stonecold-6 Reviews

Spawn (1997)

Some high points, but still dull

[5/10 · 17 January 2001]

Spawn had some great special effects, and some decent action sequences, but the story itself is pretty dull. The premise is very good, and the story behind Spawn's origin would make a good 'morality tale' if expanded. But instead we get some mindless violence. Sorry, it's been done before, and done better. 5 out of 10

The Pest (1997)

Good fun

[8/10 · 17 January 2001]

I can't believe this movie has been rated so low, while garbage like Scary Movie gets rated so high. The plot is weird, but that just adds to the charm. John Leguizamo is hilarious, and Jeffrey Jones is always the perfect comic foil. The humor varies from outrageous to subtle, which makes it that much more fun to watch. 8 out of 10

Armageddon (1998)

Good intentions, but no substance

[16 January 2001]

I really wanted to like this movie, but there are simply too many holes in the plot for me to even 'suspend my disbelief'. Even if it had only half of the blunders, it would still be an exercise in DUH! Even guys like Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Michael Clarke Duncan, and personal fave Steve Buscemi can't make up for the paper-plot and the diabetes-inducing saccharin dished out by Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler. It doesn't help that Tyler is horrible to begin with.

Granted, the film has some great special effects, and it's rarely boring (especially if you try to spot all the mistakes and impossibilities). It's just not a movie you watch more than once. When you hear someone talk about all that 'mindless fluff and garbage' that Hollywood churns out, there's a good chance they're thinking of Armageddon.

Last Night (I) (1998)

A new classic

[15 January 2001]

Don McKellar really knocks one out of the park with this movie. There have been plenty of movies about the end of the world, but none like this. The concept of examining real folks as they face the end of existence is so simple yet so engaging at the same time. Easily one of the best 'dark comedy' movies ever made, and certainly one of Canada's finest exports. If you want the apocalypse without the flash of Armageddon and the pall of The Day After, this one's for you.

The Promise (1996)

Absolutely fascinating

[15 January 2001]

I tend to think of any film in a foreign language as an 'artsy' movie, and avoid them like the plague. However, I had the good luck to catch "La Promesse" and I might have to change my thinking. The story is the kind that catches your interest quickly and never lets go. The film never adopts a high air...in fact, it's very gritty, which makes it that much more enjoyable. The characters are so believable you might think you're actually watching a documentary. To top it off, the morality play at the heart of the movie is done remarkably well. If you're in the mood for something different, see this movie.

Scary Movie (2000)

Vulgarity for vulgarity's sake STILL isn't funny.

[4/10 · 9 January 2001]

When I set out to watch Scary Movie, I expected something more along the lines of "Don't Be A Menace To South Central...". Instead, I get a flick that is more suitable for the x-rated room of the video store.

I'm no prude, by far, but this movie actually offended me, which is a first for modern cinema. Most of the 'jokes' stem from vulgar sex references, many of which were so blunt that I was left with my jaw on the ground. Some of the parodies are funny in concept, and there are a few legitimate laughs, but most scenes wind up being marred by sex, sex talk, and sex jokes. And lest we forget, sexual imagery, including shots of...*ahem*...male genitalia. It sets a new low for 'lowest common denominator' entertainment.