YaumingYMC Reviews

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008–2020)

One of the best animation saga of all time

[10/10 · 27 August 2021]

If you enjoy character development, grand moral stories

I thought after watching Phantom Menace/Revenge of the Sith and later the disappointing Solo:movie and the Disney Sequel helmed by JJ Abrams mess, Star Wars was dead to me.

Dave Filoni's work on Clone wars and the spin offs including Rebels, was simply EPIC.

I enjoyed watching the series and following the story arcs. I was surprised that Rebels had an excellent story line too.

Mary Shelley (2017)

A beautiful British period film

[10/10 · 9 September 2020]

The costume, decor, ambiance, is absolutely gorgeous.

But in the casting of Harriet Shelley ( Percy's 1st wife), Mary's step-sister, and Lord Bryon was miscast.

There should have used a more charismatic actor - Jonathan Rhys Meyers to play Lord Bryon. The actor they used came across as a joke. A creepy sad fool. The actor did not look at all like the charismatic figure that became the leading figures of the Romantic movement.

Similarly the showrunners did a disservice to downplay the tragic story of Percy's 1st wife.

It was a bit cruel of the showrunners to also not use Maisie Williams as Mary's half-sister. We only saw her briefly as her cousin.

Otherwise the casting of Mary and Percy was brilliant.

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Seamless

[9/10 · 18 February 2019]

I read the manga awhile ago - and totally fell in love with character in Book 2. It is pleasing to see the story come on screen. I have to say I was put off by the CGI face which looked fake in the trailers. But after watching it - her face looked "natural". The CGI level is so good that it mimics the human expression extremely well. I'd watch it again.

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

Slouching to Tangier

[6/10 · 14 January 2019]

I really wanted to like this film. I'm a big fan of Tilda and Tom. If you love both actors, you want to see this film.

But pretty cinematography and actors only goes so far.

After awhile I found the story and the dialogue to be especially tedious. Maybe they could have changed the title to Slouching to Tangier.

There was a hint of tension but it was never fully explored.

You would imagine that hundred year old intelligent creatures would have been better prepared and also considerably much more fastidious over their abode and diet.

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

Story written by an Astrophysics Professor

[6/10 · 2 November 2018]

I wanted very much to like this show. I'm a big fan of Queen. But the film narrative was rather bland. Rami also seemed a bit overawed by Freddie's presence and couldn't match the same level of intensity and manic exuberance that he displayed.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

Juvinile entertainment

[1/10 · 12 June 2018]

I didn't really care much about this.

The actor who played Solo would have been better off playing the Fonz from Happy Days.

I found the writing and story clumsy and full of potholes.

There was a very obvious halo and plot armor surrounding the actors.

The reveal at the end was interesting. But it was cute for cute sake. Why the marauder leader didn't reveal herself to her parents at the start was poor writing.

But if you're a impressionable 10 year old kid with little expectation - you'll enjoy this show. If not, better get drunk.

The Thin Red Line (1998)

Voiceovers were annoying

[4/10 · 11 April 2018]

Show don't tell. This is the maxim of the film medium.

If there is going to be a soliloquy then use it sparingly and not as a crutch for the plot.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the film was also very preachy about the "violence of war".

This was one of the few films which I could not complete watching.

Boring. Preachy. Stodgy.

Sherpa (2015)

Its a very beautiful and sad story

[10/10 · 15 June 2017]

This film documents the plight of the Sherpa people who have to endure tremendous risk and hard dangerous work for their work as porters.

It is a very confronting film.

The Sherpas have little choice but to endure this life stoic.

One of the horrifying moments of the film is after the terrible accident when 16 Sherpas perished in an avalanche and the Western climbers were irritated that they couldn't carry on with the climb. Seriously wtf is wrong with these people?

It is worth watching. 10/10.

Into the Blue (2005)

One of the top ten scuba diving and free diving movies ever made

[9/10 · 6 April 2017]

I don't know why this film was given such a low score. Maybe the critics got confused and walked into a different theater and expected this to be a high brow or special agenda film involving an all boy romance. Obviously they were disappointed.

But not me.

I enjoyed watching this film. Its a fun film to watch and I probably saw this a couple of dozen times.

Jessica Alba and Paul Walker look outstanding in this film. Not only are they at their athletic physical best but there is also a natural chemistry between the two actors that is hard to deny. They also do give convincing performances.

The other two actors also do give credible performances.

The only issue I have with this film is that - it could have been edited better. Starting the film on the "white whale" was a bad start. Somethings once seen are hard to erase from your mind. The script could also have been tighten up and better written to portray the dilemma the characters faced.

I would honestly have given it a 8/10 but given the sad rating - it deserves another star.

Knock Knock (I) (2015)

Boring movie but you get to see beautiful Ana naked.

[4/10 · 31 March 2017]

I give it three stars because we get to see "Bell" aka Ana de Armas who looks like Marilyn Monroe naked.

She's absolutely hot.

Otherwise it is a very very very slow movie. Very Pretty shots though... but so slow.

If this was a full on porno with Keanue Reeves and most of the boring bits which includes most of the film was cut, I'd rate it much higher.

But as it is... it drifts.

So 2 stars for Ana. One star for Keanue who does his best with a boring script. And one star for the camera work.

Sword of Desperation (2010)

Beautiful film, slow pace.

[7/10 · 3 January 2017]

I found this to be a very beautiful period film. The scene at the start of the movie I found mesmerizing to watch.

However, I found the pacing of the film and the flashbacks unnecessarily slow and now well linked.

The rivalry between the two Lords is not clear until the very end, leading to some unneeded confusion.

If you like period dramas, beautiful and accurate historic props this will be a film for you.

I found the twist at the end of the film actually quite good.

The film draws inspiration from the 1962 film, Seppuku (Harakiri). If you like good films, I can heartily recommend that epic.

Terminator Genisys (2015)

Acceptable fun

[7/10 · 23 July 2015]

I liked the movie. There were a lot of humorous moments. The movie was well paced. Everything flowed pretty well. The acting was pretty good. And it was really enjoyable to see Arnie play Terminator Pops to Sarah.

OK there was logical "inconsistancies" - which will really spoil the movie if you think too much about it. But it doesn't get in the way very much unless you focus on it like a Literature major.

One thing bothered me - I question the casting choice for Reese. The actor who plays him - also played Spartacus Roman gladiator friend. Don't get me wrong - he's a good actor - but not someone I imagined who Reese would be - more dynamic, more alpha. Pity the original starz spartacus star is dead - he would have been an excellent choice.

Overall it was pretty good - but it was like one of those forgettable B grade movies - the whole plot involves them blowing up Skynet. Wasn't that done before in t3 and it didn't work due to networking?

Plus Skynet was more advanced thanks to John Connor Mk2 going back in time to upgrade things.

Anyway - don't think too much about it - its not Shakespeare. Its good to see Arnie back as the friendly neighbourhood Terminator.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 (2014)

Dumb and dumber

[5/10 · 22 December 2014]

I liked the first movie, despite the strange allusions to Willy Wonker, and the Sequel with its introduction to the world of Victors which actually seemed a bit more realistic.

But the 3rd movie seems to be a glory fest for the main character and her love - a bit like Twilight meets Jesus Christ Superstar all of a sudden. Everything else - even the war - the other characters - take a physical back step.

I found it ridiculous that in the midst of a genocidal war, a technological war even - the main character can go rambling around doing her own excursions in a battlefield area - at one stage even having a picnic out in the open in a warzone. The Capital didn't have drones? They didn't have snipers? The Capital didn't have the radar or even a nuke missile?

It seems more like a wet dream dreamed up for the Socialist International. Look I hate the excesses of the capitalist system as much as you do - but having unarmed people storm machine gun stormtrooper soldiers who are so technological advanced that they don't have barbed wire barricades and where everything is hinged on the whims of a teenage girl armed with a bow and arrow fighting in a super advanced war is about as believable as a porn plot but not half as amusing.

This is a ridiculous story - best to watch this if you're drunk.

Nymphomaniac: Vol. I (2013)

A Great film not for the prudish

[10/10 · 26 September 2014]

I'm a bit surprised by the number of harsh reviews on the film. It seems all the prudes decided to get together and watch a film about a woman with a mental health problem and then gang-rape the film with their harsh Victorian purity reviews - "OMG it has too much sex!!"

Good grief - you're watching a film about a sex addict - what were you expecting??? Tea and scones with Mr Darcy?

I found the film incredibly revealing about the human condition. Here is a rare type of woman who desires and gets what she wants. So what? She has sex with strangers and enjoys doing it. What's the big deal about that?

Isn't it liberating that a woman takes charge of her own sexuality and does what she wants???

Anyway I also found it humorous - take the reverse parking incident - what a powerful feminist image that was - here was a woman who took control of the man's car and did something most men assume they can only do - reverse park.

The film is also layered with beautiful scenes and images like:

1. If you have wings why don't you fly?

2. The father and his daughter in the forest - feeling the wind blowing through the Ash Tree leaves.

3. The dialogue between Joe and Seligman - I found their accents and conversation beautiful and touching.

I was going to leave a 8/10 review... but seeing all the ghastly puritanical reviews that give it a 1 rating. I'm going to give it 10.

Two things I didn't like about the film was the heavy metal music used at the start. I thought it was inappropriate and set the wrong tone for the film. But that is a simple error easily rectified by replacing the soundtrack with a piano piece by Chopin - like "Raindrops" otherwise known as Preludes, Op 28, No. 15.

The choice of Joe's lover - the actor Shia LeBeouf. He just didn't seem to fit the bill for me. Someone like Jude Law (younger actor of course) would have been preferable.

The Best Offer (2013)

Gary Oldman please

[8/10 · 10 September 2013]

I loved the show. It had a great deal of drama, suspense, intrigue and a tantalizing whiff of the supernatural.

The decor, the presentation of "The Auctioneer" was just impressively spectacular.

But... and I do love Geoffrey Rush's acting ... I'm afraid he came across as a little too try hard - esp in the confrontation scenes. I didn't find it believable. He just seemed a little too fake.

I think Gary Oldman (Tinker, Tailor) would have done a better job at playing the role. He has a greater degree of finesse compared to Rush. Rush didn't play the role very convincingly.

Plot wise - I didn't like the presence of the real Clara.

The Untold History of the United States (2012–2013)

Fawning view of Stalin????

[1/10 · 23 April 2013]

Watching this now and I'm amazed that Stone is casting Stalin as a good guy without mentioning the fact that under his regime his govt was up to its eyeballs in atrocities.

Stone is trying to paint his series as a history that is complex and nuanced.

But without alluding to the distrust that the US, France, Britain and Poland had towards the Soviet Union which was committed to exporting bloody revolution to every nation - and the difficulties they had in forging an alliance with a communist dictatorship that had slaughtered 20 million of its own people - and embarked on a war against a smaller democracy, Finland, Stone is just giving us a 1950s Soviet propaganda view of history.

The Two Horses of Genghis Khan (2009)

Beautifully shot

[9/10 · 9 April 2013]

I loved this film. It was beautifully filmed - and the cinematography of the Mongolian grassland is breathtaking. And I found Urna's odyssey to repair her grandmother's Mongolian violin, destroyed by the Communists, to be very moving.

What I did find annoying is that there is the DVD release is only subtitled in German. The producers were too lazy or short-sighted to include subtitles for English or any other major language!!!! Unbelievable.

I've been waiting 4 years for the subtitled version to be released. But I fear it will be in utter vain.

Skyfall (2012)

Stupid plot so big a train could drive through it.

[3/10 · 11 December 2012]

The thing that gets me about this film is that it is laughingly ludicrous.

Most of the plot is utterly implausible - the main characters do absolute stupid things - esp. in the climatic fight scene.

The villain has a bomb device which he detonates precisely at the moment when he is climbing up a ladder and Bond is directly beneath the train.

Bond places the head of the British Spy Intelligence in the middle of the Moor in his old home. There is no cover. And there is no way of the rest of M15 et al to come and help them if they are in trouble. He has no way how many mercenaries the villain will bring along. He doesn't even know whether the guy will bring along an attack helicopter or heavy weapons. He's just going to stay out there in the middle of nowhere armed with his dad's shotty, an old game keeper and his useless boss. Wow brilliant strategy there.

Its not as if they didn't have a choice. He specifically took the scenic route to get to where he is and even laid a bread trail for the bad dude to follow - the same bad dude that has been waiting 20 years and amassed a sizable fortune to get what he wants. He could have showed up with a freaking huge army - staked it out with snipers - killed 007 and just walked into to do a Ramsay Bolton Snow on M, not before pumping her for any intel on the UK spy network.

This is probably in keeping with the Bond franchise from the Roger Moore/Remington Steele days - but I thought that we had entered into a new era with an emphasis on realism?

I found the whole show laughable. Best watched after getting drunk.

I had to watch Tinker Tailor Spy 10 times to purge the memory of this shocking film out of my mind.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

Wallflower movie

[7/10 · 11 December 2012]

"Wallflower" was set in the 1980s. In many ways it reminded me of the old John Hughes' movies, "Somekind of Wonderful", Breakfast Club", "Pretty in Pink" etc. Its about a group of misfits in High School. Yup. The main character goes to a new school and makes new friends with cool people - ie. the class clown played by the charismatic Ezra Miller (who could have been played by Jon Cryer aka "Duckie" if he was 20 years younger) and of course the pretty Emma Watson.

For Wallflowers they all have "colorful" backgrounds which I felt was a lazy way by the writers' to spark interest in the story. Its as if I'm watching Marvel's New Mutants.

• spoiler alert - don't read any further.

I didn't feel the childhood abuse background story of Charlie really did justice to the story. First off - I felt that the suggestion that Charlie's childhood abuse problems makes him freak out (and someone who doesn't work out or do any form of martial arts and) can suddenly turn into the Incredible Hulk and beat up three school jocks in the cafeteria who were twice his size as too fantastical. OK, if he had swung a chair and cracked them on the head and run off maybe I'd buy it.

It got to a point when midway through the film I was seriously wondering whether Charlie wasn't stuck in a mental asylum dreaming the entire fantastic story all up. I mean he goes to school - finds a teacher who encourages him and tell him he's going to become a big time writer - he makes friends with the coolest kids in the school - and he eventually has hawt sex with the girl of his dreams. ... and he also gets to bash up the school bullies - Three of them in one go. I think it would have been funnier if they had camped it up a bit and got him to do a Bruce Lee stance.

The friendship between Charlie and Patrick (Nothing) was I felt one of the more interesting developments of the story - but the writers didn't seem to have the ability to expand it more than a WTF side-issue. Instead we have this childhood abuse trauma story being back scattered all the way through the film before it strikes the plot like the iceberg hitting the Titanic.

Was it a plot device that was suppose to help make the character more sympathetic or to explain his supernatural powers? Or are broken things more interesting? The story had a great question and answer - "Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?" (answer) "We accept the love we think we deserve." They could have and should have run the theme of the story on just that eternal question, rather than branch off into Charlie's childhood trauma. I'm not belittling childhood victims but this sidestory didn't seem to help push the main story along.

I wanted to see more on Charlie's anguish and turmoil with Sam. That Sam's relationship with the University photographer ends just nicely for him to have a one-night stand with her came across as rather manufactured - almost fitting in with a school boy's fantasy.

So what's it all about? A Pleasant but muddled tale of clichéd characters. I liked the music though and the film had its moments. I liked the dance scene when Charlie meekly walked over to the dance floor to join and be accepted by Patrick and Sam. Come on Eileen - Lyrics by the Dexys Midnight Runners. Awesome song.

I liked the moment Charlie gazed in wonderment at Sam (Emma Watson). Haven't we all dreamed such dreams?

The Last of the Mohicans (1992)

Fantastic film

[9/10 · 9 October 2012]

I simply love this film! Based on a historical novel of the 18th century French and Indian Wars, Last of the Mohicans directed by Michael Mann gives a powerfully driven account of the lives of British settlers, soldiers and the Native American Indians fighting for survival.

Daniel Day-Lewis and all the other actors give an impressive and convincing performance.

The cinematography and the soundtrack were both epic.

If you want a good running music to listen to use this soundtrack. Each time I run, I can imagine myself running pass hordes of Huron braves - it definitely keeps me going!!!

Alexander (2004)

Jude Law should have been Alexander

[1/10 · 9 October 2012]

I'm not sure whether its too late- but when I watched the film I kept on thinking "Why didn't they choose Jude Law for the role (of Alexander the Great)?" With all due respect to Collin Feral he doesn't have the same charisma or onstage presence to pull this sort of role off.

You needed an actor who could help the audience see and feel how one man managed to convince an army to march half way around the world, and fight all his battles.

You needed an actor who had that aura, that beauty that Alexander the Great had. For a couple of centuries after his death, he was still worshiped as a god.

You also needed to have an actor who had that sense of arrogance, self-entitlement - not a bad boy - but someone who felt he had the right to own the world because he did.

And only Jude Law (circa 1999) could have pulled that feat off.

Curse of the Golden Flower (2006)

I didn't like it

[5/10 · 10 August 2012]

First off I love Zhang Yimou's films - Raise the Red Lantern. He seems to be really good when he's placed under extreme pressure and has a modest budget. But when he's given tons of cash, he produces this.

It looks like an epic. But it feels so try hard - like the effort to increase the bust sizes of all the female actresses by several cup sizes.

I found the battle scenes to be very corny and fake. Maybe they were trying to make it stylized or something like Kagemusha but it didn't work for me.

When I watched Raise the Red Lantern, I loved the cinematography, the pacing, the direction - this film however seems the total opposite. Maybe it was made for a greater mass appeal.

There Will Be Blood (2007)

There will be Blood

[10/10 · 8 August 2012]

Watching There will be Blood is like going on a Safari and watching the most ferocious and biggest Lion stalking around, roaring. And despite the fact that you know you are safe behind a bullet proof screen, you are still terrified because that Lion is so abominably frightening. Then you see a Lion-tamer and a child walk into the area and smack the beast around for awhile and you think to yourself - the dude and kid are going to die.

Daniel Day-Lewis is the Lion. The Lion-tamer is the preacher. They give absolutely powerful and riveting and engaging performances.

This is what movies should be about.

Inception (2010)

The Butterfly dreaming that its a man

[10/10 · 16 July 2012]

"I'll tell you a riddle. You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you can't be sure. But it doesn't matter. How can it not matter to you where this train will take you?"

I loved how Marion Cotillard spoke those lines - she had this slightly deranged tone - which made it perfect. (Marion is the actresses who played Mal, Cobb's dead wife.)

This review will reveal practically the entire story. So be warned.

I liked it. I liked it because it was well directed, had great pacing, excellent action sequences, great lines, and great acting. Cotillard gave an outstanding performance - the sheer venom coming from her in the basement scene was so intense!

The story flowed smoothly - so seamlessly that one didn't notice the absurdities and there were plenty of them.

But the hallmark of a great film is that you keep the audience entertained and enthralled... that Nolan caught our imaginations using a spinning top shows his genius. He created a believable world where people can enter into other people's dream and various states of consciousness all through a "hair band", some tubing, a special suitcase and of course, duct tape. Nolan really pulls the rabbit out of a hat made of thin air.

When I saw the previews, I was initially skeptical and thought it was going to another Matrix wannabe. But I was so pleased with the film that I watched it twice, loving it more the second time.

Synopsis: the story is about this dream thief, Cobb (Leonardo Dicaprio), who lost his wife, Mal, and blames himself for her tragic fate. He is able, through special technology, to enter into people's dreams and steal their ideas or plant new ideas into their brain.

He gets an offer from Saito, a fabulously wealthy Industrialist, to sabotage his rival's plans to dominate the energy industry.

In this whole process Cobb (which in Urda means "dream") and his friends undergo a series of harrowing chase and fight sequences; somehow Cobbs's dead" wife gets involved because his perception of her is hidden in his sub-conscious.

OK! Here comes the big spoiler: Its all just ONE BIG DREAM. From the very start to the finishing end. The entire story is a big dream sequence - Its filled with implausible, unreal scenarios – the sort of things that happen in a dream. Cue R.E.M's song "Losing My Religion".

Cobbs never in reality enters the dream world of Saito who later personally saves him from his ex-client's hit men, and then goes to his rival's son to plant an idea into his mind so that he can be reunited with his children.

The only thing that is real is Cobb and Mal can't be together and he can't be with his kids.

Think about it:

1. Why would Saito, the Japanese Industrialist who is ranked No. 2 in the Energy Industry have been sitting alone on a train? He's so rich he can buy an entire airline yet he's driving around in the back alleys of an African 3rd world nation, risking his own life, to personally rescue Cobb from a gang of trigger happy mercenaries?

Fisher is suppose to be one of the most richest men in the world. Where is his entourage, his bodyguards? His PA? Can't his staff hire another private jet? He's the heir to the world's largest and most powerful Energy company and yet, he's forced to ride coach to the most important event in his life.

2. Crucial lines are repeated by different characters. Why did Saito repeat the same line as Cobb's wife: "I want you take a leap of faith with me." This is not a coincidence. But it would make sense if the entire plot occurred if Cobb was dreaming this all up.

3. Cobb's children - they don't age. Not even in real life. In the end sequence, we see Cobb's children again - in the same pose in the garden, and wearing same/similar clothing. Yes, another coincidence? I don't think so. Even if Cobb cannot go to America to be with his kids what is there to stop his father-in-law from taking them to a safe foreign location so that Cobb can be reunited with them?

4. And probably the most important clue: Mal, his wife, says it herself or rather Cobb's subconscious is trying to warn him that he is still dreaming. The specific line is: "No creeping doubts? Not feeling persecuted Dom? Chased around the globe by *anonymous corporations* and police forces. The way the projections persecute the dreamer. Admit it. You don't believe in one reality any more...."

Yes, draw the dots and you'll conclude its one big dream.

So its a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream... And Alice wandered into the Hall of Mirrors and saw a million, million reflections of herself. "Which one is me?" She asked. "All of them and yet none of them." said the White Rabbit.

The idea that the whole plot is a dream sequence can not be stated outright, otherwise it would spoil the whole story.

And therein lies the genius of Nolan – he weaves a story is based upon hair-bands, a spinning top, fantastic preposterous chain of events - and yet, its so believable, so real.

On a side note: this may provide an opportunity to write a sequel to the movie. Inception 2: So Cobbs is with his kids in the garden, but then sees Mal walk by, his children call after her. (... dead pause ...) Wait a second, she's dead. But if she's here then... (focuses on Cobb's horrified expression) : cue brass theme music now.

Prometheus (I) (2012)

A potential epic movie turned into a B-grade horror

[4/10 · 11 July 2012]

When I was a child, I used to marvel at the awesome Science Fiction art done by Chris Foss, Vincent Di Fate. They were magnificent artwork, awe inspiring stuff.

Watching the first half of the movie I felt drawn back to that time - I was pure joy at the sheer brilliance of the set design, props and mesmerized by that delicately elegant, and strangely ominous piano soundtrack - Chopin's Raindrops. I liked the homage to other films - David's voice and sinister child-like curiosity echoes Hal (Space Odyssey 2001) and the 1972 sci-fi film, Silent Running.

Unfortunately, the story was ghastly written.

So let's recap - Big ivory colored alien spacemen nicknamed "Engineers" came to ancient Earth and created life - hence the drawings in different civilizations and times. However 2000 years ago - during the time of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ - something bad happened and the Engineers on the distant planet all get killed mysteriously, possibly by the black goo infected by humanity's evil. We are meant to deduce that its somehow people's fault.

So back to the present - two Scientists - Hollo "woohoo" way and Elizabeth "I believe what I want to believe" Shaw discover ancient drawings which point to a distant solar system that contain a planet like Earth which they believe contain our Alien makers. They convince Weyland, a Rupert Murdoch archetype that this could be the place where the Alien Space Gods live. And he spends one trillion dollars to sent them into space to track down the planet.

Inflation must have spaced out in the future because even with one trillion dollars Weyland could not hire a more professional group of astronauts. So we're saddled with motley crew made out of the "Wrong Stuff" - the smart-ass Captain, the "I goofed up" navigator from the Spaceship Icarus (IMDB:Sunshine), a geologist from the School of Scottish Soccer Hooligans and the usual idiots, standard space monster food.

This haphazard approach extends to everything they do - they land their giant spaceship straight on the planet without first sending a probe to check for danger. No thought is given to whether the atmosphere is hostile to the spaceship.

When by some luck they come across an Alien Space Temple they immediately rush to check out. No thought is given to the possibility that life or other cities may exist on other parts of the planet.

Its as if they had driven 6 hours to the shopping mall.

The amateurish attitude carries on - the scientists remove their helmets in the Alien Temple allowing themselves to be infected by whatever bacteria human science hasn't encountered yet. Then they make the Greatest Discovery, a decapitated 2000 year old alien head which by some miracle is still alive. They zip-lock it back to the ship and predictably it explodes.

Considering that they are suppose to be top scientists, it is infuriating to see them behave with the aplomb of first year high school students.

The only one who seems to have a clue is the humanoid robot - David, who strangely knows precisely how to operate the Alien doors and equipment. But he behaves like a child, curiously constantly wanting to touch things and conducting his own secret experiments with alien goo and helping a alien fetus to germinate.

Predictable the humans constantly remind "Pinocchio" that he is not a human and has no soul or emotion. Wow, I hope the human-like robot doesn't develop a human-like complex and try and kill them.

There are many religious metaphors and parallels running through the show - adding them would be a nice touch if they were delivered with skill and subtlety. But Ridley Scott hammers it home like a schoolboy.

1. Prometheus, the god who gets his abdomen ripped out for giving fire to the humans.

2. Female Hero Scientist, rips out her belly to take out the human alien hybrid fetus.

3. The hybrid fetus impregnates the Giant Alien and their offspring rips its way out through the host's stomach. Predictably we get to see "The Alien".

4. An Engineer Alien, wearing a "Jesus Christ" cloak just in case we didn't get his point, has to drink a cup to kill himself to create the world.

5. Holloway allows himself to be burned to death carrying on the Prometheus theme.

This is "Rain in Spain/Plain" theme is predictable and boring.

Then there are the shoe horn moments - like Weyland's last dying words "So there's nothing out there?" And I see Ridley slapping a fat yellow post-it sticker marked "Atheism vs Religious" here.

The plot stinks. What we needed to see was a great sense of foreboding, dread, and an inescapable despair - see Shutter Island, Inception, and the first Alien movie. I thought the Chopin's piano music was foretelling that? Instead, we get slapstick horror!!! Loony Tunes stuff.

Ridley Scott seems to have lost his killer touch. To have clouded his film with 3rd rate religious metaphors, stupid scenarios. Its so sad to see a film with million dollar effects and the materials for an Epic get porked into a B-grade horror flick.

I think the problem with many famous directors is that as they become powerful they become complacent. Like the Emperor who was conned into wearing fake clothes made out of air - no one dares to contradict him, former colleagues who were instrumental in their success get forgotten. Only people who know how to stoke their egos get chosen to help. The end result is that we get mediocre stories like this.

6 points for the CGI, set design, and overall layout, 1 point for Ms Theron who looked stunning. Minus three for the story plots.