.
It seems like too much effort is put into these projects to 'make them our own' and it ends up in willfully tearing down any chance a show has in being enjoyable.
I mean, it might get a season 2, or even make it to 3... But it's going to limp the whole way because it is dragging too much incompetence along for the ride. It honestly probably deserves 1 star, but I'm feeling generous.
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They are overplaying the Covenant parts. By far the weakest link of the show. Revealing Makee or whatever as an infiltrator kills any suspense the show could have had due to the poor choice in show's PoV. Besides, the character herself is annoying in all the worst ways tv characters can be.
With the Covenenant, I think less is more. Interactions with them should be more mysterious and from the human pov (aside from attacking the colony, occasional quick scenes where they attack other smaller installations or ships, and static filled distress signals and the like get back to UNSC or something.
I think the show could have been off to a lot better start if they just cut out the Covenant crap. Their language and the voice actors speaking it are annoying af.
People don't want to know how the sausage is made, find a way to dial that crappy part of the show back. It will save budget as well as make it less cringe.
Absentia: Original Sin (2017)
Could have been worse I suppose.
Some good moments in the show, but tbh this final episode was pretty much trash.
The whole forgive and forget thing at the end was one of the worst possible endings possible. Doubt I'll bother with season 2 or 3, I'm afraid my retinas might detach from rolling my eyes so much.
Pure drivel.
Absentia: Reset (2017)
The way Alice and Nick handled the person near the house was mind numbing.
The show is off to a compelling start, but the it's always refreshing when shows avoid having their characters do stupid things. This episode did not do that at all.
There's enough good things about it to make this easy to overlook, but give me a break. Dumb characters make shows impossible to enjoy.
Condor (2018)
Could be worse, dumb characters make for a frustrating watch
When your plot relies heavily on your protagonist being an incompetent jerkoff, it often makes a show extremely hard to tolerate.
There are some excellent cast members and good performances in both seasons, but Joe Turner in particular nearly ruins the show single handedly.
He constantly makes huge mistakes and misjudges situations in ways which only make sense as the writer's desperate attempts to convolute the plot or to make events drag on longer than needed.
I suppose incompetent people are often heavily involved in real world events, but often when those stories are made into movies or TV, they are not the protagonist. Sure, we may get their POV from time to time, but the story will usually make an investigator or some other competent person into the protagonist.
Clean (2021)
I usually put more effort into writing reviews...
But this film was just insufferably boring crap.
From the gritty aesthetic, the terrible music, the boring protagonist, and so many pretentious moments it elicits constant cringes and eye rolls, it fails on multiple levels to provide time worthy entertainment.
I tire of formulaic action movies where everything is predictable, but it is mind numbing when movies seem self important yet still follow numerous tropes in a failed effort to be edgey.
Awful.
The Book of Boba Fett: Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian (2022)
Very fun and a joy of an episode to watch.'
Aside from episode 3 (honestly no idea how that one, the cringe lowrider 'bicycles', and the cyborg edgelord teens made it past QA - truly awful), been really enjoying Boba Fett, this episode was a fun side quest though away from the main show and makes the upcoming season 3 all that much more enticing. This was a great treat for fans.
Some good bittersweet moments in this too, I like the falling out with his covert as a consequence, if he redeems himself and is accepted back into that covert it will be a great moment, the ones remaining in that group are very interesting characters. The possibility of Boba being redeemed in the same way (were it even necessary or desired) is intriguing as well.
Peli and her droids are fantastic fun too, and Disney's use of Jawas has been so well done, her speaking Jawa and admitting she used to date one got a big laugh.
The Mandalorian and this episode of Boba Fett's show fulfills a decades long promise of live action Star Wars TV and I very much look forward to seeing many more years of it to come.
10/10 episode.
Antlers (2021)
Dialog audio production is insufferable sibilant.
It seems like one of the easiest ways to gauge production quality on movies in the past five years is how well sibilant sounds are filtered.
This movie gets an F- in that category, leaving much of the dialog excessively sibilant, and downright piercing at higher volumes. Some people attribute this to the natural character of some people's voice, but that is simply not true. De-essing dialog can be effectively done for any voice, but it is an essential process that is completely ignored by too many film makers. Add to that laziness microphones plagued by cheapest bidder components, and it is a recipe for disasterous audio like you find in this movie.
The opening of the movie is fairly interesting, though the introductory narration was done by someone who desperately needed to get a drink of water, but it showed some promise.
It quickly devolved into a derivative slog that was difficult to finish. I stressed the audio shortcomings because even when a movie is a trope filled rehash of movies that influenced it, good production quality can carry the film. However, in this instance, the movie suffers from a lack of competence that makes the whole experience grating and not worth your time.
Wolf (2019)
Drivel
When you realize you wasted time on something like this, you wish you could mulligan that time and do nearly anything else.