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Requiem (2018)
Ffilm wael wedi ei gosod yng Nghymru
OK. So I had to use Google Translate for the headline.
This started out promising. An inexplicable suicide at the beginning leads our protagonist to Wales to solve a mystery of a missing child. Is she the missing child? Check into a local B&B. There's a whiff of "Wicker Man" (the original) local conspiracy/missing child. So far so good. Up to episode 3 it gets creepier and creepier (if a bit repetitive). We're not sure if this is a whodunit or a supernatural horror or both, and that's a clever change of pace.
All sorts of weird clues turn up, but no one seems to follow up on them or when they do follow up, they either give up too quickly or move on to another clue. At times the two leads seem to work at cross purposes. Very few of the weird things are explained or connected. There are a lot of tropes, and it's as if the producers figured we'd seen these all before and connect the dots ourselves. Others have also stated the obvious plot hole.
It's unpredictable for sure, but not in a good way and the characters become annoying after a while.
Vivarium (2019)
Move to the suburbs and get stuck in a bad movie
Starts off well. Young couple Tom and Gemma looking for a house while the market is beginning to get too hot. So they walk into an estate agent for a new development, that's "just far enough away" from the hustle and bustle. He's a weird dude, but they follow him to "Yonder" a caricature of tract houses in the suburbs and he shows them #9 fully furnished, move in ready. Even has a nursery. For a boy.
Then they can't get out of the development, drive around and around in circles until running out of fuel conveniently right outside of #9. They try walking out following the sun, only to wind up back at, #9. Then Tom decides to burn the place down hoping that'll attract attention. Inexplicably, they both fall asleep on the curb, and wake up to find #9 is back, and there's a baby in a box that says, raise the boy and be released. Fade, now the boy is a pre-teen after about two months. So obviously he's some kind of (mutant, alien, what?) who screams to be fed corn flakes. Which Tom and Gemma feed him. He imitates their annoying bitchy speaking habits in a weird semi-adult voice. The movie was weird and creepy and a little scary up to this point.
Then Tom throws a cigarette at the boy which lands on the ground and burns up some grass, exposing some weird looking clay and dirt. So Tom starts digging a big hole. That's oddly metaphorical, because the movie then has so many plot holes the hole Tom is digging looks like a pot hole by comparison.
Why don't they break into other houses and see if there's anything?
Why don't they actually try and "raise" (i.e. Discipline) the boy, instead of just ignoring him or putting up with his screaming?
When boy disappears and then shows up with a book with weird writing and drawings in it, why don't they try and decipher it or ask him what it means?
When the boy is watching weird fractals on TV, why don't they ask him what it means, or what he's seeing in it?
Why does Tom keep digging the hole, and then sleeping in it instead of with Gemma?
Why does Tom die? Did he catch something from the dirt? Did his smoking catch up with him????
Why does Gemma die? Was it something in the bland food they eat. Why does the boy only eat corn flakes and Tom and Gemma eat eggs and bacon. (and is that their only meal)
Nothing is explained. People that say it's some commentary on suburban life, or "the construct of a heteronormative family structure" are giving this film way way too much credit. If it were a Twilight Zone episode, you'd at least have Rod Serling framing the show at the beginning, and then giving a closing commentary at the end. In the short time frame the overall moral tale would be more important than overlooked details.
Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death (1973)
Your future is a bubble in the desert
100 years in the future the earth is ravaged by (pollution, nuclear tests, rockets, etc.) and the remaining people live in bubbles out in the desert under the auspices of some kind of police state.
From 1973, this may be the first post-apocalyptic-dystopian-society-in-the-desert-with-crazy-vehicles-and-outfits. So this film is truly groundbreaking. There were plenty of grim sci-fi tales from the early 70s, but this could be the first in that desert landscape.
Although obviously low budget, the sets and costumes are well thought out and work well given the limitations. The location is also chosen well, and the color of the outer robes makes sense when you see the rest of the film. Everyone needs to wear a breathing mask outside (army surplus, but it works) or after a (never really determined) period of exposure you'll die.
Under the robes, the women wear exceptionally sexy stringy things, when they wear anything, and the men wear only tight pants, when they wear anything. There's a lot of sex, violence, and post-apocalyptic doom and gloom, along with some well choreographed martial arts by both male and female characters. The fight scenes are really well done. The sex and violence (which are not too graphic) work into the plot given who are "good guys" and "bad guys" although there's also an underpinning of a totalitarian society.
It's thin on plot but does a good job of creating an overall sense of despair. The motivations of the characters in the bubbles (especially the sex) makes sense and there isn't always a bright line between "good guys" and "bad guys."
Sandy Carey and Uschi Digard are mostly known for porn/sexploitation, but this does transcend that genre. It clocks in a 75 minutes. There could be missing footage, but it seems complete enough. The stock footage of cityscapes, rockets, and nuclear tests is more distracting than helpful.
EDIT: the version shown on Tubi is cut by about 25 minutes and it adds the stock footage. It still works truncated like that.
Snowbound (2017)
Snowed in with beautiful sickos, The Bad, the Worse, and the Ugly.
I saw this as "Ice Cage."
So three beautiful women, one beautiful man, and one old fat guy wake up naked in the snow. They spend the rest of the movie in their underwear in an empty cabin.
They find a body of a woman upstairs, and a note that says one of them murdered her and they're all dead by 5:00 PM if they don't figure out who killed her and kill that person.
The plot is actually similar to a bunch of Outer Limits episodes where there's some unseen puppet master and people start turning on one another and/or picking a sacrifice. Outer Limits with nudity and bondage.
In a series of flashbacks they all attended an extremely sadistic Eyes Wide Shut major bondage/sadism party the night before, and each of them has some connection to the woman upstairs. Given the backstory, it's all pretty unsettling, which could be the point. Except for the old fat guy, there's plenty of eye candy. Maybe the running around in underwear is supposed to convey some kind of vulnerability, as it also makes escape back into the snow rather problematic.
The high stakes Clue in underwear premise comes across in and of itself as pretty sadistic. The whole thing seems to be a study in the amorality of all involved and so the question is who is getting paid back by whom and for what.
EDIT: I did give it 6/10. It's not a great movie, but it's a good movie.
Harvest Lake (2016)
Don't go in the lake. Or do, or do it in the lake, or don't
Two beautiful people run into the woods get naked and have softcore but pretty explicit sex and fall asleep. Women wakes up and there's an Adam and Eve moment with some liquid off a leaf. Then they wander mesmerized like into the lake. Apparently the lake makes you horny and walk into it? It's a decent setup and = erotic horror. The only reason this gets 6/10 is for this and the soundtrack and the cinematography, which are pretty good.
Minutes, days, months? Later four people show up. One couple, one single straight woman, and one single gay dude. They spend what seems like half the running time of the film sitting around a campfire talking. About what? Who knows. Hint, FF here, because it adds nothing to the plot. Another gay dude shows up so now we have two couples. There's some swimsuit sunbathing by the lake. Apparently the lake creature gets to the single gal, who then wants to have a threesome with the straight couple with no nudity and a brief appearance by the monster (who looks like the trash compactor thing from Star Wars) that no one seems to notice.
There's a fully clothed orgy with every one but the first gay dude. Then they run through the woods chasing the gay dude to get him to drink the plant juice.
Abruptly they all wind up in some cavern? Under the lake? Where, because there's no water and no explanation of how they get there.
They don't show up all at once either, but they all start having sex with an oily giant squash with various orifices and appendages. They seem to be absorbed into it after some rubbing up against it while naked. We must assume this was the fate of the couple at the beginning of the film too.
That's it. This really could have been a good movie. The plot (Lovecraftian thing in lake makes you have lots of sex, then you have sex with it until you're absorbed into it) could have worked.
It's almost like two different directors made this movie. We get the erotic/suspense at the beginning. Then we get, boredom: broadcast TV sexual content: unexplained connections between the lake monster, the plants, and the single woman; a glacial pace; and an abrupt transition to the end. Finally we get the premise summed up in one 4 minute "sex" scene with the monster.
The Rental (2020)
Doesn't follow cliches, and maybe should have.
Man-Woman entrepreneurs have some major success at their company and rent a fancy cliffside beach house on the Oregon coast to celebrate with Man's wife and Woman's boyfriend/Man's brother.
Cue creepy handyman, who (apparently) doesn't like Woman who has "Middle Eastern" name.
Preheat oven to 400 F. Mix soap opera trope with creepy handyman and set aside. Mix four horror movie tropes with one big horror movie cliche.
Combine all in isolated setting (with good cell coverage).
Bake for 90 minutes.
All of the bits come out randomly and with no explanation or back story. The setup of the tropes that then aren't exactly used could have been clever, but winds up adding to the huh? Factor. The last half hour comes out of nowhere, and then goes no where.
Promising Young Woman (2020)
Sometimes karma can be your best friend
This could have played like dozens of 1970s or 70s inspired rape followed by violent revenge. Those can be satisfying in their own visceral way. This is on an entirely different plane. It's a revenge flick, except it isn't. It's a vindication of #metoo, except it isn't. The victim here is dead. It's her lifelong friend with survivor's guilt and overwhelming grief that is exacting revenge. Except it isn't exactly revenge either (until the end which is reminiscent of "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." )
Strong performances by all, especially Carey Mulligan. Her complete devastation and dedication to a sort of lifelong karmic mission comes through. She's also very smart in how she, doesn't exactly exact revenge, more like exacts a crisis of conscience and making people realize when it could be "metoo" how they react differently. One scene with the dean particularly powerful. Another scene where the subject already had that crisis of conscience and comes out already redeemed. There's just enough ambiguity in the moments leading up.
Just how good this film is you won't realize until you start thinking about it a few days later. There are a lot of subtleties that you may not notice in the moment.
Star Trek: Turnabout Intruder (1969)
Turnabout and run away
This episode stinks. There is no redeeming value except for the frankly sinister looking machine at the very beginning. That, and Shatner and Sandra Smith are both very convincing in their Freaky Friday roles. So one extra star just because the two of them do pull it off.
The basic premise "women can't be starship captains" because they're going to get PMS or something is completely out of touch even for 1969.
Avoid at all costs. This was a terrible way to end the series.
Star Trek: For the World Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky (1968)
For the plot is (somewhat) hollow but reached for the sky
This one gets a lot of criticism, but has some very novel ideas. Ursula K. LeGuin has written stories about nearly as fast as light multi-generational starships, and spends a lot of time focusing on how that would work from a socio-political-religion level as opposed to just what kind of engines are used. Like how do you actually make that work without the "crew" descending into chaos, without factions or weird cults developing.
This TOS episode has just such a starship, and addresses that problem. They make the spaceship look like an asteroid and "The Creators" chose to have a rigid religion, with a high priestess and an (naturally computer) oracle that dispenses wisdom, guidance, and punishment. Everyone has an implant in their head so the oracle can deliver pain whenever someone questions the reality of the situation or the social structure.
All the priestess knows is that they're promised a new world, and they'll get there "real soon" and don't ask any other questions. It's a great premise and that part of it is handled quite well. And the priestess doesn't jump to conclusions, but does ask the Oracle for the truth.
The McCoy is dying, he and the high priestess fall in love and sorta get married, is a weakness. The tidy ending is really forced. Priestess wants to stay with her people, McCoy wants to find a cure. So they go their separate ways. It doesn't make sense from an emotional standpoint. (At the end it's revealed that the asteroid will make it to its destination in a little over a year, and Kirk intends that the Enterprise is there.) Also, it's a bit of a stretch that somehow Spock knows how to read an alphabet of a planet that was destroyed by a supernova 10,000 years before, or the fact that even though the planet was destroyed and no one knows about this spaceship, somehow some of their writings survived, even to the point of knowing their name, but nothing else? Point off for that major plot hole.
Also, why doesn't the oracle use the shocker instead of the heat at the end? Point off there, but point back, because it's a great underlying premise that isn't addressed too much in sci-fi. And the high priestess is a very strong character and not just eye candy.
Desert Passion (1993)
Late night mirage
So I stumbled across this movie in progress, a woman in a silky see through "gown" is walking across a desert to a guy in a suit, and then they start to have sex. Then there is another guy with a circuit board on the side of his head, filming them with a very large video camera. That sci-fi/skinemax bit was intriguing enough to watch the whole thing later. The inexplicable guy with the circuit board sideburns was the highlight of the movie. Well, turns out our two main heroines (one of them with impossibly large breasts) are driving to Vegas. Along the way one of them has a mirage of having sex with a hot guy they see at a gas station or something. This is foreshadowing, because the hot guy shows up later to save the day. (Because that's what hot guys do in a film like this.)
They get stopped by a phony cop and enslaved by some guy who developed some drug that apparently makes women sex slaves and apparently also blackmails the high rolling men who pay for sex in outlandish settings. We got desert, we got Roman bath. Subplot involving hidden drugs and guards. There is a women in prison subgenre of exploitation films. This stinks even by those standards. There's late night "erotic thrillers." This stinks at that too.
9 Songs (2004)
Porn imitating art imitating porn imitating a concert film
She's American and he's English. They're in London. Apparently he does some kind of work in Antarctica when he's not shagging said American or going to rock shows. The vast frozen wasteland of Antarctica is some sort of metaphor. The sex is real, but filmed in a "this is real sex, but we're pretending it's not porn" so we can get it past the BBFC. That makes this movie groundbreaking and important. Or something like that.
It's like someone dared the director to make a porn movie but even the Johnny Wadd detective flicks had some semblance of a plot. Who are these people? What is she studying? What does he do in Antarctica? Do the songs have any connection, or are they just songs from random bands that answered the ad? And even though it's supposed to be arty and bold, it's still basically told from the guy's perspective.
How did they pitch this to the bands -" Hey how about letting us film part of a song to put in a pretentious porn movie for some free publicity that'll prove how daring and inspiring you are."
One extra star for managing to be uniquely as bad as it is.
Stowaway (2021)
Two year mission to nowhere
Looking forward to a sci-fi flick that meats the Bechdel test. It starts out brilliantly. The crew actually using checklists and communicating with ground control (and for the most part you only hear the crew) works well to make it more "realistic." OK, so suspend disbelief, like, how does this guy get stuck in this small compartment, bolted from the outside, adding 100kg to the load. And how does he break a critical piece of life support gear. And more importantly, on this rather large and comfy spacecraft, there's no spare for a box the size of a small briefcase? Without which, everyone dies. Why do astronauts climb a 400 meter pole, tethered to nothing? Why do they carry the one thing they need not tethered to anything? After a while there are too many moments like that. Why wasn't there a spare for the tiny single point of failure box? The film looks great. I can't say it was a total waste of time for that reason.
Drive Angry (2011)
Died and sent to Hell in the early 70s
Nicholas Cage, sporting a David Carradine haircut and monotone, drives a muscle car out of Hell to save his granddaughter from Satanists while being chased by "the Accountant." Some modern directors try to channel the drive-in psychotronic exploitation films of the early 1970s and fail miserably (Andy Sidaris, this means you) others like Quentin Tarantino occasionally pull it off brilliantly with a modern twist (Jackie Brown). This is straight out of the early 1970s, no modern updates except for better special effects, and it works.
-muscle cars, check,
-sneering lead, check
-cars and trucks blowing up, check,
-occasional naked women, check,
-lots of bullets, check,
-anti-hero, check,
-over the top villain, check,
-a few gallons of blood, check
-Satanic cult, check
Points off for a few huh moments, like why do a bunch of devil worshipers attack a guy with a hard calibre handgun using only garden tools? And another weird hand canon whose purpose doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Naked Zombie Girl (2014)
Buffy the naked zombie slayer
So let's make a zombie movie with a naked girl and a chainsaw. Zombies show up in the middle of nowhere. There just happens to be a shed with a chainsaw in it. The girl just happens to lose her dress. It works. It's a zombie flick. I can dig it. It has all the elements.
Then let's make sure we film it in the dark with bad lighting, use some kind of weird warping effect incessantly and some kind of color shifting, blurry, seen through cloudy zombie eye effect too so no one can actually see anything. And when we're not using those effects over and over and over and over again, or an extreme closeup of a zombie, or the obligatory camera shake that's still in vogue, throw in a jump cut.
The makeup effects are really good including the blood splattered titular girl. Better in fact than Jean Rollin's Zombie Lake. The editing completely ruins it. All the effects go to 11 all the time. It's near impossible to watch. It's almost like you're watching a 5th generation VHS bootleg of a Eurotrash zombie flick.