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Reviews
Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
Worst...Remake...Ever
The deaf girl is typical John Hughes heavy handedness and is a good example of how this movie is a joke compared to the original. Instead of accepting that the audience would have the intelligence to "get" that Santa speaking dutch could show that he really IS Santa, Hughes has his Santa use bizarrely exaggerated sign language...and it drags out forever. You half expect Hughes to jump into the scene and yell at the audience "SEE?!? He does SIIIGGGNNN LANGUAGE!!! He Really IS Santa!!!" And good 'old Mara Wilson. Can't wait for her autobiography, "Lisping My Way Through Hollywood." At least in the original, the little girl acted.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)
Pretty Good Bad Movie
Some of these folks need to lighten up. This movie was intended to be good old mindless fun. Is it rude and crude? Sure. Is it vulgar? You bet. Then again, I don't think anyone involved was anticipating "For Your Consideration" ads placed in Variety come Oscar season.
Maybe we don't always have to relax for two hours after working a 55 hour week at a blue collar job by watching Amistad or Boys Don't Cry. Maybe it's okay to pull a long neck Natural Light out of the fridge and watch Pauly Shore or Rob Schneider. Perhaps even Larry the Cable Guy commenting on "a brown snake playing peek-a-boo with my butt crack." And for those impressing us with their tolerance and raging over Larry implying a fruity waiter is gay, or calling a woman in a business suit a "boy," I have to wonder, as I often do, why white guys are the only beings on the planet who can take some ribbing without crying about bigotry.
Every single commercial that ever airs on television depicts women and minorities and especially wives as super intelligent, almost God like figures. White men are slobbering half wits who can barely speak in complete sentences. And why are their no mass protests? Because we can take it. Period. Yet Larry makes a crack about his boss being mad supposedly because he's receiving anti-gay hate mail, and all of the "tolerence" activists pull out the daggers.
But I digress. This is a fairly entertaining mindless 90 minute diversion. If you can't take a joke, go watch First Wives Club. If you can check your brain at the door, Health Inspector will give you a few laughs, while solving a "premedicated" crime.