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matt-dalton
Reviews
The Picture of Dorian Gray (2007)
Bad movie night
I saw this on opening night at the Miami Gay Film Fest and I, along with about 98% of the audience, hated it. Everyone left hissing and didn't bother to stay for the Q&A with director Duncan Roy, who was just as pretentious on stage as his film was on screen. The film itself is clumsy, underwritten, and lazy, supposedly taking place in the 80s and 90s but clearly the budget was too small to hide the fact the backdrop is obviously 2005 New York. The acting was bad and the placing of dialogue as text in huge letters on the screen is about as film-school- amateur-ostentatious as you can get. Also the film was obviously trying to say something about the AIDS crisis among gay men but failed to register any conclusive facts or interesting ideas. As it is, this Picture of Dorian Gray is a sluggish piece if crap that will have a hard time getting theatrical release. Most likely, the film will go directly to HERE or LOGO or DVD where it will fade into bad movie obscurity.
Grindhouse (2007)
Grindhouse: half enjoyable, half lame
I'm a fan of Tarantino but not much of one of Rodriguez and it came to my surprise when I found Planet Terror to be much more entertaining than the bloated Death Proof. If I didn't know any better, I would say Tarantino has never seen a 70s grindhouse film. His half was filled with bad dialogue that sounded like it was left on the cutting room floor of his other films and the characters were uninspired and cringe-inducing. I actually wanted all of them to die and was rooting for Kurt Russell's Stuntman Mike. Planet Terror, on the other hand, was great fun and while it still wasn't exactly a "grindhouse" movie (I don't remember any zombie movie from the 70s OR 80s being that well made) it worked as a stand-alone gore flick. Even the fake trailers were amusing, including Eli Roth's Thanksgiving and my personal favorite, Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the SS.
Gwoemul (2006)
Overrated monster movie
The first 20 minutes or so of this film are awesome, and then the movie turns into an unfunny and really dull chase/revenge story that goes on far too long. The film could have easily been edited down from two hours to 90 minutes and all that bulls--t about the lead character having a disease and not having a disease seemed like poor writing. The FX are good but some looked too digitally especially during the fiery climax.
Anyway, I would recommend The Host to monster movie aficionados but anyone else will be bored out of their mind. I was bored and I am a huge horror movie fan, especially Asian horror. I liked the Pang Brothers' Re-cycle much better. I would give The Host a C+ but if it was edited, maybe a B.
Snakes on a Plane (2006)
As painful as a snake bite
I saw an early screening of this film in New York and I, along with my friends and pretty much the entire audience, were vastly disappointed. The movie wasn't even so bad it was good; it was as lifeless as a snake-bite victim. Samual L. Jackson looked surprisingly tired through most of it and the snake effects were lame. It reminded me of one of those cheesy SciFi movies, except the cheesiness of this movie was not funny or even campy. It all seemed worn, flat, and overtly formulaic. I'm shocked to say I actually think Anaconda was more fun. It's easy to understand that SOAP realizes it's a piece of s*it and plays along with it, but what the film fails to embark on is a script that has any scares of suspense. It's the worst kind of lame movie: it's joyless.
The Descent (2005)
Overrated
I bought a copy of The Descent last year when I read raves about it from British presses and I have to say I'm somewhat disappointed. I thought the subplot involving the lead character's husband and daughter was distracting and lessened the impact of the horror. There are several good jumps and lots of blood but the ending sucks. Try to ignore the commercials for the American release - it gives away the film's best scare! I liked Hostel a lot more - it was fun and it didn't try to be meaningful and insightful. It just delivered the good stuff, something The Descent should have learned. The film is also too long and takes too long to get to the action.
Murder-Set-Pieces (2004)
Bad movie, even by low-budget horror standards
Murder Set Pieces is the type of film that gives horror movies a bad name. And it's the kind of movie that makes you appreciate a good horror movie, like Hostel, even more. What makes MSP and Hostel so completely different in taste is that the filmmakers of Hostel know what they are doing and how to make a good film with characters worth caring for. The people behind MSP seem clueless and inept in their ability to create something viewers might actually like. It's a if they want you to shrug your shoulders and say "Who cares?" I love bad horror (Fulci especially), but MSP is beyond bad: It's dull, which is a killer within the horror biz.