Change Your Image
TheHarbingerOfReason
Reviews
The Acolyte (2024)
Those saying "we haven't explored this time period" you lack of being a star wars fan is showing.
Most of the positive reviews use terms like "we haven't really explored this time before" and "This era is a blank slate" to them I would say, your showing you know nothing about star wars.
This time period is covered in many many books comics and even board games. Even the Disney era machine has produced several "High republic" comics which this series has already begun retconning because it has so little connection to the star wars known by fans and those responsible for continuity at Lucasfilm must be vomiting with terror and rage.
The sith are documented in many instances to have existed for over 1000 years before the time period of "A New Hope" for all those scoring this series above 5 that's the original Star Wars film by this guy George Lucas. You should try watching it some day.
The fact is a talentless hack with single episode directing credits on canceled tv shows and reality tv, took the helm (Somehow!) of a Star Wars series and has chosen to make it so much about her that she now reads as an attention monger. By comparison you couldn't name the directors of many Mando episodes because they wanted to be part of the tapestry of this canon and universe.
Headland just wants screen time to make stupid self sourced observations about lesbian robots.
Oh and to puke all over the work of literally thousands of individuals who have contributed to this universe, only to have some basic nobody try to retcon their actual contributions.
It will last one season. Disney would be R Tarded to give this more air to breath.
Argylle (2024)
If you liked Kingsman don't watch this
Argyle is a lot of things, but predictable and slow are its biggest crimes.
Bryce Dallas Howard may be Ron Howard's nepo baby but they share the same trait. They make better directors than they do actors. Sadly she fails to deliver on a premise that needed more violence and action to fulfil the promise of a connection to Kingsman.
And as much as I know it's on the nose... I just couldn't get past the weight issue. She looks incapable and it really disrupts suspension of disbelief.
They would have been better off. Playing everything out as a camp spy movie, action comedy, with Cavill as the real star not a figment of a chubby authors mind.
Madame Web (2024)
The John Cena film Freelance is rated higher than this... Tells you what you need to know.
Overwhelming the harshest critics of this movie have been my female, genre loving friends. They don't even get the hot girl factor in this film which is meant to draw in the young male side of the audience. Which means it's actually a failure on every point aside from the appeal they aimed for towards men by casting only young super attractive females. Now the other side of that coin is that one of them admitted she hated the fact only attractive women are cast as super heroes. Could it be that in trying to pull the Michael bay cord and fill the cast with hotties, they actually pushed the jealous girl contingent out of the theatre as well? Can't wait for the social debrief on why this failed miserably.
The Dry (2020)
The truth about all rural Aussie mysteries. They are all Blue Heelers episodes with more money spent on catering to make them a film.
So going into watching "the Dry" I was hopeful. The book is peddled as the greatest thing any Australian has ever written, which I can only assume is a very generous review because the movie felt small in scale but oddly lacking in intimate character associations.
When you live in rural areas of Australia, particularly Victoria and NSW you learn very quickly that every town is exactly the same and the people are all generic rural individuals. Every town has suicides because farming is hard etc and a meth scene that would make breaking bad blush.
The Dry, for some reason, makes a murder suicide and a mysterious death in the past seem completely uninteresting. We are asked to believe that the amazing amount of evidence generated by a clumsy murder was missed by medical professionals, in favour of a completely out of character killing spree.
Australia has a strange love affair with rural communities, but is only interested in two aspects of them when telling a story. Sexual assault and aboriginal persecution. The dry at least leaves the stale race bating behind in favour of something new the only problem is that it's entirely un-interesting and almost inconsequential to the largest part of the film, a past crime that has no baring on current events, beyond people not liking the main character, or any consequences before credits role.
Watch it if you like the same thing you've seen a millions times on ABC.
Rebel Moon - Chapter One: Chalice of Blood (2023)
Samurai seven
This movie should have been titled "Snyder once watched the anime 'Seven Samurai' and thought nobody would notice when he stole the entire story"
It's actually laughable how close they are in storyline. The problem is that thist screenplay would have worked as a Star wars film (fun fact that's actually what this was before Disney canceled the project) but without the star wars factor he was forced to fall back on styles and elements that pull it right back towards the anime.
In the end it is trying to force a more complex story into two short movies.
The characters and their stories are laughably incomprehensible. Never mind the utterly unreasonable way they all just decide to try to fight a literal army that controls everything, without even the slightest reason.
The script reads like how a teenage might right their creative writing project, using inspirational and obscure phrases and language that is meant to sound deep or clever. All it really does is sound like the writers don't know how real people talk.
And then there is the design. Every space ship defies intelegent design and physics. They look like they are designed to have no corners or sharp edges to protect children. And the giant waterfall above the village which reminds me of the kind of pumps old men put in their fishponds.
All in all it's a dogs breakfast.
Carnifex (2022)
Desperately seeking supials
They say no good movies are made in Australia by Australians anymore. This didn't help that argument! At all! In any way! Shape or form!!!
As with every Aussie film made in the last ten years, that hasnt had an award winner in the front seat, this feels like a school project film.
All the usual suspects are here. The script full of plot forcing sentences, that would never actually be said. The actors that didn't bother to explore what their characters jobs actually entail. The camera work that someone desperately tried to show some skill with but the editor didn't really know how to use. The music that sounds like a stock music rip off of something from a better movie they tried emulating. I could have written this review without even seeing a second of this film. It's like every other trashy Aussie horror snore-fest
AND THE BIGGEST SIN! The thing that never ever, EVER! Should be left out of a creature feature...Not a single puppet, prop or even a piece of carpet to be used as a practical physical set piece for the creature... NOTHING!!!! Just bad CGI modeling and animation from whatever Cert IV multimedia student happens to know someone on crew.
As a side note, the nepotism in the reviews around this film is insane! "As good as Wolf creek." "...a groundbreaking piece of Australian cinema" Oh my merciful Jessepe! They could at least give their friends and relatives a cheat sheet on how not to make it obvious. I'm surprised they didn't put up a Sundance logo and remove a single leaf off the wreath to avoid being sued!
Also, Sisi Stringer, hang it up love. If you can't keep a series about a vampire high-school afloat it might be time to see Neighbours is back yet.
God why did this film make me so mad!?
Is it because of all the government grants handed out to Aussie filmmakers (see: Camera owner)
I need a sandwich or something.
Oh the colour grading was actually amazing!!! Really good work.
Don't pay to see this film! And if you did, join the law suit of the guy who's book they might have actually ripped, also called Carnifex (2015) . But don't bother because that's actually worse than the film but that's a goodreads review for later.
Office Invasion (2022)
For the love of god, please watch soEtching else
There aren't enough words to describe how awful this is. I would have rather been violently ill for an hour and fifty two minutes, than having been exposed to this rubbish. I expect this kind of crap to land on streaming services like Stan, but Netflix honestly can't have been awake when they approved this.
The Wheel of Time (2021)
Willing to bend... but it eventually breaks
More and more it's obvious that certain types of stories require certain pedigrees of creators and producers. Yes it's a very well known book series but the biggest issue is that Amazon was completely the wrong jumping off point for a series about this material.
I feel like I'm in a minority of people that can read a book and still enjoy a visual translation or more commonly a reimagining. The stats around this book series in terms of scope, critique, legacy and complexity are up there with some of the greatest stories it was inspired by or indeed inspired. George R. R. Martin said that without WOT, GOT would never have existed. Had HBO won the bidding war for these rights we may have ended up with a more grand, less rushed and better written series with more seasoned cast members and less clumsy juggling of events.
When it comes to what we have had plopped in our laps by Amazons giant Bezos shaped content machine that roams Seattle HQ feeding on the delivery vans that aren't fast enough to escape it... Much is left in the wind.
Many of the flashier events seem to be rushed to the fore while leaving character narratives and complexities in the books. That's not always a bad thing admittedly. Game of thrones spent an entire chapter describing the food they were eating at a feast, not something needed in a visual medium or in good television. But in a story that has eleven volumes and over 2000 named and described character's, there is something a tad disrespectful or silly about racing through it all. Add in the fact that I could name at least four or five really meaty, suspenseful sequences that occurred in the event between episodes one and two that didn't make the cut.
But who knows, maybe it will find its feet just in time to be canceled like most other shows these days.
Invasion (2021)
Invasion... of the sad people.
Apples obsession with producing what is essentially depression porn via its tv shows is becoming predictable and strangely opportunistic.
Another looooooong script of loooooong pauses, with loooooong suffering, isolated characters that are either so detestable you want them to die or so depressed, powerless and pathetic that being killed by an alien invasion would be a mercy akin to euthanasia.
That being said at this rate the invasion of an alien race might end up being a season two thing since it is episode three with three hours of content down and we get screen time of less than three minutes of actual alienesque material.
In a series supposedly inspired by the War of the worlds, having so little alien content after three hours isnt a great sign of a good show coming down the pipeline. It is the equivalent of the hobbit being filmed in Bilbos house while he cries over a sad relationship and gets drunk, only to have the dwarves knock on the door just before the credits roll... And apple is hoping you will tune in in a weeks time.
Invasion (2021)
Invasion... of the sad people.
Apples obsession with producing what is essentially depression porn via its tv shows is becoming predictable and strangely opportunistic.
Another looooooong script of loooooong pauses, with loooooong suffering, isolated characters that are either so detestable you want them to die or so depressed, powerless and pathetic that being killed by an alien invasion would be a mercy akin to euthanasia.
That being said at this rate the invasion of an alien race might end up being a season two thing since it is episode three with three hours of content down and we get screen time of less than three minutes of actual alienesque material.
In a series supposedly inspired by the War of the worlds, having so little alien content after three hours isnt a great sign of a good show coming down the pipeline. It is the equivalent of the hobbit being filmed in Bilbos house while he cries over a sad relationship and gets drunk, only to have the dwarves knock on the door just before the credits roll... And apple is hoping you will tune in in a weeks time.
Invasion (2021)
Invasion... of the sad people.
Apples obsession with producing what is essentially depression porn via its tv shows is becoming predictable and strangely opportunistic.
Another looooooong script of loooooong pauses, with loooooong suffering, isolated characters that are either so detestable you want them to die or so depressed, powerless and pathetic that being killed by an alien invasion would be a mercy akin to euthanasia.
That being said at this rate the invasion of an alien race might end up being a season two thing since it is episode three with three hours of content down and we get screen time of less than three minutes of actual alienesque material.
In a series supposedly inspired by the War of the worlds, having so little alien content after three hours isnt a great sign of a good show coming down the pipeline. It is the equivalent of the hobbit being filmed in Bilbos house while he cries over a sad relationship and gets drunk, only to have the dwarves knock on the door just before the credits roll... And apple is hoping you will tune in in a weeks time.
Star Wars: Visions (2021)
I feel like I expected too much
After being spoiled by such amazing anthologies as Animatrix, Oates studios and love,death and robots, I can't help but wonder if this took a fraction of the production time to fuel Disneys greed and model of creating content just because they have a schedule gap.
With the exception of one or two stories, the series was poorly written, hastily animated and/or just plain limp or unintelligent as a concept.
It's easy to tell which stories were given more attention than others and clear which ones were generated from a handful of key frames handed to a sweatshop of cartoon artists in Vietnam.
The model is clear and it's easy to see what Disney wanted. But most studios clearly had this as a side project in the face of "real anime" that was still in the work schedule.
Everyone will watch it anyway. Most dullards will feel really mature for having watched the 'Arty' starwars animations. Real fans of starwars and Anime will lament that it isn't what we hoped for.
Kate (2021)
When life gives you Boom Boom Lemons you make a fun action filled killing spree
It's not quite John Wick, but for those of us that can accept that it wasn't trying to be, it's an alright offering from a company that has been low on good offerings for years now.
Might I suggest you come with lower expectations to a Netflix financed yakuza death party and stop clutching your pearls over the "lack of story" while you tacitly suggest John Wick was Shakespeare.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Good Ones (2021)
Forced woke nonsense
The panic in the writing is palpable. The vast majority of the world has moved on from the drama one year past. Not one person was calling for a boycott or change of any kind concerning this top rating well written show... Yet here we are.
In an effort not to offend anyone, the writers have clumsily tried to please the virtue signalling, self flagellating, noisey morons... and destroyed years worth of the character built cohesion between these hilarious individuals.
Most people enjoy shows like this for their ability to pull us out of the anxiety inducing, hatred spewing, divisive world we deal with on a daily basis.
Now even the loveable goof balls get to live in a world where everyone hates us for the colour of our skin. Maybe the rest of the season will magically steer clear of all this? But frankly watching Rosa hate on Jake for no reason other than who he is might have already done it's damage.
Thanks for blotting out one of the few genuine rays of sunshine on television guys. Stay woke! Stay hateful! Stay socially (media) relevant! ✊
Kidô senshi Gandamu: Senkô no Hasauei (2021)
No gundams till the last ten minutes
No gundams in it till the last five minutes the rest is decidedly boring faux politics. Not the Gundam film you were looking for.