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davedukart
Reviews
UFO Cowboys (2023)
Stupid
I know paranormal shows have gotten super popular so the network "geniuses" that ruin everything has to step in and ruin yet another genre by turning it into an over exaggerated everything over drama fake show pandering to the lowest common denominator.
This show is so over exaggerated to the ridiculous level that it almost watches like an absurd humor mockumentary making fun of excessive drama paranormal documentaries.
It's a prime example of what's wrong with TV anymore.
Thanks for starting the decline of yet another genre, jerks.
But hey, if you like way overdone drama and loved shows like Jerry Springer and whatever the heck that Honey Boo-Boo thing that was all the rage was a while back, then you're probably going to also like this.
I hated it.
Horror in the High Desert (2021)
Wish I could use zero
Oh boy a found rootage horror movie. How very original. Why has nobody ever thought of that before?
Yes, I am being sarcastic. VERYe sarcastic.
That is hands down THE WORST sub genre ever created.
Even the one that made the genre famous was a stupid waste of time. I don't care what everybody says, Blair Witch Project sucked. HATED it.
So, why make another piece of garbage like THOUSANDS of brainless movie maker hopefuls have done? I guess there's no explaining actually wanting a complete and utter lack of creativity with a side order of zero originality.
I was amused at the handgun part though. The ONE thing I've heard the most when people complain about the reality fail in the Blair Witch is the lack of protection. And so many people have said "I'd have started firing rounds and all that crap would have stopped". So this movie had exactly that. I'll give them one star for that.
I chuckled.
Of course a Ruger Mark series .22 caliber isn't much of a protection handgun....but still. They did try to address that fail.
Anyway. I literally feel asleep and slept through half of this movie and felt like I didn't miss anything.
The Strings (2020)
Wow .... does ANYTHING actually happen in this movie?
OK, so I'm now 36 minutes into this awful movie, wondering why I started it. This has got to be the most boring movie ever made.
Absolutely nothing is happening except following around a very unhappy person in an unhappy life (or lack thereof).
I'm positive I will not invest any more time as I've passed 40 minutes of nothing happening and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to miss anything or be any the worse for not finishing it.
And I'll when finish a very crappy movie of I've invested any time into it
This one....not so much.
If you're the artsy-fartsy indie type that thinks a movie about a guy filming a trash bag blowing around in the wind is an amazing genius movie, you might it.
If not, skip it. I guarantee you'll not lose any sleep because you missed something awesome.
H. P. Lovecraft's the Old Ones (2024)
I rate this between 5 and 6.
See, this was a really low budget film with obviously not prime acting talent. But, you know what? They had fun with it. They knew their shortcomings and worked with what they had.
So it's a schlocky, campy, horror/comedy.
Proof that an entertaining Lovecraftian film CAN be made by an indie film outfit on a low budget and still not anger the Lovecraft fans (like WAYYYYYYY too many HPL movies do).
The creature effects weren't great, but they used practical effects and had fun with them. Made it have that campy 80s schlock horror feel.
I thought it was all worth a watch and I'll probably watch it again sometime.
H.P. Lovecraft's Witch House (2021)
Hmmmmf. That's all...."Hmmmf"
Not sure how this is titled "H. P. Lovecraft's". Because it most certainly is NOT. I'm very familiar with all HPL's writings and am a lifelong fan. This doesn't follow any of his stories...... Which in itself isn't a bad thing. I mean The Void is bits and pieces from a bunch of Locecraft's stories and it is AWESOME. And it's an indie movie.
So, it's definitely possible for an indie outfit without a huge budget to make an excellent Lovecraftian movie.
This one is not anywhere near excellent...or good.... or worth watching.
I'd hang this DVD on a string outside to scare birds away. It's definitely not worth watching.
The Thing on the Doorstep (2014)
At least they tried.
I wanted to like it, as I do every HPL movie I come across.
And the actors all try. They're not nearly as bad as many of the budget outfit butcheries of Lovecraft stories.
But even though the effort is there, it's still not a very good movie.
Not sure why people say it's a faithful adaption. I didn't find it really even close to the original story. I guess they're using other butchered Lovecraft stories as the yardstick. Maybe it's just because that's a shorter HPL story and there's just not enough story content to fill around 1.5 hours.
In my opinion, unless you're a hardcore Lovecraft fan, you can pass on this one.
Dio: Dreamers Never Die (2022)
A great documentary. WATCH IT NOW!
I remember first time I heard a song with Dio signing on it. It was Black Sabbath Neon Knights. Was always a Sabbath fan, so I was excited to hear a new song because there was the rumors of them breaking up (1980).
At first I was like "this isn't Black Sabbath", but then totally knew it was because of the godlike guitar riffage of Tony Ionmi. Then I was blown away and that monstrous voice! I remember me and a buddy sat there, silent, grinning like idiots. I was instantly a fan after thinking I wouldn't like Black Sabbath without Ozzy.
And, hilariously, there was a scene just like that in the movie. I almost died laughing.
But the movie is killer. From his first Elvis sounding band in the 50s through every band until his death.
Wendy Dio did a fantastic job with this documentary and have such a great gift to all Dio's fans.
I had seen him a bunch of times. He was always so great to his fans. He'd get right down there with everyone, shaking their hands and hugging them. Such an awesome person and so non typical for a star.
And I'm my opinion, Dio was THE best metal voice of all time. He is sorely missed.
R. I. P. RJD.
Under the Dome (2013)
Plods along very slowly.
I'm a huge Stephen King fan. In fact, he's one of my favorite authors. I wanted to like this series. I really did. I just couldn't.
I didn't think season 1 was as great as many other seemed to. It was only somewhat engaging. I'm about halfway through with season 2 and not sure I can finish. I'm pretty close to done.
I had actually started watching it when it aired and stopped watching. Now I remember why. Kind of surprised it went beyond one season.
I mean, big plot twist "people suck". Everybody already knows that, so that's not enough to hold up a show.
I started rewatching it before I finished Lost and was looking for something similar. This isn't anywhere even close.
Like others have stated, had it been much shorter out would have been a lot better.
Lost (2004)
Don't know why I waited so long.
I'm the type that can't watch an over-hyped movie or TV show. It always winds up a let-down.
So, I just never got around to watching Lost because it was definitely hyped like crazy.
I recently had time off work and decided to give it a shot. Didn't take any time to get hooked and reeled in.
There were some things that annoyed me, but overall I thought the character development was awesome. They managed to pull me in on every character. And I like the "outre" content. I studied religion and metaphysics for a decade, so this show was actually right up my alley.
I got a bit tired of all the flashbacks and flashforwards. Throught they were used too heavy, but I get why they did it.
Really liked Seasons 1 - 4. Thought S5 floundered and struggled a bit, but S6 really brought it back.
I did miss parts of episodes in S5 and S6 before I was fighting a virus while binge watching it and fell asleep a few times. But that's OK. Gives me a reason to go back and rewatch..... Which I definitely will.
I didn't like all the repeating the same parts over and over in the last 2-3 episodes, but totally loved the ending. It was happy, it was sad, it left you with pangs of regret....yet rays of hope. It was only a show, yet left me with an odd longing feeling.
Now THAT is good writing!
We Need to Do Something (2021)
It's okay for what it is
I'm usually the harsh one on lazy movies (i e. Found footage, limited set/limited cast). But I find this one totally watchable and everybody else is bashing it.
I guess I found it acceptable because the film quality was good, it didn't seem like a ten dollar budget, and the acting was decent.
The plot was cool enough, the story engaging and the cast family dynamics realistic.
So, I spent time wanting to know what was going on outside. Had a bit of a The Mist feel to it.
But I had a tough time getting past two details. What house has a bathroom with a door to outside? And the other door issue I had, why didn't that door have hinges on the inside? NO exterior door has the hinges on the outside. Anyone could break in by pulling out the pins and lifting the door out. THAT'S WHY THE HINGES ARE ON THE INSIDE. So, ummmm....? I realized that right away when they couldn't open the door and I thought "just POP the hinge pins out... hey... where are the hinges?"
Then realized in a bathroom in the house there's an exterior door.
Sorry. I notice details like that. Didn't kill the movie for me, but definitely created a couple big plot holes.
Absence (2013)
Stop with stupid found footage lameness
I hated Blair Witch. I totally hate found footage movies. It' s the absolute bottom of the barrel for movie plots. Just plain lazy.
If anybody EVER sat there, filming everything when catastrophic events were happening, I'd take their camera away from them, put it in a pillow case and beat them to death with it.
Such an unreal plot, inane, weak, and lame.
Here's EVERY found footage movie...(Screaming)...(Shaking camera)...running...grunts....(more shaking camera).
Stop it already.
Don't be lazy. Put some effort into the movie for Pete's sake.
Here's an idea. If you can't think of a good story, can't find people who can act, and have only $5 for a budget DON'T MAKE A MOVIE.
The Rift (1990)
Horrible....ly good
This is one of those so bad it's good movies. Totally reminded me of the American International adventure movies from the 60s and 70s with the rubber monsters, puppets, and low quality practical special effects.
Only thing it was missing was Doug McClure.
Loved it! So entertaining.
Reminded me of The Land That Time Forgot, People That Time Forgot, At the Earth's Core, Last Dinosaur, and Warlords of Atlantis.
If you are a fan of 60s/70s adventure movies, Jules Verne, H. G. Wells, Edgar Rice Burroughs, etc. Or just movies that are so bad they're great, give it a try.
Personally, I'm going to look for it on DVD to add to my collection.
Abduction of the Fourth Kind (2022)
Yuck. Awful...just awful.
This movie is terrible. Right from the get-go, the acting is so very bad and then .... seriously?!? Dollar store alien rubber masks? Come on! Now if a movie is made bad on propose to be funny, it's one thing, but when you can tell they're trying to be an actual movie but are just really bad at it, that's another story.
And sadly, this story.
Every time I pick a movie because the cover "looks cool" I regret it. This time was no exception.
The thing that really gets me is all the awards listed on the cover. Not sure how that happened, but I have zero faith in those outfits that have it rave reviews.
At the Mountains of Madness (2021)
I can't stand zero budget butchery of HPL
I really wish all these zero budget, low quality indie outfits would leave Lovecraft stories alone. There are too many awful HPL screenplays out there already. And so many that are just really bad...like this one.
If you're a movie purist and just want to see an HPL movie and you don't care how bad it is, you may like this one. Some people do seem to love awful indie films. I don't. They make me angry. If I wanted horrid movies, I'd watch the SciFi channel.... Which I don't.
You'd be better off watching Black Mountain Side, though. It's a really similar story, indie, low budget and watchable.
Rapture (2019)
Just plain bad
I can't think of a good thing to write about this movie. The special effects are almost worse than SciFi channel movies.....which is saying a lot.
The acting is terrible. It's just a plain awful movie. Much of the occurences don't work if the nature of the movie is what it is supposed to be.
But, you gotta take it for what it is...a low budget movie made by some church group to push some religious ideology. Not made by an actual movie making outfit.
Don't get me wrong, there are some really good religious movies out there. Some mega movie classics. This just isn't one of them. Not by a long shot.
Two Face: The Grey (2020)
Sucktacular
Poorly made, poorly documented, based on nonsense. The type of "footage" this movie is based on is the ultra phoney type of footage that gives UFO research a bad name and makes it all look like a big joke.
Besides, WHO would send what would be "game changing" information to a nobody, super low budget documentary film maker?
Nobody, that's who.
And THAT is why there are these documentaries that waste people's time. Because actual film makers and UFO researchers wouldn't have even the main footage this is based on the time of day.
The still used for the streaming source was obviously clickbait and the ONLY decent pictures/ footate in this film were not relevant to this documentary. They were stolen from good documentaries and randomly put her and there in it just so there was decent content.
Lovecraft Country (2020)
Engaging
Kinda wish the dream sequence at the beginning was more indicative of the movie, but nonetheless, it is an awesome series. Peele does awesome work yet again. I can't wait to see tge new Twilight Zone.
The title caught me, because I like the Lovecraftian outre horror.....but this is based on the novel.....NOT written by Lovecraft. That doesn't make it not Lovecraftian by any means. Just not what an HPL fan might be looking for.
Still it caught me and kept me. The characters are engaging, the acting top notch, and the storyline keeps you binge watching.
The racism it contains might make some people uncomfortable...and it should. This is what happened and STILL happens to black people even in this modern day and age, so yes, it should cause discomfort. It adds to the horror, showing the human monsters as well as creepy crawly monsters... both of which are things of nightmares.
I'm all caught up, waiting for the next episode and hoping for more seasons.
Ad Astra (2019)
Slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Not sure what I expected, but this was just shy of a cure for insomnia.
High budget, great acting, good special effects (except the normal walking on the moon and mars....um....?).
Overall, what a trudge-along.
A more appropriate title would have been Bore Boringa.
Annihilation (2018)
Don't know why it did so bad in the box office
First off, I just have to say (cough cough) "Color out of Space"....but hey, who didn't HPL influence?
It was a great movie. Great acting, great visual effects. I have nothing negative to say about it.
And, who doesn't like a high budget Lovecraftian movie?
Trailer Park Boys (2001)
Revamped review
Ever have a night where you just can't find anything to watch, so you think "well, everybody at work said I should watch this. I tried once and didn't like it, but I'll try again"?
Well, wound up really liking this show, so I changed my rating and revamped my review.
It is original, creative, and really funny. You get caught up in the only bad luck, blundering escapades of the crew of "can't get rights". I can see why it got so many seasons.
Doom: Annihilation (2019)
Movie makers never learn
Why make a movie based off a source (any, be it abook, comic book, video game, etc.) and then make it absolutely nothing like the source? Did the horrible rating and reviews of that last abortion named DOOM not teach you anything? So, why did the same formula get used again?!?
Did the dork who made this second piece of garbage EVER even look at online pictures of DOOM? I'm guessing "no", because, beyond the name, there was nothing DOOM related in the movie.
Pay attention, idiot film makers. DOOM is about Mars being a gateway to hell. It is NOT another stupid zombie virus movie of which there is already wayyyyyy too many. Demons NOT zombies. No stupid virus, no blue skinned neck biters.
If you want to add yet another overused zombie movie to the mountains of crappy existing zombie movies, just make a stinking zombie movie and don't fill DOOM fans with hope, only to piss them off. Because, duh, the majority of people that will watch a DOOM movie is fans of the game.
This movie SUCKED. I hated it even more than that last one, which I really hated.
The Dark Tower (2017)
So disappointed
I understand you can't take 8 Stephen King sized books and smash them into a movie. That's as far as my allowance for "artistic license" goes.
The rest of me wonders why you want to do a screenplay for a book if you plan on making it nothing like the book, yet claiming it IS that story? Seems very unwise because even an idiot should know that will piss off fans of the book and subsequently 75%+ of the box office watchers.
I really hope movie makers pay attention to reviews.
The only thing this movie shared with the books is the character names and that Roland is a gunslinger.
I liked the acting. Idris is brilliant in every role he plays. Matthew also did a great job as the cagey, evil, Walter. So it had all the makings of a great movie...but for me personally, it just left the path too far.
i hope Nikolaj wises up if he plans on any sequel(s), because there's time. The first book was slow and about halfway through the second the story took off and I was hooked. So, stick with the story and leave your own telling for a story YOU come up with. Read some reviews. Fans of stories hate screenplays that change the story too much. I mean, Duh. A story gets popular for a reason. Why would you make it a different story?!?
Hostel (2005)
Okayyyy.......
Well, this one falls smack dab in the middle of the, "did I like it or not" zone. On one side, it had a sort of fresh spin on gorefest films with the underground snuff-nightclub setup, but on the other hand, the story was so like the old 70s gore-revenge films like, "I Spit on Your Grave" and "Last House on the Left", that it was predictable and upsetting just for upsetting sake.
I think that if they wouldn't have made it so much like a highschool sexfest-slasher film, it would have been more believable and much darker.
As it is, I may have to cancel my hedonism trip to Germany, Prague, and the Ukrane, now.
The Ringer (2005)
Nope
Without trying to get all artsy-fartsy, I'll try to sum it up. I was thinking this looked really funny....but it wasn't. Johnny Knoxville needs to stay a supporting actor, because he sooo doesn't have what it takes to play the lead (at least not in this film). Not to sound holier than thou,, or claim I'm not going to hell for laughing at my share of inappropriate things, but all the handicapped people jokes got old really quick.
The movie did have a positive spin, and all ended up rosy in a way, but I just think this movie isn't what you're expecting, and shouldn't have been marketed as "Uproariosuly Funny". If you want a date movie (aka love story) and are going to rent it with someone who isn't sensitive to disable people knocks, so ahead, but if you are looking to get lots of laughs, get another movie.
BloodRayne (2005)
Weak
I wasn't even aware that they made a movie from this game.
And they shouldn't have.
The game is cool, the movie is not. It's amazing that the movie is full of big name actors and actresses, but hey must have based their acting skills on the budget....which must have been really low. And what is up with the leading role? I mean the character in the game if fierce, deadly, and super hot. The one in the movie (was in Terminator 3, but) kind of seemed like a clumsy, scared wimp in this movie. I think Michelle Rodriguez should have played the leading role.....or maybe somebody else.
The acting? Peeeeee-yoooouuuuuuuu! I've seen better acting made fun of on MST3K for sucking so bad. And nice fake mullet on the main good guy.
All the gore me laugh so hard, I shot pop out my nose. I haven't seen so much red food coloring and Karo syrup used since the Evil dead movies (and I in no way meant to compare this stinker to those movies).
On second thought, maybe I should have drank beer, so that I would have been pacified by the gore and the one boob-shot.
To summarize, if you are a big vampire fan, goth freak, or just have to see all the vampire movies, you might want to watch it. Otherwise, don't bother.