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Cry Macho (2021)
Time to know when to quit Mr. Eastwood
I wish I'd looked at more reviews before before wasting one hour 41 minutes of my life. This movie goes to show you can't always believe when Rotten Tomato thinks its good.
For a start a weak story, plus some not very convincing acting from the young guy playing the astranged son. It just dragged on and on with them stealing more and more cars and ridiculous encounters with the police and the bad guys. And how is it in these movies that an attractive woman, maybe in her 50's is attracted to an 80 year old and in fact Eastwood is now 93 so I'm being I'm being very generous. Even the ending was disappointing too. It's not worth watching I'm being generous when I give it a two.
The Stepfather (2009)
Entertaining, but pretty stupid really.
From the start when ' recently divorced' woman meets stranger in a store I thought would she really want to jump into a new relationship that quickly and let him move in.
Isn't she curious why he's built a lot of storage lockers in the basement? And why they all padlocks?
She must be pretty stupid.
Most women would have dumped him on the spot after he got rough with one of their children.
But it gets worse.
Isn't she surprised he always pays in cash. Hasn't got a bank account, bank cards etc.
Then he has a real estate job. Under the counter. And don't tell me they paid him in a wad of bank notes?
Isn't it amazing too that everyone in the USA has huge house with a beautiful po pool?
The end scene is pretty exciting, best part of the whole film really.
Though of course then we see he didn't die, and we see him working again in a carpet store, where presumably they didn't want a reference or tax info and he's using the same chat up line with another young mum who just happened to be lost her partner two years ago.
And the other thing I don't get , police have no pictures of him? They had cctv in those times, there would have been numerous times his image would have been captured.
I've upped my rating from a 4 to a 6.
Nowhere (2023)
Probably alright if you know nothing about the sea
Interesting idea for a movie. Pregnant woman in a container escaping a brutal regime is washed overboard whilst crossing an ocean.
Having crossed the Atlantic in a 30 foot tiny yacht twice I can tell you that even on the quietest flat days an ocean is not anywhere near like the way it's shown in that container. There's always a swell and she'd been thrown about. But ignoring that, she's in a container that's peppered with machine gun holes and still floating. Really? Amazing good sticky tape over the holes to try and stop the leaks. Too silly for words. Even more amazing, she's managed to keep her phone still working in all that wet AND MUST HAVE FOUND AN AMAZING WAY TO CHARGE IT! 🤣.
But even more amazing she gets a signal in the middle of the ocean.
She hasnt eaten in days, or gone to the toilet either. 🙄
I'm not even half way through this tosh yet and can't see I'll bother to see it through to a ridiculous end.
The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)
Can't imagine why this was highly rated
From the moment the bent cops found the money in the cot I was thinking this this is stupid.
It got worse. Good cop follows bad cops down isolated wooded lanes, as if he would, then runde away and goes to boss bent cop who makes him asst DA rather than have a scandal.
15 years later everybody looks the same age. His son, living with mom who talks like he's been watching too many The Godfather movies. Good cop who was so concerned about killing stunt rider who has a child has obviously not been a good father too his own kid who's bad.
Then as another review says it kind of turns into another ridiculous movie? With such coincidences that you have to gulp. Stunt riders son befriends good cops son who talks like Al Pacino in gangster movies and goes off the rails.
The end gets worse. Good cop who is now the DA (I think) gets taken at gunpoint by stunt riders kid out to a forest. Doesn't look like he even tried to engage in conversation, like who are you? Why are you doing this? He's a law graduate (apparently?) And was a police officer? After crying he doesn't get executed by stunt riders son. I guess he walks home. And then stunt riders son is seen buying a motorcycle which he knows how to ride cos it's genetic obviously and rides off into the sunset with no helmet, no license or insurance.
I really wish I hadn't bothered but the opening 20 mins looked ok though I guessed immediately that he was going to rob banks.
Complete load of rubbish.
Blue Steel (1990)
This is supposed to be highly rated, but it's just stupid
Nice opening, looks promising.
New police officer. First day on the job shoots an armed robber in a shop. Weirdo bloke customer lying on the floor grabs and conceals the robbers gun and later she gets suspended because her seniors say she overreacted, there was no gun.
Short while later she's picked up in the rain by a guy who offers her a taxi share. It's the weirdo guy. She doesn't recognize him? Funny that?
There's more to it after, and call me stupid but after a shooting in a store the first thing that would happen would be all those people lying on the floor would stand up. Other officers would arrive and speak to them as they are witnesses. SHE WOULD HAVE 100% SEEN HIM.
I'm supposed to believe she's stood there gun in hand, robbers body on the floor and what? He just stands up and sneaks out without her seeing him? Broken window, robber on the pavement? And non of the customers saw the gun
It's just too STUPID for words.
Let alone the fact that weirdo guy is even more weird.
I guess I'll see it through, but very disappointing.
Ambulance (2022)
I wish I'd read the reviews before I started watching this .
Only watched because I saw a reviewer commenting on some good drone shots. They are average.
Film started ok, but then ridiculous bank robbery with no masks and using their real names followed by an over-cooked shoot out at a bank with dozens of cops shooting randomly, as usual in US cop filmd and not many people dying.
Films? How often does an officer say to control 'officer down, I need an ambulance (swear word beginning with F ) now'? And amazing in that huge office complex he finds his shot companion in the basement. And then the most stupid car chase I've ever seen. As I write it's still going on. 30 odd police cars, how many smashed. Numerous helicopters, etc and they can't stop an ambulance? Which is still looking pristine, not even a broken headlight after smashing through countless cars etc.
In the meantime nurse is doing CPR in the back and is about to do abdominal surgery with her surgeon boyfriend talking her through it as she's chucked around in a car chase. I watch a lot of real hospital stuff and surgery is difficult enough in a theatre with several staff, anaethetists, good light etc. This is just stupid. And what I don't understand is as the robbers have no doubt shot and killed a few people why haven't they just dumped or killed the hostages and made they're own way?
On the subject of nursey the film starts with her and new driver attending an RTA. I watch loads of fly on the wall medic programmes. Medics and fire crews are always calm. Speak calmly and quietly get on the job while calmly reassuring the victim. The scene at the RTA was just laughable. At times I wasn't sure if this was actually intended to be a comedy.
Anyway, just over an hour to go and I don't know if I should just quit now.
OK, like a fool I watched it to the even more stupid end scene at a hospital where both shot brothers finally get apprehended. Forget them being stretchered into the hospital, they are left lying there until nursey and the officer who had his partner shot walk Will in for emergency treatment. Beyond ridiculous.
First Kill (2017)
What a stupid movie
I just started watching this and was so unimpressed decided to review. To my surprise, I'd already done so. Thought it looked vaguely familiar. I got even further the first view but what got me this time was right from the start it's about hunting. How it makes a boy a man. It's an American film. Guns are great. Then we have dad and nerdy kid go on a weekend hunting trip. Shows him how to hold a gun and says there are only 3 rules. Safety safety safety. Loads the gun. Do you think he that says blah blah, this weapon is now loaded. Never point a loaded gun at anybody. When you're carrying it, hold it point it at the ground or anything else. NO. Of course not. He sites does say something later.
Then they go hunting. Get up early, but I can't see by shadows on the ground it's midday sun. Then they are walking about in heavy rain and grandpa's old gun that was passed onto him isn't in a bag it's on his shoulder in the heavy rain. Pleeease. I gave up at that point and came on IMDB to find my first review.
Thank heavens for that, I'll quit now.
Read my first review if you want to see more about how bad this is
My original review
Last week I reviewed Big Game which I said was the worst film I'd seen this year, but this comes close.
Man who's been shot in the chest and lost a lot of blood has it removed with a pair of pliers. Makes a very speedy recovery. Kidnaps the kid of his rescuer, makes off in his pickup. Luckily people leave quad bikes in forests with the keys in ready to steal. Two of them even. Lucky that. Quad bike chase follows.
Can I be bothered to watch any more?
Ok, review is too short.
Before the scenes above is the initiation hunting scene with main characters young kid.
I'm surprised Bruce Willis said yes to this rubbish.
Big Game (2014)
Probably the most stupid film I've seen this year
If this was made as a comedy, a kids film or a parody of an action thriller fair enough, but it's so ridiculous I just had to laugh the whole way through. Ok, it is feel good, but what can I say. Are we supposed to believe that two people in a freezer can roll down a steep hill, go over a waterfall, drift down a river and survive and swim out? 😮
The plane crashed into a wood, despite being blown to bits by a missile, and then later it's magically at the bottom of a fjord. Even more magically on the upper deck all the lights and computers are still working up there when the President and the boy hunter swim into it.
THEN despite seeing it in that scene totally under water the villains blow a hole in the top, no water rushes in and the boss villain is lowered in from the chopper. 😉
I loved the bit where a chopper drags the freezer through the woods. The tether must have been longer than in previous scenes and it's does nt snag, and cause the chopper to crash. (In the real world there's a fail safe on the tether anyway.)
And why whenever anyone wants to take a photograph they pull out a tripod for the camera? The hunters even had a Hassleblad on theirs.
Good fun as a kids comedy I guess, maybe that's why Rotten tomatoes gave it 80% I think, but as a real action thriller? Ha ha.
Hitman (2007)
Looks pretty good so far ....
...but, guy goes into hotel room. Puts glass beads on the floor outside, (so he'll hear if anyone steps on them), puts a vibration sensing bomb on the back of the door, goes to the balcony, possibly 20 mtrs from ground, and ties a rope around a strong point.
I figure he's set up his escape route should anyone try and apprehend him or attempt to kill him.
So later it happens. Bang, door explodes he runs for the balcony, grabs his rope and leaps over.
For one if anyone could really ever keep hold of it the shock load would wrench his arms out, but ignoring that, he then swings through a large window smashing it to pieces, says hi to the two shocked occupants and then runs into the corridor. He's wearing a shirt. He has a bald head. There's not a single shard of glass on him, but more amazingly not even a tiny scratch on him. Not even a mark on his bald head.
I guess we get used to seeing violent fights in film where the participants punch each other senseless but there are no marks on their faces afterwards, but smashing through a window without a scratch, that's really a bit too silly. 😕
Still watching. Silly but entertaining.
Sleeping with the Enemy (1991)
Watchable and kind of enjoyable, but so many ridiculous plot holes.
As an ocean sailor with 70,000 miles under the keel I'll let the ridiculous sailing scene go. I'd have spend the evening saying what was stupid about it. But I will say who goes out for 'night sail' along the coast? No life jackets , safety harnesses apart from Julia and the sail handling stuff was so daft. It was pissing with rain, why didn't she go into the cabin? It was like Laurel and Hardy go sailing.
But as far as the story goes.
1. Who leaves their husband and flushes the wedding ring down the loo and esp doesn't make sure it's gone? Cuts her hair in the bathroom. I doubt any stray hair was left in the sink or floor. All this after a fair bit of careful planning?
2. Moves, gets a new job in a new town and? Changes her name. Maybe if you got a cash job in a bar, but in a library. Insurance records, tax records, bank account ... oh really.
3. Mum is in a nursing home. Who's paying for it? How does she leave her hubby and rent a $700 house? 1991. A house. Having said that the drama teacher is renting a house on his salary and drives a Mustang convertible. Haha. Maybe rental is cheap in the USA.
4. Hubby goes looking and always wears that mackintosh. Even at the fairground where everyone is in a T shirt he's still gooning around in his mac.
5. When he goes to the care home, is security that lax? He can walk in, pretend he's a police office and conveniently mum tells him where new man works. Let alone the cooincidence that Julia is there at the same time and walks past him!
6. She goes home to 'freshen up' after they've been out , Berlioz is playing. She hates it, why would she have it in her music collection? AND THEN SHE HAS A BATH TO FRESHEN UP. Ha ha.
7. Final scene is quite good, but even after being shot 6 times (gun was emptied) he can still somehow get hold of the gun and try and shoot her.
In a bizarre way I quite enjoyed it cos Julia Roberts is so lovely and I know films stretch things a bit but this was just stupid!
Extortion (2017)
What a load of tosh, don't bother.
A guy who is a surgeon and one would assume pretty intelligent rents a tatty boat from a local in the Caribbean. He asks do you want see my papers so I guess has some kind of skippers licence. Then in this boat of uncertain reliability with no radio or liferaft he goes offshore in the Caribbean, out of sight of land, no radio, no compass, no gps, no weather forecast and it appears not even his phone , with his wife and kids. Boat with a single outboard.
They land on a remote small island. Needless to say when they want to leave the outboard won't start. They have no food, no water, no safety equipment. Shout at a passing boat. They are stuck. After a couple of days in desperation they shove off the island to what? Hope they drift to land somewhere? Laying in the boat, no water, no shade. Ridiculous. The Caribbean is a big place. In the islands the trade wind will be taking them west and it's several hundred miles to the nearest land, they are going to be dead in a couple of days anyway. Amazingly they drift onto another deserted island and are picked up by a fishing boat the owner of which demands a million dollars to take them off the island to safety.
They ferry him ashore but leave the wife and kid on the island. Dont know if they leave water and food? He empties his bank account to pay off these guys. On the way back to the island they abandon him locked up on another boat. And sink the boat. Miraculously he gets out. And even more miraculously a passing sail boat picks him up, takes him bacj ashore again and the police get involved. From here the story gets so ridiculous I give up.
Don't know what happens at the end, but no doubt he gets back to them safe and well. There are so many other stupid holes and mistakes in this I can't list them all.
I'm an ocean sailor, have spent a lot of time in the Caribbean and can't be bothered to waste time to see what happens at the end.
I guess if you know nothing about the Caribbean or boating it'd be mildly entertaining.
Asher (2018)
Watchable but could have been better
As a pensioner I like the idea that a young fit nice looking gal like that would go for an old guy like that, and Ron Perlman looks like an old walrus, whereas I still get taken for a young bloke. I can't quite see that happening somehow. Apart from that not a bad film. I'd have loved a line like 'you really did kill someone in the bathroom' or something after he kills the bloke in her apartment, but ... . And at the end, when he was chilling at his cabin a quick shot in the head for him from a sniper and then fade would have been better ending than the naff scene where the gal turns up and he's in bed with her, but hey ho, I didn't write it did I?
Game of Death (2011)
So bad it could have been a spoof.
Terrible script, awful acting, rubbish fight scenes, but most ridiculous of all was the hospital scene. He's had a heart attack apparently, having a stent inserted and still wearing his suit. She says I have a line in his groin that goes into his heart. Ha ha. He still has his trousers on? I've had two stents. Team of about 7, heart ecg is monitored and you are in a hospital gown. Plus, they have to shave your pubic hair if you have a stent through the groin. (Mine was done through my wrist.) Don't bother to watch.
Age of Kill (2015)
Probably one of the worst films I've ever seen.
Terrible acting, terrible script. And the casting? The rough tough Londin accents are a joke. The DC in charge of the investigation is very unconvincing. Is she related to MartinKemp? How did she get the part? Awful acting. Main character Kemp is supposed to be a spook, and yet he leaves his leather jacket covered in his DNA at the scene of one shooting. Prints all over cartridges. It's more like a spoof of a cop drama. ' I know where your Aunty Sue lives.' I don't I'll bother to watch it to the end.
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
What a load of tosh, but a lot of action
I confess I've only just started watching, but , one. As if a military transport plane good get that close to the White House before air traffic control would have picked it up. 2. And then after the attack when people are being machine gunned in the streets Gerald Butler magically gets through it all, shouting 'take cover', ha ha, as if he'd need to, and then despite all the masked terrorists everywhere even gets into the building though everyone around him gets killed. Once inside, even though the girl on the control systems is monitoring everything he isn't picked up on CCTV? It's ridiculous, but I'll probably watch it till the end for amusement value. 3. Incidentally, at the start when the president's car windscreen smashed, why did it? And why werent they going more slowly. 4. AND, why does such a loving couple give each other their Xmas presents while driving to a party? Oh dear.
Come to Daddy (2019)
Very brave and unusual film
I'm not going to try and explain the plot, but it was well worth watching with good casting, location, acting and some wonderful lines. The end was a bit confusing or I'd have given a ten. The Michael Heseltine line was a cracker!
Hard to Kill (1990)
Totally stupid but entertaining
From the very start where Storm wakes up from a seven year coma and his muscles haven't wasted away, and he can talk and press buttons in a lift I realised this was pretty stupid. I could pick a mountain of holes in it but if you've got nothing to do one evening it'll fill a couple of hours.
The Courier (2020)
I don't often give a ten, but this definitely rates it.
I felt it was a bit slow to start with, but it developed well and Benedict Cumberbach's performance at the end is worth an Oscar.
Quite an exceptional film and as I was a teenager throughout that period I found it historically interesting too. Well worth watching.
Baptiste (2019)
Series 1. It just gets more and more stupid.
When a 1M euros was stolen from the back of the van at the start, (the keys were on the ground and the driver having sex in the front?) I thought, a bit casual with 1 M euros , but I let it go. Then it was stolen a few more times. I've lost count, but if I had a million euros I'd be a bit more careful with it. The good old village dentist who finds a million and goes out spending on prostitutes was just ridiculous too. I could go on and on and on. It just get more and more stupid. The Europol officer isn't very good at following people either. Pretty poor acting and casting in general. Baptiste and some performances are OK. Stratton is a useless cardboard character who can only speak in a slow growl. Really annoying me.
Did I mention a bloke who is in a relationship with a very recent post-op transgender man, (now a woman) and he hadn't noticed that some parts of her body didn't like quite like other women he'd been with? Unless she'd had a remarkably exceptional surgeon.
Oh I didn't mention when Baptiste finds the money for the n'th time and he's driving with Stratton and the road is blocked, he gets out of the car, 1M Euros in the boot, Stratton who has proved to be pretty unreliable in the car, and he leaves the keys in the ignition. I could see immediately what was about to happen but the brilliant Baptiste didn't. COME ON NOW! Who writes this rubbish?
Then we come to Series 1:5 Stratton walks into his ex wife's house and her hubby isn't surprised. You need to all get out you're in danger. Oh OK.
So holiday home somewhere. I must say they've coped with this situation very well. The hubby saying 'shall I open the wine' really made me laugh. I think you'd have been able to cut the atmosphere with a knife.
But also, don't these people have jobs? They can all go and hide in safe locations. No need to explain to employers? It is just stupid.
Didn't even mention the weirdo with a passion for junk food earlier who'd managed to locate a network if recording cameras all around his village better than MI6 . Let alone by chance catch the dentist in the rest room on his phone boasting about stealing money. That stretched credibility just a wee bit. Just plain stupid writing.
Line of Duty it definitely isn't. I'm only sticking with it as it's raining and there's nothing else I can do for the minute. I won't bother with series 2.
PS If a dodgy looking man with a beard knocks on your door late at night and says 'gas meter' don't let him in.
The Night Manager (2016)
episode 3. this just gets worse
The scene with Olivia Coleman at the ice cream van, pathetic. Two bodyguards watching and she doesn't even buy and ice cream? Useless bodyguards. Then next scene down at the beach with cardboard character Roper (why did they cast him?) . And Ropers son volunteering all the info about secret places without even being asked.
Let alone the fact that a senior British intelligence officer and a senior (whatever he is US agent) are sat around with a team in Mallorca, and Roper, who has sources everywhere, doesn't even know about it? They don't look like, or behave like, tourists.
I can't see why why this has 10 star ratings? It's a rubbish script , poor casting and some pretty poor acting.
The Bone Collector (1999)
An hour too long
Good cast, but poor and highly improbable story line. It just drags on and on and on. Don't bother.
Secret in Their Eyes (2015)
Why did I just waste 1 hr 50m of my life watching this?
It started off looking quite promising and then just dragged on and on and on. Confusing, what was flash back and what was now. Sometimes just ridiculous, like when they were looking for their suspect in a stadium with maybe 50,000 people and wow, they just happen to be in exactly the right stand and spot him. The whole sub plot of the un-requoited love just got so boring too.
In the end I just wanted it to end. And when it came that was disappointing too.
Don't bother.
Honest Thief (2020)
A lot of shooting and tyre squealing but a less than average B movie
Why is it all the free movies (not free really, you pay a sub for) on Amazon Prime always show in reviews as 4 star movies or less when I Google reviews?
I like Liam Nilson so found this tolerable, but such a weak storyline and 'plot' and really quite stupid. The premise that is that a bank robber decides after meeting the girl of his dreams that he's going to give back the $6 or was it $9 million dollars he has in a lock up after robbing banks (cos his dad was made redundant) was going to get a reduced sentence for giving the money back? It's just daft, but quite watchable if you have nothing better to do.
He'd still get 5 years. But his gal (who he walked into a hospital and carried out?) was going to stick by him. The more I think about it, it was utter rubbish. I'm down rating my 5 stars to 2.
Wind River (2017)
A truly thoughtful, emotive and clever film. The Hunter might be a better title.
Just watched this again tonight, saw it a while ago before. Even though I knew how it would end I still found it very impressive. Great cast, performances, locations, storyline. Real characters. Plus a comment on the lives of people living in those remote areas. I even kind of like the way it's leaves you leave hanging at the end as far as a key relationship in the film goes.
Really well worth watching.
Unforgotten (2015)
I'm now on S3. It's all very formulaic , but watchable, though some serious flaws in the casting.
I'm now on S3 and some really big casting balls ups in this. If you are investigating a death 18 years before and interview a witness (like the barmaid in the pub she was in years before and she was 16 at the time of her disappearance, the barmaid would be at least 34 + now. She didn't even look 20. And when a girl approached Cassie and said, I never told anyone, but she was my friend and she did the cleaning job as I was out with a lad, she looked barely 20. Pathetic casting.
But I just got to ep 5 when ex wife is being asked about when the holiday 'trailer'? Was being loaded. 1. How many people with an estate car need a trailer big enough to hide a body in to go away as a couple with 2 kids? 2. I think mum would have noticed if there was a body of a teenage girl in the trailer when she put the bags in. Sorry, some good performances but this is just getting silly.
To be honest though in general how many people if asked can remember to the finest detail what car they were driving 20 years ago on a certain date? It's all a bit stupid really?
The drug dealer in Eastleigh. (18 years ago) yes she got there about twenty to eleven. What amazing memories these people have.