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Reviews
The Little Hours (2017)
Not everyone's cup of tea
I loved this movie, but I can understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea. This movie is especially entertaining if you love medieval/renaissance culture and literature because then you get some of the more nuanced jokes. There's not much of a plot, but it's silly and quite funny throughout. There's just kind of a beginning and end, with some comic scenes sprinkled the middle. The sense of humor is dry and sometimes anchored in cringe, so it's definitely not a sense of humor everyone will appreciate. It's far from the slap-stick comedy most of us are used to nowadays.
The biggest issues someone might have with this movie are it contains disturbing themes but doesn't take them seriously. I liked this sort of dismissive representation of these serious issues. I can see how others might be offended by it though.
Me Before You (2016)
As a caretaker, I hate this movie
I found myself in a very similar situation to the protagonist, accidentally stumbling into the position of someone's personal caretaker and becoming extremely close with that person. I am best friends with my patient now, and we even live together. I liked this part of the movie because I related to it strongly. The job is very intimate and personal, and the relationships you build with both the person you care for and their other caretakers is invaluable. Don't get me wrong, this is a cute movie. But the entire premise is awful.
Unfortunately the messaging about physical disabilities in this movie disturbs me. My friend is more disadvantaged than the character in this movie and suffers a great amount of pain. People with disabilities are much more likely to suffer from suicidal thoughts, and I think this movie touched on this distastefully and even glorified suicide. It seems to display being able-bodied as a reality much better than being disabled, and that being disabled makes all the joys of life unfulfilling. Disabled people can be wonderful and feel wonderful, and they should be given the same mental health resources as any other person. I don't think anyone would try to justify an able-bodied person seeking euthanasia. Anyone can suffer from mental illness, and I just hate this movie. It disgusts me, and I hope my best friend never watches this because this would only be harmful to her. This movie is dangerous.
Persuasion (2022)
Not Persuasion and not bad
Okay, so it's not what we expected or necessarily even wanted out of a Netflix adaption of Persuasion. And yes, the fashion isn't accurate or good; the aesthetic is Jane Austen-ish enough to be recognizable I suppose. But the vibe is totally off from what you'd expect. The research for any historical element in this movie was lazy all around.
HOWEVER, it's a funny movie. I read the recommendations and decided to watch it with low expectations. I suggest you do the same. Decent movies seem hard to come by lately and this movie was refreshingly entertaining and wholesome. I liked this unrecognizable version of Anne, and I think if the movie had shed it's connection to Austen's book, everyone (except the fashion critics still lol) would have something more positive to say about this film. I know Persuasion is long due a good adaption, but this movie is nonetheless cute. It didn't feel like a waste of my time, and I might even watch it again. That's just my opinion though.
Dune (2021)
Intricate detail and beautiful story
I dare you to analyze this story and tell me that there are details that do not matter to it. From color, to symbols, to obscure imagery, to framework, to religious allusions, to the score, to costume design/hair/makeup, and to even the positions actors hold in certain scenes-everything is so masterfully thought through to tell something deeper about what is going on. Every minuscule detail makes this movie a better experience for the audience. This is a true example of great story telling. It's undeniably one of the best movies I've ever seen, and I can't really compare the attention to detail to any other film.
Whiplash (2014)
Better than Lalaland
I think this is this writer's best movie tbh. The music in Lalaland is more enjoyable, but the this movie is just so much better. The shots are beautifully intimate, and the color use is particularly impressive. Idk the whole movie was eye candy, and I just love watching a movie that's makers have such a grasp on emotion and storytelling. I'm also a musician who developed most of my skill in a (fortunately) less harsh but definitely very similar environment, so this movie was really relatable to me. It is truly a remarkable movie.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Terrible, sloppy, and disgraceful
It's a bad movie. I can't believe they screwed up the most important movie in the franchise. The writing was bad, the basic laws of time that they tried to follow were contradicted, and overall, it was just a terrible plot. I wish John Favreau directed the more significant Marvel movies...
Water for Elephants (2011)
Deserves a Better Rating
Here's how I rate movies: Usually any movie with a rating of 6 implies that the plot is predictable and the story telling is passive. Anything above a 7 requires attention to detail and is true quality. An 8 means the creators are extremely competent, and a 9 only belongs to the few greatest movies I've ever seen.
To me, this movie is a solid 8. Maybe a 7 if you don't believe the cinematography makes up for Pattinson and Witherspoon's underwhelming romance, but I found myself really entertained and loved the great film work. I think this movie proved to have high standards. I'm sorry not enough people enjoyed it. It's not my favorite movie, but I'll definitely watch it a few more times.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)
The First Two Narnia Movies Were Better
It's just a bad movie. The pacing is too fast, and the dialogue is often absolutely terrible. I really wish that they had kept the same director for this movie. It's very unfortunate, really...
Clouds (2020)
Surpassed my Expectations
This is a very good movie. I'm not one for Disney's lighthearted stories, but this was really relatable. I appreciated this movie a lot
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
I love this movie
Highly recommend to anyone who likes anyone involved in the making of this movie. This is a great, great movie and might be my new favorite. I absolutely loved this.
Mulan (2020)
Better than the live action Aladdin
I understand that the Jedi/ninja/magic aspects of the movie were a bit hard to take seriously at some points, but this movie is undeserving of such a low rating. Usually I consider a rating of 6 something that is arguably tolerable or feel-good, and a 7 is a decent quality movie that is easy to enjoy but not quite trying to be a masterpiece. This movie was right on the mark for 7, but some might consider it a 6 using my standards because it doesn't resemble the original in many ways and sometimes pushes a feminist agenda that might annoy some (I thought it was subtle enough to not feel forced or stupid). I'd definitely recommend this to anyone interested in watching it as it is far better than the live action Aladdin but not quite as good as the live action Cinderella. It's an entertaining movie, but it is by no means an accurate representation of its predecessor.
Mortal Engines (2018)
Unoriginal but fun
If you're looking for another entertaining movie, this is probably the most quality "eh" movie out there. It's basically a combination of Terminator, Mad Max, Star Wars/Star Trek, and Transformers with cheesy details and a decent-enough plot. Honestly, it's almost so good that you may not notice it's a pretty bad movie. So if you're a movie snob like me, this is something to watch when you cannot find a great movie you haven't seen yet. If you love all sorts of movies despite it not meeting typical story standards, I'd highly recommend this. If you don't watch it, it probably won't make a huge difference in your life anyway. I still enjoyed the cast and editing, although the music sometimes felt repetitive, and the "quirkiness" sometimes threw me off.
The Sum of All Fears (2002)
Meh
Overall, this is something I'd recommend if you have absolutely nothing to watch. Just because of the quality production, it's a fairly good movie. However, the plot itself lacks genuine believability and is a bit ridiculous at some points.
First of all, this movie subtly paints anyone who leans politically toward the right wing spectrum as fascist by blatantly and obviously associated them with nazis (which is petty and ignorant to say the least). Now since this is perfectly normal from Hollywood, let's get on to the parts that are more universally accepted as degrading factors to the quality of film: the plot itself is sort of ridiculous; it becomes almost entirely apocalyptic at one point. Not only that, but there are some scientifically questionable things happening (or more accurately *not* happening) after a major plot point. The scenes bounce from character to character in a very choppy and noticeable way- you'll be following the story, and then you suddenly have to watch that one spy guy that you forgot about, whose going on some random side quest; the director emphasizes each characters' importance intentionally to excuse their existence; however, I don't think they were important enough or consistently present enough to make their presence in the story flow. The score was good- the theme's melody, in my opinion, was kind of reminiscent to Auld Lang Syne because of the chord progression- the composer was giving me good vibes and using interesting techniques throughout (it wasn't good enough that I would listen to the score in my own free time though). Ben Affleck in any movie is a kind of poor casting choice in my opinion because he isn't the best actor (this movie is a testimony to that), but the rest of the cast is perfectly fine. I prefer this Russian president far more than Branagh's evil villain portrayal in that other Jack Ryan movie (No offense to Branagh but he tends to be overly dramatic when he's his own boss).
That's about it though. I hope some people find this useful.
I Am Number Four (2011)
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Human Flashlight
You know how you can get a good laugh out of Twilight? This movie is no different. It's entertaining for those days when you have absolutely nothing else to watch, but the score is generic, the editing kind of sucked, the makeup for the villains was absolutely horrific, the romance was so stupid, and all the characters are based off basic stereotypes.
Tenet (2020)
Amazing
If the directors for Endgame chose the same theories to guide their plot (and consistently stuck with the same concepts so that they wouldn't contradict themselves), I wouldn't have hated it so much. The way they filmed Tenet is so cool. The actors did absolutely brilliant jobs, especially considering the fact that they had to act out so much in reverse. I was sad to see that Hans Zimmer was absent for this film, but Göransson did an excellent job and really was able to enhance the experience of this movie. Once again, Christopher Nolan has made another masterpiece. I lived for the plot. My only critique is that Branagh's beard is... disturbing.
The Adjustment Bureau (2011)
Entertaining
It's almost cheesy enough to cringe at, but it's still an entertaining movie. Matt Damon and Emily Blount hold the movie together, but the plot is just a bunch of ideas glued together with a silly romance that makes absolutely no sense. If you're not very picky with movies though, you'll enjoy it.
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
The Premise is Based off WHAT EVIDENCE?
It was a great movie, but I just keep replaying in my head a picture of Ian McKellen pointing to a painting created 1500 years after Jesus's birth and saying "this is the evidence" of the entire movie's premise. I was baffled.
The Book Thief (2013)
It's good, but not the book
It's a great quality movie, but it lacked some of the context that gave a lot of the scenes significance. In fact, some of the most powerful moments in the plot were missing entirely. In terms of quality, it's a fine movie. It simply lacked the emotional intensity that made The Book Thief one of the best stories I've ever read. And however much I love Geoffrey Rush, his version of Hans was not a very accurate or worthy one- that could have easily been the director's fault though. If you haven't read the book, not everything will make sense, but you might enjoy the movie nonetheless.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)
First and Last Time I'll Watch This
It's a great movie and story, but it is so sad and full of hopelessness that it's hard to enjoy. Although watching this was a memorable experience, I don't want to watch it again because I feel like crap now.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Ferris Is Officially My Hero
I aspire to be this man. He is a god in one sexy leopard print vest, and no one truly has the balls to be that epic. But in all seriousness, this is my new favorite comedy movie.
Wilford 'Motherloving' Warfstache (2018)
A real analysis and breakdown
Okay, I know most people are biased toward YouTubers when they do anything that crosses over into the "normal" realm of entertainment (whether it's music, writing, or in this case directing/acting), but personally, I think this goes above and beyond what many famous directors can do.
This is a practical short film with that classic Christopher Nolanish tone to it. The music is a bit underwhelming, but so is every low-budget film that can't have its own original soundtrack. With that being said, the music is not totally lacking; the theme gives me chills every time I hear it.
The plot and characters are magnificent, but there is one potential weak spot: part of the magic of Mark's world is the backstory of these characters; it's vague and has never been completely unveiled to the audience. If Mark chooses to reveal the complete backstory- and I think he should (otherwise, what's the point?)- can it live up to the greatness his story seems to be building up to? If he fails at writing a backstory that matches this short film, it could be devastating to his entire franchise. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but that's just something to think about.
Anyway, I figured I'd write a legitimate review since his fans are probably going to spam the IMDb app with jokes or give Mark a 10/10 just because we love him and want to see him succeed.
Hacksaw Ridge (2016)
Phenomenal
Some people are complaining that this movie is a load of liberal bull crap, but I think they misunderstood. The main character is opposed to using weapons purely because he made an oath to God to specifically never use a gun. This was a religious decision. If he had predicted that he would end up on the battlefield, I think he may not have made this promise. Unfortunately, he couldn't take back his words.
The story itself is incredibly inspiring. Andrew Garfield is an excellent actor, and I would recommend everyone to see this movie.
Girl, Interrupted (1999)
Good movie
I liked this movie and have no complaints. The actors were fantastic, the plot was pretty good (although I read that it doesn't entirely match up with the book), and I was moved by several scenes.
Wilford 'Motherloving' Warfstache (2018)
A real analysis and breakdown
Okay, I know most people are biased toward YouTubers when they do anything that crosses over into the "normal" realm of entertainment (whether it's music, writing, or in this case directing/acting), but personally, I think this goes above and beyond what many famous directors can do.
This is a practical short film with that classic Christopher Nolanish tone to it. The music is a bit underwhelming, but so is every low-budget film that can't have its own original soundtrack. With that being said, the music is not totally lacking; the theme gives me chills every time I hear it.
The plot and characters are magnificent, but there is one potential weak spot: part of the magic of Mark's world is the backstory of these characters; it's vague and has never been completely unveiled to the audience. If Mark chooses to reveal the complete backstory- and I think he should (otherwise, what's the point?)- can it live up to the greatness his story seems to be building up to? If he fails at writing a backstory that matches this short film, it could be devastating to his entire franchise. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but that's just something to think about.
Anyway, I figured I'd write a legitimate review since his fans are probably going to spam the IMDb app with jokes or give Mark a 10/10 just because we love him and want to see him succeed.
Shutter Island (2010)
Good Movie
Some parts are a little predictable or cheesy, but the ending was excellent nonetheless. If you like plots that feel like a puzzle, this is a great movie to watch!