tsnake Reviews

The NeverEnding Story III (1994)

Almost makes me want to watch football

[2/10 · 14 October 2007]

Football is nearly all that is on right now and I caught up on TV shows, this movie is on and I figure to give it a shot.

1994!?!?! This movie reminds me of the worst of 80's low budget fantasy. Even how the characters dress, with their preppy plastic clothes or stereotypical "punks" outfits.

As another commenter pointed out, the references from Fantasia characters to real world people and places is insulting.

This movie kills fantasy.

The contemporary soundtrack also destroys whatever potential there could ever be for a lasting (positive) impression.

Everything about this is horrible. I gave it a 2 because it's better than watching football.

The Last Samurai (2003)

Amazing

[9/10 · 18 December 2003]

An absolutely amazing Samurai movie NOT made by Akira Kuraswawa? Wow! The battles were great, the cultural exchanges were educational, it was a well rounded experience.

What this movie did do to me was make me very angry at how it seemed the ruling class in Japan so harshly turned on and destroyed the warrior class (Samurai) so readily. I want to do some more historical research now.

I also liked how they included assassins that I would assume were ninja, though I wonder if they were clothed appropriately, since they seemed to be wearing the more modern Soke Hatsumi style outfits versus what I'd expect for the 1800's, but again, I could just have things mixed up.

Tom Cruise was kinda dorky in interviews for this movie, particularly with Oprah... he does NOT coke off like that IN the movie, where it's important.

9/10

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Speechless

[10/10 · 18 December 2003]

The final journey of the 3 picture epic does not disappoint. Purists might complain of some missing content and changes... but that's a moot point by now. There was a little more time between scene switches this time, which did make it easier for some to follow probably.

I felt that they way all the ends stories/plots were tied up was awesome. There were plenty of emotional up-down-up-down moments like strikes in a kick-boxing ring.

I honestly can't say much else. I was blown away yet again. I only have a few "issues", but nothing that could possibly lower my 10/10 rating for this.

One question I wonder... was the first fly-by to Edoras intentionally played in reverse for effect? Or because the scene looked better that way? I'm sure the answer is about the effect.. I'm just not sure what PJ was going for.

Now to await my second theatrical viewing of it with the family and the extended DVD release.

The 10th Kingdom (2000)

finally saw and loved it

[8/10 · 25 November 2003]

I taped this mini series during its original airing and only in the last two days got the chance to watch it. It was a lot better than I expected. Enough so that I might buy the DVD.

A sequel would definitely be in order... shame on the network. But hey, I didn't watch the original airing. :(

The only problem I had was that the 9 kingdoms' dwellers seemed to know too many 10th kingdom references/inside jokes, of a sort.

8/10

Biker Boyz (2003)

A blast to see

[7/10 · 23 June 2003]

I mean REALLY.. did anyone expect a high brow film here? If so, you're a knuckelhead and deserve to feel like you wasted your time.

I expected very little more than to see a movie with "sexy" bikes. Personally, i enjoyed the movie as a whole too, plenty well. Played story and all... but so what?

I ride, I'm a newb. I ride a rocket. But I'm no sunta'. Not sure I care to be one. But it is impressive to see what some people can do on these machines and not die. I agree the public displays of disregard are a bad model, but I hear about that stuff all the time and have seen a little in my area even, so it happens. The thing missing from the movie was a disclaimer stating that it's NOT smart to NOT wear a helmet, and that it's highly disrespectful to pull most of that stuff on public roads. As for Brendan's character not wearing during the races.. the point was that no one would take him serious for not wearing a helmet.. which showed the other characters didn't appreciate the cockiness.

As for the comments about the half naked bodies and other eye candy body shots... gimme a break. It hardly took much time at all on the movie.

When I originally saw the previews I was concerned that this movie would only encourage eejits to go out and buy rockets and cause havoc. Perhaps bombing on the big screen was a good thing, because I didn't see that fallout. I even joked about my watching it (not in the theater) being a bad thing... but I don't believe so now. I enjoyed this movie (perhaps I'm too easy to please) and do recommend it to people who don't take themselves too serious and don't expect a movie about bike gangs doing races and tricks to be high caliber.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Hugely Amazing

[10/10 · 19 December 2002]

The word I've been using is HUGE... and often. This movie is filled with so much... when it came to an end, I was only upset to not have at least another 30 minutes to an hour for more.

You've likely all heard it already, but Gollum is incredible and enjoys LOTS of screen time... even "solo", if you'd even call it that. <wink>

Treebeard was taken directly from MY mind.

The fact that Viggo Mortensen didn't get a nomination for Best Actor: drama in the Golden Globes is proof that there is little justice in the entertainment biz. His Aragorn is so utterly more convincing than many of the other nominees...

Anyway. And to the folks who are voting a 1 for this movie (or even a 5 or less)... your baseless pettiness is so obvious, it's actually pretty sick.

Was everything book perfect? Heck no. Are you a fool for expecting everything to have been done book perfect? Heck yes! Most people I know who have read the whole story always felt that Two Towers was the most boring of the books. Battles are fine and all, but don't make for great story writing. This movie made it more exciting.

So, a couple characters were again embellished or altered to fit a slight change in plot, but they worked out, and certainly could only possibly bother someone who expected every little detail to remain true to the books... which has been said from day one to be less than completely possible in a movie setting.

Yes, I give a 10/10. Perhaps I'm too easy to please. Since I can't step outside myself and see it as a Tolkien novice and refuse to see it as a Strict Purist... it was as perfect as a movie can be made now. Perhaps some nasty critics should be stuffed in caves for a couple hundred years until they become their own gollums and then no CG will be needed?

Pumpkin (2002)

Dark, twisted, shining saddness.

[8/10 · 11 September 2002]

I wasn't sure what to think while watching this. So much of the parody was over the top, while so much more was on the nose. Not once did I feel like it poked fun at the "challenged" but the stabs at the elitist "sorority types" were all over the board with validity vs. parody.

For the first half of the movie I laughed a lot and was shocked a lot by things that were going on. The second half was all about Carolyn's introspective wanderings. Was she supposed to change? Did she really screw everything up? Did it matter? Was the situation with Pumpkin actually happening?

I already know I'm the goofy type of guy who cries at the end of tragically happy movies and doesn't at sad movies... so even with some of the absurd things that happen and are said and protrayed, I did find myself choked up a bit at the end... which if you DO pay attention, you'll see it's making a look back at us... there's still a question.

Oh how interesting life must be for poor little rich girls... especially when reality hits them. 8/10

Kissing Jessica Stein (2001)

What a lot of fun

[8/10 · 9 September 2002]

First, I don't think this deserved an R. I watched with my wife and we laughed all over this thing and fell equally as silent at times. It was a lot of fun to watch, and handled the whole plot very nicely. Not too delicate and not to flagrant. Probably pretty much how the average "curious" person might handle such a situation.

I can't say I was very fulfilled with the ending, but it didn't ruin anything, unless you try to put too much thought into it. The message could seem a bit unclear, if there even IS a message.

Many of the scenes were VERY hot and sexy, but still had a sexual innocence to them. And sorry to ruin it for someone loking for it, but I don't recall there actually being and nudity. It's a shame if it was given the "R" rating only because it deals with non-het situations directly.

I gave it an 8/10.

Dahmer (2002)

Halfway there

[7/10 · 4 September 2002]

I enjoyed this movie but felt like it left far too much out. If you don't know anything about Jeffrey Dahmer, I can't imagine you'd leave the movie knowing how truly messed up some of the things he did were. It seemed a little to pretentious on the artsy side. Nothing too explicit was shown, but I also felt nothing was explicit enough to show that he did more than just torture and kill his victims. Even a HINT at his cannibalism would have been appropriate.

Some of the dialogue also seemed a little forced.

I found "Summer of Sam" (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0162677) much more convincing.

All that said, I did like this, but greatly because the soft nature doesn't really bother me. Jeremy Renner as Jeffrey was very good. 7/10

Resident Evil (2002)

Wow...

[8/10 · 15 March 2002]

I expected to enjoy this one... but not as much as I did. It is extremely VIOLENT and overtly brutal. Any parent bringing their kids to this should be put in jail ;) I've not played the game... but might look into it now.

The FX were pretty sweet, but weren't the main focus. The main focus, as it appeared to me, was a First Person Shooter (FPS) in REAL life. While watching, I kept thinking about how I was feeling the same sensations as when I played an intense gaming session. The game Thief had me nervous at many corners, this movie did that too. But the story was still great. No more far fetched than any other piece of fiction based on fears of genetic testing. :)

I'm giving it an 8/10

Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

Unfortunate mistake...

[1/10 · 4 February 2002]

...was to watch this. I gave it a 3 because there were some scenes that made me laugh madly, and there was certainly some serious walking on the edge with humour versus pure offense.

That said, this movie is pretty much a waste of film, time and certainly money. Thankfully I didn't PAY to see this. Tom Green should be committed, or more so, Drew Barrymore should be, IF this man is anything in real life like he portrays himself in his shows and this movie. I'm not opposed to potty humour and offensive stuff... it's hard to offend me, but this movie didn't even seem capable of taking a break from the offensive long enough for the possibility of the plot to do something nice.

I apologize only for giving it a 3... but I can't say I didn't laugh, sick as that makes me.

Do yourself a favour and skip this one.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Breathless

[10/10 · 4 February 2002]

The only bad thing about this movie, for all intents and purposes is that it ends. Waiting for the next one will be painful. This movie was full of emotion, more so than even I figured Jackson would be able to pull out of us in the audience. I wish I could completely blank my memory or the books before seeing this, so I can be in the shoes of the un-initiated, but oh well.

This is easily the best movie I have ever seen, expecting to be topped only by the sequels.

I can't wait for the DVD either... I hope the rumours are true about adding back in some cuts scenes and the possible "R" version. 3 hours is not too long to sit for such a great story.

I saw it twice in the theater and can't imagine getting bored of watching it over and over.

The extremely small amount of flaws (most flaws I hear from people have more to do with the story or the fact that they didn't realize that part one doesn't FINISH the story) still couldn't warrant me not giving it a 10... so I did give it a pretty solid ten.

Iron & Silk (1990)

Realism and thoughtfulness

[8/10 · 16 February 2001]

One of my best friends introduced this book to me around 1988 or so. I read it and loved it... 1990 came and I was in NY going to college when this premiered in NYC. I couldn't make it to the city to see it and I was sorely saddened.

Eventually I did get a chance to see it in a more "artsy" theater and was happy to go. It's NOT a flashy high production value movie, but still the filming was as good as I'd expect, or even demand for this film.

My original interest in the topic had more to do with the kung fu aspect of it, and for that you won't be let down, unless you NEED flash. There aren't fight scenes beyond the typical training and sparring, all of which are impressive and real. Seeing the young boy in the training hall execute such awe inspiring techniques and Master Pan being a hard-ass was excellent.

The love interest theme was a draw too. My memory of the book (sitting on my shelf at home unread for a loooong time) is thin, so I don't recall how deep it went.

It was short, but I like long movies.

I also bought the VHS of this movie.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

Either you get it or you don't... don't make excuses

[10/10 · 29 January 2001]

This movie gets a 9.9 from me. I found no flaws in it that really matter, but nothing gets a 10 :) It's a Chinese/Taiwanese kung fu movie... NOT a hollywood feature film. All the comments about the "laughable stunts" are ignorant, in that those are a needed part of the genre.

And to say Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan would have done it better is laughable. Chow played the role of a hero. NOT a braggard. He was reserved and knew he had the power to destroy, but needed to refrain in order to make things better for all. That never works, so he had to do his best to contain the needed violence.

The acting was really good for a kung fu flick, but that's not what I expect from them. The plot was actually really good and easy to follow, but understanding a little about mandarin the language and chinese culture helps a bit.