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Roboshark (2015)
Not the worst shark film, but still appalling
Roboshark stands out a little from the incredibly bloated sub-genre of shark film quasi-parodies by looking like it actually had a budget. There are lots actors, locations and it has been filmed fairly competently. This may all sound like hollow praise, but this is noteworthy within the extremely poor shark film genre.
What is surprising about Roboshark is despite the notably higher budget than most of its competition the acting and dialogue is some of the worst I have come across. Not 'Jurassic Shark' or 'Raiders of the Lost Shark' levels of bad, but is still appalling, cliché riddled and cringey - with the Bill Gates parody standing out as a particular bad example. Almost ever line is noticably dreadful to the point of being painful on many occasions. Rick and the Admiral stand out is being particulary appalling, even though all performances in this film are dreadful. Most of the actors a really impressively wooden in their delivery. Seriously where do these dreadful films find these actors? I refuse to believe that ever small-time actor is that bad. I think the film was trying to be clever, but whoever wrote this clearly did not have the talent to actually pull that off. The film is full of lame pop-culture references, which are neither funny or original. I particularly hate the ham-fisted approach to integrating social media into the plot repeatedly. This gives the film a sorted of "Hello fellow kids vibe" which I really hate. The one thing I will say in favour of the writing is that the premise of a Roboshark is mildly more entertaining than the majority of shark films, but that is not much of an achievement in itself. The final fight is also quite amusing in how silly and over-the-top it is.
Having said all this a certain amount of enjoyment can be got from the film by mocking it, although for me personally I would rather watch a less competently made film that was actually trying to be good rather than this which was clearly trying to be bad. It seems like the sort of thing that would be fun to watch drunk with friends.
It Conquered the World (1956)
Laughable anti-communist propaganda alien film
A very entertaining, ridiculous alien invasion film with all the trappings of bad 1950s sci-fi, made notable by its blatant anti-communist message. A dreadful film, truly a product of its time.
A stupid, absurd plot filled with laughable interactions and the worst alien monster costume I have ever seen. It's a shame the monster alien was not revealed earlier in the film so that the audience could revel in its glory for longer. What makes this even better is that the alien invasion is a heavy-handed allegory for a communist takeover - 1950s style. This film is in an interesting product of McCarthyism and alien invasion paranoia which proliferated American popular culture at the time. One of the classics of old, bad sci-fi - a must watch for anybody that enjoys laughing at such films.
The Horror of Party Beach (1964)
Unintentionally very funny and charmingly silly
Yet another silly humanoid sea monster film from the 1960s. There are so many of these type of films it is a wonder people went to watch them back in the day. All these films can be summed up by 'man in rubber suit monster comes out of water and terrorises the local population (and usually kidnaps pretty young women)'.
Having said all that, 'The Horror of Party Beach' is charmingly silly. Not only are the monster costumes really bad but they look so clumsy while they are attacking people - I suspect the actors probably could not see out of those costumes. This combines with the amount of attacks in the film makes it standout as a particularly silly and charming monster film, that has less of the boring sections of nonsense plot which plague similar films.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
One of the greatest bad films
Amazingly inept in ever category of film making and composition. Awful acting, nonsensical plot, diabolical dialogue and dubbing combine to make a spectacularly incompetent film. This film is so bad it really needs to be seen to be believed and that is why it is great. For those that enjoy laughing at bad films 'Manos the Hands of Fate' is a masterclass in dreadful cinema. As a result of this, the film is either a 1/10 or a 10/10 depending on whether you enjoy bad films.
Invaders from Space (1965)
Surreal, silly and charming
Of all the bad old superhero films, the Starman series are probably my favourite. Not a good film in the traditional sense, but highly amusing if you like bad films.
Lots of ridiculous costumes, poorly dubbed dialogue and absurd plot combine to make a highly amusing bad film that is great to watch with friends. There is something charming about a lycra clad superhero flying after alien Salamander-men in their flying-saucer and foiling their absurd plans to destroy the world. Perhaps the best part of this film are the fight scenes which are the most ridiculous and absurd I have seen since watching Turkish Starwars. There is clearly little-to-no fighting choreography, so it is just a horde of Salamander-men literally dancing around Starman before he Karate chops them into the next dimension. Starman is so untouchable and overpowered it is a wonder the Salamander-men even bothered to try and fight him - and the best part ... the Salamander-men explode after being chucked into water (for some reason)! These films are a great source of unintentional absurdist humour.
If you enjoyed this be sure to watch the other Starman films, they are all great and are available for free on youtube.
Under sandet (2015)
Brilliant and heart-wrenching
An extremely well done, tense and heart-wrenching film about an element of WW2 history that is virtually unknown outside of Denmark. Similarly this film is relatively unknown, which is a real shame beacuse it is excellent.
This film is very sad, so be prepared for that going in.
Explosive Ordinance Disposal is a naturally suspense-filled and sad subject for film that has already being covered very well by 'Ten Seconds to Hell' 1959 and 'The Hurt Locker' 2008. In my opinion 'Last of mine' handles this subject extremely well - at least as well as The Hurt Locker which is one of my favourite films. All elements of the film are brutally realistic. This combines with the protagonists being child soldiers (realistic of late WW2 German armies) does a great job of encouraging the viewer to empathise with the German POWs - a rarity in the world of film. This encourages a more nuanced understanding of the war by showing the plight German victims of Nazism and the war it started as well as highlighting a shameful element of post-war history.
The film has excellent acting, set design/selection and historical authenticity (for the most part). The film is able to capitalise this still further through excellent cinematography of the stunning landscape. Aside from being so sad, this makes it truly a pleasure to watch.
The only thing that stops this film from being perfect is the predictability of elements of the plot - particularly the character arc of one of the leads. However, given how well made the film is, this does not detract much from the otherwise superb experience. One of my favourite modern war films.
Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam (1982)
Hilariously bad. A great experience
The plot, acting, dialogue, choreography, action and costumes are absurd and, by all measures, pretty dreadful. Therefore it should rightly earn 1/10. BUT I love it. This film is fast-paced absurdist nonsense and is truly wonderful for that. For me this can make a film very entertaining, even if these qualities arose unintentionally from the ineptness of the film's production. If you don't think that you can enjoy a film by revelling in it's badness then do not watch this, because you will hate it.
If you are a fan of Indiana Jones or Star Wars then there is still more reason to enjoy this film as plenty of pirated music (from the former) and battles scenes (from the latter) appear regularly throughout this film - which add an extra layer of absurdity to the experience.
I 7 di Marsa Matruh (1970)
Fairly entertaining Italian WW2 film
One of the many Italian WW2 films set in North Africa from the 1960's & 70s. If you have seen any one of these films Overrun will seem
very familiar. Having said that Overrun is probably the best of the bunch - out of the ones I have seen at any rate.
The story is pretty similar to the 1958 classic 'Ice Cold in Alex' - so if you liked that then you'll probably enjoy this. The people and events the group encounter on their desert journey back to Allied lines are generally interesting, varied and entertaining. This is what really sets this film apart and stops from being boring. Although having said that the film is definitely overly long in places (cutting about 20 minutes from this film would have improved it).
The action is a mixed-bag of good and bad, but never strays into strays into the territory of being laughable.
The English dub of the film has better clarity than most, however is marred by some annoying over the top fake accents.
Some equipment and almost all vehicles in this film are historically incorrect, with most of the vehicles cleary being of 1950s French and Soviet origin. Judging from the variety of vehicles, and the location, I would guess that they were loaned for the film production from the Egyptian military. However this only detracts from the film if you are a military history buff.
Not a brilliant film, but still alot better than most of its contemporary competition.
Brestskaya krepost (2010)
Engaging patriotic propaganda piece. Over the top battles
A competently made war film with a strong patriotic tone.
Most acting is good and the extras generally give a convincing impression of actually being soldiers (quite uncommon in a lot of war films). Costumes, sets and special effects are very good - amongst the best amongst modern Russian war films.
Action, especially in the larger battles, often became unconvincing with Russian soldiers near universally portrayed as comically heroic. I completely understand the Russian desire to celebrate the heroism and suffer which occured in WW2, but this film goes too far. Exaggeration to this degree does no service to the real heroes of WW2 because it dehumanises them to become the immortal heroes of propaganda, thereby losing the real human stories and experiences. The characters became two dimensional patriots with unflinching resolve and loyalty. This is not a convincing depiction of events - from a histprical perspective.
In the end Brestkaya Krepost is like a WW2 propaganda film created with modern cinematic competency. It is merely an entertaining display of WW2 themed violence and does not do justice to the actual defence of Brest Fortress.
For a far better Russian WW2 film I would reccomend 'Come and See' 1985.
The Ravagers (1965)
Bad film with very low production quality
The Ravagers is a fairy standard WW2 Resistance themed war film, only made memorable when compared to its competition by its low production quality. Almost all shots in the film are very dark and blurred - being more consistent with films made in the 1930s & early 40s, than the mid-1960s. There are elements of the first half of the film that are near unwatchable because they are so poorly lit - for no apparent reason. Luckily the final battle is significantly better lit so the viewer can actually see what is happening. This is a shame because most of the locations look visually interesting (from what I can tell by squinting). As this is the only Philippine film from the period I have watched I cannot comment whether this reflects the quality of other Philippine films or whether The Ravagers is just very poorly made. The film is redeemed slightly by most of the actors putting in fairy good performances, but again this is let down for the English-speaking viewer by the bad and inconsistent dub - which does not even translate all dialogue in the film.
The film feels like a missed opportunity to explore the Japanese occupation of the Philippines - which was a very interesting time in the country's history.
Most of the vehicles and military equipment is also incorrect to the period being portrayed. This is made more surprising when it is considered the amount of Japanese equipment left-over in the Philippines after their occupation was defeated. This makes it very puzzling why almost all of the Japanese soldiers' equipment in the film is incorrect - except for the odd cap, helmet and water canteen.
Overall, a thoroughly forgettable film only notable for its surprisingly poor production quality.
Pohwasogeuro (2010)
Well made and very violent
A very well made film that is far better than pretty much every English language film about the Korean war. Elements of the plot feel rather contrived, but are ultimately necessary to tell the story of the South Korean paramilitaries fighting against all the odds. The film is the usual mix of both emphasising the bloody horror of war, whilst also revelling in heroic fighting. A lot of the violence is presented in an extremely dramatic, over-the-top manner which contrasts against the tone of most contemporary western war films. In this regard it reminds me of a lot of modern Russian war films - except being better made than many of them. If you are looking for a film with a nuanced perspective on war, this is not the film for you. However, if you are looking for a war action flick, this is a rather good one. It is very reminiscent of 2004s 'Taegukgi: The Brotherhood of War' in its execution and tone, although I feel it does not achieve this as well as Taegukgi. That is not to say that it is a bad film, because is not and manages to be engaging throughout the entire duration. A must see for war film lovers and military history buffs.
Attentato ai tre grandi (1967)
Average, but could have been better
A fairly unremarkable, but competently made WW2 action film. The acting is reansonable, although the English dubbing leaves something to be desired, although that is far from unusual for the period. Most vehicles and some equipment in this film is incorrect and appears to be of post-war French military origin, which detracts from the experience for military history buffs.
The plot of this film is somewhat reminiscent of the 1976 classic 'The Eagle Has Landed', with the exception that this film is nowhere near as engaging and is filled with pretty boring segments which detract from the interesting premise. I think this film could have been edited down to lose about 20 minutes without losing any of the plot or exciting scenes.
Far from the worst WW2 film I've seen, but still sadly not very memorable despite the interesting premise.
Date Movie (2006)
Lowest of the low. I hate it. Avoid at all costs
I cannot believe this film was written by some of the minds behind the Scary Movie franchise, because the comedy in this film falls flat on nearly ever occasion. I really like the Scary Movie's, they are not comedic genius by any stretch of the imagination, but they do do a good job at mocking the cliches which plague the horror genre. Based on this, Date Movie seems like a good premise - as there are countless bad troupes and cliches in the romance and rom-com genres. However, Date Movie almost always failed to exploit this. It is difficult to describe how bad most of the jokes are in this film, because they are superficially the same as the jokes in Scary Movie except they are just not funny. The comedic timing is totally off, and most of the jokes are so obvious - without self-awareness - that they cannot be enjoyed by people that would ordinarily appreciate that sort of humour. This leaves the film feeling extremely cringey and honestly difficult to watch. Without good jokes, the film is completely pointless and a total waste of time. Do not bother watching, re-watch one of the Scary Movie's instead - they are so much better.
The Fat Spy (1966)
Nothing happens. Waste of time
An extremely cringey 'comedy' film in which essentially nothing happens. I would try to describe the plot, but it is nonsensical and instantly forgettable. I think the writer was going for a campy comedy with a romance focus, but the film totally lacks substance and I do not understand how anybody could find the 'jokes' in the least bit funny. It might be possible that the jokes were much funnier at time this film was written, but a highly doubt that.
This film cannot even be enjoyed ironically, I have wasted 80 minutes of my life.
Guru, the Mad Monk (1970)
A good-bad or bad-bad film?
Having watched this film, I cannot decide if it is the sort of terrible film that can be enjoyed as a thing to laugh at or whether it so bad as to be infuriating. The acting is awful, the costumes are appalling (they look like the sort of thing worn in school plays), and the plot is a predictable as it is dreadful.
Elements of this film can definitely be enjoyed with friends to laugh at, but overall I think the film is too boring for it to compete with good-bad films. One of the most infuriating things about the film is that it appears to have been shot entirely in one small church - with it's name extremely crudely covered over with paper (not joking). I think you ca even see some parked cars in the background of some shots - despite it being a 'medieval' film. Depending on your sense of humour, these elements could make the film hilarious to you. However, I enjoy many good-bad films but found my self annoyed at this cheap and predictable jumped-up village play.
Galaxy (1986)
A teenage boy's fantasy
The plot of the film seems like the late-night fantasies of a teenage boy. It is a fairly generic by-the-books sci-fi action film, navigated by a hero who never fails in any task. Elements of the production (particularly the special effects and costume design) are rather charming in how cheaply they appear to have been done.
The Wild Women of Wongo (1959)
Extremely bad. Enjoyable for bad film lovers
A spectacularly bad pseudo-stone-age film - with a nonsensical plot.
This film has awful everything; from plot, to acting, to costume design. Everything about this film is extremely incompetent, and in a sense that is quite an achievement. I do not want to spoil the premise of this film, because it can certainly be enjoyed as a film to laugh at - rather than laugh with.
My favourite part of the film is the ending where all the 'characters' (although that term suggests the people in the film have discernible characters, which they do not) look directly into the camera and wink one at a time! That is truly a classic moment of bad cinema history.
The Island (2005)
Interesting concept, poorly executed
The film tackles an interesting idea, but approaches it in a superficial way and fails to be at all interesting after the major plot twist (secret) is revealed. From then onwards it turned into a bad sci-fi movie with by-the-books action done much better in many other films.
Many performances in the film are good. Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson worked well together, but were let down bad writing - particularly in the last half of the film.
What annoys me about this film is how much better it could have been if it had been written better and the plot did not deteriorate so quickly. It is competent, but still seems like a huge missed opportunity to make something great.
Jaws in Japan (2009)
Extremely uncomfortable to watch
I have watched a lot of shark films, and the vast majority of them are terrible, but this is something else. Jaws in Japan exists only to show a series of creepy scenes of bikini-clad women, that is loosely joined together with an nonsensical shark monster plot. What sets this film apart from all the other shark rubbish is how creepy it and how extremely uncomfortable it is to watch. At numerous times the women look extremely uncomfortable and kind of seem like they are being filmed against their will.
The only redeeming feature of this awful thing is how bad the monster shark looks. It only appears once at the end of the film, and looks spectacularly bad. You can watch this bit for free on YouTube if your curious. Other than that, do not watch this dreadful film.
Jet Attack (1958)
A boring film, filled with stock footage and bad acting
Not the worst Korean war film I have seen, but Jet Attack / Through Hell to Glory is a strong contender.
A forgettable old war film that is only memorable for the amount of stock footage used within it (mostly of American aircraft flying) and some laughably bad Russian accents. The film has numerous equipment and hardware inaccuracies to annoy the military enthusiasts among us, and so is not enjoyable from that perspective.
If you like to see bad acting, a ridiculous plot, and some slightly interesting stock footage of flying aircraft (and crucially have time to waste) this might be the film for you. If not, watch something better. Some really good Korean War films have come out of South Korea - such as Taegukgi: The Brotherhood of War. Watch that instead if you want to see a great film about the war.
The Conqueror (1956)
A good watch for those that enjoy terrible films. Awful historical film
The Conqueror is a truly awful film. It essentially embodies all that is bad about old historical films by overlaying a boring cliche-ridden plot with a thin veneer of poorly researched history pasted over the top. If you have seen one of these films, you have seen them all - although I will say that this is an especially awful one.
The Conqueror has some of the worst casting for the main characters I have ever seen. It is far form the only film of the era to employ an entirely white cast to portray characters who were not Caucasian, and as awful as that is from our contemporary perspective, it is made far worse by the main stars in The Conqueror's appalling performance and writing. Susan Hayward made essentially no effort to play the role of Borte (Genghis Khan's first wife and a medieval Mongolian tribal women), instead playing the generic two dimensional love-interest for John Wayne to win over with highly questionable behaviour. That being said, the viewer is treated to John Wayne ripping off her dress in one of their first encounters; which, if you can get over how abhorrent that would be in a modern context, is hilarious in a sort of cringey way.
In this film John Wayne essentially plays himself, making little effort to fit the prestigious role of Genghis Khan. Watching this film with no other information on the period, the viewer would come away thinking that Genghis Khan was a by-the-books Cowboy - complete with the accent. Wayne did not alter his performance from his usual Westerns persona at all. I would say that this is a strong contender for John Wayne's worst film - a category I consider to have some stiff competition.
A redeeming feature of the film is laughing at the truly appalling costumes. Other reviewers are right to describe them as looking like the cast-offs from a school play.
Do not watch this film expecting a realistic depiction of the period in any regard.