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Reviews
Is It Cake? (2022)
fr how are they doing it
Honestly I'm just jealous of these peoples' eyesight, like they can spot a fake cake from ten meters away. I don't even recognize acquaintances from that distance.
Tenet (2020)
why are all plot relevant characters male?
Hey umm i would like to order... a complex female character who is kind of important to the story, is that possible?
Oh, you have a pretty blonde whose entire purpose in life is her child and whose only relevance to the plot is being a victim to her husband's evil schemes?
Hmm, you got anyone else that could not have been easily written out of the movie?
No?
Well that's too bad.
Game of Thrones (2011)
great show, great final season
Can everyone please stop hating on the ending just because their beloved sociopath queen didn't end up on the iron throne? thank you.
The Perfect Date (2019)
No no no no no
This was so so bad. I mean, I don't expect A LOT of character development in a netflix romcom but... This movie did so bad, it didn't even pass the bechdel-test. And of course, there were these typical "cool girl" stereotypes. I mean, she doesn't like proms and can't dance to save her life? Wow. She is different. She is quirky.
And while her character traits don't really peak, at least they tried to give her some kind of persona, opposing to I-forgot-his-name whose only trait it is to be a fan of Steve Jobs and wanting to attend Yale really bad.
There is no chemistry, no real romance, no likable characters and no plot that couldn't be summarized in one ridiculous sentence.
What happened to good movies? I mean, they need to be out there, right? Somewhere?
Outer Banks (2020)
mediocre netflix cardboard cutout
Title says it all. I only came here to ask one question : why have a 28 year old guy play a sixteen year old? Either cast younger actors or, you know, maybe do a show about someone who is old enough to legally drink beer in the US. And, by the way, no, the baseball cap did not make him appear younger, only dumber.
Penny Dreadful: City of Angels (2020)
Great Pilot
Okay, let me start this out by saying I only watched the first season of the original Penny Dreadful and I was not really invested in it.
I can understand that many fans of the original feel let down because it isn't really anything like it.
And whereas I agree that it has nothing to do with penny dreadful and it's a bad marketing decision to make people believe otherwise, I still think it's really good. The time and place they chose for this story is really interesting and the plot might be weird (like, in a good way) but is extremely intriguing as well. I will keep watching this for sure.
It's sad that people seem to hate it just because it is nothing like penny dreadful.
It is its own, independent show, after all.
Smaragdgrün (2016)
Ridiculous
I loved the books sooo much when I was younger. And it's not like the movie adaptations for ruby red and sapphire blue were masterpieces and always stuck to the books, but Emerald green really takes the cake. I vividly remember how I burst into hysteric laughter in the middle of a cinema when I watched this for the first time. Not only is the acting of the lead actress and many others HORRIBLE - well I'm sure the bad dialogue they had at hand didn't make it easier - but also the plot is just SO, SO BAD. They should have just stuck to what happened in the books! Why would they give us this weird and utterly misplaced movie that has more plot holes than parallels to the book when they could have used the perfectly fine ending in the books? And did I already mention how bad the acting performance was? Because really, this is beyond cruel. I'm sorry to say it, but Gwendolyn was probably my least favorite character out of the movies because of the actress. So... That being said, in comparison to other German Productions, the way the movie was made is not complete trash, which is why I give it 2 stars. Here are some things I liked:
- Charlotte's character growth (which is really the only thing the writers did right)
- the setting
- this movie is so terribly dramatic. Like, I live for drama, but this is WAY too much.
- the lines. No one, and I mean NO ONE talks like that.
- the plot. Seriously, wtf.
- the fact that they had a neat ending that they chose to ignore and replace with the biggest crap I have seen in my entire life.
- the horrible acting.
- the black catsuit. Why? WHY?
- a million more things
Love Is Blind (2020)
Is love blind?
Producers: *we wanna do a 'scientific experiment' that is supposed to show whether love is based on outward appearance*
Producers: *wow let's only cast attractive people*
A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019)
Cheesy lines, plot holes and an unoriginal storyline
... But 10 stars because everyone seems to dig these stereotypical cinderella adaptations.
I mean, why not make another cinderella movie when there are 84 others with the EXACT. SAME. CONTENT?
Oh yeah, I forgot. This one is about Christmas.
We have never seen that befo... No, wait, we have. But never mind, a Christmas Cinderella movie?
Yes. That is totally enough for me to overlook the 1000 plot holes and the horrible way they autotuned the singing voices (probably because they couldn't find someone who is actually capable of singing)!
I especially loved the stereotypical characters. The stepmother and stepsisters just seemed so... real to me. Like they were actually more than the embodiment of baseness and stupidity and had actual motivations for the way they act. You r-e-a-l-l-y notice how much effort they put in those characters.
Really oscar-worthy.
The Knight Before Christmas (2019)
Watch an infomercial instead
Painfully obvious product placement and a bad storyline. I feel like I watched a 90 minute commercial of Alexa and netflix itself. How many netflix productions they casually show in their own movies is simply ridiculous.
Then there are a lot of plot holes (Why is a guy from 14th century England sent to some 21th century small town in America?
How does Brookes hair look perfect right after a load of snow hit her? How can mittens leave prints of fingers?)
Well the storyline contains the usual compassion BS they always put in those movies, a romance one could not care less about and the usual stereotypical naive children (how do you even get in the middle of a frozen lake - and then stop and stand still until someone comes to your rescue?)
I won't even mention the poor special effects and the bad puns.
This movie really killed my Christmas mood. Can we have July again? Please.
Falling Inn Love (2019)
DON'T.
It's not just that this movie is hella boring, you can predict everything that's going to happen 5 seconds after starting to watch it. Not that there is much going to happen in this movie.
It's just a girl who moves to new Zealand to renovate an inn and there's this guy that helps her with it and obviously they fall in love.
The characters are stereotypical and annoying and I simply could not warm up to them.
I don't even want to talk about Gabby because she has literally no character except being the city girl.
Jake, of course, is a complete cliché. He is a single every woman in town likes, but of course he has a tragic history that makes him unable to have a relationship. Yeah, that's right, his wife died. How original. Bet you've never seen this happen before in a romcom.
When they first meet each other it's like the writers wanted them to dislike each other or something like that (they fight over stupid nonsense and the way they interact is just so so cringe) but there's absolutely no reason for that.
The small town characters are stereotypical as well:
-the new best friend (after 1 day?)
-the mean girl who is b*tching for no actual reason, just to keep the story interesting
-the random old guy
And of course there is an ex who tries to get Gabby back and gets on a plane to New Zealand because he got a text telling him to do so (because who wouldn't).
After him being annoying and cringy and ruining things for her and Jake (for like 3 whole minutes!) she tells him that they just don't belong together and he is totally fine with it. Whyy? Dude flew to New Zealand after her ghosting him for half a year just to say "OK, you know what, you're right" when she tells him it's over AGAIN. That makes literally no sense. NONE AT ALL.
Nothing in the movie is funny in my opinion (except maybe the bad writing & acting). Of course they tried to crack some jokes, but they tried wayyyy to hard.
I love romcoms. I've seen so many, no plot twist could surprise me at this point.
Trust me, I have seen bad romcoms before, and this is one of the worst written, most cliché masterpieces of them. There's simply nothing unique about this story, nothing that makes you bond with any of the characters.
None of the storylines aren't ones you haven't seen a million times before.
If you have watched other romcoms before, don't watch this movie.
If this is your first romcom ever... DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE.
It is so bad you will never want to watch another one in your life.
Here's a short list of better movies:
-literally every movie (except for some hallmark ones, they are kinda equally cheesy and illogical)
Waste your time on anything else, because investing it in this is REALLY frustrating.